Futura Furtum
by idon'tedit
Summary: Through a combination of ancient magics when Hermione attempts to apparate out of Malfoy Manor with Ron after being tortured she ends up moving through space and time. She is thrown back in time to the day that Severus Snape had just taken the dark mark. What will happen when she, an injured muggleborn, appears before the newly minted death eater? 1rst place ENERGIZE W.I.P. AWARD
1. Hands In the Fire

_**Song for this chapter: No One Would Riot For Less by Bright Eyes**_

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**HPOV**

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I'd known there were risks long before going on this journey with Harry and Ron. I'd known there were risks simply being a friend to either of them. That had been clear from that first night so long ago with that bloody three headed dog, but I had never quite calculated for something like this.

The day hadn't seemed all that important at the start; just another day in the tent really. And even when Harry had spoken that name, and invoked the taboo, still I hadn't realized just how much danger we found ourselves in. Snatchers are a danger, and I knew that, but I hadn't thought of the danger I might be in. I was so concerned for Harry, with his terribly familiar face. So while I still had my wand I had done what I could to hide his identity. If only I had taken the chance to conceal my own, or even Ron's, though it seems to have been my face that gave us away.

There is no quick thinking to get yourself out of the way you look. Perhaps it was my hair that had done it, I don't know, but something had tipped me away to them, and now I find myself here. Of all the places they could of taken us, we were brought to Malfoy Manor. I want desperately not to be bitter, but it is just so difficult to stiffen my upper lip when I think that I am within the clutches of Bellatrix Lestrange and Harry and Ron are in the basement as safe as they can be in the situation we find ourselves in.

Safety. It's a tricky notion. There are many places people might think they are safe, but I have no compunction about the place I find myself now. If I didn't already know how unsafe I was, the feeling of my hair detaching from the scalp as it twisted in Bellatrix's hand would have told me. I gathered everything in me to keep from crying out in pain and fear as she turned my neck round so I had to look at her, with her face mere inches away from mine.

"Where did you get the sword, you filthy little mudblood?" she hissed into my face, and I jerked back when her spittle hit my cheeks, further inflaming my scalp when more hair was torn free.

"I-I-I," I stammered my sudden fear making it nearly impossible to form any real sort of sentence. "W-we didn't…"

Again my fear spiked when I saw rage flare to life in her eyes and she threw me away from her. With my body sprawled out on the floor with her towering over me I felt more fear than I had felt while being bound to Harry and Ron, even more than when Greyback's overly warm and dirty hands were on my body. Either time I could have been harmed, but nothing set my very soul shivering more than the murderous look in the eyes of the woman above me.

"That sword is supposed to be in my vault, how did you get it?" she sneered, leaning over me and pressing her wand to my throat.

"I-it isn't your sword," I lied.

"Liar!" she shrieked, and the tip of her wand dug painful into my throat as she jerked erratically. "Crucio!"

The world around me erupted into bright white pain. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Every nerve in my body was screaming. I was vaguely aware of the sensation that must mean I was bucking against the pain, but I couldn't control my body. I couldn't open my eyes to even see what my body was doing. I only screamed. I screamed and screamed until my throat was raw from it, and then suddenly there was nothing. The pain receded and I fell silent. Blearily I opened my eyes and I saw that Bellatrix was crouched over me now. Through muffled hearing I thought I could hear Ron calling out for me from somewhere.

"I'll give you another chance now to tell the truth you little tramp," she hissed at me. "Where did you get it?"

"N-no," I stuttered, knowing that I couldn't tell her where it had come from, and that I was going to be tortured again for failing to do so.

"Crucio," she screamed.

I thought in those few moments that she held her wand over me that I might know what it felt like to die. After everything we had already seen in this war, to feel this, I thought maybe I might even want to die. It was agony. It was beyond anything I could hope to endure, and just when I thought surely I would lose my mind from the sensation of it she lifted the curse and I was left panting. She was so close to me now, leaning with one of her legs between mine, and her hands planted on either side of my head. It was such a strangely intimate position to find myself in when this woman was likely to kill me.

"If you want to live you will tell me where you got this sword you nasty little insect," she whispered darkly.

"We, we found it," I panted, and though I was lying it was impossible to determine any nerves in my voices due to my lack of breath.

"I know you are lying," she scathed raising her wand again. "You have been inside my vault, and I want to know what else you've taken!"

I knew she was going to cast the curse again. I could tell from the way she held her arm, and the tensing of her lips. There was no hope of escape and yet I was desperate not to feel that pain again. So I tried to run from her. She was hovering over me so it was difficult to move, but I managed to scuttle backward a few feet before she registered what I was doing. When she lunged for me I rolled onto my stomach hoping to protect my more vulnerable side. She snatched up my hair once more and pulled me up so my spine and neck were arched painfully. I could feel her wand pressing into my lower back as she leaned up to hiss in my ear.

"You think you can run from me you mudblood bitch?" her voice lashed out like an actual fist and assaulted my ears. "Corpus Inflamarae!"

The second her curse was cast I knew what it was to be in hell. A pain worse than anything I had experiences yet erupted in my back and it did not stop. If I were to try and compare this pain to the pain of the cruciatus I would call it a red pain. It was so hot. I pulled air desperately into my lungs to feed the screams issuing from my chest and I understood. I could smell my own burning flesh and it sickened me almost as much as it pained me.

Unlike the cruciatus, it did not lift when she drew her wand away from me. My body continued to burn when she moved above me. She released my hair only to throw my bodily back onto my back and I could not help but shriek at the increased agony of my back pressing into the hardwood floor. In my frazzled and pain wrought mind I could not find a word to describe the sounds that were issuing from my body. Screaming did not even being to cover it, and yet whatever the sound was that I was making, it did not do anything to expel the pain I was in.

"One last chance," she sneered over the noise I was making. "You tell me now, and I won't put my dagger through your heart."

I could hardly care for her knife, if she even had one, over the terrible burning pain but I knew I would have to say something to convince her now. If I didn't, she would kill me, and then Ron would take my place. My eyes flickered shut even trying to comprehend his piercing blue eyes watering while he was being tortured. No, I couldn't let that happen, I needed a plan. I tried desperately to think beyond the pain, but nothing intelligent came to me.

"It… It is a copy," I panted at last, offering up the only feeble lie I could think of. "It is not real."

"Finite incantatem," she said under her breath, and I could tell that the spell had ended, though my flesh burned on in agony as she leaned down to whisper into my ear once more. "You wouldn't be lying now would you?"

"No, I swear it," I promised her desperately, hoping she would believe it.

"There is one way we can know for sure," she said with hitched breath. "Someone fetch the goblin."

I had momentarily forgotten that there were other people in the room with us. I let my head roll to the side, turning away from Bellatrix, and I found myself looking into the expressionless eyes of Narcissa Malfoy. I almost laughed at the possessive and protective way she clutch at Draco's shoulder. As if I could somehow hurt him from my prone position on the floor.

The tiny puff of air from my chest when I had almost laughed drew Bellatrix and her attentions back to me. I felt a searing pain in my shoulder and I whimpered. I didn't dare look back to her as she hummed to herself where she was crouched over me. I didn't want to see her face as she was doing what she was doing. I knew instinctively without turning that she had begun to carve into my shoulder with her dagger. I could tell through the pain that she was dragging the blade as if it were a paint brush, as if she were creating art on me.

So instead I looked ahead of me. My vision was blurred as tears fell freely from my eyes onto the floor but I could see well enough. I saw Narcissa pull Draco behind her, and her impassive face ripple with some emotion as she looked on. Then I understood. She wasn't trying to protect Draco from me, but from what was happening to me. I might have taken the time to think it was sweet, but I was in too much pain. I could vaguely register that my clothes were soaking through with blood as Bellatrix continued to cut me at random.

I felt powerless. I felt like a victim meant only to experience pain. I felt rage. And so as his aunt sliced my skin open and brought my blood out onto the floor of his home I stared into the pale face of a boy who had once been my classmate. It brought me a sickening pleasure to see how a light sheen of sweat had broken out on his forehead and he looked as if he may be ill. I wanted him to suffer with me. If I had to go to hell, then I wanted him to come with me.

The goblin appeared at Bellatrix was drawn away from me to question him. It would have been the perfect opportunity to attempt some sort of escape, but I could not move. I was paralyzed by the way my limbs still shook from the cruciatus. I was pinned to the ground by the burning flesh that ached on even after the fire had left. I felt weighted down with the blood that coated my skin, soaked into my clothing. Somehow Bellatrix must have known that I would not move from the pool that had been created by my blood and tears.

I could still hear Ron off somewhere, but his voice seemed fainter, or perhaps my hearing was beginning to fade. I was aware that Bellatrix was questioning the Goblin but I couldn't focus enough to listen for it he would uphold my lie. All I could do was try to keep from screaming out at the pain that went on. My muscles locked down and a grunting scream burst from my throat when for some reason I could not understand I was thrust under the cruciatus again. I couldn't fathom why it was happening. Surely she didn't think she could torture something out of the goblin by attacking me? He didn't know me from Eve.

The spell held for so long that when it broke I could not see. I could scarcely breathe. I lay in a pool of my own blood panting, vaguely aware of pain in my arm. I thought perhaps it had been broken, but when I focused further I realized I recognized the sensation of her knife cutting through my skin. I kept my eyes closed tight and prayed for and end that didn't come. Instead only my sense came to me, and that was a much worse punishment. My sight returned, my hearing cleared a bit, and I could feel my body more than I had in the wake of the curse. It only brought more pain.

"And now we may call the Dark Lord," I heard Bellatrix say. "I suppose it doesn't matter if we kill the mudblood. You may have her if you like Greyback."

I heard a voice I would know anywhere scream no and the world seemed to slow down. I turned bleary eyes toward the stairs I knew went to the basement and I saw a head of flaming red hair. Ron came storming up the stairs with Harry in tow and I felt a flicker of terror. They would be tortured too! Before I could so much as tell them to run my world erupted into pain once more and everything shifted until I found myself on my feet. My back was pressed against Bellatrix's chest, exacerbating my burns, and her knife was pressed to my throat.

"Stop or I kill her," she shouted, and her knife pressed tighter to my windpipe.

I didn't move. I scarcely dared to breathe. The room was so silent that I could hear the soft pitter-patter of my blood dripping onto the floor. My body was sagging against her arm, but she held me tightly. If it were not for Bellatrix I was sure that I would topple back onto the floor. I couldn't even bring myself to try and look at Harry and Ron, I just let my eyes drift closed and I wished that I was anywhere but here.

"Drop your wands," she commanded, and I heard the distinct clatter of twin rods of wood hitting the floor.

I wanted to scream at them to just run. I wanted them to leave me here and to save themselves, but I knew they wouldn't. I felt it in my heart that I was going to pass on, and that they were going to be left on their own anyway, they may as well pull a runner now. But they didn't. I wrenched my eyes open and I watch as the stood still and refused to give in to Bellatrix's demands. I didn't understand why they seemed so confident.

Then I heard it. The gentle squeaking sound coming from above me. I tilted me head, hissing in pain when the knife pressed to my throat dug in, and I saw that the chandelier adorned with diamonds above our heads was swinging dangerously. I hardly had time to take it in and then it was falling. Bellatrix pushed me away from her and I crumpled to the ground, screaming out in agony once more when my injuries slamming into the ground, and then the wrought iron chandelier landed on top of me. I heard a snapping sound, and I thought it must be a bone breaking, but I did not feel the accompanying pain. I wondered if it had been me or perhaps the Goblin.

Everything hurt, and I wished desperately to be gone, to disappear. I felt the weight of the chandelier being lifted off of me and my screams turned into whimpers. I felt arms wrap around me and new tears started to fall from my eyes. I began to pray that I could be anywhere else. I didn't care where I went I just wanted to leave this place. The arms holding me twisted and a great pleasure was applied to my body. I let loose with an unearthly wail I pulled away from my attacker. My stomach plunged and my very being seemed to twist in a strange twirling sensation. For a moment I felt as if a gentle breeze had blown across my skin, and then it felt as if I were floating.

For a second I was sure that I had died, but then with a strange swooping in my chest I felt my body come in contact with a wooden floor once more. The light beyond my lids seemed to be much brighter suddenly and I forced my eyes to open to see the cause. My breath caught in my chest when I found myself lying on a twisted and dilapidated boat dock. I looked down at my body in confusion and found that I had no injuries and I was wrapped in a white dress. I felt a weight in my hair that was no longer dripping with my own blood and I knew instinctively that it was some sort of crown. My fingers crawled into my hair to confirm it while I looked around trying to understand what sort of world I found myself in.

There was no color here. I was lying upon grey wood that was half submerged in places by grey water. There was a grey sky broken only by the empty door frame I saw before me, and the launching spot I saw off in the distance. My body felt almost blissful in the absence of my injuries, but I did not feel safe in this new place. My soul told me that this place was wrong, that I didn't belong her. Just looking at my body, the only thing with a bit of color to it here in this world, told me I shouldn't be here. Whatever this place was I didn't want to be here either.

So I did the only thing that made a bit of sense in a world without it. I pulled myself up to my feet and I began to walk toward the empty door frame. On either side I still saw the grey water and sky, but something told me that the way out of this place was to pass through that door. As I drew closer I thought I saw a flicker of color inside the doorframe, but I couldn't be sure. I stumbled forward, reaching my arm through the door frame first before I threw my body forward. There was blinding light all around me, and then I felt another swooping in my stomach as the grey and misty water world disappeared from my sight.


	2. Where My Heart Should Be

_**Song for this chapter: Jesus Christ by Brand New**_

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**SPOV**

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Lucius had lied. Somehow, I actually hadn't seen that deep of a betrayal coming. He had spoken of the great things that would come from being a death eater. He had whispered about the glory bestowed upon a person at their induction ceremony. He had made it seem as if it would be a walk in the park, a dream, but it had all been lies. There was no honor in being a death eater. There was no glory placed on your shoulders when you took the mark upon your flesh.

It hadn't been a dream at all; it had been a terrible nightmare from the second it had started. First there had been a terrible burning pain in my arm as the black skull was torched into my flesh. Then there had been the creeping cold that over took my body as the dark magic began to flow in my very blood. And then there had been the true initiation ceremony. So many hands had touched my body. So many men who had treated me once like a younger brother, now invaded me in the most unholy of ways. It was the way I was to become one of the fold, and had I had any idea what was coming, I never would have agreed to it. I didn't agree to it. I protested loudly as this unwanted attention was forced upon me, and it had been Lucius's hand that had come down swiftly on my face to silence me. It was utter betrayal.

And now just a few hours from taking the mark, I wished I was not a death eater. I wished I had never met the dark lord or any of his followers. Nothing would cleanse this wrenched feeling from my soul. I had burned my ceremonial robes, and attempted to shower away the filth that was caked on me, but it did nothing to relieve me. I dressed in muggle clothing, taking myself as far from where I had just been as was humanly possible, and still I did not feel whole.

I found myself wandering in the ruins of the old factory near my house, trying to find some new meaning to my life. I had begun coming here shortly after my parents died, when I no longer had Lily for comforting. There was something about surrounding myself with these relics of a life that had been that soothed my soul, but not tonight. Tonight it seemed nothing could make me feel whole again. I paced through the broken stone trying to find some meaning in the universe, but there did not seem to be an answer. Lucius would expect me to return to the manor tomorrow, in much better spirits about this supposedly wondrous evening, and even more than I didn't want to think about my initiation, I did not want to think about what would happen if I were not to manage that tomorrow.

With a huff of frustration I started to head back toward Spinner's end to raid the liquor cabinet. My steps faltered when there was a flash of light from behind me. I casually slid my hand into the pocket of my jacket to wrap around my wand as I turned back around. What had I expected to be there? Another death eater? Perhaps a member of the Order of the Phoenix? I had expected some sort of threat, I had not expected to see a woman stumbling through one of the last standing doorways.

I saw no wand in her hand, but I knew instinctively that she was a witch. Normally apparition was not accompanied with a flash of light, but she had surely appeared out of nowhere. Time seemed frozen for a moment while she stood framed by the doorway with a look of utter confusion on her face, and then time surged forward once more and her legs folded beneath her.

When she was on her knees in the rubble I saw her more clearly. Her curly hair was matted down to her neck with what had to be blood. I could see tears in her clothing, and her shirt, which looked to be at least one size too big, was soaked with blood as well. I leaned toward her when I heard a pained whimper fall from her lips.

She moved awkwardly away from the door, and even though it was entirely inappropriate all I could think of was how fine the features on her face were. It was strange, but even with her face contorted in pain there was a beauty there. I couldn't stop myself from going to her.

"What has happened to you?" I asked her quietly as I kneeled before her.

Her eyes shot up to mine, and I saw that she was crying. She seemed unable to form words as she stared at me. I did not know this woman, I could hardly think about anything beyond my own pain from today, and yet I found that I wanted to help her. Perhaps I even needed to help her, as some sort of cleansing ritual for my very soul.

"Here, this may help with the shaking," I said in a soft voice as I pulled my jacket off.

It seemed innocuous enough, to reach out and attempt to wrap my jacket around her shoulders, but I saw her eyes light up with a terrified recognition the second that I reached for her. There was a moment while her eyes opened wider and I felt confusion, but then she began to scream and I understood. She threw herself away from me, groaning in pain when her back made contact with the rocks behind her and I froze in place.

My eyes dropped down to the mark still writhing black and ugly on my forearm, and I knew for certain now that she must be a witch. With a sick twisting in my stomach I began to wonder what type of witch she was. Her wounds had been further torn open as she struggled to get away from me, and her clothes were soaking through with more blood as she struggled to pull herself away from me when she was hardly able to move. I could see clear as day that her body was dying, and yet her terror brought forth by the mark on my arm forced her to try and move away from me.

Something within me broke then. I had already been regretting my decision, but now I hated myself for it. I roughly pulled down the black sleeves that had been rolled up within my jacket to cover the offending mark and began to inch my way toward her with my hands held up in supplication.

"I know what that mark must mean to you, but I will not hurt you," I spoke as calmly as I could manage as I kneeled down as closely as I could to here without causing her to move away from me again.

She whimpered and that, but she did not try to struggle further from me. I took this as a good sign, and moved in so I was kneeling above her. When I saw her face I understood that she hadn't accepted my words, she was simply attempting to gather her strength. She drew a deep shuddering breath and then she finally met my gaze.

"You will," she panted.

"No, I promise you I won't," I said, reaching to take her hand.

It was an old impulse, something I had done many years ago when Lily was my friend, and had sought comfort from me. This girl was afraid of me, but I hoped a gentle squeezing of the hand would reassure her. When I lifted her hand into mine I felt her blood coat my skin and I looked down at it. I could see that there must be some wound under the sleeve of her shirt, as that was where the blood was running down from. I had no right to take liberties with any part of her body, but I found myself pushing her sleeve up her arm as delicately as I could.

The air froze within my lungs when the first cut on her arm was revealed and I realized that it made up a letter. I could feel her watching me with a strange detached fear, but she did nothing to stop me as I pushed the fleece up further to reveal the rest of her wound. I bit down on my tongue as I read the word. Of course this is why she would think I was going to hurt her, she would expect to me call her by the word that had been carved into her skin and to hurt her or even killer. I wondered in a detached sort of way which one of the people I had once thought to be friends had done this to this woman, but I found I didn't have it in me to ask.

"You are a muggleborn," I said quietly, looking up to meet her gaze that had faded a bit as if she was having trouble focusing. "I still will not hurt you."

"I've nothing," she sighed, her eyes fluttering closed and not opening again. "To give."

"That is fine." I told her in what I hoped was a soothing voice as I leaned down to finally place my jacket over her. "I want to help you."

I realized then that there couldn't have been more truth in my words. I didn't want to hate this muggleborn witch. I didn't want to hate anyone anymore. I wanted to find some way out of this horrible mess I had made within my life. I wanted to help this woman. I wanted something better than what I had. Something that wasn't coated in darkness like everything in my world seemed to be. It was ironic that everything Lily had ever said to me had never turned me away from the path I was on, but the formal induction to what I had always wanted would turn me away. And then to have that desire confirmed by a muggleborn witch that I had never met before in my life? I certainly never could have imagined this as a part of my life.


	3. Lyrical Lies

_**Song for this chapter: You Won't Know by Brand New**_

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**SPOV**

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She was unconscious when I pulled her into my arms, but I took it as a blessing that she wouldn't struggle against me as I tried to take her back to my house. She had a plethora of wounds, that I risked causing further damage with by apparating with her, but the risk seemed smaller when compared with the time that would be wasted walking several blocks to get her there. Not to mention the attention we would attract. So I tucked her head in under my chin and held my wand tightly in my hand that was wrapped under her knees to keep her aloft. She was silent save for the sound of her breathing as I turned to the left and we popped out of existence.

I lurched into action the second my feet made contact with the carpet of my living room floor. I deposited her carefully onto my couch and lit the two lanterns I hadn't yet broken with a wave of my wand. It cast a weak orange glow in the room, but it would have to do for now. I turned my wand then on the wounded woman and I began to chant in ancient latin as I drew intricate circles in the air over her.

It was a spell I had created in order to heal the wounds inflicted by my sectumsepra, but it seemed to work at least partially on what was done to her. The blood that still clung to her skin and clothing was drawn back and reabsorbed into her body. It wasn't nearly enough, where ever she had been before appearing she must have lost so much of her blood. Her skin stayed a deathly pale, but the wounds closed themselves and she her eyes began to flutter with the first signs of reawakening. Marks from the cuts remained on her skin, and I knew they would scar but it did look as if they may fade over time. I wondered if the blade had been cursed before my mind jumped back to topic and began running through the list of potions I had already blurred trying to remember if I had a blood replenisher in stock.

There should be at least a vial left in the cupboard, I hadn't yet sent my latest experiment into Slughorn for evaluation. For the first time since I signed on for it I was glad for the largely solitary arrangement I had made with Slughorn during my apprenticeship. If I had been brewing in his lab I would have given it directly to him and not had it now. I wanted to groan in frustration when it occurred to me that I had made those arrangements to accommodate my desires to join the death eaters.

The woman before me groaned in pain, and I snapped back to attention. I looked down at her and I saw that her eyes had opened, but they were unforced and though I had healed her wounds she still seemed to be in terrible pain. Had I missed something?"

"Where does it hurt?" I asked her softly, kneeling down so she could see my face once more.

"Back," she groaned, and there was such pain in that one word.

"I will need to roll you," I explained, knowing that I would hurt her as I did it, but not wanting her to think it intentional.

She nodded jerkily, clearly unable to form another word. I watched her clench her jaw in determination and I decided it was time. I used one had on her shoulder to pull her forward, and placed the other on the opposite hip to push it back forcing her body to roll. She emitted a small gasp, but other than that she managed to hid how much it hurt her. I could hear her breathing harshly into the cushion of the couch when I brought her to rest on her stomach, but still she said nothing. Her face was angled so that I could see half of it, and I could see that she was crying but I was proud of her anyway.

"You are doing very well," I told her quietly, hoping to console her somehow.

I could see now that the back of her shirt was soaked through as well. It was bloody, but there seemed to be some other reason for the way that it stuck to her skin. On instinct I leaned closer and sniffed gently at the shirt. It smelled of something scorched, yet it was not a particular scent that I recognized from botched potions. I felt a sense of foreboding as I reached out for the bottom hem. I was gentle as I attempted to lift it and see the source of her pain, but the shirt hardly gave.

A stuttered gasp issued from her at the subtle movement, and I had to stifle a groan as I began to understand. Her back had been burned and the shirt was clinging to the scorched flesh. I could see no way around it, the shirt had to be removed, but it was going to hurt her immensely. This was yet another wound that was likely to leave a terrible scar. I worried about damage to her internal injuries as well, but it seemed prudent to treat her topically first.

"I am going to have to remove your shirt," I explained carefully. "It will hurt immensely. I could stun you if you wish."

"No," she said, her voice a barely there whisper.

"Are you sure," I pushed.

"Yes," she sighed, and then she closed her eyes.

I drew a deep breath of my own to try and find strength within myself to do this and then I turned my wand on her once more. I decided that my best course of action was to first cut the shirt open so I could then remove it more easily. I started at the collar where I knew the fabric was not fused to her skin and I cast a controlled severing charm. The careworn fabric gave way easily and I watched the threads of the weave tear away from one another opening a rip at the top of the shirt.

I continued to move down her back, and at first it was only her pale skin that was revealed. I began to wonder once more where this woman had come from when I saw how thin she was. Each vertebrate in her spine was easily visible, and she looked as if she hadn't eaten a decent meal in months. The real damage started to become visible just before the clasp of her bra came into view. Angry red lines were swirling up her back.

I recognized the characteristics of a curse I had only seen used once, and I knew now who had done this to her. It was a spell created by a witch, that even in my misguided foray into darkness I knew was plagued by mental illness and a soul that was pure evil. Somehow this woman on my couch had found herself in the clutches of Bellatrix Black. As the shirt parted further, and more of the wound was revealed, the room began to fill with the smell I now remembered to be burnt human flesh. I began breathing through my mouth to control my gag reflex, and tried not to wince at the way the woman's breathing grew ragged and pained whimpers seemed to be coming from her.

I was halfway down her back when she began to scream. I knew it was hurting her, but I could not stop. I continued to sever the shirt, and as it tore apart I saw bits of the fabric tearing away from her skin, drawing her blood to the surface in angry red splotches that managed to outshine the glaring red swirled burn that caused her skin to glisten where it was blistered and inflamed.

Her screams filled the room and burned in my ears, but I continued on. I couldn't even being to fathom how much pain she was in, but I knew she would be in more pain if I were to drag this out. I drew my wand down her back severing what was left intact on her shirt leaving a three inch strip of skin exposed down her entire back. As soon as the shirt stopped moving she stopped screaming but her breathing stayed ragged and labored.

"Are you certain you do not wish to be stunned?" I asked carefully, knowing that the nest part was going to be even worse than what had just happened.

"Yes," she sobbed, her tears falling freely on the couch despite the fact that her eyes were screwed shut.

"Yes you are sure, or yes you wish to be stunned?" I asked.

"Yes I'm sure," she ground out the hand closest to me balling into a fist around the loose fabric of her jeans.

"I am going to do it quickly," I explained. "Like removing a plaster."

She gave a tiny nod, and I took another deep breath in an attempt to prepare myself. I flinched when I realized I could taste the smell of her charred flesh on my tongue. There was nothing doing… I had to do this no matter how horrible it was going to be. I grabbed each side of the shirt in one of my hands and in one swift jerk I pulled both of them away from her body. I thought my ear drums may actually burst from the volume of the ensuing scream, but it was done, her skin was completely detached from the shirt now.

She bit down on her scream but pained whimpered continued to fall from her mouth as I stared down at the fully uncovered burn. It covered all of her lower back and stretch up toward her shoulders with angry red lines. At the base of her spine you could no longer distinguish the characteristic swirls from the curse, it was just one angry red expanse of skin sprinkled with blisters and bits of deep red where her wound was trying to bleed. It was going to need a lot of treatment, but that required potions and spells, and I couldn't just leave her in the agony she was in right now. So I cast a cooling charm on her skin. She shuddered and then let out a tiny sigh as she was given even a small amount of relief from the pain.

"I need to go get potions from my store room," I told her quietly. "Try not to move much."

She choked on a strangled laugh and then she began to cry in earnest. I didn't say anything, as there really wasn't anything I could say at a moment like this. I swept quickly out of the room and went into the side room to see what I had in store.

Never had I been so grateful for my meticulous organization system. It made it so much easier to find everything I was looking for while half in a panic over the state of the woman in my living room. I did have a blood replenisher, as well as a burn paste in stock so I grabbed both. I saw that I had a pain reliever which seemed like a gift from the gods when I saw it, I grabbed it, and then on a whim I grabbed my most recently brewed potion, a bottle of dreamless sleep.

I held them all close to my chest as I walked back to her. I didn't want to risk dropping any of them and losing the last of what I had. I could brew more, but she needed them now and I wasn't sure she could survive a wait. She was still crying when I knelt at her side once more, but her tears had grown quiet and less labored.

"Here is what I shall do," I told her quietly as I set the potions on the floor beside me. "I will give you a pain reliever and a blood replenisher. I will follow them with a vial of dreamless sleep before I begin to apply the burn paste to your back. You should not be awake for that, as it will still hurt when I apply it."

"Okay," she agreed easily, much to my surprise.

I slid my hand beneath her face to cradle her jaw and tip her head as gently as I could back at an angle that would allow me to pour a potion into her mouth without it all spilling back out onto the couch. To my relief she did not fight me on it. I grabbed the pain reliever first, pulling the cork from the top with my teeth before pressing the open top to her lips. She opened her mouth and allowed the potion to flow into her mouth. I was surprised that she didn't even grimace as the taste of iron filled her mouth.

As soon as she had swallowed it she opened her mouth for me once more, so I followed up quickly with the blood replinisher. I felt her sag against my hand when the pain reliever started to work and I couldn't help but smile as I spat the second cork onto the floor of my living room. She took the potion just as easily, and I watched the tension at the corners of her eyes disappear as I reached for the dreamless sleep. Her mouth opened again just in time for me to tip the last bottle to her lips. She was able swallow it with much more ease before I gently laid her head back down on the couch. I couldn't help but watch her as all of the lines of tension disappeared from her face and her eyes started to drift closed with a tiny smile tugging at her lips.

"Has anyone ever told you," she slurred as sleep started to claim her. "That you look remarkably like Severusss Snape."

My heart jolted in my chest. Did she know who I was after all?

"What did you say?" I asked her.

There was no response. Sleep had claimed her. I attempted to reign in my curiosity and confusion as I picked up the jar of burn paste and situated myself so I could see her back properly. The skin was still an angry red, but I knew that would begin to fade once the paste had begun to work. Now that I would no longer be torturing her while applying it I set to work applying a thick coat to her injuries. Her skin looked even paler when contrasted with the bright orange paste.

My mind wandered while I moved my fingers methodically over her skin applying the much needed medicine. Who was this woman? How did she even know of me at all, let alone seem to know my face, when I had never met her? With her apparent age, should we not have gone to school together? Was it possible she had been in my year and I had simply never noticed her? Could she have been a Hufflepuff perhaps?

Her skin was covered, and for a long time I just sat there staring at her back. It would involve taking liberties with her once more, but it felt wrong to leave her in the bloody and grimy shirt she was wearing. So with the utmost care I began to slide the two halves of her shirt off of her arms. She did not so much as stir in her sleep while I worked, not that I had expected her to. I had brewed the potion after all. It left the shirt pinned beneath her, which was somewhat awkward, but I simply chose not to think about where I might be touching her as I slid my hands underneath her body to pull the fabric away from her.

The shirt that hung from my fingers when I finally inched it out hardly seemed worth saving. I lit a fire in the grate for the purposes of keeping her warm since I could not cover her with a blanket, and then I tossed the shirt in. I would leave a tshirt of mine out for her to put on when she awoke, and then I would try to grab a few hours of sleep before meeting with Lucius.

* * *

"I was expecting you earlier," Lucius drawled as he poured a glass of fire whiskey with his back turned to me. "What kept you?"

"I was detained by an unexpected floo call from Horace Slughorn," I lied smoothly, hoping he could not detect any trace of disgust in my voice.

"Do you intend to continue on with him even now?" Lucius asked, turning back to me with a brow raised in disdain.

"How better am I to be of use to our Lord than to hone my skill as a potions maker for him?" I drawled in return.

"You do not still dream of owning your own apothecary though do you Severus?" he asked, and I knew the question was pointed.

"Perhaps in the future, after I have helped our Lord to achieve his goals." I said with a tiny shrug. "But only when my potions were not allowed the chance to slip into undeserving hands."

Lucius smiled at that, but I couldn't help but think of the woman who I still had no name to call her by sleeping on my couch. That was a woman that Lucius would consider unworthy of magical help, but I felt no regret for what I had done. I would do it again in a heartbeat. In fact, I wanted nothing more than to return to her and see if she had awoken yet. I had so many questions for her, not to mention that I was certain she would need another application of burn paste by now.

"Are you still feeling resistant to your membership?" Lucius pushed on, and I knew this question was not for him.

"No," I said with as much confidence as I could. "I was simply unprepared for the ceremony. As you know that is not at all my inclination."

"It is not mine either," he said somewhat bitingly. "But it is a requirement of the brotherhood. You will find that there are very few poofs amongst the death eaters."

"I am honored to be a part of the brotherhood," I lied, hoping the turning of my stomach was not apparent on my face.

"I am glad, and our Lord will be as well." Lucius said, finally taking a drink out of his tumbler. "In fact I must go and speak with him, he is expecting me, and I am now running late."

"I understand," I said with a deferential bowing of the head. "I must return to my brewing in any case."

"Make sure you respond to the next summons you feel in your robes and with your mask in place," Lucius said with a light smile. "Until I see you again."

He twirled on the spot and disappeared, leaving me alone in his drawing room. I would rather not run into Narcissa or anyone else who might be visiting so I quickly showed myself out. As I was not a Malfoy, attempting to apparate from within the house would have been incredibly painful for me. The second my foot was on the top step of the porch I focused on the image of my living room and who was there and I turned to the left as well.


	4. The Hands of Time

_**A/N: I apologize, this chapter is awful. I even (duhn duhn duhn) edited it in an effort to make it work and I just couldn't do it. I needed them to move forward in this chapter, but it's just super forced and awful. So if you can fight your way through it, I promise the next chapter will be much better.**_

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_**Song for this chapter: Ghosts That We Knew by Mumford and Sons**_

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My face was pressed against a musty but soft couch cushion when I awoke, and at first I was terribly disoriented. Where was I and how had I gotten here? But then the previous night began to trickle back into my memory, along with the realization that I was not wearing a shirt. My memories of the night before were somewhat scattered, but I was in no hurry to collect them when I remembered just how pain I had been in.

"Are you hungry or thirsty?" a man's voice asked, and turned my head to try and see him.

"Could I have water?" I asked him when I finally saw him slouching in a chair off to the side, finally breaking the resemblance I had been seeing to Severus Snape.

"Yes of course," he said, and then he swept out of the chair, and the resemblance was back.

Who was this man? Why did he look so much like Snape? Were they related somehow? Where was I anyway? My mind was racing to find any answers as I sat up stiffly on the couch. The skin on my back felt a bit tight, and my muscles were sore, but compared to the pain I had been in yesterday I felt nearly perfect. I was exposed in just my bra, which was rather unsightly to look at stained with my dried blood. I looked around for a throw blanket or something else to cover myself with and discovered that a tshirt had been left for me on the couch.

I quickly pulled the shirt over my head, and kept my arms inside of the shirt so I could try to somewhat awkwardly remove my soiled bra. That was the position I was in when he walked back into the room with a glass of water in his hand. Some color rose into his cheeks, but he averted his gaze and allowed me to finish removing it and discreetly slide it under my thigh without furthering my embarrassment.

"I'm done now," I told him and he looked back at me and continued across the room to hand me the water.

"I thought you might like a shower," he said after I had taken the glass. "You should wash off the rest of the burn paste, and there is still blood in your hair."

Before replying I greedily drank the water he had given me. It helped to wash away the metallic taste in my mouth and it invigorated me in a way the room temperature oddly flavored water the boys and I had been drinking in the tent never could.

"A shower doesn't sound half bad," I said with a shrug. "Maybe we should get to know each other a bit first though. I don't even know your name so using your shower feels a bit… strange. My name is Hermione Granger."

"My name is Severus Snape, but you knew that already didn't you?" he responded with a quirked brow.

"No, I didn't," I said, searching his face in confusion. "You can't be. How old are you?"

"I assure you I am, but I don't see why you would say otherwise as clearly you've already met me at some point that I do not recall," he said looking frustrated. "The last thing you said to me before you fell asleep last night was about how I looked like Severus Snape. So I am now twenty, and I've been out of Hogwarts for two years. So what age does that make you? Where have we met?"

My stomach turned and I thought I may very well lose that water. I rubbed my eyes as if that would somehow change what I had just heard, and then I turned my attention back to the man sitting on the other end of the couch, that I sincerely hoped was lying to me.

"You aren't pulling my leg?" I asked him in as even a voice as I could manage.

"No, why would I? I don't even know you." He snipped, sounding even more like the Severus Snape that I knew.

"Could you please tell me what year it is?" I asked in a strangled voice.

"It is 1980," he said, his face clearly displaying that he thought I was insane.

I dropped my head into my hands and tried to process what I had just heard.

"The date?" I ground out from behind my hands.

"April third," he answered quickly, though he was starting to sound confused.

Eighteen years! Somehow I had fallen back in time exactly eighteen years, and at this moment in time I was existence here in this house at 19 years of age, due to the time turner, as well as seven months old in England with my parents. What was I supposed to do now? I had no idea how I had gotten here, and there was no way I could get back. A person could only make leaps in time when moving backward, there was only one speed at which to move forward. I fisted my hands in my hair in an effort to stop it, but I could feel my eyes burning with coming tears.

"What year should it be," he asked quietly as he shifted closer to me on the couch and put his hand lightly on my knee in a somewhat awkward comforting gesture.

"I'm not sure I should tell you," I choked as the tears took hold. "I could completely destroy the timeline."

"If your appearance when you came here is any indication, perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad thing," he said quietly giving my knee a squeeze when my crying grew louder. "Why don't you tell me?"

"You are nothing like yourself," I sobbed at him. "In my time you aren't at all nice."

"Things change," he said, and he sounded so sad that I couldn't help but turn and look at him to see his stricken face. "No one else knows you've arrived here, and I have no intention of telling them. So it is safe for you to confide in me."

"It should be 1998," I said as I scrubbed at my tears and tried to get my emotions under control. "Somewhere in England I am seven months old, and I have no way of reintegrating back into my life or returning to my own time line. I don't know what I am supposed to do now."

"Well what were you doing before you showed up here?" he asked, and I got the impression he was trying to get me to think about something other than crying in a pathetically male way.

"I was on the run," I told him in a dead voice. "We were working on a secret mission that was supposed to end the war. We had obviously run into some difficulties. I'd been taken prisoner just before I arrived here."

"How did you end up here?" he asked me his eyes searching mine. "You did not have a time turner on you, though even that would have been confusion."

"I haven't the foggiest," I said, finally gaining control over my tears as I tried to puzzle it out. "I was only halfway conscious at that point. I was bleeding and a chandelier had just fallen on me. I felt someone grab me, and I think I tried to apparate. Then I swear I was on a dock waiting for the ferry to the underworld, and then I walked through a doorway and I was here."

"What was the chandelier made of?" he asked, lurching up off the couch and crossing over to an overloaded bookshelf to look through it.

"How am I supposed to know that?" I asked him in frustration, through myself back against the couch and grimacing at the unpleasant feeling of the burn paste being smeared by the t-shirt. "That was my first time in Malfoy Manor, and there wasn't exactly time for a tour."

"Were you in the drawing room?" he asked as he spun around with a book in hand.

"Again no time for a tour," I snapped. "But yeah, I think it was the drawing room."

"It sounds like blood magic," he said distractedly as he began to flip through the book. "But it should have been an astral projection. Why did your body come with you?"

"I don't know," I sighed, scrubbing at my eyes again. "Maybe I'll take that shower after all."

"Up the stairs, and first door on the left," he said distractedly as he sat down on the couch while still reading the book he had taken out. "You can borrow any clothes you need."

I shook my head at the strange combination of rude dismissal that I was used to from Professor Snape and the offer to use a shower and borrow the clothes of a young adult who didn't look or act like someone who should become a teacher within the year. Why did Snape become a teacher anyway? Was it related to his position in the war? What was his position anyway? I thought for sure after he killed Dumbledore that his loyalty to the death eaters was certain, but a loyal death eater wouldn't take a muggleborn in and nurse them back from the brink of death would they?

I tried to push all thought out of my mind as I climbed into his tiny shower. But even his shower was an insight into this man's personality. He made his own soap, but purchased oil reducing shampoo from a muggle market. His shower was clean but still had a look of disrepair that made it seem a bit dingy. His whole house had a forlorn look to it, and I began to wonder why he didn't take care of it while I tried to wash the blood out of my hair.

* * *

"You look ridiculous," he said as I tripped over the too long leg of a pair of sweat pants I had borrowed from his drawer. "Why didn't you shrink them to fit?"

"I don't have a wand anymore," I said petulantly as I flopped down onto the sofa and started rolling up the legs to fit better.

"Here," he sighed and he drew his wand.

With a quick flick of it over me I felt his pants and shirt shrink down to fit me properly. It was the first time I had since I had gone on the run that worn an outfit that was my size, and I was surprised to see just how much weight I had lost. I could see him looking at me with a concerned face, and I thought he might be thinking the same thing.

"Are you sure you aren't hungry?" he asked, and I knew that was what he was thinking.

"Famished actually," I admitted before crossing my arms over my torso to hide it from his view.

"Do you want beans and toast?" he asked as he finally set the book to the side and I saw that it was entitled _Ancient Blood Magic_. "It's all I can make."

I couldn't help it, I laughed.

"Come on, how can a renowned potions master only know how to make beans and toast?" I chuckled, running my fingers through my still damp hair to fight off the tangles that were trying to form.

"So I do get my mastery then?" he asked and I realized my mistake.

"Oh this is going to be harder than I thought," I sighed.

"I think whatever future I had that you lived in has been thrown out the window, so you may as well forget to worry," he shrugged as he hopped up from the couch and offered me his hand.

"I certainly hope so," I said somewhat sadly, trying to make this polite young man mesh with the stern older man who had murdered my headmaster.

"That bad?" he asked with dark eyes. "Was I still a death eater in your time?"

"For a long time none of us knew what to think," I told him with a shrug. "You were working for the order, but something always seemed just a little off. Then you… well you killed Dumbledore and it seemed pretty certain that you must be a death eater. I heard after that you were made headmaster by.. _him_, but I had gone on the run by then so I don't know much about that."

Snape seemed lost in thought as he led me into the small kitchen off of the living room. I could see that the wheels were turning in his mind, but I hadn't a clue in what direction they might be going. Surprisingly I was unafraid. In this man's future he would do some very bad things, but he did not seem to be someone that I should fear in this time. He had been caring and gentle with me when I had appeared before him knocking at death's door, and he was still being a perfect gentleman to me.

"I cannot imagine killing Albus Dumbledore," he spoke finally as he put a pot on the stove to cook beans in. "Even in my darkest days when I absolutely hated him… I cannot fathom it. I do not wish to know what would have brought me to that."

"I couldn't tell you even if you wanted me to," I said quietly as I sat down at the kitchen table. "No one knows why you did it."

"I put myself on a very dark path," he said, keeping his face hidden from me with hair that was not as long as I was used too. "And perhaps the soul searching I had entered into about it would have gone differently had you not appeared before me. Everything is different now."

"How so?" I asked, intrigued.

"I regretted this mark the moment I took it. The initiation… I just don't see how anyone could…" he said before shaking his head, and I knew he would not elaborate. "But if you don't show up in that wasted factory, I think my meeting with Lucius plays out differently. I think I would have remembered what he was to me at Hogwarts. I think I would have inevitably capitulated."

"But now you won't?" I asked, unsure of if I believed him.

"No," he said firmly. "Now it is not only what he has done to me that I remember when I am in his presence. I see different things when I look into his eyes, and they shame me so much more because they were done to you simply because of your birth."

"Is that not the staple of the death eaters?" I asked somewhat stiffly.

"I did say I regretted it," he snapped before taking a calming breath and returning to the task of cooking. "Once upon a time my best friend was a muggleborn. I am not as evil as my future self must have been."

"Who was he?" I asked even though it might not be my place. "Why are the two of you no longer friends?"

"_Her_ name is Lily Evans," he said quietly, no longer moving where he stood at the stove. "There were many reasons that we were falling apart, but we are no longer friends because I chose my death eater friends over her, and I called her something unforgivable."

"Mudblood," I whispered, looking down at my arm that was still scarred with the word that Bellatrix had carved into it.

"Yes," he said in a choked voice, gripping the stove tightly.

"We all make mistakes," I told him quietly, sensing that he still needed absolution for what he had done. "All you inflicted upon her was a word. Perhaps she did not understand how much worse it could have been."

"I would never harm Lily the way Bellatrix has harmed you!" he swore fervently.

"How did you know it was her?" I gasped.

"We went to school together," he said in a strangely soft voice. "I was there when she created the curse that she applied to your back."

* * *

When the pair of us had eaten, Snape forcing me to take another helping even after I was full, we returned to his living room. We had gone in together, but quickly left me sitting there alone and went upstairs leaving me alone. I could hear him moving about up there, but I wasn't sure that I was welcome to follow him. So instead I sat on the couch listening to him open doors and walk about. It should like he was moving things, and I was curious as to what he was doing, but I fought off the urge to follow him. Instead I just stared at the fire in the grate, waiting for him to return.

It took about an hour, but then he did and I was surprised to see that he had changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt as well. He sat down on the couch just a foot or so away from me, and he seemed a bit nervous. I turned to him, prepared to ask him what was bothering him and I saw that he was holding a wand that was different from the one I had seen him using all day.

"This was my mother's wand," he said, looking at the wand in his hand rather than meeting my gaze. "I thought you could use it. At least until we can figure out how to get you one of your own."

"You don't have to," I told him, waving my hands before me. "That's a family heirloom."

"I don't have a family anymore, I may as well put it to use where it can be of service," he said with a tight shrug. "I don't like the idea of you being defenseless if Lucius were to visit my home."

"Okay," I said with a shaky voice as I reached out to take the wand.

I felt a strange tingle in my hand as he set the wand in my hand. It was much like the feeling I had the first time I had taken a wand into my hand in Olivander's shop when I was eleven. It brought on a warmth in my chest, and at the same time a sadness that I could not share this moment with my parents or my friends. I realized as I wrapped my fingers around the wand, that all the people I knew were lost to me now. Much like he had said, I had no family now. My eyes stung at the thought of it, but I fought off the tears, and instead I raised the wand and directed it at the book he had laid down on the coffee table.

"Wingardium Leviosa," I said with a quick swish and a flick.

The book merely wobbled on the table, and I felt a strange pulling sensation in my chest. It was as if I had been pulled forward to meet something, and then whatever that thing was had pushed back upon me in a rush. I slumped into the couch feeling an exhaustion settle deep in my bones, and I had to fight to keep my eyes open. I was so frustrated. That was a rudimentary spell and I had failed to complete it. I refused to admit defeat, so I forced my tired body to sit up, ignoring the way Snape was staring at me in confusion, and I raised the wand again.

"Hermione," he said, stalling me. "Perhaps you shouldn't."

"Snape, I am not a witch that cannot perform a simple levitation spell," I snapped, turning my attention back to the book. "I am better than that."

"My name is Severus," he said quietly, and I turned to look at him once more, surprised to see that he seemed hurt by my use of his surname.

"Severus then," I said with a soft smile before turning to the book once more. "Wingardium Leviosa."

This time when I completed the wand movement the book obeyed my command. It jumped into the air, and I forced it to hover there for a moment despite the rushing sensation I felt in my limbs and in what I somehow knew instinctually was my magical center. It was the strangest sensation that was somehow emptying and filling me at the same time. It made me incredibly tired, and soon it was impossible to maintain the spell. The book crashed to the table, and I slumped back to toward the couch with the world trying to fade out around me.

"Like I said, perhaps you shouldn't," Severus said quietly as he plucked the wand out of my hand. "I think you should rest more before you attempt anymore magic. Are you able to walk upstairs, or will you be needing assistance?"

"I think I can walk," I sighed tiredly, silently admitting defeat. "What is upstairs?"

"I made up the spare room for you," he explained as he helped me off the couch and threaded my arm through his when he saw how wobbly I was on my feet. "I dug out my some of my mother's clothing that I think should fit you well, but we can re-size it if need be. The bed is old, but it is comfortable and the sheets are new."

"You know you don't have to take me in. You owe me nothing," I told him tiredly as I followed him up the small staircase. "In fact it is I that owe you."

"Friendships should not be based in debt," he said with a slight shrug. "And I think I'd like to be friends. I imagine you'll be needing one now that you are stranded in my timeline."

"Yes, I could use a friend," I said, feeling my lip tremble once more at the thought of having lost everyone.

"You aren't alone," he told me as he led me over to the over-sized bed that did look quite inviting. "I'll be here when you wake."


	5. An Empty Dream

_**Song for this chapter: Who I Am Hates Who I've Been by Relient K**_

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**SPOV**

* * *

Hermione had fallen asleep almost before I could get her tucked into the bed. I didn't know what it was about trying to use magic that had drained her so quickly, but sleep seemed to be the easiest solution so I left her to it. I went to my own room and settled into bed, though I continued to read my book about blood magic as I wasn't exactly tired yet.

I wanted to understand how she had come to be here. The combination of her blood, with the diamonds in that chandelier in the manor would have been enough for astral projection, but nothing in my book explained how apparition could send her physical body through time. Nothing in my own personal library referenced something like this having happened before. If it weren't such a risk I would have liked to peruse the Malfoy library as well but I didn't need to tip Lucius off to anything he might find unacceptable to my new house guest.

I was surprised by how little it bothered me that this person from the future had been dropped into my lap, but I was more surprised by her lack of extreme emotion over the entire thing. In my experience, though it was a bit limited, women did not approach massive life changes with such a logical and cool head. Should I be expecting the other shoe to drop? A part of me thought I should be wary of her, that I should keep my guard up, but there was just something about her that put me at ease. Perhaps it was just the moment she had fallen into my life, I couldn't say, but I felt no qualms about inviting her into my life. It felt like one of the first good choices I had made in a very long time.

When it was dark as pitch outside of my window I put my book to the side and began emptying my mind so I might fall to sleep. I tried not to think about how it was the first time since my parents had passed that someone had been in the house with me, and instead let the weariness of having gone without real rest in almost two days overtake me.

I was even more concerned with what my books told me of the blood magic that seemed to be in play. I could not voice my concerns both because of how much fear they instilled in me, and because of what even such an idea might do to the girl that seemed to be so innocent sleeping in the other room. Had she any idea that she had tapped into necromantic magic? Did she know what darkness she had touched? Had it been intentional or not? Did she even realize what power she must have to even do something of that magnitude accidentally, let alone if it had been on purpose? Something told me I shouldn't fear her, but logic said there was a terrible potential there.

I tried to push those thoughts from my mind as well, but it took much more effort. I focused on my breathing and slowly lowered myself into a more restful state. It seemed to take forever, but eventually sleep did come.

* * *

Almost as soon as sleep had come, it was snatched away from me. I jolted up in bed to the sound of shrill screaming coming from the other room. I jumped out of bed with my wand in hand and hurried over across the hall. There was not an attacker as I had immediately assumed, instead Hermione seemed to be fighting off a memory.

She was thrashing about, with the sheets wrapped tightly around her. She was drenched in sweat and all of her muscles looked tensed. I tucked my wand into the band of my sweat pants and hurried over to her hoping that I wouldn't end up with a fist to the face in thanks.

"Hermione," I called to her as I grabbed her shoulders.

Her screaming cut off, but she was still attempting to thrash and her eyes remained closed.

"Hermione, wake up," I urged her, pressing her a bit more firmly into the mattress to stop the thrashing entirely.

"What," she gasped when her eyes flew open and she immediately tried to sit up. "I don't… what?"

I allowed her to sit up and backed off so she could get a bit of air. She patted herself down before pulling the sheet around herself and tried to bring her breathing under control. I wouldn't say it to her, but she looked a mess with her hair tangled up and matted with sweat, panting for air with wild eyes. Still there was something magnetic about her, though I wasn't going to tell her that either.

"I'm sorry," she breathed out as she leaned back against the headboard and finally allowed her muscles to relax. "I'm not usually prone nightmares."

"I would call that a night terror," I said with a smirk, hoping it would lighten the mood a bit.

"I'm sorry that I woke you," she said as she wiped the sweat from her brow and lifted her hair up off her neck and began to fan herself.

"Don't worry over it," I dismissed, drawing my wand and casting a cooling charm on her in an effort to help. "How are you feeling, despite the nightmare I mean?"

"Okay I think," she said her eyes closed as if in concentration. "I almost feel too energetic actually. A complete opposite to earlier."

"I'd like to understand that a little better actually," I said, plucking the wand I had given her from the bedside table and offering it to her. "Would you be adverse to trying another spell for me?""

She nodded as she took the wand in hand with a slightly wary look on her face. She twirled the wand artfully in her hand and produced a little yellow bird that she allowed to fly once around the room before she vanished it. She looked first at where the bird had been, and then at the wand of her hands with a look of extreme concentration on her face.

"And how do you feel now?" I asked, drawing her attention back to me.

"I feel fine. There weren't any strange sensations that time, and I don't feel at all drained," she told me as she looked back to the wand she held. "But it the wand does not seem to like me much."

"It may not be a perfect fit," I mused wondering if I should offer to take her to get a wand.

"It will work for now," she shrugged. "I don't want to keep you up though. I promise not to scream anymore if you want to go back to bed."

"I'm not terribly tired," I lied. "Do you want to talk about the nightmare?"

"No," she said quickly with a shiver. "I'd really rather not."

"Could I ask you a question then?" I asked her.

"You can ask me anything," she said with surprising devotion.

"How did I end up joining the Order of the Phoenix last time?" I asked, looking away from her to focus instead on my fingers as I twisted them up in her sheet.

"Do you really want to know?" she asked and the tightness of her voice made me look up to see the pain in her eyes.

"Yes," I assured her.

"You were sent to obtain a position at Hogwarts, and when you went for your interview you overheard a prophecy," she said carefully. "You passed on the part of the prophecy that you heard to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and it eventually slated the Potter's for death. You turned to the Order when you realized your mistake."

"Lily," I groaned, closing my eyes against even the thought of putting her at risk.

"Is she… I mean, she's very important to you isn't she?" she said quietly. "You would do anything to protect her."

"Yes," I sighed, my eyes still closed. "But how would I convince Dumbledore of my loyalty when that event has yet to take place?"

"Well you could tell him of me," she said carefully. "Not me specifically I mean, but you could tell him you witnessed your first event of torture perpetrated against a muggleborn and it changed the way you viewed the death eaters. That you realized you'd made a mistake."

"That is partially true," I sighed grasping the sheet tighter in my hand. "But I'd begun to realize that Lily had been right even before you appeared."

"So tell him that," she said reaching out to place her hand over mine in a comforting gesture. "Whatever it was that did that, tell him about that. If it's honest, how can he help but believe it."

"I'm not sure I could talk about it," I admitted, embarrassed by how weak that made me feel.

"So show him," she told me softly. "Take down your occlumency shields and allow him to see your truth."

"I am an occlumens in the future?" I asked her, my eyes popping open to look at her once more.

"You mean you aren't yet?" she said, her eyes widening in shock or fear. "Oh, but that's very dangerous. Maybe you should learn before you approach Dumbledore. Only I haven't a clue where you had learned it from. I know some, but not near enough to make you what you were in my time."

"Dumbledore is a great occlumens, it is possible I had been taught by him," I thought aloud. "The Dark Lord is a legillimens, but he has never seen fit to look inside my mind before. I've gotten the impression it is an altogether painful experience through observation however."

"Well perhaps it would work in your favor to know nothing of it when you approach Dumbledore," she said, tugging at her curly hair while she thought. "When will you go to him?"

"Soon," I told her. "I thought we should get you settled in first."

"I know I have to, since I cannot go back," she muttered to herself as she continued to tug at her hair. "But how to do it. I mean should I remain hidden? Should I go by another name so as not to cause problems when my younger self eventually goes to Hogwarts? Or do I just go full bored into it get a job, set up a life, the whole lot."

"Do you think your younger self will still go to Hogwarts?" I asked as I began to piece together what might have actually happened with her magic earlier. "I hadn't thought about it, but it's possible she is no longer a witch. I don't have any book that could tell us for certain, but I seem to remember something I read once about the dangers of using a time turner for that very reason."

"No… wait, I remember," she said looking stricken as she dug up a memory. "What did that ministry official tell me. 'You are old enough now that it would likely only make you ill, but it's best not to travel back more than once and hour and create to many of yourselves drawing from your magical core at once.' But why did he say the age part… it was something about the maturity of it or something."

She paused, and I watched the pieces fall together in her eyes as I reached the same conclusion. I saw the tears well up in her eyes, but she did not cry. She took a deep breath and hugged her arms tightly around herself before she met my gaze once more.

"You are right," she sighed, the tears still shimmering in her eyes. "That was what the tugging sensation that I felt was. I depleted the magic from my infant self in order to feed my own magic in my weakened state in your living room."

"Don't cry," I coaxed when it looked like she might crumble. "Surely it will not bring your other self-harm to remain in the muggle world? And as self-serving as it sounds, it does make things easier for you now doesn't it?"

"It's strange I suppose, but even knowing I can't go back I still pictured somehow still having a connection to my friends and my parents," she said, and then she finally began to cry.

I felt terribly awkward about it, but I pulled her into my arms and allowed her to cry into my shoulder. It was not something I had ever experienced with Lily. It was an interesting juxtaposition of the warmth of her body pressed against mine, but the cold feeling of her tears soaking through my shirt. I patted her on the back hoping it would make her feel better in some way, but feeling as if it had no impact as she just continued to cry.

"Do you want to talk about them?" I asked her carefully.

She shook her head no and continued to sob. So I held her, and waited for the storm of emotions to pass. I suppose if there was to be another shoe dropping tears weren't all that bad. Could I say that I wouldn't cry if put in her position? I don't think so. It would be a terrible place to find yourself in.

* * *

Having come to terms with the realization that this was her life now, the decision of what to do next seemed to come easily for Hermione. I accompanied her into Diagon Alley where she went in search of a job so she might be able to afford to make her own way. She had worn a dress of my mother's that she had charmed the sleeves longer on to hide the scar on her arm and had presented herself in such a way that I was not at all surprised when the shop owner at Flourish and Blotts practically fell over himself to give her a job.

It wasn't every day that a pretty young woman with obvious intelligence asked to have a job in a stuffy old book store, and it was clear that the old man was pleased. I was simply pleased by the sense of confidence I got from him. He didn't seem like a lecher, but rather a kind old man. It was strange for me to contemplate, but I found I would be rather upset if some man were to make unwanted advances on Hermione. She seemed to have found her way under my skin rather quickly.

Only after she had secured a job did she agree to my offer to loan her the money needed to buy a wand that was better suited to her. So we found ourselves in Olivanders, and it was, as usual, a disconcerting experience. From the moment we walked in he stared at Hermione, with his head tilted slightly to the side as if he were confused.

"Why is it that I feel as if you are early?" he asked her as looked her over. "You haven't been here before have you? And you did not have an appointment this afternoon."

"No, but you always did seem to know more than others," she said carefully. "Perhaps you predicted my arrival?"

"Perhaps," Olivander said with a shake of the head. "I do not have your measurements on file, were you educated abroad?"

"I was home schooled actually," she lied easily, and I was surprised by how at ease she seemed. "My original wand was a hand me down."

It was a smooth lie that worked rather well. It directed him away from tracing her education, and it established the idea of pureblooded heritage without being obvious. If Olivander were a death eater she would be sitting pretty, though that wasn't something she needed to be worried about. It was a good practice however to establish whatever biography she intended to go with right from the onset.

"I feel I have outgrown it however," she explained when he continued to stare at her. "It no longer feels like a good match."

"At what point did you notice the change?" he asked as he set his tape measure into motion around her.

"It was taken from me, and I was subsequently injured without it in my possession," she said in a half truth. "It has felt partially incompatible since then."

"Yes certain wands can be temperamental that way," he said distractedly. "Was it made of laurel?"

"Yes it was," she said, spouting back what I had already told her of my mother's wand. "Laurel and unicorn hair, twelve inches."

"Well, let's see if we can't find something better suited to you then," he said as he left her to begin rummaging through his shelves. "Here try this one, vine and dragon heartstring ten and three quarter inches, great for charm work."

I watched Hermione's face light up, and though it was terribly rare, I thought this first wand would certainly be a match to her. She took the wand in her hand and used it to levitate the vase on the table. It did as she bade it too, but when she lowered the vase once more she had a frown on her face and she was shaking her hand in a strange gesture.

"Stings a bit?" Olivander asked as he snatched it away.

"Yes actually," she said with a pout.

"Try this one. Willow and unicorn hair, ten inches," he said and he placed it in her hand.

"Nope," she winced as if bitten dropping it instantly back into his hand.

"No that won't do now will it," he said, scratching his chin. "This one. Alder and phoenix feather, twelve inches."

The smile returned to Hermione's face and warmth filled her eyes as she turned her wand on the vase once more. This time she produced and arrangement of flowers within the vase, and did not seem to have any issue with how the wand felt in her hand. She turned to Olivander with a beaming smile on her face.

"Yes that is a much better fit," he said as he plucked the wand from her hand and returned it to its box. "It's odd, but I was rather certain it would be the first one."

"So was I," Hermione agreed as we followed him over to the counter to purchase the wand. "It seemed the perfect wand for me when I was looking at it, but this one feels much better."

"The wand always knows," he said ethereally as I paid him for Hermione's wand.

We departed without another word to him, but as soon as we were outside the shop I turned to her with curiosity plain on my face.

"Was that your original wand, the first wand you tried?" I asked her as I offered her my arm for apparition.

"Yes it was," she said as she placed her arm in the crook of mine. "I wonder what it says that it is no longer suited to me."

I placed my other hand over hers and then I tugged her to the left with me as I focused on apparating us home.

* * *

With Hermione safely settled at home once ore, I decided there was no time like the present to throw myself on the mercy of the Order and Albus Dumbledore. I hadn't a clue where the headquarters for the Order was, but it being the middle of the school year it wasn't much of a stretch to guess where I could find the headmaster. So I apparated to the gates of the castle, and stood nervously beside the great iron barricade waiting for the headmaster to address my presence.

As was expected in times such as these it did not take long for Dumbledore to appear. He came sweeping down the lawn with his wand aloft. Even from a distance I could see that he was angry and I grew even more nervous. Of course he would view me as a threat, the path I was taking in life had been terribly obvious, but he must realize if I were here to attack the school I would not be quite so idiotic about it.

"State your business," he said stiffly when he stopped before the gate, leaving it locked between us.

"I've made an egregious error," I forced myself to say despite the way my mouth had gone dry.

"That much is obvious," he said tersely. "What welcome did you expect a dark wizard to receive here at Hogwarts?"

"I did not mean that my mistake was in coming here," I rasped while I attempted to appear confident. "I am here to see you because of the mistake I have made."

"Go on," he pressed, and though the anger hadn't gone, I could feel that he was curious about me.

"I am on the wrong path, I have been for years, but I have only just seen it," I spoke from the heart. "I fear your rebuke because I have taken the mark, just days ago in fact, but this is not what I want. I don't want to serve on the dark side of this war. I want… I need to make this right."

"Show me," he demanded.

I did not hesitate, I drew my sleeve up, and I showed him the mark that now brought me such shame. I held my arm out so he could see it and awaited his judgment.

"No, I meant for you to show me your intentions," he went on as he directed his wand at me. "Legillimens."

The force of his spell dropped me to my knees, but I hardly felt it as he ransacked my mind. It wasn't painful in the way that it always appeared to be for the death eaters that were subjected to it by the Dark Lord. It created a terribly unpleasant pressure however. It was uncomfortable to have my mind maneuvered by another, but it wasn't something I could not survive. I fought not to vomit on myself when he tore his way through my memories of the night I had taken the mark. I felt everything as if it were new. The shame, the fear, the regret, I felt it all and from a distance I could feel him judging it. He pushed beyond that, viewing memories of how I felt when using dark magic. I saw the glimpses of Hermione that conflicted some of the positive feelings I used to have there, and I wondered what he would think of that. He took in those conflicting emotions and he dug deeper to compare them to my interactions with members of the order and how those made me feel.

In the space of just a few minutes he had completely undressed me mentally. He had torn everything that was me, and I was left bare before him kneeling on the ground. He was cool and collected as he stared down at me imperiously while I panted for air and tried to pull myself together once more.

"You truly do regret it don't you," he spoke finally, and I looked up to see that some of the coldness had left his face.

"With everything that I am." I said honestly.

"Who is that girl that I saw?" he asked me curiously.

"She is a friend. Well she is now. I helped her when she was gravely injured by Bellatrix Black," I told him in an effort to be honest, but hoping that he wouldn't push for me.

"So coming here would not be your first betrayal of your brethren," he asked pointedly.

"I do not wish to think of them as my brethren any longer," I said adamantly. "But yes, that would be accurate."

"So what do you seek from me?" he asked.

"I wish to serve the side of the light," I said plainly. "Obviously it would be difficult to incorporate me into the Order considering our history, and my reputation, but I want to help somehow."

"No, I certainly couldn't bring you into a meeting considering your history with several of your classmates that serve under me," he said with a shake of the head. "But how much are you willing to give to make amends for your mistakes? How much are you willing to risk?"

"Everything," I said, realizing only then that I truly meant it. "This is not the life I wish to lead, and this is not the world I wish to live in. Change has to come from somewhere, and I think it shall come from you."

"You do understand that you cannot leave the death eaters do you not?" he asked with a raised brow.

"You gave him a piece of your soul to join, and you would lose it all to leave should he still be living." Albus said darkly. "Assuming you survived the ensuing attacks on your person from his loyal servants."

"I understand that I come with certain limitations," I said while I lowered my head in deference.

"But you also come with a certain set of advantages as well do you not?" he said in an intriguing voice that drew my eyes back to him. "Who is better positioned to feed me information on Tom's movements?"

"I know of no other spies offering you services," I said carefully.

"Because there are none," he said snappily. "You could never be seen by someone in the order, that is certain, and you also must not be found out by the death eaters, but I think perhaps you could be of use to the light yet."

"I will do anything," I vowed.

"Return to him then," he ordered. "Answer any summons sent to you, and remember anything you learn so you can bring that information to me. Do whatever you can to keep him from entering your mind and discovering what you are doing. We will need to address that and find a way for you to meet with me without raising suspicions, but I will get back to you on that."

"Thank you," I said, bowing my head once again.

"Do not thank me now," he said and the disapproval was clear in his voice. "You may die yet for the choices you have made."


	6. The First Cut

_**Sorry this chapter took so long. As they say RL got in the way. Mostly in the form of this horrible cold/flu beast that made it impossible for me to function as a human, and as all of you know I have managed to turn out chapters while super tired, completely pissed drunk, or concussed. So go ahead and picture the type of zombie I must have been to be unable to write anything. (yeah I looked pretty gross didn't I?) I probably should have made a video of me trying to write this chapter. It was done in increments of a few sentences at a time, and then I would stare dumbly at the computer and think to myself… hmmm maybe I will have more energy in an hour or so. So a chapter that should have taken me three hours tops took me like a million years to write, I'd judge myself if I didn't still feel a bit like dying.**_

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: Home by Philip Philips**_

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

"Pro— Severus," I said somewhat awkwardly when I had to catch myself from calling him something else. "Are you alright?"

"Hmmm," he hummed back at me, still not looking up from the fire he had been staring into since his return from meeting with Professor Dumbledore.

"Will you talk to me about what is on your mind?" I pushed him, desperate to understand the distant look in his eyes.

A long silence feel between us, but I felt it in my gut that I should wait for him to say something before I spoke again. So I stood beside the couch he was on, ignoring my curiosity, and trying not to think about how my back ached with the need for another application of burn paste. I simply waited.

"Would you die for what you believe in?" he asked me so quietly I almost couldn't hear him.

"I like to think that I would," I said carefully.

"And would you pretend to be something that sickens you for what you believe in?" he asked just as softly.

"I think I would, if the issue were important enough." I said as I sat beside him on the couch. "Why do you ask?"

"I've agreed to be a spy for the Order," he said, finally looking away from the fire to meet my gaze, and revealing a deep fear burning in his. "But I don't know if I can do it."

"You can Severus," I told him with fervency. "I know you can."

"How can I walk back amongst those people and pretend that I believe what they believe?" he asked me, his emotions bare for me to see. "How can I pretend that I wish people just like you are dead?"

"You… just have to take it one moment at a time," I said rather flatly when I realized I didn't have an answer. "I'll do what I can to help you."

"Would you come with me?" he asked me, and he seemed so vulnerable that I found myself considering it despite the insanity.

"Severus, I couldn't," I said sadly. "I am a muggleborn."

"They wouldn't have to know that," he said, leaning toward me his eyes lighting up with an emotion I couldn't define. "You've already begun to establish a history that suggests you are pureblooded. What if you're family had immigrated here from abroad? It would be a good enough reason that your family name wasn't present in the community here. I bet there are even Grangers somewhere you could be traced too."

"Even if they could believe that, I still couldn't make them believe," I said, pushing the sleeve of his mother's shirt to reveal my most prominent scar for him to view. "It would be a bit obvious once they saw that I am branded as a mudblood."

"But you could get rid of it," he said reaching out to grab both of my hands and squeeze them tightly as he pleaded with me. "All it would take is a minor blood sacrifice and you could wish your scars away."

"Severus that's dark magic," I whispered. "I think… it might even border on ancient necromancy."

"What does that matter?" he begged.

"That type of magic can damage the soul," I pointed out somewhat indignantly.

"Of course it can," he huffed. "But you've already done much more than that and remained unscathed. You could do this!"

"What? What are you talking about?" I stuttered at him pulling my hands free.

"It's how you came here," he said quietly.

"But that kind of magic would require…" I trailed off unable to even put it into words.

"A human sacrifice," he whispered. "You were the sacrifice Hermione."

"That can't be," I said, my eyes trying to blur over with tears and making it hard to focus on him. "How could I have done that without even knowing it?"

"So it was an accident then?" he asked carefully. "You are not a practiced necromancer?"

"No," I gasped. "I wouldn't… I didn't…I don't know if I could do it again. Why do you want me to come with you so badly?"

He hesitated before answering me, and I saw a tremor roll through him before he crumbled. Tears sprung to his eyes and he leaned forward to hide his face in my lap. I gasped when his arms wrapped around my back, both in shock and in slight pain at contact with my still healing skin. I could never have pictured something bringing the stoic Severus Snape to a position such as this.

""I am terrified," he moaned and I was shocked to hear that he had started crying. "Please don't make me go alone."

"You aren't alone," I heard myself echoing his earlier words as I began to soothingly run my fingers through his hair.

And somehow it was just that simple. I would accompany him on this path into the darkness. I couldn't explain how I had grown so close so quickly to this man who had been such a terror in my time, but the connection was already made. So as afraid as I was, as afraid as he was, we were going to do this. Just the thought of it brought tears to my eyes, but I felt no embarrassment when he was crying as well. I continued to run my fingers through his hair until he had cried himself out.

I could feel the shift in his position when his arms loosened around my waist and his head became just a little bit heavier in my lap. His breathing evened out and I knew he was sleeping then. I leaned back into the couch to try and get more comfortable as I settled in for the night as well. Eventually my own tears carried me into the darkness.

* * *

When I had awoken the next morning Severus had been gone but there was breakfast waiting for me on the table with a note wishing me luck on my first day on the job. I had eaten the breakfast and went on my way to work with a smile on my face even though I was curious as to where Severus had gotten too. Work had gone well enough, though I hardly had the focus for it. Mr. Blott seemed pleased enough with my work though, so I was not terribly worried about it. As soon as five o'clock rolled around I was on my way back to Manchester.

Severus was standing in front of the fire lost in thought with a book clutched in his hand when I popped into existence in the living room. His eyes were tightened with concern as he stared into the fire, but I watched his face become void of all emotion. It was striking how even though he was nearly twenty years younger his face became so familiar to what I had grown up with.

"How was your first day?" he asked softly.

"It was nice," I said my gaze dropping to the book in his hand. "I spent most of the day reorganizing the divination section, which I don't think has been touch in at least a century."

"I don't imagine many people have cause to shop that particular section," Severus said with the tiniest of smirks. "I've been thinking about what we talked about last night…"

"Yes," I prodded gently when he hesitated.

"Maybe I could do it for you," he suggested quietly. "I got this book, and looked it over. I was right that it would only take a minor blood sacrifice. I think I could do it."

"May I see it," I asked quietly, and though he was still hesitant he did hand me the book. "_The Munich Manual_."

The metaphysical weight of the book I held in my hand made me feel weak in the knees, but I was still surprised to feel Severus's hand on my elbow guiding me to sit on the coffee table. I was glad for the aid, as I would have certainly fallen without his intervention, but I found I couldn't say anything. Instead I just stared at the book terrified by the recognition I felt from it. It wasn't like with an old book that I had read before, but like the book itself felt me and knew me. It seemed almost to warm in my hands as if it were welcoming me home. It was terrifying, and yet somewhat calming at the same time.

"Did you feel that when you held the book?" I asked him breathily.

"Feel what?" he asked me with concern on his face.

"The heat," I whispered. "The feeling that the book was reading you in a way?"

"No, I didn't feel that," he told me quietly as he sat down beside me on the table. "But I have never done necromancy before. Maybe the book can sense you because you have."

"Do you think I have a darkness in my soul now?" I whispered the question so quietly I almost couldn't hear myself.

"Perhaps a bit, but not as much as I," he offered quietly.

"I don't think I can…" I choked. "I can't take the mark. I'll go with you, but I can't take the mark. It's too much."

"You don't have to," he said, pulling the book from my hands and setting it on the table between us. "Narcissa hasn't taken the mark either and she's allowed to attending everything but the revels. I wouldn't want you to attend a revel, and I certainly wouldn't want you to go through the ceremony of taking the mark. I would never ask that of you."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked him, sensing that he needed to get that particular poison out of his system.

"Maybe another time," he said, turning his gaze back to the fire. "For tonight, I'd like to get rid of your scars for you."

"I think I should read through the book first," I sighed. "Just to be sure of what we are doing and all that…"

"If you wish," he said, growing distant once more. "I'll go make us something to eat."

He swept out of the room, and even without the billowing teaching robes I had come to know him for it was impressive. I wondered vaguely how he had gotten so graceful as I turned my attention back to the old book next to me. The lettering was faded, and while I suspected that the book was once a deep green it was so faded it looked almost gray now. In any other book I would be sad to see that it was in such a state of disrepair, but for a book of such a dark nature it felt right.

I flipped the cover open, and I was surprised to see that the pages were a pristine white and the words a deep black. The inside of the book looked brand new. I turned my gaze toward the print with the intent of reading but immediately my vision began to dim. I gripped the book more tightly when I began to grow dizzy. I registered a vague thumping sound and a pain in my back and then there was nothing.

* * *

"If you didn't want my cooking again you could have just said," Severus said with a strained look on his face and I knew he was struggling to be funny when he was upset.

"My back hurts," I huffed tiredly. "Why am I on the floor?"

"You fainted while you were reading," he explained before fishing a jar of burn paste out of his pocket. "I finished brewing more of this while you were at work. Do you need… help with it?"

"Um, yeah if you could," I said awkwardly as I turned away from him. "You know it's the weirdest thing. I didn't read it, I couldn't get past the first sentence before I got really dizzy, but now I know what's in that book."

"You weren't able to read it?" he asked as he began to carefully rub the burn cream onto my healing skin and I couldn't help but sigh with relief. "I had no issue."

"No you wouldn't, I understand that now," I explained. "You wouldn't be able to do the spell either. There's something in my blood that makes me a necromancer. You don't have that in your blood."

"I thought you didn't read the book… how do you know that necromancers are born not made?" he asked as he continued to massage the paste into my skin.

"I told you… the book… I just know it now." I sighed in relaxation when his thumb dug into a particularly sore spot. "There's another I want to read though. It wasn't mentioned by name, but it's about Merlin. Did you know he was the last recorded necromancer in magical history? I thought all necromancers were practitioners of the dark arts, but I was wrong."

"That is uncanny," he said, pulling my shirt carefully over my back once more. "I've never heard of something like that happening with a book before."

"Thank you," I sighed as I felt the tingling in my back as the burn paste began to work. "Do you need help finishing dinner?"

"You don't have to," he said quickly. "I'm just making tomato soup. It should be done soon."

"I want to," I said, holding myself back from saying anything sappy about this being my home now. "I could make toasted cheese sandwiches to go with the soup."

"That sounds wonderful," he said with a tiny smile before heading into the kitchen.

* * *

I waited until after we had eaten, and Severus had eventually gone to bed for the night to do the spell he had suggested. It wasn't necessarily that I wanted to hide what I was going to do from him, but I was afraid to do it in front of someone else. There was a part of me that was worried that it wouldn't work, but there was more of me worried about what would happen if it did work. More than that it felt like willingly doing this spell was committing to something large than me. I was letting go of who I had been and becoming someone entirely different. I was attempting not to be afraid of what that person might be now that I understood necromancy better, but I was still a little hesitant.

I warded my door, and lit a singular candle and set it on the floor in the middle of the circle I had drawn on the rug with a bit of chalk. I drew a deep breath so I wouldn't lose my nerve, and then I took a seat before the candle inside the circle. I took the dagger I had borrowed from Severus's potion making kit and held it in my hand for a long time while I gathered my courage to take the next step.

I closed my eyes, and fought not to wince as I pulled the dagger across the palm of my hand. I held my hand over the candle and allowed my blood to drop down in offering as I chanted the words from the book and thought of what I was asking for in place of my sacrifice. My breath caught in my chest when I felt the magic tingle along my arm and my shoulders. I knew without opening my eyes that the scars had gone but I continued with the chant one last time because it felt like that was what I was supposed to do.

When it was done, I blew out the candle, erased the chalk circle, and put everything away as if nothing had happened. If I focused I could pretend that I hadn't just used a dark spell, but I had a tiny fading pink line on the palm of my hand that reminded me of what I had done. In the morning that would likely be gone as well, but there would still be the slight weight in my soul that I had gained since entering that circle. I should be upset that I had done it, but it would help Severus and I couldn't feel bad about that.


	7. Hole in the Hull

_**Song for this chapter: Play Crack the Sky by Brand New**_

* * *

"What am I supposed to wear to something like this?" I asked awkwardly from inside the closet. "I hardly think this floral dress of your mothers, that you let me borrow, is going to be appropriate."

"First, you can keep them. You need clothes," Severus sighed from where he was leaning against the doorframe. "And secondly, you're a witch aren't you? Transfigure the floral dress into something you actually like."

"That still doesn't tell me what is appropriate for this thing you are taking me to," I said, peeking my head out of the closet to stick my tongue out at him. "And thank you Severus."

"It's a casual dinner, only a few death eaters will be in attendance," he shrugged. "The last time I went to one of these Narcissa wore a strapless summer dress, and if you ever tell anyone I noticed that I will gladly kill you."

"I doubt that," I sighed as I took the dress out of the closet and went to sit on the foot of the bed. "You've already put too much effort into keeping me alive."

"Touche," he said. "What are you going to do to it?"

"Not much," I shrugged. "I'm alright with transfiguration, but I was never great shakes at domestic spells. Darning is completely beyond me by the way, in case you had any ideas about old socks."

I was pleased to hear him laugh, if quietly at my half joke. I was rapidly forgetting professor Snape as he was replaced with this young Severus who smiled and laughed, and could actually speak rather kindly when he wanted to. I was very intrigued by him, and surprisingly he seemed fascinated with me. Perhaps after how he had grown up he was surprised to have made a new friend? I wouldn't begrudge him the surprise, so long as he continued to bestow me with his friendship as well. I was afraid to admit how much I needed it.

"I think I will get rid of the flowers," I mumbled as I moved my wand over the dress.

I had learned to master nonverbal spells from the man who was watching me now, and it was a bit disconcerting to have him watch me work on a spell I was not so accomplished with. I almost expected him to give me a grade on how quickly I could make the faded pink flowers recede into the green fabric. He however remained completely silent as he watched me work, and when I looked up to him for some sort of remark his face was passively pleased as he took in the dress without the flowers.

"That's actually not a bad dress." He said as he looked up to meet my gaze. "A bit Victorian, but it could work."

"I thought I'd change the neckline as well," I said looking for the right answer. "But how 'young' should I make it? I don't want to look frigid, but I don't want to look like a tart either."

"How about lowering it like this?" he said, and then he very lightly drew his pointer finger from one of my shoulders to the other brushing the skin just under my collar bone as he went.

Another thing to adjust to was the way he was almost casual with touch. I was trying to stop comparing him to 'my time' as this was my time now, but it was very different from what I had known. I couldn't be sure if it was because he hadn't been hardened by the life of spying yet, or if the physical intimacy created between us when he saved my life made him feel welcome to do so, or if his touching meant something else entirely. I wasn't even sure how I felt about it, sometimes it gave me shivers, and other times it was as natural as breathing.

"That seems good." I said with a smile. "I'll make it off the shoulder, and shorten it to the knees. With a belt it will look really cute."

"Yes, I think that is what the other death eaters will be most concerned with," he said, his eyes darkening just slightly with his frown. "Whether or not you are cute."

"Well, you're trying to stay in their good graces…. And if I am supposed to go to this dinner on your arm, I should look… presentable," I shrugged. "I just prefer the word cute."

"What do you want me to call you when we are there?" he asked, banishing his frown as quickly as it had come.

"Hermione," I said blandly.

"Obviously I will use your name," he scoffed. "What I meant to say was, when they ask what you are to me, what shall I say?"

"Uhm… well…" I floundered. "I mean, what would I have to be in order to be allowed entrance to something like this."

"You would either be affianced to me or you would already be my spouse," he said very quietly, and I knew he was afraid I would be upset.

"That is what I had expected." I told him quickly and with a smile, so as to relieve his worry. "Would it be pushing believability for us to have already wed?"

"They would want to know how and when it had happened," he said, his gaze wandering to the wall as he pondered it. "But we are saying your family is from Italy, and I did actually go there shortly after leaving Hogwarts for the beginning of my apprenticeship under Slughorn. I could plausibly have met your family there, in fact I could have been introduced by Slughorn as the Italian Grangers are well to do."

"And what would we tell them for why you have kept it secret?" I asked. "Lucius Malfoy was you friend before wasn't he? You would have told him wouldn't you?"

"No. He knows I no longer speak of my love life after what happened with Lily," Severus answered, his face filtering from a frown back to a smile as his gaze returned to mine. "It would be plausible that I would keep my cards close to the chest until I was sure that we would be wed. In fact, I shall write him to tell him I have something to share with him at this dinner party."

"So it will be our coming out party as a married couple then," I said with a smile, though inside my mind was racing to try and understand how I even felt about this.

When I had dreamt about being married, and frankly with the war on it hadn't happened often, it had been with pictures of Ron Weasley in my head. And now here I was concocting a story to share with death eaters about how I was married to Severus Snape. What had become of my life? And why wasn't I more upset with it? I did miss Ron, and Harry, but I was finding a way to settle into my new life. And in this new life, I found I actually rather liked Severus Snape, he was a good man.

* * *

"You asked my father for permission to court me," I recited to Severus as I laced up the front of my peep toe shoes. "Horace Slughorn had spoken highly of you, so my father gave his permission."

"In pureblood society it is frowns upon for a married witch to speak to a wizard alone," he responded while he fretted with the hem of his grey oxford. "Following this custom establishes that you know it exists, and gives you a reason to stay by my side, or avoid conversation when you cannot."

"My mother was hesitant about being unable to meet your parents, but she was won over by your dedication to your apprenticeship," I went on as I worked on the other shoe. "And um, I guess she liked that your opinion on mu-udbloods match that of our family."

"You can't keep stuttering on that word," he said quietly. "I know it's repulsive, but it's a dead giveaway that you are lying. Say it again please."

"Mudblood," I said firmly even though it made my stomach turn, and then I met his gaze again.

"Now say it in a sentence that you would use in relation to our back story," he prompted.

"My mother was finally convinced to give her consent to our betrothal when you revealed you hatred for mudbloods," I said as smoothly as I could manage. "She couldn't stand the thought of me married to a muggle-lover."

"You blushed, but that was better," he said with a tight smile. "Should I wear a vest? Or perhaps a tie?"

"No, I like this," I said, casually flicking open the top most button on his shirt so it wasn't closed around his neck. "It makes you look more relaxed, and you're supposed to be happy to be in this group right? You should in theory be relaxed about attending this dinner."

"True," he said before offering me a soft smile. "No one will expect a big display of affection from us as I have a certain reputation for a distaste of…"

"Got it," I smiled when he trailed off with a distant look in his eyes. "We were married in the neighborhood church—"

"No," he interrupted me. "Pureblooded families never marry in churches. We married on your family's estate."

"Okay," I shrugged. "We married on my family's estate a few days before you took the mark, and after your meeting with Lucius we have been honeymooning in Greece."

"We shouldn't add details now," he said, fidgeting nervously with his shirt collar. "The dinner starts in 30 minutes, and we don't want to slip up on a detail that we just decided on."

"What if they ask where we honeymooned though?" I asked him. "Or if they ask for more than my parents' names? I have the family tree memorized, but what if they ask about a third cousin or something? Or what if someone there knows the Italian Grangers, and is aware that there is no Hermione in that family."

"There is now, I had you added to the family tree," Severus shrugged. "And no one there knows them; it will be fine I promise."

"And if someone asks about the honeymoon?" I asked tugging at my loose curls in agitation.

"Then we will say we went to Greece," he said softly. "Okay?"

"Okay," I sighed, trying to calm myself.

"So if you don't mind me asking," he said as he moved one of stray curls into place. "Why did you want to say we were already married?"

"We'd have to eventually have a wedding if we did it the other way," I said, meeting his gaze in the mirror. "I don't think it's possible to fake a wizarding wedding is it?"

"No it isn't," he said, looking away from my gaze to fuss with the back of my hair. "I suppose I found it a bit odd that a woman would even want to pretend to be married to me."

"Don't talk about my husband like that," I chided in an effort to keep myself from tearing up at how terribly sad he sounded. "I don't think you see yourself very clearly Severus."

"I think I see myself very clearly," he said, tugging gently at my hair and still refusing to meet my gaze. "I am Severus Snape, I left Hogwarts with no real friends, unless you count Lucius Malfoy which I do not. I have never had a girlfriend, though I tried many times with Lily Evans, excuse me Potter. I have greasy hair, a hooked nose, and a propensity for wearing unfashionable clothing."

"Yes, you are Severus Snape," I said, spinning around so that he was forced to look at my face, even if it did end in my hair getting pulled a bit. "But that's about all I am willing to agree with."

He turned his head away from me and I found myself falling into the old bossy role of my childhood. I stood up, and I grabbed his chin so that he would have to look at me. When his dark eyes were meeting mine, even if they did look sad, I went on.

"First of all, being hazed by the marauders doesn't mean you were not capable of making friends, just that you were mistreated by your peers," I pointed out. "And maybe you haven't had a girlfriend, but that is not the end all be all of a person's worth. And you know what, you're too good for Lily. If she had appreciated your friendship, let alone how much you clearly love her, then she would not have thrown your friendship away over one word."

I took a moment to breathe when I felt my face heating up and my anger growing. I was trying to cheer Severus up, and it wouldn't do to fly off the handle about how he was treated during his childhood. Especially since we had to leave for dinner with people form his childhood in just a few minutes.

"And your hair isn't actually greasy," I pointed out with a smile. "Either that shampoo is very affective, or your hair is just naturally silky, and this outfit is fashionable Severus. I should know, I picked it out."

"It is still a bit disconcerting when you recite facts about my life that I haven't actually told you," he said quietly when I finally released his chin. "For a moment I had forgotten you were from a different time."

"That's good right?" I asked nervously.

"I think so," he said, digging in his pocket for something as his face grew nervous once more. "So we didn't talk about this, but it occurred to me that we needed rings. These belonged to my parents, but we could say they came from you grandparents or something like that. I think that would give them more value."

"No, I like that they belonged to your parents," I shook him off looking at the rings in the palm of his hand. "And it makes sense; because Angela and Michaelo Granger are still alive and happily married so I assume they are still wearing their wedding rings."

"It's weird though, I get that," he said awkwardly. "We can take them off as soon as we leave."

"You don't have to be so nervous. It's just me," I laughed. "We'll wear the rings, and we won't be nervous about it. We'll go to this dinner with a bunch of death eaters, and yeah we will probably be nervous about it, but we will pretend that we aren't. Deal?"

"Deal," he said with a smirk as he handed over the small diamond ring and slid the corresponding silver band onto his own finger. "I enchanted them to portkey us back to my house in the case of an emergency. To activate yours you just swivel the stone in a circle."

"Okay," I said as I slid it into place. "Should we go?"

"We should," he said offering me his arm for slide-along apparition.

* * *

"Severus," Lucius said grandly as he opened the door for us. "And his surprise. What is your name dear?"

"Hermione Snape," I said in what I hope sounded like an aristocratic voice as I offered him my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"It's lovely to meet you as well," he said smoothly as he grabbed my hand and quickly placed a kiss on the top of my knuckles before leaning in to Severus. "Oh you are in trouble my friend. Didn't Narcissa tell you what this dinner is for?"

"She did not," Severus said, sliding his hand behind my back and pulling me just a bit closer to him. "I assumed it was a belated Spring Solstice party of some nature."

"Oh now my dear friend," Lucius said with a wicked smile. "This is an engagement party for Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange, but you are about to steal the stage my friend."

"We could just wait to say anything," I suggested quietly, deferring to Severus as was custom with pureblooded couples. "Today is supposed to be about the happy couple after all."

"Oh no, this will be fun," Lucius laughed as he stepped back to finally allow us entrance into the house. "Because everyone will want to know why you are with our dear Severus here, yes we will have to tell everyone that you've wed. There must be a wonderful story there."

He led us into the house and I saw that it was apparently a very select dinner party. I saw a much younger looking Bellatrix hanging off of the arm of who must be Rodolphus, and a couple other couples sprinkled about. Down a side corridor off the room I saw Narcissa handing a fussing baby over to a house elf, but Lucius quickly swept us past where that was visible. My blood ran cold in my veins when I saw a man sitting at the table watching everyone in the room.

He was disturbing in a way that was hard to describe. He was attractive, but there was a cold aura about it. He didn't have red eyes with slits, or terribly white skin, but there was something about him that just screamed Voldemort to me. When I felt the muscle in Severus's arm tighten under my hand I knew my assumption was right. I also realized that he was rapidly hiding his surprise, and that he hadn't know Voldemort was going to be here either.

"Ladies and gentlemen, might I introduce you to Mr. and _Mrs._ Snape," Lucius said with a sweeping gesture toward us.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," Bellatrix snapped, the smile falling off of her face as she turned to glare at me, and Severus pulled me just a tiny bit closer.

"My apologies Bellatrix," Severus said stiffly. "Unfortunately due to your desire for secrecy I had no idea I would be stealing your thunder this evening."

He didn't sound sorry at all, but that seemed to me to be the right tone to take with Bellatrix. Her fiancé certainly seemed to find it funny if his smile was any indicator. My eye was drawn away from them however when Voldemort stood from the table.

"Severus, why don't you introduce me to your friend," he said elegantly as he swept forward, without nearly as much grace as Severus.

"This is my wife," Severus said with a deferent bow of the head. "Her name is Hermione Snape, nee Granger."

"Granger, I am not familiar with that name," He said as he reached for my hand.

"My family is mainly from Italy," I said as evenly as I could while trying not to cringe at the cool touch of his skin. "My parents raised me abroad however, so I'm from a little bit of everywhere I suppose."

"Are the Grangers a respectable family?" Bellatrix asked icily as she swept up behind Voldemort.

"Don't be crude Bella," Severus chided.

"He is correct Bella," Voldemort said with a nod. "But the question has been asked, you may as well answer Mrs. Snape."

"I assume you are asking about my lineage?" I said, turning to look at Severus as if I were confused, to which he nodded. "My bloodline has never been muddied by muggle filth."

"Very good," Voldemort nodded. "And how did your parents feel about you marrying a half blood?"

"My parents were far more interested in his stance on wizarding supremacy," I answered quickly. "And as you know there are not quite so many eligible purebloods in Italy. I had no interest in marrying the old man name Elijah who was interested in my hand."

"Jolly good," Lucius said cheerfully. "Narcissa says the first course is ready, if you would all follow me into the drawing room."

And just like that the investigation in to my bloodline ended and we all filed out of the room. My heart beat a little more quickly in my chest as I walked toward a room I hadn't been in so long ago, and yet I had not technically been in at all. Severus subtly ran his thumb over my knuckles as he walked me over to the large wooden table with the rest of the group. He pulled out the chair for me, and carefully pushed it back in for me once I was seated. I couldn't help but smile a tiny bit when I saw Lucius doing the same for Narcissa on my left and Rodolphus doing the same for Bellatrix on my right. My smile dropped a bit when I realized that there was now no open chair beside me for Severus to sit in.

I did my best to keep the smile on my face as Severus went to sit on the other side of the table and house eves appeared to deliver food. I mimicked the aloof nature of everyone else, and pretended that the I didn't even see them. Conversation was light during dinner and I followed the general rule of only speaking when spoken to, and as I was rarely spoken to I mostly just sat quietly at the table enjoying a very nice meal with the most evil witches and wizards I had ever known.

* * *

"Gentleman, shall we retire for a brandy?" Voldemort suggested when the last plate had been cleared.

The men murmured their agreement and began saying quick goodbyes to their dates before filing out of the room. Severus swept over to me and pulled out my chair for me before helping me up. He pulled me into a gentle hug, and though it surprised me it wasn't all that unpleasant. He tucked my head into his shoulder so he could whisper to me.

"I wasn't expecting this, but apparently there is business to be taken care of before we can depart," he whispered quickly. "I will be as quick as I can, be careful around Bellatrix."

"Enjoy yourself," I said with a beaming smile when he pulled back.

"I certainly will," he lied smoothly and he swept away from me.

I was left standing alone at the table for a second, and then the space beside me was filled by Narcissa and Bellatrix. The former seemed excited by my presence, but the latter looked like she wanted to curse me. I offered them each a smile while I tried to think about what I should say. Narcissa beat me to the punch however.

"So what do you think of our Severus?" she asked brightly, leaning in conspiratorially.

"My husband is a wonderful man," I said with perhaps a little too much possessiveness in my voice. "He makes me very happy."

"Cut the crap," Bellatrix snapped. "What are you getting from this? The Prince family fortune was gone a long time ago."

"Are English marriages based predominately on finances?" I asked as if I were actually confused. "My family was more concerned with making a long term match in marriage. We have compatible personalities, similar interests, and you know Severus has a bright future as a pioneer."

"See Bella, I told you, she actually likes him," Narcissa said with a smile. "I think you two look very nice together."

"Thank you Mrs. Malfoy," I said, bowing my head.

"Please, call me Narcissa," she said kindly. "Hermione is a beautiful name by the way."

"Really Cissy? Why are you fawning all over her," Bellatrix whined. "She ruined my engagement party, and she's only here with Snivelus, hardly worth attention."

"I wasn't aware that Severus was fond of nicknames," I said tersely at the same time that Narcissa said, "Bella, I already told you that Severus is being given an important assignment tonight. His status is changing."

"Teaching is hardly prestigious," Bellatrix scoffed.

"What?" I blurted out before I realized how unrefined that sounded.

"We aren't supposed to know until the boys tell us of course," Narcissa explained with a smile. "But I heard Lucius and the Dark Lord speaking about it before the other guests arrived. Severus is to be tasked with obtaining a teaching position at Hogwarts so he might spy on Dumbledore."

"Cissy, are you sure we can even trust her?" Bellatrix snapped.

"I'm sorry, but shouldn't I be asking if you should be privy to such sensitive information about my husband," I said blandly to Bellatrix, as if she didn't make me want to cower in the corner. "I wonder how Severus feels about this though. I know he is not fond of children."

"I'm sure he's honored," Narcissa said a little stiffly before she plastered a smile back on her face. "And I imagine you will move to Hogwarts with him. It is a very nice castle."

"Yes, I've heard of Hogwarts," I said grasping on to the lifeline she was throwing me. "Severus said that is where he made such good friends with all of you. He did tell me that the admittance policy is a bit lenient. Maybe once he is teaching there he can effect change there."

"One can only hope," Narcissa smiled.

"I'm sorry though Bellatrix, this conversation sort of wandered away from us didn't it," I said with as much sincerity as I could fake. "I'd really love to hear about you and Rodolphus. Have the two of you picked a date yet?"

"Our mothers have decided on a summer wedding," Bellatrix said, a smile appearing on her face, and yet somehow making her scarier. "The first of July will be the date. I'm hoping the Dark Lord will honor us with his presence."

"Well he seems very fond of you," I offered lightly. "Surely that means he'd be receptive to an invitation?"

Bellatrix offered me another of her disturbing smiles at that, but I was saved from having to hear whatever response she was going to come up with when everyone emerged from the room they had closeted themselves in. I stepped to the side and waited a surprisingly short amount of time for Severus to sweep over to me. He wrapped his arm around me and quickly pulled me away from the other girls.

"We'd both like to wish a hearty congratulations to Bellatrix and Rodolphus," Severus said to the group. "But we really must be going. Thank you for having us."

"Yes thank you," I added with a smile, and then Severus directed me out of the house so he could apparate us home.

* * *

I sat awkwardly in the kitchen while Severus put a floo all through to Dumbledore. It was an obvious move, but he could easily cover it with the excuse of needing to set up an interview so he did it. The conversation had gone on longer than I had expected though. He was still talking to him, and I had long ago finished making coffee. My cup was empty and his was rapidly growing cold on the table while I waited. I was considering just going up to bed when he finally came into the kitchen.

"I've made arrangements to go for an interview tomorrow evening," he sighed as he sat down at the table. "Slughorn is planning to go into retirement, which is news to me as his apprentice, so there are a total of three positions opening in the coming year. Unfortunately my chances of employment are high."

"Well, it would make it easier to pass information to Dumbledore," I said delicately.

"Yes, but there are children there," he groaned.

"I'll come as well," I said, hoping to cheer him up.

"Thank you," he sighed, rubbing at his eyes. "And thank you for coming tonight. That was tenser than I expected it to be. I wish Lucius had been more forthcoming about what the party was for."

"It's okay, it wasn't horrible," I shrugged. "I am still apparently just as hated by Bellatrix when she thinks I am a pureblood as well. So that's fun."

"Well she is insane," Severus pointed out as he cast a silent warming charm on his cup of coffee. "I'm sure Rodolphus is incredibly pleased to be marrying her when she's in love with the Dark Lord."

"She is rather obvious isn't she?" I chuckled. "Maybe she's hoping for an open marriage."

"I'm sure Rodolphus is as well," Severus said with a dark laugh before cringing. "He is inclined in the other direction anyway."

"Really?" I gasped. "How do you know?"

He froze and that haunted look returned to his eyes, and I found suddenly that I had never asked why he had been considering leaving the death eaters before I arrived. My stomach turned uncomfortably when I remembered just how fresh the mark had been on his skin.

"How do you know Severus?" I asked quietly.

"I think I am going to go to bed," he said as he backed away from the table. "I will likely be gone when you awake in the morning. I will be brewing with Slughorn for most of the day before I go for my interview. I will let you know what happens when I come home."

"Okay," I said quietly, dropping my gaze down to the table feeling properly chastised for trying to invade his privacy. "Goodnight."

* * *

I wasn't scheduled to work the next day, so I spent all of it pacing in the living room waiting for Severus to come back. I attempted to distract myself with reading and dusting respectively but neither of those activities kept me from being nervous. I couldn't explain it, but I had woken up very worried about Severus, and the longer that he stayed away the more worried I got.

Afternoon turned into evening, and still Severus hadn't returned. I stood in front of the fire listening to the thunderstorm that was raging on outside wondering how long Severus would be. Maybe it was the day itself making me so wary. It was cold and dreary out, and the rain certainly wasn't brightening my mood. I resolved to try and turn my mood around and went back to trying to read.

Moments after I settled on the couch with the book Severus appeared with a pop by the fire. He looked as pale as a ghost and seemed frozen in place. I quickly drew my wand and cast a drying spell on him so his sopping robes would no longer be dripping on the floor. I stood, unsure of if I should cross over to him or not.

"Are you okay?" I asked carefully.

"Do you remember when you talked to me about how I came to be a spy?" he asked me in a distant voice, still not looking in my eyes.

"Yes," I said carefully, not sure where he was going.

"Didn't you say I only heard part of the prophecy?" he asked.

"Yes, you heard half, but you were discovered by Aberforth and thrown out of the pub," I explained. "You ten passed on half of the prophecy to Voldemort, and from that he made the decision to go after the Potters."

"No, that isn't how it happened at all," he said very quietly, finally looking at me. "I was standing outside the room when I heard Sybil begin the prophecy. I entered the room and listened to the entire prophecy. Dumbledore did not address my presence until after she had come out of the prophecy. He left the room with me under the assumption that he was throwing me out, but in reality he gave me the instruction to give only half of the prophecy to the Dark Lord, and to inform him that I am welcome to take the potions post this fall."

"He told you to what?" I gasped, falling back on the couch when my legs gave out beneath me.

"He insisted that I give half, not that I remain silent," Severus whispered. "He is basically telling me to have the Potter's killed. Why would he do that?"

"I don't…" I trailed off my mind racing for the answer. "I mean, I guess he could understand the implications that quickly… he's quite smart. But would he do something like that? Surely not."

"I don't understand what you are talking about," Severus interjected, crossing over to me and grasping my face with both hands and turning me so I had to meet his gaze. "What are you trying to say?"

"It doesn't make sense, but it seems like he's trying to create a chosen one," I explained. "But that would mean he's choosing to murder a family, and slate and infant for death. Of course Harry won't die, but then he's locked into a life of torturous battles. And he's fated for… oh no. No he couldn't be doing that. He wouldn't."

"You need to use more words," Severus spoke harshly, shaking my head just a bit.

"I told you I was on a mission before I came here," I started, embarrassed by how tears immediately sprung to my eyes. "We were destroying horcruxes Severus."

"What?" he gasped.

"And I discovered something while we were working on that, but I didn't tell anyone." I went on. "And if I am right, which I am sure I am, then Dumbledore is knowingly sending you to essentially force Voldemort into making a living horcrux."

"No," Severus whispered.

"Oh Severus, you can't pass on half of that prophecy. You can't pass on any of it," I demanded, the tears falling freely now. "And we can't work with Dumbledore. If that's what he wants you to do, then he is just as evil as Voldemort."

"What are we supposed to do then?" he asked, brushing my tears from my cheeks but looking just as upset as I was."

"I don't know…" I moaned. "I need to think. There's gotta be another way. Oh God Severus. This can't be right."

"Shhh," he said softly as he pulled me into his arms and tried to sooth my tears to no avail.


	8. Ties That Bind

_**My apologies for another awkward and probably unappealing chapter. I tried to make some changes due to a plot hole a reviewer pointed out to me, and it just sort of got out of my control. This chapter was really frustrating and made me seriously consider just scrapping the whole story with how badly it seems to be turning out. But I decided not to… I'm reserving judgment on if that was a good choice or not.**_

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin**_

* * *

**SPOV**

* * *

Hermione was still crying when she pulled away from me. I watched her, unsure of what to do, as she knelt down on the floor with her hands pressed against either side of her head. She curled in on herself as if she was in horrible pain, but somehow I understood that she was unharmed. She seemed to be thinking very hard as what she thought she knew of people unraveled before her, but I couldn't even begin to follow that. My mind was stuck on that one word that had passed through her lips. Horcruxes. Surely not?

"Here's what we have to do," she said after far longer than I could hope to count, and her voice had gone very hoarse which made it even more disconcerting to hear her speak. "Keeping _him_ at bay is more important. We forgo connecting with Dumbledore again if we can manage it. What has to happen first, is you have to return Vol-the Dark Lord, and you have to lie to him."

"Hermione, he will kill me in a second," I whispered. "He is a master legillimens."

"I can stop him," she whispered, and she looked up from the floor to meet my gaze, hers was haunted and skittish.

"How?" I asked, suddenly wishing I had finished reading that book before handing it over to her.

"It will take a bigger sacrifice," she mumbled her gaze flitting away from me. "I'll need your blood, but there must be a sacrifice of flesh… of skin at least. It will cost something, but I can make it so no one but me can hear your mind."

"I don't know…" I hesitated, knowing how much she hated dark magic and knowing how easy the scale could tip the balance in the wrong direction.

"Do you want to live Severus?" she snapped, standing up from her crouched position on the floor. "Because this is the only real hope we have. There is no way we could make you a master occlumens before sending you off to tell this lie."

"What is the lie you wish me to tell?" I asked, trying to stave off her growing anger.

"It has to be good. It has to keep him form knowing about the prophecy as well as providing a legitimate reason for why you won't be going to Hogwarts, or at least make him more hesitant to send you," she said, tugging at her hair while she thought. "You have to tell him that Dumbledore ransacked your mind and saw your intentions. Tell him you were given an ultimatum, join the Order of the Phoenix or he would turn you into the ministry."

"And what will happen when the Dark Lord tries to look into my mind to confirm my memories and he sees nothing?" I asked quietly.

"That's the beauty of the way I will hide your mind," she said with a tired smile. "To hide your memories, the spell or I suppose it is a hex really, will show him what I want him to see. He will see a supposedly truthful representation of what you tell him."

"If you really want to do this, I will do it, but aren't you afraid of slipping up?" I asked her quietly.

"There's too much at stake to consider the fear," she said darkly. "I need to gather supplies, wait here."

I watched in confusion as she went into my potions lab. I could hear things moving about, and before I could really wonder what she was doing she emerged with a silver dagger from my supplies. She didn't even spare me a glance as she set it down on the coffee table, and then she sprinted up the stairs to what I assumed must be her bedroom. I listened to the sound of floorboards creaking while she moved above me, and soon she was hurrying back down the stairs. She set a black candle down on the table, and I wondered if that was the candle she had used for her last ritual.

"I need scissors," she said.

I left her standing next to the table looking edgy as I went into the kitchen. I pulled out the junk drawer and sifted through it until I found the beaten up old pair of scissor my mother had kept in there for as long as I could remember. I looked at the scratched metal and wondered what they would be used for as I went back to Hermione.

"Thank you," she said stiffly as I handed them over.

Then quick as a flash before I could even question what she was doing she grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled it taunt. The snick of metal coming together seemed far louder than it should have been as she cut off at least a foot of her hair. I stared at her in shock as she began winding the severed hair tightly together until it looked almost like a rope.

"Will you fix the cut for me later," she asked me quietly as she reached for my left hand.

"Yes," I said staring at her hair.

She'd managed to cut almost half of it with that one go and her hair was terribly uneven now. I had liked the way it curled just slightly on it's own, but now the part that was short hardly seemed to have much curl at all. It was almost as if she had killed something off by cutting her hair, but I didn't dare tell her that.

"This is going to hurt," she said softly as she wrapped the rope of hair tightly around my hand.

I was confused, did she think she'd wrap it so tightly it would hurt me. It didn't hurt at all. I didn't understand until she took the dagger in her hand once more. She maneuvered me so my hand was directly over the candle on the table, and then she lit the flame. While I was processing how close my hand was to the fire she took the dagger and she quickly split the palm of my left hand open. I hissed at the sensation, but she did not so much as look at me as she pressed her hair into the wound and allowed it to become coated in the blood that was rapidly pooling in my hand.

She was still silent as she closed my hand in a fist around the hair and the blood and then squeezed tightly forcing me to create a tight fist. My blood quickly began to drip out of my fist and she moved our hands so that my fist would cause the blood to drip onto the candle while she held it with both of her hands. Then she began to chant, and though it sounded like Latin I thought it might be an older language than that. The room seemed to grow cold around me as she chanted, but I was far more concerned with the sensation that my heart had slowed in my chest.

I tore my gaze away from the candle and instead watched her as she worked. There was no wind in the room her hair blew around her none-the-less while she chanted. Her skin seemed to almost glow as she wove her magic around me, and then I was no longer able to focus on her as chaos erupted in my mind. I was no longer in control of my own thoughts, and I felt them moving from one thought to another rapidly before everything in my mind seemed to go silent. It wasn't as if I could not think, but I had the sensation of standing in a cave. Sound echoed strangely and there was a darkness that I couldn't quite explain. I understood that my mind had become shuttered, and as my own memories became slightly hazy I realized the extent of her hex. It was true that only she could truly know my mind now, my own thoughts were not quite what they had been before. It was as if I were not alone in my head any longer even though I heard no other voice.

"It's done," she whispered and then she released my hand.

I unclenched my fist while she blew out the candle. The cut looked inflamed. It was almost as if it were infected even though it had only come into contact with her hair. Her hair looked rather disturbing coated in my blood. It had lost something as well. Before it had been lustrous and full of life, but now it was dark and clearly dead.

"We will burn that," she said taking it away from me. "You must not heal your hand Severus, it will interfere with my work. Let it heal slowly."

"Why did you use your hair?" I asked her while I watched her toss it into the fireplace, causing the room to fill with the rather unpleasant smell of burnt hair.

"The hex calls for a sacrifice of flesh." She said carefully. "I wasn't eager to cut out a piece of my body, and hair can technically fill the criteria as it is composed of flesh-like components and is an organic part of the human body."

"I suppose a haircut is the less barbaric option," I sighed, resolving not to think about the alternative.

"Yes, a haircut," she sighed taking the scissors off of the table and handing them to me. "If you would please."

She wasted no time before quickly kneeling down before me. I was presented with the very strange picture of her on her knees before me facing the fire while she patiently waited for me to cut her hair. I wasn't really sure what I was doing, but she seemed to trust me to give her a haircut that wouldn't completely disfigure her. I wondered if I should wet her hair first.

"Just cut," she instructed me calmly. "I'm only concerned with making it even, it will grow back eventually."

"Should it be wet?" I asked her awkwardly.

She sighed, but she quickly drew her wand from within her sleeve. With a quick wave her hair as well as the shoulders and back of her shirt were wet. I resisted the temptation of staring at the way the fabric clung to her skin and showed off the outline of her bra and I set to work. I worked methodically around her head, cutting her hair so that it was all the same length as the chunk she had already butchered. The only sound in the room was the gentle crackle of the fire before us and the snipping of the scissors. The pile of hair on the ground between us grew steadily until I was done.

When I was done her hair that had once stretched below her breasts now barely swept her shoulders. I don't know exactly what I had expected, but I was surprised by how much I liked the look of the cut on her. It highlighted the features of her face, and those features which had been so striking when I first saw her were much more appealing now that she had put on just a bit of weight. I wondered if it would be inappropriate to tell her what I thought.

"You look beautiful," I told her, deciding to take the risk.

"Do you think so," she asked, sounding terribly vulnerable as she looked up at me through her lashes.

"I do," I admitted, my voice going just slightly hoarse.

"Thank you Severus," she said bashfully blinking rapidly before she looked down and away from me. "I'll clean this up; you should put an antiseptic on your hand."

* * *

"What will we do if someone else tells him of the prophecy," I asked her as I fussed with black robes I needed to put on.

"Trelawny will have no recollection of having made the prophecy, so that leaves just you and Dumbledore to talk," she explained as she laced up her shoes. "He assumes you are doing the talking for him, so he will not say anything, and very soon the record of the prophecy will be gone."

"Is that where you are going?" I asked, wondering why she was dressed all in black and looked like she was preparing for something dangerous.

"Yes," she said as she ran her hand through her newly shorn hair. "While you are telling your lies I will be breaking into the ministry and destroying the evidence that could damn us."

"I should go with you. It isn't safe," I argued.

"What you are doing isn't safe either, and we can't afford to wait and let the Dark Lord's suspicions grow," she argued back. "I've been to the hall of prophecy before, it's easier if I go alone to destroy it."

"Will you try to be safe?" I asked her quietly.

She nodded.

"And will you wear the ring so you can make a hasty escape if you need to?" I pushed.

"That's brilliant actually," she chirped hurrying over to the dresser and digging the ring out.

I felt much better when the ring was firmly in place on her finger. I finally pulled my robes into place, tapping my hand against the mask hidden safely in the pocket. I wasn't sure if I should be wearing it when I appeared tonight. I hadn't actually been summoned, but I was going to the Dark Lord on official business. It felt best to have all my bases covered just in case. When I was fully dressed and ready to go I drew a deep breath and tried to calm myself.

"Good luck Severus," Hermione said quietly, and then to my surprised she stood up on her tip toes and kissed my cheek.

As quickly as she had leaned in she was gone. With a quick pop I was standing alone in her bedroom. I shook myself to regain focus and then I disapparated as well. It was dark outside the Dark Lord's mansion when I appeared and I couldn't help but think his home was very eerie. I let all emotion bleed out of my face and then I approached the wrought iron gate.

The black metal snake that barred my entrance reared up when I approached and hissed at me momentarily before it registered who was present. The emerald eyes glowed bright and then the snake slithered to the side and allowed the gates to swing open. I walked briskly up the main walk without taking the time to look at the well-manicured lawn around me. The gate had already apparently announced my presence within and the Dark Lord was standing in the now open doorway into his home with an expectant look on his face.

"My Lord," I said as I approached him. "I come bearing unpleasant news."

"You have taken longer than I expected Severus," he said stiffly as he stood aside to allow me entrance into his home.

"Procuring a meeting with Dumbledore proved troublesome," I said, bowing my head as I lowered myself onto my knees before him forcing myself not to jump at the sound of the door swinging shut.

"Let us not stand on ceremony tonight," he said sweeping me toward his sitting room with an annoyed gesture. "Tell me of your meeting."

I climbed back onto my feet and followed him in to the sitting room. He took a seat in the wing backed arm chair near the fire, and I dithered between choosing to stand or to sit in the very uncomfortable arm chair across from him. Assuming standing would get the same reception the requisite kneeling procured I took a seat and attempted to look comfortable in my own skin.

"I did obtain an interview," I said leading with the statement least likely to get me hexed. "But the interview did not go according to plan."

"Elaborate," the Dark Lord snapped.

"Dumbledore was hosting interviews at the Hogs Head," I explained. "He was interviewing a woman for the post of Divination ahead of me. Everything seemed to be moving forward in a normal procession, but when my name was called the headmaster no longer seemed to be in high spirits. He was formal while walking with me through the establishment to the private room he was using for the proceedings. As soon as we stepped inside the room he snapped the door closed and began attempting to interrogate me."

"What did you tell him," he pressed.

"Absolutely nothing my Lord," I swore. "However when I was not forthcoming with the answers he wished to hear, the headmaster performed legilimency on me."

I paused, realizing that an admittance of a lack in occlumency training would end in my being punished even though the Dark Lord already knew I had no such training. It only occurred to me now after accepting the task and having everything spin rather fantastically out of control that my once esteemed leader may have expected me to fail from the beginning.

"And what did he learn from his mental foray?" he questioned when I remained quiet.

"I have no mental shields to speak of my Lord," I said delicately. "He quickly discovered what my intentions were in seeking a teaching post. He immediately drew his wand and began making demands on me. He was rather adamant that if I wished to live I would switch side in this rising conflict."

"And here you are alive," the Dark Lord said icily. "What should I do with you Severus?"

"Hopefully reserve judgment," I said in a rush, fully expecting to be cursed before I could finish speaking. "I obviously denied his demands and I drew my wand as well. I did not go so far as to show him my mark, but I made sure that in no uncertain terms he knew where my loyalties lie."

"Did this confrontation come to the slinging of hexes?" he asked, looking genuinely intrigued.

"No, just when tensions were about to break the muggle-lover's brother interrupted our… meeting, to inform him that another candidate for the Defense post had arrived for his interview," I lied smoothly. "I took the provided distraction and abandoned the premises."

"Why then Severus has it taken you so long to get back to me?" he questioned.

"The headmaster attempted to follow me," I continued. "I did not wish him to know where I lived, and I certainly would not want to lead him to any place of importance to yourself or your followers, so I led him on a bit of a goose chase until I found somewhere to lie low. That was the day before yesterday. I spent yesterday in hiding until I was sure I was no longer being followed. When I was certain I made contact with you."

"So what am I to do with you now Severus," he sighed, apparently pleased enough with my explanation not to hex me, but that was about all. "You can be of no use to me as a spy if you are going to be so terribly obvious about it. What use are you?"

"Perhaps I am better suited helping to build up your supplies?" I suggested, realizing that I should have spent time with Hermione coming up with something useful and yet unhelpful that I could be doing for our enemy. "There must be things you need. I can get them for you."

"What I need is information Severus," he snapped, and I was all too aware of his wand sliding into his hand.

"I can get you information," I hedged quickly, wishing to avoid whatever hex he was contemplating throwing at me.

"And how are you going to obtain information on the order for me?" he drawled twirling his wand in his hand lazily. "You've already made it quite clear that you cannot be a spy."

"I cannot," I admitted shakily. "But perhaps there is another way."

"I am listening," he said, glaring at me.

"My wife is virtually unknown in this country," I whispered. "Maybe she could happen upon a known order member, and mention something along the lines of being troubled by the climate she has found in this new country."

"And when they ask about her husband?" he asked archly.

"It might behoove her to present herself as unattached while fraternizing with the enemy," I suggested.

"And is your wife trained in occlumency Severus," he asked, his left brow rising rather pompously.

"Yes my lord, she is," I lied.

"Crucio," he hissed.

I vaguely registered the fact that I had fallen out of my chair over the pain that was tearing through my body. I could taste blood in my mouth as I bit my tongue harshly to keep myself from screaming. I could not however keep my body from thrashing, and I knew I would have bruises tomorrow. Almost as quickly as it had started the pain stopped and I gathered what dignity I could as I pulled myself off the floor.

"Why on earth wouldn't you have her train you in the art of occlumency before attempting to spy on a known legillimens," he snapped.

"I did not discover that she was trained in such arts until after disclosing to her what had transpired in my failed attempt," I lied somewhat breathlessly.

"So you spoke to her before making contact with me?" he asked tetchily and my eyes zeroed in on how tightly he was gripping his wand once more.

"Yes," I said quickly and apologetically. "She met me where I was hiding to deliver my robes and mask in case I needed them this evening. We spoke briefly about why I was hiding in a cabin in the woods rather than coming home with her."

"Very well Severus," he side, sliding his wand back up his sleeve. "Bring her to me. I will want to test her mental shields before sending her off to do your job for you. You are dismissed."

"Thank you My Lord," I said, bowing my head before I stood.

"Oh, and Severus," he called after me as I was walking out of the room. "Do be of some use would you. I'd like to have Draught of the Living Death brewed for an upcoming endeavor."

"Of course my Lord," I agreed easily, and then I hurried away.

* * *

I hadn't been sure what reception to expect from Hermione when I returned to tell her the hole I had dug for her when I came home. I certainly hadn't expected to come back to find her holding a dish cloth to a bleeding head wound, and looking as if she had just been in a fight for her life. She turned tired eyes on me when I appeared in the room and pulled the cloth away so I could see the gash on her forehead.

"I didn't know if you kept healing potions anywhere other than in your lab," she sighed. "I could have just cast a healing charm on this, but it would likely scar that way and then we'd have to come up with a story for it. Do you have any dittany?"

"I do, it's actually in the bathroom," I said, taking the blood cloth from her. "Give me a moment."

I left her sitting where she was as I hurried upstairs to get what she needed. I hoped I wouldn't have to push too hard to get the story of what exactly had happened while she'd been at the ministry of magic. She hadn't so much as moved an inch when I returned to her side. I sat down on the coffee table in front of her and set to work carefully dabbing dittany on the wound.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"I did not expect there to be unspeakables present in the department of mysteries at this time of night," she sighed. "A potentially grave miscalculation on my part, though in the end it mostly played out in my favor."

I waited quietly for her to continue, again hoping I wouldn't have to drag the story out of her.

"They don't know my identity, and never got a good look at my face," she went on. "But my activities are very much likely to be in tomorrow's paper. I had to try and destroy the prophecy on the fly, as I had been discovered. The only way I could manage it was to destroy the shelf holding it. I destroyed about a hundred years with of prophecy orbs in the process and definitely sent one of their workers to St. Mungos."

"What did you do?" I asked, honestly confused as to how the situation could have escalated so quickly.

"I quickly cast a disillusionment charm on myself, but the guards still had a pretty good indication of my general location," she explained as her eyes drifted close in response to the sensation of me casting a healing charm on her forehead. "I panicked a little bit. So I threw a reducto at the shelf while I ran and it blew up the shelf. The shelf then fell, taking two more with it. One of the pieces hit me in the head, hence the cut, and one of the shelves collapsed on the workers that's in the in the hospital now."

"Will he make it?" I asked.

"I think he should be fine," she said with a guilty shrug. "There might have been some internal damage done by the weight of the shelves. I didn't realize it was going to cause so much damage. I think he'll be fine."

"It's just a shelf," I said quietly, realizing she was growing upset. "I'm sure the healers can patch him up right away."

"I hope so. It wasn't really in my plan to injure anyone," she sighed. "Enough about my mishaps though. How did things go for you?"

"It was a disaster," I muttered hoping off the table and going to stand in front of the fire so I didn't have to meet her gaze. "I was trying to avoid being hexed, and then I panicked for a moment. I honestly thought he was going to dispatch with me entirely. So I made… a choice to um offer an alternative to what I thought he was going to do…"

"Okay, it's okay. Whatever you did was okay," she said soothingly, and I almost turned back to face her. "You just have to tell me what you offered him."

"He needs someone who can spy on Dumbledore," I explained quietly. "And I no longer fit the bill using the story that he discovered my intentions via legilimency. I had to offer him an alternative."

"Just tell me Severus," she said quietly, and I looked back at her having to know.

I was shocked to see that she didn't seem angry at all. She seemed perfectly calm, but there was something in her eyes that said she already knew what I was going to tell her. It was odd, I expected her to yell at me or draw her wand on me or something equally unpleasant.

"I told him you would do it," I whispered. "He is under the impression that you are an occlumens and that you can hide your thoughts from Dumbledore while attempting to join the order."

"Okay," she sighed, her eyes drifting close while she thought. "Okay, we can make this work."

"He wants to test your mental shields before sending you to Dumbledore," I went on. "So he can be sure that you don't fail the way he believes I failed."

"How soon does he expect me?" she asked, her eyes still closed.

"He didn't request a specific time," I hedged nervously. "But he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"Okay…" she sighed. "I've read all about it. I have practiced the basics. I need to get a better handle on it before he tries to enter my mind. That could be a disaster."

"Can we do to you what we did to me?" I asked awkwardly, twisting the dish towel around in my hand nervously.

"It would require another flesh sacrifice." She pointed out. "I don't have much hair left to offer, and I'd rather not use actual flesh."

"You can use mine," I offered. "It might even be easier if my hair were shorter. Less shampoo or something."

"I guess yeah… you collect the supplies," she said distractedly as she tugged at her hair. "Yeah, it can work. We can do this."

* * *

Hermione had been drained by the resulting ceremony. I wasn't sure if it was because she was using such powerfully dark magic so soon after casting on me, or if it was because she was attempting to divert her magic to me. She still had to be the caster, I was no necromancer, but she couldn't leave herself as the person to know her mind or the Dark Lord would still be able to crack her. She had to direct the spell towards me, and perhaps that was what had caused it. She had nearly collapsed after casting it, and when I caught her when she stumbled I could sense that her thoughts were sluggish and labored. With simple touch I couldn't exactly enter her mind, but I was somewhat aware of her anyway. I wondered if she had the same sensation when she touched me.

I hadn't asked her though. Instead I had tucked her into bed and went to clean up the supplies. I began to wonder if her tiredness was something else, when I realized just how much blood she had shed during this particular ritual. Why did she offer such a large sacrifice? I grabbed the book from where Hermione had hidden it behind the other books on the shelf and retreated to my bedroom to attempt to understand why Hermione looked as magically drained as she did the night she completely depleted her infant self of magic.

* * *

Hermione did not wake with night terrors like she has the last time she had drained herself magically. She did not in fact wake the next morning like I expected he to. When I had gotten up for the day I anticipated running in to her in the kitchen with her cup of breakfast tea preparing for work. She wasn't there however, but her wand was still sitting on the living room table where she'd left it for the night before so I knew she had not gone to work yet.

I hurried back up the stairs and discovered that not only was she still sleeping she looked unwell. The blanket was twisted around her and her hair was matted down with sweat. She was normally a light sleeper, so I became a bit more concerned when she didn't stir when I sat on the edge of the bed and pressed the back of my hand to her forehead. Her skin was warm and a bit damp to the touch, but I did pick up a sense of those same sluggish thoughts when in contact with her.

"So, I'll just send a floo call to let your boss know you won't be in today," I said quietly as I straightened up her blankets.

When I tugged the sheet free of her hand I saw that it was stained with her blood and I again became concerned. I gently pried her hand open and I saw that the wound she had inflicted upon herself was still weeping. I knew I couldn't heal the wound or it would affect the spell, but I couldn't just let her keep bleeding either.

"Muggle route should be fine right?" I asked allowed, as if I were going to get an answer from her.

I shook my head and went to get an antiseptic and a plaster. She'd fisted her hand again by the time I got back to the room so she was bleeding on the fitted sheet as well. I joined her on the bed once more and pried her hand back open and began to massage antiseptic onto the slowly healing wound on her hand. I hurried to get the plaster in place before she could squeeze her hand again.

"Okay then, that's better," I told her sleeping form awkwardly. "I'll go make that call."

* * *

It took most of the day, but Hermione did eventually wake up and shuffle her way downstairs. I brewed a bit of peppermint tea and offered he a cup when she had settled on the couch bundled in a blanket. It seemed whatever was causing her to sweat so much had passed and now she was simply cold.

"Thank you," she said as she took the tea. "I obviously can't go see the Dark Lord tonight while I am still recouping my magic stores, but I think I should be well enough tomorrow."

"I don't understand why the spell drained you so much," I said. "I read up on the ritual, and while it should have been a bit more taxing to transfer the control to me, but it doesn't seem like it should have done this."

"Well it was a bit more complicated," she said, diverting her gaze. "By making it so only you could know my mind I created a back loop because I am supposed to be the only one who can know your mind. It drained me to create a sort of feedback loop for it, but as your magic compensates for some of the support I will regain my strength."

"How much of my magic will it feed off of?" I asked delicately.

"Not much at all really, the burden being dispersed between the two of us will ensure that," she said before taking a sip of her tea. "But you may feel a bit tired over the next day or so. It will pass though."

"Okay. I do wish you had told me about that," I sighed.

"Well I thought it was sort of apparent, given that we had already cast the spell on you," she snapped tersely before taking a deep breath to calm herself. "But you're right. I should have been more forward about it."

"It will work though won't it?" I asked her quietly.

"Yes, the lock I created cannot be broken," she assured me. "But there is the issue of the feedback loop. Which is why I think it's best you not be present in the room when the Dark Lord enters my mind. You may feel the effects and it would not behoove us for him to notice anything unusual in your behavior."

I nodded, wondering what it would feel like when he entered her mind.

"There is something else we can work on tonight though," she said setting her tea cup down. "I think we should work on eliminating the horcruxes that I was getting rid of in the future."

"That sounds like a great plan, do you know how to get rid of one?" I asked delicately.

"I do, but as it may very well be impossible for us to get our hands on the sword of Gryffindor, we are going to need basilisk venom. Can you get that?" she asked.

"Yes," I said as I thought about it. "It will take some time, but I have a contact I can request it from."

"Okay good," she nodded. "Next question. Does the Dark Lord own a snake named Nagini yet?"

"No he doesn't," I answered.

"That's good. That means there are only five for us to destroy." She said with a smile.

"Five!" I shouted before I realized how loud I was being. "He's split his soul six times?"

"Yes, and there is a chance of him doing it more before we finish," she explained calmly. "He wants the magic number of seven, so I am sure he is looking for something with enough clout to be used as the last one."

"What are the existing ones?" I asked tiredly as I ran my hands through my now quite short hair.

"There is a diary, the Peverell family ring, the locket of Slytherin, Hufflepuff's cup, and the diadem of Ravenclaw," she listed off. "The pattern suggests that whatever item he chooses next will have belonged to Gryffindor, but ideally we would kill him before he could create another one."

"If he is choosing items of importance, why would he choose a diary?" I questioned.

"I don't know if the diary was given to him by someone important," she said as she tapped her index finger against her bottom lip. "But it was made following his very first kill, so perhaps the importance comes from the death on that one."

"So we need to start finding these objects then," I nodded. "This is going to mean finding invites into his home. That won't be easy."

"Well you will have an opportunity tomorrow while he ransacks my mind," she sighed. "But they won't all be in his home. I think the diary will be unless he has given it to Lucius Malfoy already. We can address that later if you do not find it tomorrow, but for now I would like to focus on the one potentially most difficult one to obtain."

"Which would be?" he questioned.

"The locket." She said, sitting forward in her seat with an almost eager look on her face. "It can be much easier if you can answer this question however. Is Regalus Black still a death eater?"

"No," I said my stomach turning at the thought of what happened to him. "He is no longer… ah with us if you understand what I am saying."

"While that is very sad," she sighed scrubbing at her face. "But that should make it easier for us."

"How?" I questioned.

"Regalus figured out what the Dark Lord was up to," she explained. "And before he… you know… he stole the locket. It should be sitting on a shelf in Grimmauld place. So we need to obtain an invitation from Bellatrix. IT might be best if you pursued that invite."

"Yes… she does not like you at all," I laughed.


	9. Wade in the Water

_**Song for this chapter: All Around Me by Flyleaf**_

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**SPOV**

* * *

The time to test how well the hex worked in shielding her mind came far more quickly than I was ready for. Intellectually I knew we were going within 24 hours of making the plan, but emotionally I apparently thought there would be more time before the moment that could make or break us. Instead I found myself dressed in what was quickly becoming my standard of black robes with all black clothing underneath attempting to reign in the terror that was building in the pit of my stomach.

Hermione had gone to work, cool as a cucumber, earlier in the day and I hadn't a clue how she had managed it. All I could think about throughout the day was what we would be doing this evening, and somehow she had managed to spend most of the day thinking about what customer needed help with what and which book needed to be shelved where. I almost wished I could get a better sense of her thoughts just to know how she was keeping it together.

Hermione continued to look collected in the deep grey dress she was wearing, but I could see that she was still fairly depleted physically as well as magically and that only built on the fear growing in me. She was poised, but her eyes lacked a certain glimmer and something about her just screamed tired to me. I could only hope that the Dark Lord would not pick up on that, or if he did he would not think anything of it.

"So, we are agreed, that while he invades my mind, you will try to look around for the diary?" she asked me as she did something to her hair.

"Yes," I nodded as I pulled awkwardly at my tight collar. "Tell me again about its distinctive features."

"It's black, at first glance it looks like it's made of leather but it has a raised texture to it," she explained carefully even though I had already made her tell me this several times today. "I don't know what the material actually is but you'll recognize it when you see it. It has filigree ornamental corners. When I last saw them they were rather tarnished, but that was twelve years from now and after it had taken an unfortunate trip into the toilet, so they may not look that bad. The back will have his given name emblazoned on it."

"Full name, on the back, right." I nodded trying to calm my nerves.

"Stay calm," she said as she turned away from the mirror to face me. "The worst case scenario for tonight is that we leave without the diary. There are much worse things that could happen. Let's just keep our cool."

"The worst case scenario is that he somehow breaks through your mental defenses and discovers everything, or I am somehow caught looking for the diary and end up getting us both killed," I snapped, running my hand through my hair.

"Severus, if he were to break through my mental defenses we would both be dead," she said quietly.

"That is exactly what I am saying," I countered. "We could end up dead tonight."

"No Severus, what I mean is that the magic I used was so powerful, that we would literally have to be dead for it to fail," she explained. "Well one of us would have to be. That's what would break the loop I created."

"Something else could go wrong," I hedged.

"Yes, in any choice we make in life something could go wrong," she sighed. "You could trip on the stairs and break your neck. I could topple a bookcase at work and be crushed to death. There is a potential for lethal accidents in just about scenario we could devise. It's okay to be afraid of the potential for disaster, but you can't just hide from life."

"Don't preach to me like some sort of…" I snapped at her before it finally dawned on me what I found so familiar about her. "Oh Merlin you _were _a Gryffindor weren't you?"

"Why does that even matter?" she snapped at me before smoothing out her dress in agitation. "Yes I was in Gryffindor, and maybe I do buy into the idea of courage and bravery but that is not the entirety of who I am. You must understand where I'm coming from with that right? You aren't acting much like a Slytherin right now."

"Aren't I?" I quipped, trying to diffuse the anger I saw growing in her. "I'm thinking of my own self-preservation over that of my peers. That is a very Slytherin thing to do."

"Yes is it," she sighed before meeting my gaze and it was like a mask slipped from her features and she suddenly looked very afraid. "Look. I'm actually terrified to go do this, but I'm pretending to not be afraid to get through this. Do you get that?"

I could see her actively struggling to contain her shaking and I felt terribly guilty. I acted on instinct on took a step forward to close what distance there was between us so I could pull her into my arms. As soon as we were touching I could feel what way her thoughts were racing, and I was sure she could sense that from me as well. I chose to ignore that and to instead rub her back and attempt to sooth her.

"I get that," I whispered into her hair as I made a point to ignore the fact that I could feel her tears seeping through my shirt. "It will be fine. Nothing is going to go wrong tonight."

* * *

An hour later found the pair of us composed and standing on the Dark Lords front step waiting for him to welcome us inside. In the moment the door swung open I almost lost my composure, but I managed not to react though I felt Hermione stiffen at my side when it was Bellatrix Lestrange that opened the door.

"Hello there," Bellatrix chirped as if she were some happy house wife. "What brings the two of you here?"

"We have an appointment with the Dark Lord," Hermione said somewhat stiffly.

"Hmm. Yes now that I think about it, he may have mentioned that over dinner," Bellatrix said with a sickly smile. "I was just on my way out actually, but I will show the pair of you in first."

"Oh you wouldn't want to keep your fiancé waiting," Hermione said in her own sickly sweet voice as we stepped inside the house. "I'm sure we can find our way to the parlor on our own."

"Oh, Ruddie isn't expecting me home for another hour or so," she said with acid in her voice. "He's probably still drinking out drinking with Dolohov anyway."

An awkward silence fell as she led us into, surprisingly enough, the parlor where the Dark Lord was waiting for us. Hermione was surely thinking about the implications of Bellatrix being here alone with the Dark Lord, but I was more concerned with the implications of Rodolphus paying special attentions to Dolohov who had yet to take the mark.

"The Snapes are here my Lord," Bellatrix said with smile in place once more in place.

"Thank you Bella," the Dark Lord drawled from where he looking into the fire. "You may leave now."

"Thank you my Lord," Bellatrix said sycophantically as she backed out of the room, almost managing to hide her disappointment at being dismissed.

The Dark Lord turned from the fire to watch Bellatrix leave the room, and then he turned his gaze toward us. I immediately noticed that they were bloodshot but thought best not to mention it. Though I did wonder what he had been up to that would cause his eyes to look almost as if they were turning entirely red.

"Severus, I was only expecting one tonight," he said pointedly.

"Yes of course my lord," I said quickly, mentally gagging at how much I sounded like Bellatrix. "I'm only here as an escort to my wife. Shall I wait in the library?"

"That will be fine Severus," he said dismissively, turning his attention to Hermione.

I swallowed down the fear that was threatening to tear its way out of my esophagus in the form of a scream or perhaps vomit, and I walked out of the room. I had to trust that Hermione would be able to handle herself while I set to work on my own task. I stepped it up to a brisk pace as soon as the parlor door swung shut. I didn't know how long he would take and I needed to search essentially the entire house.

"Where are you headed in such a hurry Severus," Bellatrix asked me snarkily as she pulled on her cloak.

"Ah, you know how the Dark Lord feels about his secrecy," I lied quickly skidding slightly on the rug as I came to a stop in front of her. "I am supposed to wait in the library, and I didn't want any potential lingering outside of the parlor being misconstrued as eavesdropping."

"Very funny," she sneered. "You know the bathroom is in the other direction. You can be honest about needing the loo when it's just us girls."

"I do not need to tell you again that I am not one of the girls," I drawled as I subtly fixed the rug with the toe of my boot.

"Hmm, that isn't what Ruddie said," she laughed, and I had to shove down the urge to strangle her.

"Funny, I didn't think the subject of women was something he was familiar with," I snapped at her. "Do enjoy that charade of a marriage won't you?"

Without waiting for an answer from her I swept out of the room and continued on my way to the library. It was lucky I had left her company when I had, no sooner had I stepped into the library I lurched to the left and my vision faded out. Instead I was seeing rapidly flickering images that flew past my eyes with overwhelming speed.

It took about two seconds for me to understand. The girl I continued to see in the images became more and more recognizable as she grew older, and then I understood that I was seeing Hermione's memories. There was hardly time to wonder how the connection between us was causing this when I I had to try and work around the images flickering before me.

The time between each memory was just a fraction of a second, but I needed to try and find that diary if it was even here. My focus was torn between discovering that Hermione was apparently terrified of trolls, and looking for a book that didn't have a title on its spine crammed into the overloaded bookshelf.

I had no idea what the Dark Lord was seeing when he pilfered Hermione's mind, but I appeared to be seeing the thoughts she found most important to keep secret. In between my fleeting searches for the diary I caught glimpses of a much older version of myself storming around a castle, snap shot images of all the horcruxes that Hermione had described for me, faces flying by that I assumed to everyone she knew that was or would be involved in fighting against the Dark Lord, and oddly enough an image of my current self-sprawled across the bed sleeping without my shirt on.

There was a small break in the overwhelming flood of images and though I was now feeling a bit dizzy I took the opportunity to go through all of the books on the shelf. If I were to try and count the second I think I might have gotten a full thirty to look through all of the books on the shelf before I was bombarded with images again. I was able to determine that the diary was definitely not in the library, so I focused on navigating myself out of the room while viewing images of Hermione kissing a dark haired teen that I did not know, memories of stealing potion ingredients from my older self, and the very strange image of a young Hermione that was part cat.

I staggered slightly walking out of the library with the intention of looking into the guest bedroom across the hall and I caught a glimpse of Bellatrix, who had apparently not left yet. I tried to control any reaction I had to her presences and leaned casually against the doorframe. I had glimpses of her walking towards me that were split up with more of Hermione's secret thoughts that made me think she had no idea that I would be seeing these images. It was very hard to appear indifferent as Bellatrix stalked toward me while I was presented with images of what Hermione apparently found arousing.

"What are you up to you sneak?" Bellatrix hissed as I held firm to my casual stance in the doorway of the library.

"You've caught me Bella," I sighed through the images Hermione's mind was bombarding me with. "I'm standing in a doorway, how terribly suspicious of me, almost as suspicious as lingering around to spy on a meeting after attempting to cheat on your fiancé with the Dark Lord."

"You have no proof," she snipped, stepping far too close for comfort while I tried to continue breathing calmly.

"No perhaps I don't," I growled. "But I have a much stronger argument that whatever it is you are brewing up about my standing here in a doorway."

"I hate you Severus Snape!" she screeched at me, and as if she had broken some sort of spell my mind went blissfully quiet and there were no interruptions as I watched her storm away in a fit of some sort.

I was relieved to hear the door open and close this time announcing that Bellatrix had finally left. Thankfully she wasn't present to see me slump halfway down the doorframe as I was hit with another wave of dizziness and a strong wave of what was best described as exhaustion. In the distance I heard the door of the parlor open and I realized with a start that the Dark Lord must have finished with Hermione.

I drug my uncooperative body over to sit in the chair nearest to the bookshelf. I had just settled into what I hoped was a believe slouch that did not give away the fact that the room was spinning and my lunch was trying to make a reappearance in my lap. Hermione was trailing just behind the Dark Lord as they entered the room and if I weren't feeling so ill I might have quirked a brow at the visual of her pulling a very familiar dagger from within the bosom of her dress and quickly slicing her palm open before hiding the dagger away once more.

"Well Severus your wife has done very well in constructing walls within her mind," the Dark Lord boasted as she came to a stop just a few feet away from me. "I did eventually break through her defenses, but you'll be happy to know that her most vile secret is simply that she finds me quite attractive."

My eyes snapped to Hermione's as she hurried over to me. She gave me a meaningful look which I took to mean she would explain it later, and then she slid the hand she had injured into mine. She leaned into me as if she were whispering a secret into my ear, but I heard a slicing hex and bit down to control a wince when I felt the skin on my hand tearing.

"Well, if that is my wife's deepest darkest secret I am a lucky man," I said quietly to the Dark Lord while Hermione silently cast whatever spell it was she was casting.

"I think this is going to be a good fit Severus," the Dark Lord said, slipping into a dictatorial speech pattern. "Obviously if this is going to work she cannot be seen meeting with me. You will need to act as a intermediary for us. You will once again serve a purpose."

"Thank you my Lord," I said, rather than rising to the bait he had clearly thrown my way.

I couldn't focus on why he was trying to get me to slip up when I felt Hermione's skin growing warm against mine and her hand closing more tightly around mine. I could feel the pool of blood between our hands growing and I could only hope it wouldn't seep out from between our hands and draw the Dark Lords attention. What spell was she casting anyway?

"I'm feeling very tired after experiencing such powerful magic directed at me," Hermione said breathily as she leaned a little more firmly into my shoulder. "If it isn't too much trouble sir, I'd like to go home and rest."

"Yes, I think that is agreeable Mrs. Snape," he answered with a nod of the head. "I'll be expecting to hear from you about her exploits within the week Severus."

"Yes my Lord," I nodded, putting a steadying hand on Hermione's lower back as I stood.

I had put the hand there preemptively to steady myself, but I found that I was no longer dizzy or tired. Instead the hand proved to be just shy of enough to keep Hermione from staggering on feet. I wrapped my arm firmly around her waist to keep her from falling over and then watched in horror as our tightly clenched hands slid apart. I thought we were certainly about to be busted by the Dark Lord for whatever Hermione had done, but I was shocked to discover that not only were both of our hands free of blood with no visible wound.

"You really are tired aren't you sweetheart," I said soothingly as I helped Hermione to walk out of the room while supporting most of her weight.

"Hmm," she sighed tiredly stumbling a bit as I maneuvered her into the entrance hall.

I could hear that the Dark Lord was following us, and I wanted to get Hermione out of here before he could notice anything strange about her behavior. I offered a bow of the head to the Dark Lord as I pushed the door open and all but drug Hermione out onto the porch.

"How about slide-along tonight dear," I asked her quietly, still aware that the Dark Lord was probably listening.

"Yes please," she murmured leaning even more heavily into my side.

I held her tightly to me, and apparated us back to Spinner's End with disturbingly red eyes watching us. Hermione slumped heavily the second we appeared in our living room. I wasn't sure if I should try to pick her up and take her upstairs or lay her down on the floor, but she made the decision for me as she started pulling at my arms.

"Bucket, bucket, bucket," she moaned as I laid her down on the rug.

I quickly conjured a bucket for her but I was not quick enough and she got sick right there on the floor. I vanished the sick just in time before she collapsed in a heap on the ground and looked for all the world like she was about to fall asleep. I set the bucket to the side and kneeled down beside her to push her hair out of her face.

"Hey, what happened? What spell did you cast?" I asked her.

"You were going to pass out in the chair," she slurred tiredly. "I'd already proven myself to him… you needed to make… conversation."

"Did you expect something like that to happen?" I asked, shocked. "You had the dagger on your person already."

"Hmm… a possibility," she sighed and then her breathing grew much deeper and I knew she had fallen asleep.

I couldn't just leave her sleeping there on the floor, so I scooped her up into my arms and started making my way upstairs with her. I'd have to wait until later to get an explanation of how she had taken the ill after effects out of my person and into hers, and perhaps an explanation about what some of those memories I had seen meant. Of course when she awoke I would also have to tell her that I had been unable to find the diary while she was having her mind invaded.

* * *

Thankfully, unlike the last time she had cast necromantic magic, Hermione woke within an hour. She did seem to still have a bit of a sour stomach. I re-conjured the bucket an let her hold it while I sat beside her on the bed so we could discuss everything that had happened.

"I wasn't able to find the diary," I admitted quietly. "I don't mean to make excuses, but I wasn't able to see what I was doing very well with all of the memories that were filtering through."

"I had wondered if that would happen," she sighed as she leaned more comfortably into the pillows. "If you saw even a fraction of what I saw as he plundered my mind… I apologize, that must have been very uncomfortable for you."

"It wasn't terrible," I said awkwardly, shrugging in an effort to seem more casual but honestly feeling more awkward for having done it. "But the images were sort of all encompassing. So I only got brief glimpses as I tried to search for it."

"It's okay that you couldn't find it," she told me confidently. "I think his willingness to let you wander the house without any supervision, in fact essentially telling you to get out of his sight so he could work with me, indicates to me that he must have already given the diary to Lucius Malfoy."

"He gave one of his horcruxes to Lucius Malfoy?" I asked incredulously. "Why would he be so careless with it?"

"Well I think there are many different components to that answer," she said softly. "There's the fact that this isn't his only horcrux, so there isn't a total loss if Lucius somehow damaged it."

I nodded my head, waiting for her to continue.

"Then there is the fact that he is currently under the impression that the only person who could even suspect he might be making Horcruxes, and Horace Slughorn if much too much of a coward to open his mouth about that," she went on. "So his superiority complex comes into play there. And then there is the security of knowing that the people he gives these things to are so loyal to him."

"So he will give away more than one?" I asked. "Or has already given away more than one…"

"I'm not sure if he has given one to Bellatrix yet," she sighed. "And I don't know for certain which one it is that he gives her, but he does at some point, or has at some point given one to her."

"So potentially she has two of them then," I asked.

"Well technically I suppose…" Hermione pondered. "I mean she wasn't _given_ the locket, but it is in the home that she currently lives it. Though what the future was indicates that she never knew that because she left it there and it remained in the Black home for well over a decade after it was taken there."

"Okay, so there is one that we know the exact location of," I thought aloud. "So we could focus on that one. Or I could focus on procuring an invitation to Malfoy Manor so we can look for the diary there."

"I think that you should try to get an invite to the Manor… preferably over a weekend so we have more time to search," she nodded, staring off into space as she thought. "But before any of that happens I'd like you to focus on using your potions contacts to obtain basilisk venom."

"Okay," I agreed.

"I am going to see if I can get Bellatrix to invite me over for tea or something so I can snag the locket," Hermione mused. "But I also need to make it look like I have set up some sort of meeting with Dumbledore before the week is up."

"So you aren't actually going to meet with him?" I asked.

"I'd rather not ever do it, but I think I will have to eventually if we are going to make this work," she sighed. "But we can't manage it in a week, because Dumbledore would be far too suspicious to meet with an unknown factor so quickly. But we can't fail to provide information on a meeting to the Dark Lord or you will be punished. I just need some time to come up with something."

"Well, I still have to give Dumbledore some sort of story about what happened when I gave the prophecy to the Dark Lord," I pointed out. "I could try to bridge the topic of you speaking with him."

"Yes. Yes!" she chirped suddenly looking very excited. "I have a great idea about that."


	10. You Bring Me Closer

_**I have had some really great reviews on this story that have brightened my day on multiple occasions, so I have decided that if I reach 500 reviews on this story, I will reward the 500**__**th**__** reviewer with a one shot story about Hermione... and... Fred of their choosing.**_

_**Also, I may have gotten drunk off of an entire case of Mike's… by myself… before writing this… I'm sure I will regret it in the morning….but it's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooo fun now **__** what is that?**_

_**Also… sorry for making you wait again. I got caught up reading **__**A Child Without A Name by .lily**__** It's very good… so um yeah…. Sorry that I got distracted.**_

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: Suggestions by Orelia**_

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

I hopped up out of the bed excitedly dumping the bucket Severus had conjured for me onto the floor, but the world spun precariously around me before I could say anything else. I slumped back toward the bed, and Severus caught me quickly before I could fall onto the floor.

"Woah there," he said lightly. "Maybe you should take it easy for a bit."

"Good idea," I sighed shuffling back into the bed, and attempting to ignore the way my body made contact with his as I drug myself out of his lap. "I thought I was feeling better… but perhaps I need a bit more rest."

"Rest is a good idea," he nodded. "I think I will also brew you a strengthening solution in the morning so perhaps we can avoid having this happen the next time you use one of these spells. Though I think perhaps we should try to limit how frequently you use them."

"I'm fine Severus, just a little tired," I grumbled.

"I haven't noticed an issue yet, but using Dark Magic has an effect on the soul and on the human body," he said quietly. "Magic like what you are using can't remain free of any consequences forever."

I felt my temper flare up at his words, but I stamped it down as quickly as I could and evened out my breathing in an effort to erase the flash fire rage that had built up in my chest. Just that effort was exhausting, and I found myself slumping into the pillows more heavily. Severus delicately wrapped the blanket around me once more, and I couldn't help but smile at the idea of him tucking me in.

"Do you want to talk about the memories I saw?" he asked quietly.

"Hmm… which ones?" I hedged, letting my eyes drift closed as I shifted over to lean against him.

"Honestly all of them," he said quietly, his voice rumbling gently beneath my ear even though my head was on his shoulder. "It's as if you already know my life story, but I hardly know very much about you."

"What do you want to know Severus?" I asked him, my anger draining the rest of the way out of me in the wake of his curiosity.

"Why are you terrified of trolls?" he asked quickly.

"I'm not _terrified_ of them…" I quibbled. "I just don't like them much… after my friends… who weren't exactly my friends at the time… inadvertently locked me in the bathroom with one."

"They did what?" he gasped, lurching out of his slouched position to face me.

"They didn't know I was in the bathroom," I explained. "Well, I think they must of known I was in _a_ bathroom, as Ron had made me cry not much before then, but they didn't know it was _that_ bathroom, and they were just trying to trap the troll that had been set loose in the castle."

"Why did this Ron make you cry?" Severus wondered.

"It was stupid," I said, actually having to fight of a laugh when thinking about it after all this time. "He was going on and on about me being a nightmare and not having any friends."

"Sounds like a ponce," Severus said as he settled back into a slouched position beside me.

"Yeah sometimes," I sighed wistfully missing Ron even when thinking about what a jerk he could be sometimes.

"Why do I look so horribly mean in your memories of me in the future?" he asked quietly.

"By the time I would have gone to Hogwarts, you had been a spy for more than a decade," I explained softly. "You'd also suffered the loss of your dear friend, and all the guilt associated with that happening. I think it would be enough to make anyone angry, though sometimes I think you took more pleasure in verbally thrashing students than was strictly necessary."

"I do love a well-structured insult," he shrugged.

"Well, you certainly know how to deliver a pointed barb," I laughed, my mind inexplicably wandering to his comment about my teeth in my fourth year and stealing the air right out of my chuckle. "You only ever really turned that acerbic tongue on me once, but it certainly left an impression."

"What did I do?" he asked softly.

"Draco Malfoy had hexed me so that my teeth so the front ones grew to be a foot long," I explained quietly. "I'd always been self-conscious about my teeth, they were a bit big, and you said that you saw no difference. It was hurtful, but it did give me the motivation to finally get them fixed with magic."

"So I am also a ponce," he said with a dark chuckle.

"Yeah sometimes," I laughed.

"Who was the dark haired boy you were kissing?" he asked me, and I was amused to see that he was blushing a bit.

"His name was Viktor Krum," I explained with a tiny laugh. "He will eventually be one of the youngest professional quidditch players in the league, joining the Bulgarian team while he's still in school. Assuming the timeline hasn't been altered too much, you could make yourself quite a bit of money placing a bet in the'94 World Cup that he will catch the snitch, but his team will lose to the Irish. Just don't bet with Bagman, he's completely crooked."

"You were dating a Quidditch player?" he said with a quirked brow. "I didn't really have you pegged as the type."

"We never really dated per say," I shrugged. "I was his date to the Yule Ball, and uh… he was my uh… first kiss actually. It was kind of disgusting really. He basically slobbered on my face. I imagine that is what it would feel like to kiss a dog."

Severus laughed then, and it was such a deep throaty chuckle that I couldn't help but smile. It warmed something in the middle of my chest to watch him laugh so fully at the mental picture he was seeing at my description of kissing Viktor. Without really thinking about it I leaned my head down onto his shoulder and laughed with him. The laughter slowly faded away and we were left essentially cuddling in my bed. It probably should have felt weird, but I was oddly comfortable.

"Why do you have a memory of me sleeping half undressed?" he asked quietly.

My cheeks flamed red and I immediately buried my face in his chest, letting the fabric of his shirt hide how terribly embarrassed I was.

"The other night I woke from a nightmare, and I went into your room…" I mumbled into his shirt. "I don't know why, but I thought you'd be awake. But you were sleeping… so I just sort of stood there for a while. I know it's weird. I'm sorry."

"You can wake me up you know," he said softly, and to my surprise he slipped his arm around me and cradled me against his chest.

"You just looked so peaceful, I couldn't wake you." I sighed, enjoying the warmth of his embrace.

"What about those other things," he asked very quietly, as he began to run his hand through my hair, as if he was trying to distract me from my embarrassment so that I might actually answer. "I assume they trickled through because the Dark Lord was seeing the falsified images that you found him attractive. But the things that you do find attractive were intriguing, if confusing when delivered in flashes. Black silk, parted lips, a bare back, work roughened hands, a red candle, and what I thought might actually be my hands on your back."

"Severus," I breathed into his chest. "Please… I can't sit here and have an intellectual discussion about what I find arousing."

"Was it my hands," he whispered, his hand tightening just slightly in my hair.

All I could do was nod carefully. I found I had no voice to reveal that something about our relationship was shifting for me, but I found also that I could not lie to him about it. So I let him know that his touch had caused a reaction, and I prayed that wouldn't send him fleeing from my room. To my relief, he just nodded as well and continued to run his fingers through my hair as we drifted into a surprisingly comfortable silence.

* * *

**Universal POV**

* * *

Severus parted ways with Hermione at the entrance to the Hogs Head. He went inside, and she continued on to the Gladrag's without either realizing they were being watched. They were blissfully, or perhaps terribly, unaware of the woman with unruly black curls who had frozen on her journey to Dervish and Bangs to observe them.

They disappeared into their respective businesses without knowing that Bellatrix had abandoned her own shopping to slip in between two buildings and watch the door of the Hogs Head with suspicion. Her spying was almost immediately rewarded when she witnessed Albus Dumbledore approaching the pub as well. If they had been looking they might have noticed the triumphant look that appeared on the lurker's face when she realized that her inability to trust Severus had actual basis.

She snuck across the lane, rather suspiciously if anyone had been watching, to peak into the dirty window on the side of the pub. On first glance the sight before her eyes was not immediately suspicious. Both men were seated at the bar, but there were several empty stools between them. When she glanced into the clouded mirror above the bar however she saw that they were speaking. If one man's lips were not moving, then he appeared to be listening, if somewhat distractedly.

The entire situation smacked of betrayal to her. She had been under the impression that something had happened to make it impossible for Severus to be around the old codger, and yet here the pair of them were in a pub together. And then his wife was supposed to be spying on Dumbledore, and yet she was off buying new robes and not interacting with him at all.

Still, she found she didn't want to take this to the Dark Lord. She wanted to tackle this on her own, and deliver a broken traitor to her master like a cat would a mouse to it's owner. So she did not enter the pub, and she did not apparate to the Dark Lord's mansion. Instead she walked calmly away from the pub and continued on to Dervish and Bang's as if nothing out of the ordinary had taken place. She only just missed Hermione emerging from her own shop with a curious look on her face as she watched the mop of black curls dance in the wind.

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

I didn't dare mention it to Severus, but the inclination to simply use necromancy to control every problem that was developing on our journey to destroy all of the horcruxes was very nearly overwhelming. At first I had been reluctant to even try it, and now I found that it was my first instinct whenever a problem arose. I needed to know for certain if the diary was at Malfoy Manor, then wouldn't it make sense to offer a small sacrifice to get the answers I wanted?

I needed an invite to the home of Bellatrix Black, then why didn't it make sense to manipulate her desires with a bit of necromantic voodoo? I could feel myself slipping, and I had no idea what to do about it. I hadn't wanted it, and I had been certain I could avoid it, but I had been wrong. It felt as if the very fabric of my being was twisting somehow, and that terrified me. Sometimes I just felt very cold, not only physically, but as if my emotions were shuttering. And when they weren't shuttered, there was this rage that threatened to consume me. The only thing I found myself feeling that didn't carry the taint of the dark magic, and settled my worried soul in a strange way, was the emotion surrounding my shifting regard for Severus.

He had long ago ceased to be the stern professor in my eyes, and I now saw him in a strikingly different light even if I found myself unable to just tell him how I felt. And because of those burgeoning feelings for him, I was terrified of giving him any inclination of how the situation was spiraling out my control. I wanted desperately for him to respect me, and I didn't think it was possible for him to do that when I was slipping. I wanted him to like me, or perhaps more, and he had been so open and honest about how he had come to detest the dark arts and everything that surrounded them, so I just couldn't say anything. I couldn't speak a word, and yet I wanted to shout it at him, because he was the one thing that seemed to pull me back when I was losing my grip.

* * *

I had expected a long and trying process in attempting to win over Bellatrix and somehow get Severus and myself invited to her home. I spent more than one evening scheming up ways to even contrive a situation to run into her accidentally. But then the evening after I had caught a glimpse of her out shopping in Hogsmeade an owl arrived with a letter from her addressed to me.

It was short and to the point. Without any intervention on my part, she was inviting me over for tea. I didn't know what to think about it. She seemed to hate me, and yet she was inviting me to her home. But then, she was only inviting me. Was she honestly interested in getting to know me, or was this some sort of trap. Should I expect to be jumped the moment I entered her home? IR was she actually making a gesture of friendship? I didn't know what to think.

"What does the letter say?" Severus asked anxiously, drawing me out of my reverie.

"Bellatrix would like for me to come over for tea." I said quietly, looking up from the letter.

"She wants you to come alone?" he asked carefully.

"Yes, it says that her social group is devastatingly devoid of female company that isn't related to her, and she would like to get to know me better," I quoted a line from the letter. "I'm not even sure she even wrote it honestly. That doesn't sound like anything I would ever hear come from her mouth."

"She's completely insane, but she was brought up like a proper pureblooded lady," Severus shrugged. "I don't necessarily trust her, but knowing that she's been pushed by Narcissa on multiple occasions to be more friendly with women I don't actually find the invitation completely shocking."

"So I should go?" I asked, afraid to make the decision myself.

"I don't think we will get a better opportunity," he answered plainly. "She always takes tea in the drawing room, so you won't even need to come up with an excuse to put you in proximity to where you said you thought it should be."

"And if it's a trap and she's planning to kill me?" I squeaked, voicing my fear.

"We'll send you with a portkey in case the wards keep you from apparating, and we leave the rest up to your reflexes," he suggested. "I think she would be less blatant if this was a plot to kill you though. It would be easy for me to trace it to her because of the letter."

I was about to speak, but then he winced and gripped his forearm and my mouth went incredibly dry. I attempted to reign in my terror so I wouldn't make the situation worse for him and instead offered him a wobbly smile. He forced a smile onto his features for me and released his tight grip on his hand.

"I thought perhaps I should have gone to him last night when I already knew that Dumbledore was interested in meeting with you, and had believed that I could not work with him because I am now heading up the investigation into the prophecy… supposedly." Severus sighed. "But alas I appear to have taken to long, and now I am being summoned."

"Be safe," I whispered.

"I will do my best," he said with another somewhat forced smile, and then he swept away to fetch his death eater robes.

* * *

I had sat on tender hooks waiting for most of the evening for Severus to return. It had been just before dinner time when he had been summoned, and then it was hours past when I had eaten a lonely meal of beans on toast while sitting on the kitchen counter that he had finally returned. He looked exhausted and a bit shaky when he slumped into the chair near the fire, but other than that appeared to be in one piece.

"The Dark Lord was rather displeased with the results we provided to him," he sighed as he removed his heavy robes. "He rather expected that with a full seven days to work we would have been able to easily move you into the Order of the Phoenix without suspicion."

"Well that's a bit idiotic," I grumbled as I slid off the couch to sit at his feet and help him remove his boots when I saw the way his hands were shaking.

"He does have a penchant for assuming everyone is far less intelligent then he," Severus sighed as I pulled the first boot off. "Thank you."

"It's nothing," I shrugged, setting to work on the second boot. "So, when you told him that I had managed to procure a meeting with Dumbledore, and broach the subject of my displeasure with of the climate I discovered upon arrive in England, he said what?"

"We he at first didn't believe that was all you had accomplished," Severus explained as he slumped back in the chair and let his eyes drift closed. "There was a rather grueling interrogation process to discover that I wasn't lying. I'm amazed he did not consider using legilimency to determine if I was lying."

He didn't say it, but I could tell by the shaking of his hands, and the way he wasn't saying it, that he had been crucioed. I didn't know what to do to help him with the after affects, so I simply sat at his feet, offering him what comfort I could with my proximity, and waited for him to continue.

"He eventually did believe me, and he said to forward his displeasure on to you," he breathed. "I will not be doing it in the way he wished, though I did promise to give you a firm lashing. Instead I will just tell you, he expects another update in a week, and in such time you should have at least gathered some information on the order even if you are unable to infiltrate their ranks at such time."

"I will give you whatever information I need to in order to keep you from being put in such a situation again," I promised as I lurched up onto my knees and took both of his hands in mine. "I'm so sorry Severus."

"You did not cast the spell," he said dismissively. "And I agreed with the logic that you would be unable to make such progress in a small amount of time. The fault lies only with a mad man."

"Is there anything I can do to help with the shaking?" I asked him softly.

"No," he groaned as he pulled himself up out of the share, stepping gracefully over his boots where I had left them on the floor. "I'd just like to take a hot bath and fall into bed."

"Okay," I said, standing by that chair, drowning in the guilt over what he had gone through tonight. "Okay."

* * *

Severus had still be in bed the next morning when I dressed for tea. I peeked into his room before leaving, but he was sleeping soundly so I did not tell him that I was leaving. Instead I smoothed out the skirt of my dress one last time, and then I followed the instructions given to me in the letter from Bellatrix and I flooed into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place.

Her instructions had been very specific, so I assumed there was some sort of spell, perhaps even a Fidelius, that should in theory keep me from being able to find the house I was preparing to visit. I managed not to stumble when I emerged in the kitchen that should be unfamiliar to me, but I did still end up with soot on my dress. I had just drawn my wand to deal with the soot when the kitchen door swung open revealing a woman I only recognized from a painting.

"Kreacher, do deal with the soot for our guest," she demanded, and only then did I notice Kreacher lurking in the corner. "Hello, dear. Bellatrix told me to be expecting you."

"Hello Mrs. Black," I said, bowing my head in what I hoped would pass for respect while I did my best to ignore the house elf fussing with the skirt of my dress. "Have I arrived too early? I was expecting to meet Bellatrix here in the kitchen."

"She had a quick errand to take care of," the woman explained. "She asked that I show you to the drawing room, and she will me you there shortly."

"Thank you," I said with a smile as she led the way out of the kitchen and along the path that I was very familiar with. "You have a very lovely home."

"Hmm yes, it used to be taken care of to a better degree before both of my sons abandoned their family," she snarked as we climbed the stairs. "I imagine it must be a disappointment compared to your family home back in Italy."

"Oh no," I assured her as sweetly as I could. "My mother is very fond of the Tuscan look, which I find very tiring. It is refreshing to see a more tasteful color palate in use."

"Well thank you dear," she said, and it came out sounding like a terribly twisted version of something Molly Weasley would have said. "If you'd like to just wait here in the drawing room, I have a project that needs attending to right now but I will be with you shortly."

"Thank you," I said with another nod as I walked into the drawing room and made it seem as if I were going to go sit in a chair while the door was swinging closed.

As soon as I was alone in the room I walked over to the shelf full of dark trinkets. For one moment I began to worry that Kreacher hadn't yet given up on his task to destroy the locket, but then I saw it. A shriveled and shrunken head was sitting in front of it, but there was the locket with the strikingly familiar serpentine S on the front.

I took a quick look back at the door to make sure it was still firmly closed, and then I snatched the locket off the shelf. Then moving as quickly as I could I threw it over my neck and tucked it away under my dress where it would be most easily hidden within my cleavage. I shifted the chain down so it was obscured by the collar of my dress, and then I put extra effort into appearing casual.

Almost immediately I felt the surge of dark thoughts that I knew were being drawn up by the locket, but I quickly stamped them down. I was more prepared to deal with the influence of the locket than I had been when we first began wearing it in the tent, but it still shook me to be so close to something so dark. Even my own growing darkness was quelled by the locket around my neck.

It felt too easy, to have been left alone in the drawing room, to find the locket within seconds of entering the room. What was taking Bellatrix so long anyway? Why wasn't her mother more concerned about leaving me unattended in their home? Did she assume that I was a death eater, and give me space because of that? Surely if I were a death eater she should be more worried about leaving me to my own devices.

I cast a tempus charm and saw that I had been waiting for Bellatrix for five minutes, but that did nothing to ease the nerves that were roiling in my stomach. I couldn't explain it, but something just felt wrong. There was always the possibility that locket was influencing my paranoia, but something told me that I should leave. I hurried over to the door with the intent of calling Mrs. Black back to tell her something had come up and I needed to return home only to discover that the door was locked.

I drew my wand and worked quickly through every unlocking charm that I knew to no avail. The door would not budge. Suddenly Mrs. Black's dismissive behavior was much more troublesome to me. She was involved in some sort of plot against me, and Bellatrix had to be in charge of it. I drew deep breaths in an effort to quail my rising panic and I lifted my wrist up so I could better see the charm bracelet we had turned into a portkey.

I pulled on the little ballet shoe charm and the entire bracelet was illuminated in blue light. I felt a tug behind my navel, and then I was whisked out of the drawing room and Grimmauld place. My feet landed on the carpet of the living room in Spinner's end, and for just one moment I felt relieved that I was safe, but then my world came crashing down around me.

I could smell blood in the air, and I heard screaming that I would know anywhere despite the fact that I had never heard it before. Severus had to have been in utter agony to be making those sounds, but beyond them I could heard someone enjoying his pain. My blood ran cold when I heard that terrible laugh and I knew that Bellatrix was in our home and she was killing Severus.

I flew out of room, following the sound, and found them in Severus's bedroom. His bed was in tatters, and everything was covered in his blood. He was hardly even moving anymore as he screamed and Bellatrix crouched over him with her wand. Something snapped in me, and a dark spell from the very back of the book was on my lips before I could even question it.

I drew my wand and used it to first slice open the palm of my hand. I made no sound as I approached the bed as I would only get one chance at this. I drew my wand through the air in a slicing motions, and I actually smiled when the skin on her calf split open. She shrieked in page, turning with a look of rage on her face. I quickly reached out and slapped my hand down on the wound making sure that our blood mixed together. She attempted to draw her wand on me but I quickly hit her with a stinging hex. I had my wand pressed to her throat and I could feel the rage boiling up in me, tempting me to cast the killing curse right then, but I'd already laid the ground work for a much darker end for her and I wanted it so badly I could taste it.

"Run," I ground out in a voice that I didn't recognize and then I shoved her away from me and onto the floor away from Severus.

She didn't disappoint, she turned on the spot apparating out of the house. I was left kneeling on the bed with my body curled over Severus protectively and his blood seeping through the silk of my skirt and coating my knees. My chest was heaving as I tried to get my breathing under control once more, but then Severus groaned in pain and I realized there were more pressing issues that how I was going to fillet Bellatrix.


	11. Take You Under

_**Song for this chapter: Bones by Ms Mr**_

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**Universal POV**

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The heat began to withdraw from the room as a darkness settled in Hermione. The windows frosted over, and puffs of breath hovered in the air above her mouth and the mouth of Severus as she set to work. Her movements were jerky but efficient as she drew her wand over him. First she vanished the blood that coated his skin, and then she methodically began to heal each wound she found when the blood blossomed on his skin once more.

Severus slipped from consciousness with one last moan of pain, but Hermione hardly heard him as he focus grew and the pupils in her eyes began to dilate due to prolonged exposure to black magic. In direct conflict with the way the room was growing frigidly cold Hermione's skin was growing dangerously warm, but she paid it no mind as she summoned potion vials from downstairs into her waiting hands.

She climbed off of the bed and levitated Severus into the air so she could check his back for injuries. It seemed to have been entirely neglected by Bellatrix, though Hermione showed no sign of being grateful for this. In fact she did not appear to feel any emotion at all as she lowered Severus back onto the bed and began pouring potions down his through. She was careful with his unconscious body, but she wasted no time in giving him a blood replenisher and a pain potion. She poured a bottle of strengthening solution from the batch he had made for her down his throat and then she unstoppered the jar of burn past she had summoned.

She liberally coated it onto the brilliant red burn that was spiraling out from the center of his chest. When the burn and any chest hair that had survived the curse were completely obscured by the orange paste she considered her work done. She set the jar down on the bedside table and wiped the excess paste off on her dress. She was left standing next to her unconscious companion with her skin slowly flushing pink as she over heated, her pupils dilated to the point of obscuring her brown irises, and orange smudged on her dress above the blood soaked hem. She spared Severus one last glance, her hand constricting tightly on her wand before she spun to the left and disappeared with a loud crack.

* * *

Hermione reappeared in the only wizarding cemetery she had ever seen, and a wind that hadn't existed before her arrival kicked up as she stalked her way through the graves. She felt no fear of this next dark step into necromancy that she was about to take, only a mild curiosity over which grave she should rob for her sacrifice. She did not want to crack open a grave of someone that had living relatives that would cause he problems, but she also did not want to desecrate the grave of an ancient powerful wizard either.

In the end she stopped before the grave of Edwin Booth. She spared a glance at the headstone that told her he had died on February 13th in 1883, decided he was of no consequence and then she closed her eyes and channeled the power that was buried deep within her. She held her hands out over the grave and she began to shift the earth beneath her.

Clouds rolled in to hide the sky as she tore the earth asunder. The grass withered under her attentions and the dirt rolled away from itself as the long buried coffin rose to the surface. An all-encompassing darkness fell in the cemetery as the coffin came to rest at her feet, and though no one could see her now Hermione looked very much changed. Her eyes had been taken over completely by the blackness of her pupils and a light sheen of sweat was covering her pink flesh as she leaned forward to wrench the lid off of the coffin.

Only she could see in the fabricated darkness as she reached inside this man's final resting place and tore the skull from atop the rest of his skeleton. With her right hand she held the moldering bone to her bosom and wither right hand she directed the coffin to recede into the ground once more. The darkness held as the ground repaired itself leaving a flat expanse once more, though it was now devoid of grass and would likely still draw attention to itself should someone visit the graveyard before the grass could grow in once more.

Hermione's control over the darkness began to waver as she turned her attention to the skull she held. She needed the sacrifice of a dead wizard to compete the spell she was now working, and now she had it. An eerie smile came over her features as she used her wand to cleave open the hand that held the skull allowing her blood to flow freely over it. She stowed her wand, focusing solely on her necromantic powers as she quickly warmed the blood that was coating the skull.

She knew that already the blood she had smoothed over the wound on Bellatrix's wound would be responding to her offering. It would be heating within her body as it invaded her circulatory system, and it would even now be weakening her foe before she reached her. Hermione laughed darkly as she focused on that blood and where it was residing. It took much of her concentration but she managed to apparate herself directly to the source while still clutching the skull that served as her necromantic offering to whatever demon held control over the particular spell she was working.

With another crack of power she appeared in Grimmauld place once more, at the foot of a bed where dear Bellatrix sat desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood from her leg. Her black eyes shot up to glare at Hermione at the foot of her bed, and what little color she had drained from her face when she saw the sight before her. Hermione's hair was still blowing in an unearthly wind, but even as it swirled around her face it could not hide her eyes obscured by black or the manic grin on her face.

The young girl who had fallen through time no longer seemed to exist as she was taken over by the dark witch clothed in a blood soaked dress and dirt covered shoes clutching a bloody skull. She began to whisper in an ancient language that Bellatrix did not recognize, and the fear building in her took off at a sprint when she felt her body betraying her. She fell back against the bed as she grew too weak to hold her up. She grew more and more pale, though her body seemed to be growing incredibly hot while the dark witch chanted at her.

The blood on the skull erupted into flames and Hermione did not so much as flinch as she held the burning skull in her hand and advanced up onto the bed so she could kneel over Bellatrix and look into her eyes as her life was taken from her. Bellatrix could not make a sound as all of her strength was drained from her, but there was no mistaking the terror in her eyes as the worst of the spell began. Her very flesh began to separate itself from her bones as every vein in her body burned with the tainted blood that was flowing through her. Her blood began to soak the both of them as veins burst from the pressure created within them. Bellatrix's mouth fell open in a silent scream, and Hermione mere continued to chant as she pressed the now unrecognizable burning lump of what had once been bone and blood into the chest of her victim.

As the flames were extinguished against the still form that had once been a powerful witch the red tint began to recede from Hermione's skin. The heat left her body, having been used up by the spell that had broken apart the human being before her, but in its wake was a terrible coldness. There was no expression on Hermione's blood splattered face as she slid off of the bed, and drew her wand once more. The spark of humanity that had once been present in her eyes was nowhere to be seen as she threw open the bedroom door and went in search of the woman who had thought to help her daughter in her plans to kill Severus Snape.

She did not so much as flinch when the door smashed into the wall and cracked the plaster. Her feet hardly seemed to touch the floor as she stalked after her prey, seeming almost to float along the hallway. If it weren't for the blood foot prints she left, there would be no evidence that she had even walked there.

"Bella is that you?" a female voice called from down the hall, terribly unaware of the fact that she was drawing her death closer with each word. "I wasn't expecting you home so soon. Weren't you to go see the Dark Lord after your meeting with Snape?"

Hermione followed the voice to its source and found it issuing from behind a door just before the stairs. She moved silently this time, and opened the door to find the older woman seated at a vanity running a silver handled brush through her hair as if she hadn't a care in the world. The woman was staring at her own reflection and had not yet noticed that the temperature in her bedroom was dropping rapidly.

"That meeting didn't go according to plan," Hermione said in a deadly voice, and Mrs. Black's head snapped around to look at her.

"How did you get out of the drawing room?" she croaked, doing her best not to react to the blood soaked demonic looking woman who was blocking the only exit.

"You don't really think something as trivial as a door could stop me do you?" Hermione whispered as she stalked forward with her wand leveled at the woman's heart. "I would ask how stupid you are, but truly your stupidity knows no bounds if you think I will not do anything about your assistance in the plot to kill Severus."

The woman's mouth flapped like a fish as she struggled to find the right words to say. Her mouth snapped shut when she realized there was none, and instead she attempted to lunge for her wand which was sitting on the trunk at the foot of her bed. She never had a chance; Hermione was more than twenty years younger than her with reflexes honed by the war. She darted forward and took the wand in hand with an evil grin on her features.

"What did you think you were going to do with this?" she laughed as she snapped the wand in two and gripped the pieces tightly in her hands. "Surely not attack me. You wouldn't want to do that would you Mrs. Black?"

"No… of course not," the woman stuttered breathlessly. "I would never attack you."

"No. No you certainly won't," Hermione sighed before quickly casting a petrifying charm on the woman so she could not run from her.

Mrs. Black went rigid on the bench in front of her vanity and Hermione quickly closer the gap between them. She gently pushed the loosely curled hair out of the woman's face and tucked it behind her ear. She saw the terror grow in the woman's eyes when she was close enough to see her eyes and feel the coldness of her skin, but that only served to please her more. Hermione was entirely over taken by the darkness that had been boiling up within her for so long as she took the broken halves of the wand in her hand and she thrust them into the chest of her victim.

There hardly seemed to be a bit of her that wasn't covered in blood now as the life force pumped forcefully out of Mrs. Black and onto Hermione. If it weren't for the petrification the woman would have collapsed onto the floor long ago. Hermione did not have the pity to release her from such a curse as her death swiftly claimed her, but she did tap into the rage that had plagued her for weeks as she kicked the bench out from under her and watch the woman smash into the unforgiving floor.

With one final burst of inspiration she held her wand to her throat and used the unintentional sacrifice she had just made to power the up until now unheard of spell that allowed her to alter her voice to sound exactly like that of a young Sirius Black, though she had never heard the sound of it.

"Kreacher!" she bellowed in a familiar male voice. "Clean up the house and all evidence of what has happened here."

Hermione cast a disillusionment over herself just as the crack that announced the arrival of Kreacher in the room rent the air. She looked on without emotion as the house elf wailed at the sight of his dear mistress slain before him. She was almost amused as she watched him attempt to fight the compulsion to remove the evidence of what had happened. The elf tried, but he failed, for he believed he was following the orders of his last living master.

"When you are asked what happened here, you will say that your mistresses were killed by the Order," she instructed in Sirius's voice, and the elf immediately began looking for the source. "Is that clear?"

"Yes Master," the elf wailed as he continued his work.

* * *

Hermione released the spell, allowing her voice to return to normal. Her revenge had been taken, and though she could not seem to think beyond the rage and the coldness that flowed through her she managed to apparate herself back to Spinner's End. Her appearance was silent this time, though that did nothing to keep from drawing attention to herself as she came into existence in Severus's bedroom once more. The man in question had awoken, and though he was still in bed his full attention was on the thing he could only describe as a creature of death that appeared before him.

"Hermione?" he called in shock, hardly able to recognize her beneath the blood and gore or the entirely black eyes and hair that was now matted down with sweat.

She did not respond to him, simply swaying on her feet and instinctively reaching for the locket that was hidden in her dress as she stared at him.

"What have you done?" he asked her as he stood shakily from the bed.

Hermione still did not respond to him as she jerked the horcrux up and out of her dress. He froze staring at it, but she continued the upward motion and pulled the offending locket over her head in one swift movement. The world shifted in the moment that the horcrux came free. The blackness in her eyes began to flicker in and out of existence, and Severus was jolted where he stood when she began to scream. The locket fell to the floor on one side of her, and her wand on the other. Her scream died on her lips and her eyes rolled back into her head as she let the soul deep weariness of the magic she had been using overtake her and her body slumped toward the ground.


	12. Head in Your Hands

_**I know, I know. I leave it on a bit of a cliffy and then I make you wait a week for the update. I am horrible. Hopefully this chapter will make up for it even if it is a bit short.**_

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_**Song for this chapter: Dead In The Water by Ellie Goulding**_

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**HPOV**

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"Can you hear me Hermione," a deep voice broke into the heavy silence that had been permeating the air around me.

I managed to drag my eyes open and found I was laying on the floor of Severus's bedroom and he was looking at me with concern. For one brilliant moment I was confused, and then what I had done came crashing down on me once more and I stopped breathing. There was a part of me that thought I should be crying, but I couldn't. It felt as if there were nothing inside of me except the bone deep cold that had taken the place of the terrible heat, and the horrible crushing unnamable emotion I felt when I thought of what I had done.

"I need you to breathe," he said softly as he placed his hands on either side of my face and made me meet his gaze. "Tell me what you've done."

"I," I choked, finally sucking in a breath, my eyes burning with the tears that were desperate to come but wouldn't fall. "Oh God, oh God."

Now that I was breathing, I couldn't seem to regulate it. My chest burned as I sawed breaths in and out. I felt dizzy and I was panicking. I tried to pull away from Severus, attempting to claw off the bloody dress that felt like some sort of trap. The tears that had been threatening to come finally fell accompanied by a terrible moan that I was shocked to realize was coming from me.

Even more of a shock was when Severus leaned forward, pulling me tightly too him and pressed his lips against mine. The grief filled sound died on my lips, and as the shock of what he had done settled upon me my body went limp. I stopped fighting him and attempting to claw myself. I was distracted by the blood on his lips when he leaned back, but I let myself cry and I let him hold me.

"I'm sorry, I thought that would be effective in shocking you out of it without being as abrasive as to slap you," he explained quietly as he held me against his chest and attempted to sooth me. "I need you to tell me what you did."

"I killed Bellatrix," I whispered into his shirt. "And her mother."

"Oh Hermione," he groaned, and though I could sense that he wasn't judging me I knew that he was terribly pained by what I had done. "How?"

"I used the blackest of necromantic spells on Bellatrix," I whispered unable to complete stifle the rage that swelled up in me at the thought of her, though it was quickly drowned in remorse. "I killed Mrs. Black with my bare hands. I broke her wand in two, and I used it to pierce her heart."

I was disgusted with myself when I heard the words said aloud. I could no longer hold onto the fog that had been hiding most of my emotions from me. Tears fell freely down my cheeks as the deep and terrible regret for what I had done welled up within me like a great balloon in my chest. It was hard to breath around the storm of anger, pain, sadness, and self-disgust that were overpowering me.

"I know it hurts," he whispered as he crushed me against his chest. "But hold onto that remorse. It's the only thing that will keep your soul from fracturing."

I was terrified of the very thought of a piece of my soul separating from the rest. How had I gotten here? For essentially the entire time I had been a part of the wizarding world I had been fighting to rid the world of evil such as Voldemort, and somehow I was becoming just as dark. I certainly hadn't split my soul into eight parts, but it was possible that my actions today had split it into three pieces.

I receded somewhere in my own mind as I attempted to process the guilt and remorse that was washing over me in great towering waves. I thought at first that I was simply imagining water on my skin as I equated this feeling to a time when my family had vacationed in Majorca and I had gotten caught by a particularly nasty group of waves while body surfing. Like this grief, those waves had pounded down on me threatening to drown me. Like then I could barely gasp in air, but it was not because of a wave this time.

Vaguely I understood that my face was indeed wet, but I was hardly able to process what was happening to my body. My vision was not truly impaired, but it seemed to be through a tunnel that I saw Severus wiping my face with a wash cloth. I struggled up from within the depths of my mind and I thought perhaps I should be embarrassed to find myself dressed down to my skivvies and seated in a tub of water that was slowly turning red as Severus scrubbed the blood from my skin.

I was incapable of feeling embarrassment beyond the emotion exploding within my chest. Any embarrassment I might have harbored was eased away by the way his thoughts slowly trickled through to me and they held nothing but care and concern. It soothed my soul to understand that he not only cared for me, but was not afraid of what I might have become. As I slowly began to think more I regained more of my internal balance and I became aware of the fact that Severus was humming quietly to me as he worked.

"I'm cold," I murmured to Severus as I became aware of the sensation on my skin.

"I can't heat the water any further," he said as the humming broke off. "It's near boiling already. I think you must be in shock. Let's get you out of this tub and into something warm and dry."

With his help I stood up out of the tub and took the proffered towel into my hands. I stood on the bath matt dripping somewhat awkwardly while my arms hung limply at my side. Severus looked at me in concern but seemed at a loss for what to do.

"Could you bring me clothes," I whispered. "So I could take these off?"

His cheeks colored a bit as I gestured to my soaking undergarments, but he held his composure and nodded to me before hurrying out of the room. Somewhere beneath that remorse that kept tears streaking down my cheeks, I felt relief that I had worn black undergarments that did not reveal me further when doused with water.

I peeled them off of me and without a second thought I threw them directly into the trash. I was not surprised to see that Severus had already thrown my ruined dress in there as well. I couldn't bear the thought of those tainted clothes on my person ever again. Even just seeing them in the closet would upset me. So I turned my back on the discarded clothing, and I quickly dried myself before wrapping the towel around me to hide my body. I had just covered myself when Severus knocked lightly at the door.

* * *

Severus has provided me with clothing and I had dressed in it quickly before joining him in the hallway. I hadn't realized until stepping into the hallway and having him wrap me in a blanket just how badly I was shaking. He led me then into my bedroom and shuffled me into bed and shuffled me under a stack of blankets that had not previously been present in my room.

"Please stay with me," I begged him when he turned to leave. "I know I must repulse you after what I've done, but I so desperately need to be held."

"I was just going to get you some dreamless sleep," he said as he turned back to look at me.

"I don't want to sleep," I sighed. "Please Severus."

"For a moment," he told me softy as he climbed into bed with me. "But then you need to take the dreamless sleep. I am concerned that you haven't fallen asleep yet, the dark magic you used should have drained you. I'm worried about a backlash."

"Please," I begged once more, hardly able to process what he was saying as I shook with the cold and the weight of the emotions still crashing through me.

Those seemed to be the magic words. Severus pulled me against himself. I was relieved that he had changed out of the shirt that had been soaked through with the blood from my clothing and into something that was dry and smelled liked him. I tucked my head into his neck and breathed his scent deeply into my lungs as I clung to him desperately.

My tears slowly dried and the shaking stopped as the smell of him calmed me. I continued to breathe it deeply into my lungs and I found that all of the emotions that had been drowning me slipped away. As the weight in my chest disappeared I found myself snuggling closer to Severus. He rubbed my back soothingly, and I couldn't seem to stop myself from peppering feather light kisses along the column of his neck. I felt him shiver, and a slight moan escaped his lips before he pulled as far away from me as he could manage when I was clutching so desperately to him.

"Hermione, we shouldn't do this," he groaned.

"Please," I sighed, pushing off the blanket that was wrapped so tightly around and shifted myself until I was straddling his hips and continued to trail kisses up his throat.

"You aren't in your right mind," he moaned, unable to hide the shiver that went through him when I pressed my hips down against him.

He was unable to speak further as I titled my head up and claimed his lips. My world reduced to simple sensations at that point. I could feel the heat of his body mingling with mine. I could taste a flavor that I instinctually knew to be Severus as I slipped my tongue into his mouth and let it mingle with his. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, and still I was surrounded by the pleasing scent of herbs and rain that I knew to be Severus.

The next sensation I registered was the feelings over his hands on either side of my face. I thought he was joining in the burgeoning passion that was overtaking me, but then I felt suddenly cold when he pulled my face away from his. He was panting as he held me at bay, but I could see a pained expression on his face and I knew I would not like what he was going to say.

"This is the backlash of dark magic I was talking about," he ground out, still breathless if in complete control of his faculties despite the fact that I was grinding my hips against him. "I am going to get you a dose of dreamless sleep, and we will discuss what to do next in the morning."

Just like that I was shunted to the side and wrapped tightly in the blankets without Severus to hold me. He wrapped me so well that I could not move my arms. I felt the cold returning to me as a sense of imprisonment burrowed into my psyche but I said nothing. I simply watched as Severus fled from the room, only to return moments later with a potion vial in hand. He pulled the cork and held my head carefully as he poured the potion into my mouth. I didn't want to take it, but I had no other choice but to swallow the potion if I wanted to continue breathing. I sighed as the potion began to drag me under, and the tension in Severus's face softened. The last thing I saw before my eyes fell closed was Severus reaching out to run his hand through my hair.

* * *

When I woke the next morning Severus was sitting in a chair beside my bed. There was a tea service on the nightstand and he had a cup in his own hands as he sat there. I got the impression he had been watching me sleep but I was unperturbed with that. I was more concerned with the memories of what I had done the day before. Images of the murders I had committed mingled with flashes of my assault on his person and I felt so horrible that I wanted to claw my way out of my own skin.

"I'm so sorry," I groaned as I struggled out of the blankets to sit up.

"Think nothing of it," he said quietly from behind his cup of tea. "You were not entirely in control of yourself last night. Your necromantic powers were clearly overwhelming you after being exerted so forcefully."

"I don't know what's happened to me," I moaned, hiding my face in my hands. "I think the darkness must have taken me over completely. I didn't want to fight the urge to touch you and kiss you like that. The idea that it could be wrong never even crossed my mind. It's still here. I think perhaps you should lock me up, or banish my powers somehow. I've gone around the twist."

"You would not be able to speak logically with me about it if you had truly gone around the twist," he said quietly and I heard the gentle clinking of his cup of tea being set down on the table. "Will you look at me please?"

"No Severus," I moaned, as tears filled my eyes once again, and I burrowed under the blankets so there would be no way I would be able to see him. "You should banish me, or kill me, or turn me over to the order and have them kill me. I'm just as evil as the Dark Lord."

"Hermione, don't you understand?" he said softly, and I felt the bed dip down beside me. "You feel this way because your soul is mending itself, and you felt the way you did last night because your inner darkness was fighting to keep those pieces separated."

I attempted to burrow away from him under the blankets but I found there were no longer any blankets around me. I peeked out from under my tousled hair and saw that he was edging his way onto the bed with me once more. I shied away from him, but he carefully pulled me against him and held me tightly. I again became aware of the fact that I was shaking, though this time it had nothing to do with shock, and everything to do with the emotion that was welling up in me.

Severus held me tightly, with his body curled around the back of mine, and I sobbed wretchedly. My throat ached and my eyes burned as I cried, but somehow it felt better to get it out of me. I felt tethered to reality with Severus holding me as firmly as he could, and yet I felt untethered entirely as the last of the darkness that had been slithering through my soul slipped out of me with my tears. I was aware of what I had done, I regretted it with all of my being, and I was slowly regaining the ability to think beyond the pain. As the tears dried and I grew quiet once more I heard that Severus was humming to me again.

"What song is that?" I mumbled as I relaxed into his embrace and allowed him to simply hold me rather than restrain me.

"It is an old lullaby," he murmured into my hair. "My mother used to sing it to me when I was very young. She sang it to me in the original Latin."

"Do you know it in English," I asked in a whisper.

"Yes," he chuckled into my hair.

"Will you sing it to me?" I begged him.

I was surprised when he did begin to sing. I felt the rumble in his chest against my back as his deep baritone voice began to fill the room around us. It was almost as soothing as his words.

"_Hush now child. Don't you cry._

_Wipe the tears from your eyes._

_Have no fear for am near._

_I'm here, right by your side._

_Go sleep now in peace._

_Your dark nightmares shall cease._

_If you still cry,_

_Hear my soft lullaby._

_Hush now child."_

"That's beautiful," I sighed as I turned in his arms and tucked my head under his chin. I breathed in his sent and allowed it to calm me once more as the last of the tension that had filled my body bled away. I let go of the tenuous hold I held on consciousness as Severus wrapped his arms more securely around me and simply held me.

* * *

_**If you want to hear the song I was referencing when Severus sang you should use the following URL (just take out the spaces). It is the lullaby from Pan's Labrinth by the way.**_

_** www. youtube. com watch ?v=kwtUolkbFKU**_


	13. I'm Losing My Mind

_**You should all read Unquestionable love by CRMediaGal, it is fantastic.**_

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: Gold Lion by Yeah Yeah Yeahs**_

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

I must have slept for a full 24 hours by the time I got out of bed. I was dead to the world, so I could not know for certain, but I got the impression Severus had stayed with me the entire time. He was there holding me as I drifted off in the wake of his lullaby, and he was sleeping soundly with his arm wrapped around my waist when I awoke in the early morning light.

My heart still felt heavy with remorse, but I found I was able to function once more. And with a clear head came the realization that I had to work today. I'd already missed a day not very long ago while I recuperated from my use of necromantic magic, and I didn't dare do it again. I rolled onto my back, ever so carefully pushing against his arm in an attempt to break his old on me so I could get out of bed. Severus did not wake, but instinctually apparently he pulled me more tightly against his chest in his sleep. I was tempted not to fight him off when he nuzzled my hair in his sleep and let out a mall contented sigh.

"Severus," I said softly, regretfully needing to wake him up so I could get ready for work. "Severus, I need to get up."

He groaned, and stretched languidly, pulling just a bit closer before he opened his eyes groggily. He looked confused for a moment, but then he looked down at me and the corners of his mouth tilted up just a bit.

"You look better this morning," he said in a gruff voice that was still full of sleep as he pushed some of my hair away from my face. "How are you feeling?"

"More collected," I answered honestly, unable to resist leaning into his touch. "I need to get up and get ready for work though."

"Are you sure that's the best idea?" he asked quietly.

"Everything needs to appear completely normal," I sighed. "Any deviation from our normal routine could draw suspicion towards us, and you know the Dark Lord will be up in arms over the murder of his concubine."

"You're right," he sighed. "I imagine we will all be summoned when he discovers what happened. I'm surprised he hasn't already."

"He's unlikely to notice anything is amiss until she fails to show up for a summons or one of their trysts," I whispered as my eyes drifted closed as another wave of guilt crashed over me. "I can't think about that now though. I need to go to work, and you need to get that Basilisk venom."

"I actually have a meeting with a less than admirable supplier to procure it this afternoon," he said as he tangled his fingers in my hair and looked at me with a confused and somewhat calculating look on his face. "I'd rather not think about that now. In fact all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you."

"I got the impression that you weren't interested in my kisses," I said, ducking my head when I felt an embarrassed blush climbing into my cheeks.

"I'm very interested in your kisses," he said quietly, tilting my chin up so I was forced to meet his gaze once more. "I just want you to want to give them to me. I don't want you to pounce on me while under the influence of a backlash of the blackest magic."

"How do you know all of my actions aren't motivated my necromancy?" I whispered.

"It's not always easy to differentiate, but when you are acting under the influence, it appears just that way," he explained as he rubbed his thumb soothingly over my cheek. "You seem unclear, unfocused, and out of your own control. When you re choosing to do something of your own volition, you seem collected and give off the appearance of having really thought about what you're doing."

I didn't know what to say to that. I hadn't realized just how intimately he had come to know me, and it was so at odds with the man I had once knew. Everything I thought about him was at odds with my past. I did want to kiss him, and I never would have wanted to kiss the Snape of my time. I found now though that I didn't mind the thought of him watching me, and I wanted to continue waking up beside him as peacefully as I had this morning.

Any thought on how his presence soothed me was put to a halt when Severus leaned forward and lightly pressed his lips against mine. It was different that the rushed fumbling kisses that I hardly felt through the haze that had filled my mind before. I felt a jolt of mingled surprise and pleasure as his soft lips touched mine. When his lips began to move I could only move with him, prolonging the spark that I felt until I felt my heart begin to race. It was short and sweet and held far more feeling that anything we had previously shared.

"That's what I would have wanted our first kiss to be," he whispered against my lips before kissing me lightly one last time and then backing away to give me space.

"I'd like to do so much more of that," I said breathily. "But I really do need to get ready for work."

"I will be here brewing when you return," he said, offering me a smile.

* * *

I'd dressed in my most professional looking outfit of trousers, blouse, and jacket and gone into work. I'd had to use transfiguration again to pull off the jacket, and it was nice not only to be using my wand again for magic, but also to be doing a purely innocent spell. Mr. Blott had been happy to see me, and I found the smile I offered him in greeting was only partially forced.. I was equalizing.

I settled easily into cleaning up the children's book section. It had apparently been a very popular section over the weekend as it was in complete disarray. I was rather glad to have situated myself so near the door, when I realized I would have gone without warning if I had been working in the back like I typically did. As it was I was kneeling not far from the counter when Albus Dumbledore waltzed into the shop and began to speak with Mr. Blott.

If I hadn't known that Severus had mentioned that I was working at the bookstore during his meeting with Dumbledore, I might have thought his appearance was a mere coincidence. I knew to be suspicious however when he entered into a casual conversation with Mr. Blott about how business was going. I continued to organize the shelf as if I were not listening, but I was very aware of the conversation as it turned to me and Dumbledore was very careful not to betray his interest too eagerly. It occurred to me when Mr. Blott spoke of me as Hermione Granger, that I had not the slightest clue what Severus had told him about my name.

I continued to organize the shelf, with my thoughts racing through my head, as I listened to his even footsteps approach me. I could hear the sound of his cloak sweeping the floor, and one of those lemon drops clinking against his teeth. I focused on keeping my breathing completely even as I settled on the lie I would tell when he asked, praying that I wouldn't contradict something Severus had said.

"Excuse me miss," he said politely and I turned away from the bookshelf with a smile plastered on my face. "Could you help me find a book on Divination?"

"Absolutely," I said, continuing to smile rather than reacting to the fact that he was smoothly directing me to the most remote part of the shop. "Is there a specific book you are looking for?"

"I'd like a more specific glossary of tea leaf formations than the one I currently own," he said jovially, but I watched his eyes harden a bit once we were inside the half obscured book section.

He dropped the conversation about a book he clearly wasn't looking for immediately and drew his wand. I watched him with a furrowed brow, doing my best not to react to it as he swished his wand through the air. I caught on quickly to what he was doing as he cast a notice-me-not and a silencing spell. So clearly he would be saying something that was confidential while here in the bookshop.

"I was rather surprised to hear Mr. Blott refer to you with your maiden name," he said somewhat stiffly as he turned his probing eyes on me. "Did you not see fit to notify him of your marriage?"

"Nice to meet you as well," I said somewhat stiffly, unable to completely tramp down the surge of anger that I was coming to understand was the darkness growing in me. "When I first inquired about the post here I was not yet married to my husband. The notification of my name change would have come rather quickly after it happened, but then circumstances changed for Severus changed and he approached me about working with you as he would no longer be able to do so properly. It was my understanding that the name of Snape does not have the best standing amongst your peers."

"It would perhaps make certain members of the Order suspicious of you if you were to introduce yourself as a Snape," he conceded kindly, though his eyes still stayed hardened. "I find your name altogether interesting however. I can find no record of you here."

"Well I am not from England," I pointed out softly. "I don't imagine there would be much paperwork in relation to me."

"You speak with an English accent." He pushed.

"Yes, my parents raised me abroad as they traveled frequently," I explained, fleshing out the story Severus and I had already decided on. "My nanny was from Bristol however, and I think I took after her a bit with my speech patterns. There is however a record of me in Italy if you are terribly concerned with my pedigree."

"Yes, Severus explained to me that your family has a long proud history of pureblodded ancestry," he said somewhat stiffly. "How do your parents feel about you marrying a half-blood?"

"Honestly?" I asked, fighting not to show my surprise at how familiar that question felt though I was not in the presence of a death eater. "Blood status was hardly a concern when it came to our pairing. My parents wanted to know that I would be well provided for and that I would be happy. Both requirements were met, and thus they are pleased. As am I."

I realized then how defensive I felt of Severus and my burgeoning feelings for him. This marriage was a sham that we were presenting as well as we could, but suddenly I realized how much I hated the idea of someone doubting that we cared for one another. I wasn't ready to marry him by any stretch of the imagination, but I certainly cared for him more than anyone in our social circle seemed ready to believe.

"And if you were to be inducted into the Order, what would you say in defense of your husband should the subject come up?" Dumbledore questioned with a quirked brow. "You said yourself that there are people who are not accepting of the name Snape."

"Well I would be introducing myself as single and under the name Granger," I sighed. "While I believe in the absolute good within my husband, I would not orchestrate a situation where I was forced to defend him to anyone in the Order as his worth has absolutely nothing to do with stopping the dark forces slowly taking hold in this world."

He seemed stunned by my clinical answer but he quickly hid it. Instead he stared me sown with his shrewd blue eyes and I felt that he was scanning me. It took only a second, but then he slipped within my mind. Immediately I saw the memory of Severus and I planning out the story of our marriage, and I knew he must be seeking out the truth in our marriage. I was saddened to see that he clearly doubted us, but reassured that he was seeing whatever it was he needed to see to prove our love to him.

His mental touch was much more gentle as he sifted through my mind, and yet I felt more violated than I had when the Dark Lord was in my mind simply because he had not asked my permission or given any real warning about what he was doing. I stood firm and as calm as I could as he looked through more memories. I could only guess from him forcing me to relive the day I stumbled through that archway that Dumbledore was investigating how Severus and I had even met.

I reached out to grab onto the nearest bookshelf to steady myself a bit when the memories started flashing more rapidly through my mind. I saw my childhood home, my parents, my years at Hogwarts, and so much more. This man was thoroughly investigating my entire history, and I was immensely glad that Severus and I had hidden our thoughts so thoroughly because there was no way the feeble occlumency shields I had developed while on the run with Harry and Ron would have held up to this onslaught. If it weren't for magic presenting exactly what Dumbledore would need to see to believe my story all would have already been lost.

"Very well," he said softly as he withdrew from my mind causing me to lurch forward at the sudden tugging on my bearings. "The next Order meeting is tomorrow night. Our location is secret kept, so I will appear outside of this shop tomorrow evening to escort you. I will be disguised to look like a young blonde man in a green jacket in case any of your husband's friends are out shopping."

"Please don't do that without warning again," I panted as I tried to regain my breath and fight down the urge to vomit. "I'm glad you have eased your own mind, but that was a bit of a violation Mr. Dumbledore."

"Please call me Albus," he said with a smile I was once familiar with returning to his face. "I am truly sorry for the intrusion, but I had to be sure of your loyalties before putting my entire operation in jeopardy."

He seemed to be the sweet older man that ran the school I thought of as my home away from home, and it was almost enough to make me forget how callous he was. I wanted to believe this man would not sentence a family to murder, that he truly was good through and through but I knew better now. He was terribly flawed at best and truly evil at worst. Still I managed to offer him a smile that felt believable.

"I understand Albus," I nodded though I did not understand this man anymore. "Should I perhaps provide you with a book on divination as that was the story used for why you came into the shop today?"

"I think I will find something else," he said with an almost cheeky smile. "I've never been very fond of Divination."

I almost choked at the thought of it, but I manage to turn it into a chuckle at the last second. I was struck by the irony of him essentially saying he put no stock in the predication of the future, when he was attempting to gamble so much on it. My mind immediately spiraled into a debate on whether he was simply trying to control fate and drive the Dark Lord to his end, or if he honestly didn't believe the prophecy and was simply attempting to facilitate a devastating mistake in the actions of his enemy. I was left to debate it in peace as the man swept away from me and pulled a book off a nearby shelf at random as he made his way to the front of the shop.

* * *

Severus was waiting for me in the living room when I returned home from work, and I could see it clearly on his face that he was excited about something. He was not brewing like I had expected him to bed. Instead he was standing in the middle of the room with that bloody necklace dangling from one hand and black glass vial in the other.

"I've got it Hermione," he said with a soft smile. "I've been waiting for you to get home so we can destroy this thing."

"Do you want to do it?" I asked him softly, not quite able to look at that locket when I thought of what I had done while I had it on.

"I thought it would be more cathartic if you were to do it," he said quietly reaching out delicately to present the locket to me.

"I don't want to touch it," I whispered, my lower lip starting to tremble as the emotions boiled up in my chest.

"You won't have to," he shrugged, pulling his arm back. "I'll set it out on the table, and you can do the rest."

"Do you think we should do it in here?" I asked as he crouched down by the coffee table. "This is probably the room we spend the most time in, and any number of things could be released when we destroy the locket."

"If I understand what I've read about Horcruxes," Severus said quietly. "Nothing that may or may not come out of that locket is tangible. It should not do any damage to the room or leave anything behind."

"Other than memories of what it said or did," I mumbled dejectedly.

"If it would make you feel better we could do it in the kitchen," he suggested, and though he was being polite I could tell he was simply trying to placate me.

"I suppose this room is fine enough," I whispered and he set the locket down on top of the marble slab I had only just noticed sitting on the table.

"The vial has a dropper in it, and I have an antidote on hand," Severus explained as he handed over the black glass container in his hand. "But please take care not to get any of the venom on your skin. The pain it causes when it burns through your skin is rather intense."

I nodded my head and lowered myself onto my knees beside him. I noted that the vial of poison felt warm in my hand before I turned my gaze on the locket. It was strange to see it sitting there on his potion ingredient cutting board locking insignificant and innocent when in reality it was the most dangerous thing in the room. I considered it to be even more dangerous than the powers that simmered under the surface of my skin.

"Alright let's do this then," I sighed as I unscrewed the top of the bottle.

I felt comforted by the quiet support Severus offered to my left as I took the tiny dropper out of the vial and let my hand hover over the locket. My eyes locked on the vivid blue venom within the instrument. The drop was threatening to fall without my consent due to how badly my hand was shaking. I lowered my hand to an inch above the locket and I allowed a drop of the venom to finally fall.

There was a soft hissing sound as it burned its way through the outer shell of the locket, and for one moment I thought that would be all. I was just heaving a sigh of relief when I saw the tendril of black smoke begin to seep out of the tiny hole. The pace at which it emitted from the locket increased rapidly and soon the air before me was obscured with a large black cloud.

My heart started to race in my chest as I remembered what Ron had described happening when he had destroyed the locket. I was expecting to see some image of my horrible murder of Bellatrix, but instead amongst the black cloud the shimmering silver image I was presented with was my own face.

"_Why do you continue to pretend that there is any good left in you?"_ my own voice sneered at me, though there was a coldness in it that was never present in my actual voice. _"Everyone can see that you are truly evil. There is no way for you to hide it anymore dear little Hermione."_

I reread back as if I had been slapped in the face, and I nearly spilled the remaining venom all down my front. My hands were shaking even more and the image of myself laughed darkly at me as I tried to control myself. I jumped in surprise when I felt a warm body press against my back and the Severus's hands came into my view as he wrapped his hands carefully around my wrists to still my shaking hands.

"Just ignore what it is saying," his deep voice whispered in my ear. "Another drop or two more should destroy it."

"_Don't be so naive Hermione, even he knows how evil you are," _my doppelgänger went on as the black cloud swelled closer to me. _"He knows better than anyone, bearing witness to your defenses falling and your true self emerging."_

"Here we go," Severus directed calmly as if he could not hear the terrible things that were being said.

He moved my hands gently, directing the dropper to above the locket once more. I couldn't think beyond the awful words the locket was continuing to spew at me as Severus squeezed my hand and forced two more drops out of the instrument and onto the locket. He quickly directed the dropper back into the vial and sealed the poison safely away as more black smoke began to pour out of the holes on the locket.

When an unearthly wail began to fill the room Severus pulled me tightly against his chest. It didn't stop my uncontrollable shaking, but it did chase away some of the terrible cold I was feeling as the accusations the locket had made settled in my heart. The black cloud swept around us, momentarily obscuring any light, and then it began to seep away and the horrible scream slowly ended.

In no time at all we were all sitting together in the living room one more with no dark magic hovering around us. For a moment the room was silent and neither of us said a word, but then I could no longer hold it in and the shaky breath that preceded my tears disturbed the air. Severus's arms constricted more tightly around my ribs and he leaned forward to rest his chin in the dip of my shoulder as I began to shake with the intensity of my tears.

"It's okay Hermione," he whispered as he began to gently rock us. "None of that was true. Don't let the words effect you."

"But I am evil," I whispered hoarsely between tears. "You didn't see what I did to Bellatrix and her mother, but just knowing that I killed them should be enough to understand the level of evil in my soul."

"So you would argue that anyone who has ever done anything wrong, no matter how much they regret it is truly evil?" he said quietly, with just the tiniest hint of irritation in his voice.

"Well… no," I choked out when I realized he could be talking about himself. "But there is a line. I crossed it."

"If you were truly evil you wouldn't consider the idea that you had crossed the line," he whispered soothingly, before releasing his hold with one arm so he could run his fingers gently through my hair. "Now would you listen to me Hermione? The things that fragment of soul said about you are not true. Let them go."

"Okay," I huffed, trying to stop my tears as well as do what he asked of me. "I'll try."

"That's all I can ask," he said quietly, and then he turned me around in his arms and placed a light kiss to both of my cheeks before claiming my lips.

* * *

I did not work the next day, though I hadn't bothered to tell Dumbledore that while he was making plans for me to attend the Order meeting. Instead I left a few minutes before I was supposed to meet him with the intention of slipping inside the bookstore before he arrived. My plan was quickly thwarted by the discovery that Dumbledore had come early as well.

If it hadn't been for that book Skeeter had written about him after his death, I never would have realized how terribly ironic the disguise he chose to wear was. With a magical reduction in his age, the changing of his hair color to blonde, and his rather blandly colored robes he looked remarkably like a youthful Grindewald.

"Ah hello Miss Granger," he said kindly as I came to a stop in front of him. "I admit I thought you would be coming from another direction."

"Yes, I noticed you had assumed I worked today," I said with a smile that I hoped wasn't obviously forced. "Still, this seemed like as food a meeting place as any."

"Yes, yes," he nodded, though I saw his eyes wander to a passerby that I thought looked strikingly like he would grow up to be the Dolohov I had once known. "Shall we be going then?"

"Yes of course," I said politely and I forced myself to take his proffered arm.

As soon as my hand closed around his upper arm he turned us quickly and with a cracking sound we were pulled into the void of apparition that was full of pressure and a stomach turning sensation of movement. We appeared on the high street of Godric's Hollow and with a renewed urge to vomit I realized we were within 50 yards of the cemetery I had robbed a few days ago.

"If you say this address aloud the house will appear," he said as he presented me with a slip of paper with his loopy handwriting on it.

"153 Main," I read out loud while fighting the urge to point out that he simply could have said the address, thus revealing the address as well as the dwelling at the same time.

The apparently empty lot filled with trees shimmered out of existence before us and I found we were standing just clear of the front steps that lead up into a large blue house. My blood ran cold when I saw that there was a group of people standing on the porch conversing quietly with one another, a group that included Sirius Black. It hadn't occurred to me to me until this very second to be worried about being in his presence. I could tell by the easy smile on his face he had no idea what had happened at his family home, and though he had never been a fan of Bellatrix I knew he would at least be upset to know that I had technically indicated him as the killer to Kreacher.

"Is this the new recruit you mentioned?" Lily Potter asked kindly as we mounted the steps, officially drawing everyone's attention to me.

"Hello," Dumbledore said, and when I turned look at him I saw that he had lifted his transfigurations and looked himself once more. "This is indeed our newest member, but I think we should save introductions until everyone is present don't you?"

The Potters, Longbottoms, and Sirius all nodded their agreement and lead the way into the house. It was strange to see Lily and James alive, and somehow even stranger to see Frank and Alice with their wits about them. Sirius was the only one in the group that I really knew before, and yet I felt more drawn to the two couples who were less likely to go into an explosive rage due to my presence. Well, to be fair I didn't know that Sirius would fly into a rage or that the others wouldn't if they were to somehow find out about Bellatrix.

When we were all standing in the foyer I was presented with many more order members milling about. I recognized a far less scarred Moody, as well as the dirty little traitor Petttigrew amongst the crowd but there were a fair few witches and wizards I had never had the pleasure of meeting. With a twisting of my stomach I realized that was due to the fact that many of these people did not survive the first war. Perhaps this time things would be different.

"May I have everyone's attention?" Dumbledore called out, drawing the many conversations in the room to a close as all eyes turned toward us. "As I told you in our last meeting, I have invited the newest recruit to be sworn in this evening."

"So she passed your tests then did she?" Moody asked with clear suspicion in his voice.

"Yes she did Alastor," Dumbledore said with a hearty smile. "She experienced a far more in-depth test than any of you, choosing to submit to a legilimency examination as well."

I opted not to point out that there was no choice involved in that particular event.

"It's nice to meet you all," I said calmly. "My name is Hermione Granger."

"Hello," many voices said together.

"Miss Granger needs to take her vows first," Dumbledore went on. "But then I thought we could take an updated photo before starting the meeting."

The group began to shuffle out of the foyer and into what I assumed was the drawing room of what I was suspecting might be Dumbledore's home. I was directed to kneel before one of the windows while Dumbledore held a book with a golden phoenix seal on the front out to me. I did my best to ignore the others moving the table off to the side and focused my attention on the Professor I would have once trusted with my life.

"Please place your hand atop the Order of the Phoenix bi-laws," he instructed and I complied. "Repeat after me, I solemnly swear to uphold the laws of this wizarding nation."

"I solemnly swear to uphold the laws of this wizarding nation," I repeated easily.

"I will do my duty to preserve all human life as I fight to end this wizarding war," he prompted.

I repeated his words, though my throat tightened a bit as I once again thought of the lives I had already taken. I prayed that my worries did not show on my face or in my voice. Dumbledore continued speaking, so I assumed he had not thought me suspicious.

"I will do whatever is asked of me to ensure the survival of the greater good," I repeated after he had asked it of me, though I wondered if anyone else had drawn any connections to Grindewald from that phrase.

"And I hereby promise my allegiance to the Order of the Phoenix," he asked me to repeat.

"And I hereby promise my allegiance to the Order of the Phoenix," I repeated and the members who had stood watching me began to clap.

"Welcome aboard my dear," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Now how about that picture?"

He offered me a smile as he placed his hand on my shoulder and directed me into the gathered group of people. I was unnerved by my proximity not only to Dumbledore but also to Sirius. I managed to plaster a smile on my face anyway as Moody levitated a camera before the group.

"Smile you idiots," he barked, though his voice still sounded friendly for Moody.

There was flash and a click and I knew the picture had been taken. Thankfully the group began to break apart and I was able to easily slip away from Dumbledore and Sirius without drawing attention to myself. The table was levitated away from the wall once more, and there was a flurry of movement while people grabbed seats. I sat down between Frank Longbottom and Remus Lupin and kept the smile on my face.

"Let's start with old business shall we," Dumbledore said as he took a seat.

Before he could speak about old business however the fireplace to the left of the room flared to life and a purple ministry missive shot out of the fireplace and flapped its way over to the waiting hands of Moody. He unfolded the purple plan and quickly read over the note. His face darkened rapidly, and when he reached the end of the missive he crumpled it in his hand.

"Well, it looks like I won't be able to stay for the meeting," Moody said climbing out of his chair once more. "It seems I have a double murder to investigate. I may need a few of you to put your ears to the ground as well. It seems the deaths of Bellatrix and Walburga Black were reported to the ministry this evening."

There were several gasps, but I couldn't stop my attention from zeroing in on Sirius Black. He was sitting stiffly in his chair, with an uncaring expression on his face, but I saw the color draining out of his features. He clearly didn't want anyone to know, but he was bothered by the news that part of his family was gone. Questions and outcries erupted around the table as Moody tromped across the room and used the floo to head off to the ministry.

"Quiet everyone," Dumbledore called, standing from his chair to bring order to the room once more. "I understand that everyone is upset and confused by this news, but until Alastor learns more, there is not much we can do. Shall we start with old business then?"

"Excuse me Albus, but I think I need to excuse myself from this meeting," Sirius said with a green tint to his skin. "It would be expected of me to claim the bodies and make funeral arrangements. I am the last surviving member of the family after all. I will have James catch me up later on."

"Yes of course," Dumbledore said kindly offering him a soft smile. "Send your patronus if you need my help with anything."

Sirius nodded and then he disappeared from the room. As soon as the front door clicked shut once more Dumbledore jumped back into business. I quickly learned everything the Order had been up to for the last few weeks as well as what their upcoming plans were. I was easily ale to deduce that either Dumbledore had not yet learned about the Horcruxes or if he had any suspicions he was not sharing them with the Order.

I obtained a task to keep an ear open for any conversation that related to the war or the death eaters while I was at work, and to report on what I heard at the next meeting. It was a bit of a dummy task when compared to Remus attempting to join a dark werewolf cult and Frank and Alice attempting to force through arrest warrants for death eaters when the ministry was being resistant.

* * *

All of the lights were off when I returned home and I quickly deduced that Severus was not present. I lit a fire in the hearth and made my way to the kitchen lighting candles as I went. I could only assume that Severus had been summoned as he would not be off brewing with Slughorn at this hour. I wasn't sure what condition he would be in when he returned so I decided to start by making something for him to eat.

If the Dark Lord found out about Bellatrix, the meeting could go very badly, so I made a light soup in case Severus had lost his appetite. I didn't know what I should expect, but I nearly dropped the freshly chopped onions onto the floor instead of in the soup pot when there was a crack of apparition behind me. I turned around to find Severus sprawled across the kitchen floor shaking terribly and groaning in pain.

"Severus," I cried as I abandoned the soup and kneeled beside him on the floor. "What happened?"

"He knows about Bella," Severus bit out between convulsions, his voice hardly louder than the sound of his chattering teeth. "He was very angry."

"What did he do?" I asked as I helped him to roll over onto his back so I could inspect him for injuries.

"He tortured all of us at one point or another as he burned through his rage," Severus explained quietly, shaking against my side as I held him against me. "He very nearly killed Rowle tonight."

"Did he use the Cruciatus on you?" I asked in a whisper.

"Yes," Severus hissed as a particularly nasty convulsion wracked his frame. "This should stop eventually. You're shaking didn't last that long when you arrive here, and I imagine Bella held you under the curse far longer."

"Still, there must be something we can do," I groaned. "Have you brewed anymore pain potion? I think I used the last of it on you when you were attacked in your bedroom."

"No," he sighed, biting down on his lip with a clear grimace of pain on his face. "I think a cooling charm wouldn't go amiss thought."

I quickly drew my wand and cast a series of cooling charms along him. His body continued to shake, but the muscles in his face relaxed. When he slumped more heavily against me I breathed a tiny sigh of relief. He wasn't better by any means, but his pain seemed to have lessened somewhat.

"You'll be needing another application of burn paste onto your healing wound," I pointed out with a sigh. "Are there any other potions I could grab to help while I am in the lab?"

"A calming draught might help with the shaking," he mused with his eyes closed. "And I would like a sleeping potion. If nothing else, I'd miss out on the last of this ridiculous shaking."

"Okay," I nodded attempting to shift us up off the floor. "Let me just help you up to bed, and then I will get those potions for you."

"Just leave me lying here, I'm far too heavy for you to try and maneuver, and there is no way I can manage the stairs like this," he groused.

"At least let me help you onto the couch," I barked at him, and he didn't fight me on pulling him up onto his feet.

He could hardly maintain his stance, so I slid under his arm and supported him out of the kitchen and into the living room. He was shaking so badly that I felt as if there were an earthquake taking place, but I said nothing about it. I simply helped him to lie down on the couch after removing his cloak and outer robes. I unbuttoned his black oxford so I would have easy access to his steal healing wound, and then I draped the throw blanket over his legs.

He was still shaking substantially when I returned with potions in hand, but his attention was focused on the swirling burn mark on his chest. I watched him tracing his fingers over the raised scar, and I wondered if he would ask me to remove it. I hope he wouldn't. I wanted to avoid using necromantic magic, but I could not refuse him if he asked it of me.

"It's almost completely healed," he mused quietly as I sat down on the edge of the coffee table.

"You're right, there is hardly any red left," I pointed out as I unscrewed the top of the jar of burn paste. "If there isn't any pain, this should be the last time we have to put this on it."

"The burn doesn't hurt at all," he said with a painful smile, and I knew he was refraining from pointing out that everything else did.

His hand fisted lightly on the hem of my dress while I massaged the paste onto his chest. I knew from experience that his nerves were on fire right now, and though I was being delicate my touch was still likely to be a bit unpleasant for him though he did not complain.

"I was making French Onion soup," I told him quietly as I finished with my task. "Would you like me to leave some under a stasis spell on the table for you for when you wake up?"

"That sounds wonderful," he sighed as I screwed the top back onto the jar and unstoppered a vial of calming draught for him.

His shaking was still a little unruly, causing him to slip when he attempted to sit up to take the potion. I leapt into action and cupped the back of his head so I could support him and help him to take the potion. He swallowed it eagerly and slowly the shaking died away to the occasional tremor. He released a contented sigh and reached a now mostly steady hand up to brush the hair out of my face.

"Thank you," he said with a smile.

"Anytime," I chuckled as I provided the vial of sleep tonic. "I couldn't find any dreamless sleep. Will this do instead?"

"Better actually," he smiled. "I don't want to be out forever. This is for a more natural sleep and should only really hold me under for a few hours."

"Surely you need more sleep than that," I questioned as I pulled the cork from the top of the bottle.

"It won't snap awake the second the potion wears off Hermione," he said with a light chuckle. "But I will then be able to wake up if needed."

"If you say so," I sighed as I helped him to take the second potion.

He swallowed the potion just as eagerly. As soon as it was gone his eyes began to droop and I knew he would be out like a light quickly. I helped him to settle back onto the couch, and fluffed one of the throw pillows up under his head. His entire body relaxed as the sleep tonic began to take hold, and I was amused by the almost drunken smile on his face as I tucked the blanket under his chin.

"Sweet dreams Severus," I said before dropping a quick kiss on his lips.

He was out by the tip I pulled back, and I was relieved to see him sleeping peacefully on the couch. How quickly something like this had become the norm in my life. Here I was living with a man who would now never be my potions professor, rapidly developing strong feelings for him, and the pair of us were working as double agents in the war against dark magic. Even a month ago I would have been reduced to a quivering mess at the sight of Severus flailing on the floor in the throes of pain after having been tortured, and now I lurched into the business of healing as if this were normal.

I pondered the vast changes in my life as I continued to cook the soup I had been making. I was soothed by the even breathing coming from the living room that told me Severus was sleeping peacefully, and the smell of soup on the stove. It reminded me of being at home over the summer while my mother made dinner. I was hit with a wave of sadness as I thought about how much I missed my parents and everyone else I had left behind when I fell backward through time.

* * *

The soup had been made, and a single serving eaten by me before I went to bed for the night as well. I thought perhaps I should watch over Severus, but he seemed too peaceful there on the couch that my worries were put at ease. So I had gone upstairs and climbed into my own bed, drifting off rather quickly. If I hadn't been upstairs I might have been the one to answer the door in the wee hours of the morning, thus blowing the cover I had just established with the Order. Instead I awoke to the sound of Severus talking to someone who was clearly drunk and crept silently out into the stair well so I could listen.

"I know you don' wan' me here," a man slurred drunkenly. "But I di'in know where to go."

"What on God's green earth would bring you to my home Black," Severus asked tiredly, and then I understood that it was indeed Sirius Black who had come to our home at three in the morning.

"I wen' to Grim-grimald, and I asked that blasted elf what he saw," Sirius went on , stopping to hiccough. "You know wha' he said? E said i'was the Order who done it."

"What is it the Order is supposed to have done?" Severus asked irritably, easily hiding the fact that he already knew.

"Bellatrix and Walburga," his slurred. "They've been murdered, and Kreacher said 'e saw the Order do it. I don' know who to trust Severus."

"Black, I had no idea you knew my real name," Severus snapped, and I wondered if I should just reveal that I was here to stop him from getting into a fight with the drunken man.

"I know I was terrible to you doing school," Sirius went on. "I doubt there's much I can do to make up for it, but when it came down to it you are the only person I know who isn't affiliated with the Order that I migh' be able to trust."

"What exactly is it you want from me?" Severus growled.

"Help finding out the truth," Sirius begged him. "I can't just leave the Order, I took a vow, but I can't trust any of 'em. For all I know it could have been James or Remus that killed them."

"I doubt your friends would do that without speaking to you," Severus spat, his voice particularly nasty when he said friends. "And if you don't mind me asking, I was under the impression you had disowned your relatives."

"I tol' James I was gonna make up with 'em'" Sirius said, and I was amazed to hear what sounded like tears. "After Regulus… I just… I don't have any family left now Sev'rus."

"If I say I will help you, will you desist in your disgusting crying?" Severus bit out. "And you had the audacity to call me Snivellus."

"I'm sorry," he moaned, sounding nothing like the man I had known. "I was an idiot. Please Severus, I've nothing left now."

"I will help you find out who did it," Severus swore, sounding surprisingly believable even though I knew he would not give me up. "I will need you to take a wand oath however. This wouldn't be the first time someone in your group of friends put me in the position to be killed."

"Anything," Sirius swore, his voice more slurred than before.

There was a flash of light as Sirius repeated the oath to keep everything secret, and then I heard the distinct sound of someone snoring. Severus groaned and I couldn't stop myself from sneaking down the stairs to see what had happened. Of all the things I had expected, the image of Sirius passed out on Severus's lap snoring away was the last one I expected.

"You've got to be kidding me," Severus grumbled before turning to look at me when the bottom stair creaked. "What do you make of this?"

"Apparently someone else is a bit disenfranchised with Dumbledore and his Order," I said quietly. "Thought I don't know how wise it would be to let him know that I'm not really a part of the Order either."

"No I don't think that would be best just yet either," Severus sighed as he pushed the drunken man off of him and stood up from the couch. "I still can't believe he came here."

"Well, you're the only person he knows even remotely well that is a death eater," I said with a shrug of the shoulder. "I doubt he would have made the decision to come here if he wasn't drunk, but all things considered it's not the worst choice he could have made."

"The dirty oaf reeks," Severus grumbled before drawing his wand and casting a charm so he would be alerted when Sirius awoke.

"You know maternal magic?" I laughed, trying to picture Severus holding a baby. "I never would have expected that form you."

"You never know what magic will be useful in which situation," Severus pointed out with a smirk as he led me to the stairs. "I don't know about you, but I wasn't done sleeping just yet."

"Hmm, me either," I said sleepily, and without giving it much thought I followed him into his bedroom and slid under the heavy green duvet rather than returning to my own bed.


	14. Chapter 14

**No song for this chapter… mostly because it isn't really a chapter.**

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**Sirius POV**

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The pounding of my head was the first thing that registered in my conscious mind. With a groan I let my eyes slowly open, and unlike every time I had woken up in my little flat, there was no bright sunshine accosting me and making me snap my eyes closed once more. This unsettled me, because as my eyes began to focus further I realized I did not even recognize the dark room I seemed to be sleeping in.

I sat up carefully, my stomach roiling in protest and looked around. There was no fire burning in the grate, books were crammed onto every available shelf as well as littering the coffee table. I was sitting on a deep green couch so dark and in such a state of disrepair it appeared to be more black than green. Where was I? I ran my hands through my now somewhat greasy hair and the night before began to trickle into my memory.

I was just thinking of how it had torn me up to learn about how Bellatrix and Druella had been brutally murdered when I noticed someone standing on the stairs watching me. I turned my head to look at them and my world shifted on it's axis with the last of my lost memories filtering through. Why on Merlin's green island had I come to Severus Snape's home last night?!

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**A/N:**

**Hey guys. Sorry for the super super short update. I have come to a decision that I imagine is going to upset my followers, but I have to do it due to my professional life. This story is going temporarily on hiatus. I promise that it is in fact temporary, I expect to be back here writing on this by June at the latest. I have a really great idea in mind for upcoming chapters, but I simply don't have time t give them the justice they deserve right now. My apologies. I hope you will all still be following this when I return to it.**


	15. Tearing My Seams

_**Surprise! I'm back earlier than I said I would be. A good friend pointed out to me when I was whining about missing writing on this story that I can actually work on all of my projects at the same time, I simply need to budget my time a bit more. So here I am…. I hope this chapter is the worth the long wait you all had.**_

_**If it doesn't make it up to you, this movie trailer will (just remove the spaces): www .youtube watch?v= D95SI5Vmmk8**_

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_**Song for this chapter: Ballad of Fuckall byMalcolm Middleton**_

**SPOV**

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"There was something though," I murmured tiredly as I sidled up behind Hermione to spoon her under the blankets. "If his drunken speech is to be believed, it is not Bella's mother that you killed. Walburga is the mother of Sirius and Regulus."

"What?" she gasped forcing me to drag my tired eyes open once more to focus on her accelerated breathing. "I killed Sirius's mother?"

"Shh…"I soothed, hoping to quiet her down lest she wake the drunken idiot downstairs. "We won't know for certain about that until he is sober. Sleep now, and we shall deal with what comes in the morning."

* * *

It was still early when I woke. Hermione was sleeping lightly, but jerked awake when I sat up and unintentionally pulled the blankets with me. Her brow immediately drew down in worry, but I reached out without much thought to rub the lines away.

"Think nothing on it even now Hermione," I told her quietly before drawing my hand away so I could place a chaste kiss on her forehead. "I will get Sirius out of the house, and I will speak to him once more before sending him back to the Order. I will find out everything there is to know, you simply have to wait here. Can you do that?"

"I think so," she croaked, her hoarse voice telling me that she had likely cried herself out after I had fallen asleep. "Please don't be gone long… I just… I feel so afraid… so lost. It's the strangest thing, but for the first time in a long time I wish desperately that Ron and Harry were here. I've never been in a situation where I so clearly knew that I was in trouble without them beside me."

"I am here for you," I told her softly, attempting to hide the sting I felt at her words.

"I know you are Severus, I know you are," she whispered drawing the blankets tightly around her like a cocoon. "But I think I've really done it. I don't know if you can help me, and I'm not sure I deserve the help you are offering."

"We'll have to put a pin in that particular argument," I sighed when I heard the old couch creaking with what could only be Sirius moving. "I have to attend to our unexpected… guest."

She remained silent, her wide eyes watching me as I threw on a tshirt and a jacket that looked somewhat presentable with the slacks I had never taken off last night. I threw my shoes on swiftly and made my way silently out of the room and down the stairs. I paused just shy of the last step, staring into the living room where Sirius was on the couch running his hands through his unkempt hair. His head turned slowly toward me, and I watched his eyes widen in shock when he took me in. Perhaps he did not even remember coming here the previous night.

"Oh bloody hell," he moaned before clutching his head, clearly in pain. "So none of that was a dream then?"

"No it certainly wasn't," I could help but snap at him. "You showed up on my doorstep of all places drunk out of your mind going on about not trusting your wonderful gang of friends, beginning me to help me find out who murdered your mother and cousin."

"You made me take an oath," he accused.

"Yes I did you imbecile," I snipped, flowing into the room and rousting him off of the couch roughly. "You even being here could get me killed, though I intend to sneak you out of here immediately. You will of course be keeping your mouth shut about where you spent the night."

"Your _master_ would hardly kill you for turning me out," Sirius shouted back at me, before wincing and pulling his arm away from me so he could cradle his head.

"Oh do shut up or I will withhold the hangover cure I know you desperately need," I snapped before straightening my jacket and stepping away from him. "The Dark Lord is highly suspicious of everyone in the ranks at the moment as his dear concubine was murdered, but it is not throwing you out of my house that has me concerned. My agreeing to help you find closure, or justice, or whatever it is you seek has relegated me to the fate of your dear brother if I am discovered."

"Why would you help me?" he pushed, though the heat had gone out of his voice.

"I haven't got much interest in helping you Black," I snapped, but I wasn't sure if I meant it or not. "The way I see it, the sooner I get you to realize your dear little friends haven't changed, the sooner I get a mangy mutt out of my company."

"At least something hasn't changed," Sirius grumbled as I stepped into the side room to grab his potion.

I was surprised to discover just how many bottles of the potion I had sitting along the shelf. It seemed I used to have to brew it constantly, but the layer of dust on the little purple glass bottles made me realize it had been a long time since I had to use one. When was the last time I had something to drink anyway? Not since Hermione arrived, save for the one drink I had no choice but to share with Lucius not so very long ago.

"Perhaps it is you that has changed," I said dismissively as I returned and gave the potion to Sirius. "Were you not telling me just last night that you had intentions of making up with your mother, and your colorful cousin?"

"Well not Bellatrix perhaps," he said quietly, unable to meet my gaze as he took my potion. "Though I won't have the chance now will I? But I was going to speak with my mother. I told James and Remus about it just the other night."

"Hmmm, dear little Pettigrew isn't a part of the group anymore?" I prodded, wondering if perhaps there was a story there.

"Peter hasn't been around as much," Sirius said, suddenly looking suspicious. "You don't think he had something to do with it do you?"

"You are more paranoid than any of you ever accused me of being," I sighed before grabbing his wrist. "We will be using slide-along to get you out of my house, do try not to vomit on my shoes."

I didn't bother to wait for any sort of reply from him. Instead I pictured the rocky hillside just outside of my Godforsaken little town. I had just accused Sirius of being paranoid, but I was a bit worried myself. If he showed up at Dumbledore's side acting as he was now, the old man was sure to get suspicious of him. If that were to happen, he might try to trace where Sirius had been, and if he somehow followed the trail of where his little minion had apparated from, I didn't want it to lead back to my house.

As soon as we popped into existence I let go of Sirius and he didn't fail to meet my expectations, stumbling to the side and retching all over a half shriveled shrub. He at least had the decency to appear embarrassed as he wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his coat. It was just that moment that I realized just how disheveled he actually looked. His coat didn't even look like it fit him anymore. What was going on with him?

"Black, why did you immediately suspect foul play from your friends when your family was murdered?" I asked carefully, watching as the man beside me seemed to come just slightly unhinged.

"The first bit is obvious," he sighed as he pulled a cigarette from within his coat and attempted to light it with shaking hands. "Even if the suspicion had never appeared in my mind I would have to question it because that damn house elf told me it was the Order. I pushed him, screamed for a name anything, but that sobbing mess of an elf just kept repeating 'it was the Order' over and over again. The way he looked at me… you'd have thought I was the one who killed his beloved mistress."

"And if the elf hadn't been present, he hadn't told you a word," I asked as I drew my wand and lit the tip of the cigarette for him, surprised by the pity I felt when his hand shook on the path to his mouth. "Would you still suspect James, Remus, or Peter then?"

"Maybe not Remus, he is so loyal that I often wonder if he should have been place in Hufflepuff," Sirius almost whispered. "But Peter? I don't even know him anymore. And James… well James hasn't been the same since he found out about Lily. I don't even want to question his motives, he's my best mate, but if someone told him to kill them to protect his wife? He wouldn't think twice."

"Found out about Lily?" I asked in a strangled voice.

"She's pregnant," he told me, finally meeting my gaze, and surprisingly looking upset to be the one to break the news to me. "Due at the end of July."

"Well, I'd say to tell her congratulations, but she can never know we spoke," I said in a distant way.

I imagined that he would interpret the change in my voice as pain or sadness, but it was shock. I wasn't shock that Lily was pregnant and James the father. I was shocked that it didn't hurt me. I would probably always miss having Lily as my friend, but the hole she had left in my heart was slowly being filled. I hadn't even realized it was happening, and yet here I stood now hit in the face with the fact that Lily was no longer important in my life. Her void had been filled by another woman from Gryffindor.

"I don't think James would have done this," I said finally when I realized he was staring at me with a shaky concern clear on his features. "That man has always been and will always be a prick, but you're like blood to him. He is the person who took you in when your mother disowned you. He wouldn't do this."

"What if that is the exact reason he would do it?" Sirius questioned gesturing wildly with the hand hold his cigarette. "He was the one who saw the marks she left on my face that night when she cursed me and told me I was no longer a member of the Noble house of Black. He was the one who made up a pallet for me on the floor when I had nowhere else to go. If anyone were to hate my mother to the level that I did it would be him."

"You said that you told him you wished to make things right between the two of you," I pointed out. "Why would he take that chance away from you?"

"He could have worried that I would leave the Order, or even that she could somehow turned me into a Death Eater if I went back home," he grumbled before taking a long drag. "I don't know who to trust."

"I am certainly not the one to trust," I laughed darkly as I waved away the plume of smoke he had exhaled far too close to me. "I am not your friend Black. I do not even like you, not in the slightest. But I can tell you this, James is your friend. James is a man who would lay down his life for you. He may have hated your mother, but he would not kill her even if you asked him to because he would know that it would bring you pain."

"And Peter, can you say the same of him Snape?" Sirius asked in a very soft voice.

"I cannot say what Pettigrew would do," I said stiffly, surprisingly finding that my mind wandered to how Hermione might answer that question. "All I can say about him as that I would never trust him. Maybe it was a member of the Order, and maybe it wasn't. I know it is beyond your simply Gryffindor mind, but try not to draw attention to you suspicions while I put my ear to the ground and try to find out if anyone knows who did this."

Sirius looked like he could not think of a reply, so he continued smoking and not quite meeting my gaze. I swallowed down the old hatred I felt for him and attempted to act with even a small bit of kindness for the man who had tormented me during my youth by thinking of how Hermione would treat him. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest when I realized it would be far harder for Hermione to meet his gaze than it ever would be for me.

"I meant what I said to you about helping, but I mean this even more," I said darkly as I turned my blackest glare on him. "Do not ever come to my home again. Do not contact me, I will be the one to contact you should I find something. I will not allow you to put my life or the life of anyone I care about at risk."

"I understand Snape," he said, bowing his head, and showing signs of regret at having come to me in the first place. "I'll just be going now."

I nodded stiffly and watched as he stomped out his cigarette. He ran his now still hand through his hair one last time, habit that twisted my stomach when it reminded me of James Potter, and then he twisted to the left and with the sound of a whip cracking he disappeared from my sight. I sincerely hoped I would not see him anywhere near here again. I didn't want him close to Hermione. She was just barely holding herself together as she dealt with what she had done, and I would not subject her to the judgment that would be thrown upon her is Sirius Black somehow discovered that she had been the one to kill his mother.

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

The longer that Severus was gone with Sirius the more nervous I got. What if he somehow figured out that I had been the one to kill his family, and he took it out on Severus? I channeled my nervousness into cleaning and started by making the bed in Severus's room. It could have been a bed in a hospital room when I was done with it, but that did little to sooth the gnawing worry in my stomach.

I moved on his dresser, and began meticulously organizing everything that he had left casually abandoned on its surface. I noted in and offhand way that while he was clean to a level of almost being sterile around the rest of the house, that particular trait seemed to stop here. There was a mix of books he was partway through reading, clothing that had not quite made it to the hamper or had been disregarded in the choice of a different outfit, and random odds and ends from his potions lab strewn across the surface of his dresser.

I out all of the clothes into the hamper near the door to prepare for wash, and then I frowned in concentration at what was left on the dresser. My mind became so focused on the debate of where to put his potions supplies that I momentarily forgot to be nervous. Instead I worried over which choice made more sense. On the one hand his room would be more clean if I simply returned the supplies to the lab, but on the other hand he had surely brought them into the room for a reason.

I stacked the books neatly on his bedside table while I tried to decide what to do, but neither option seemed to be the perfect solution. I held the cork from a vial in one hand and a granite pestle in the other, still frozen with indecision. That what how I was standing when Severus swept back into his bedroom and dismissively went to toss his jacket onto the top of the dresser before he saw that all of the other clothes had gone.

"I had assumed that you cooked when you were nervous," he said kindly as he went to hang his jacket in the closet. "Am I to assume that it is actually nesting that you channel your nervous energy? Will you go back and forth between cooking and cleaning, or should I at some point also expect you to start knitting your worries away?"

"This isn't something to joke about," I sighed as I focused on simply organizing all of the odds and ends on top of his dresser into a line that went from smallest to largest. "A whole world of things could have happened while you were with him. What if he had known what had happened with his family and he had taken it out on you?"

"What if frogs had wings?" Severus countered as he turned to face me while crossing his arms over his chest.

"He may have hurt you!" I shouted.

"Yes, and frogs would manage to keep from bumping their rears on the ground when they jumped," he sighed. "But you see, that is simply a scenario of something that could possibly happen biologically, but it did not. Just as Sirius Black did not know what happened, nor did he take any sort of rage out on me."

"How can you be so calm about this?" I snapped at him, losing what little control I had over my rapidly swinging emotions. "I killed his cousin, and his aunt or his mother or whoever that woman was!"

"It was his mother." Severus told me quietly, unfolding his arms from his chest as he approached me. "A terrible thing was done, and we cannot undo it, but that does not mean that you should run off and let Sirius Black exact revenge on you. He need never know it was you. He suspects Peter Pettigrew anyway."

"Well that would serve that little rat right," I snipped before I was doused once again in a wave of remorse. "But he wasn't the one to do it. He hasn't actually killed anyone yet."

"But he will?" Severus prodded.

"It is highly unlikely that he will get the chance to now," I hedged. "But he was a killer in my time"

"I wish you would stop calling it your time," he whispered into my hair as he pulled me tightly against his chest and started to rub soothing circles into my lower back "This is your time now as much as it is mine. I wish you would acknowledge that."

"I do… in a way," I sighed into his shirt. "But that time I refer to is still a part of my past even if it shall never come to pass. I don't know what else to call it."

"Couldn't you say something like, in another time he may have done?" Severus questioned. "It seems a silly thing, but I feel as if you distance yourself from me with such language. You are the only thing in my life of which I am certain, and it unbalances me to be forced to question how you may be feeling."

"Never question that I care for you Severus," I said fervently as I tilted my head up to see him. "Perhaps it is early yet or strange due to circumstances… but I love you. I love you dearly, and I don't want you to ever question the truth of that."

"I love you too," he whispered, and then he dipped his head down to brush his lips against mine in the sweetest way.

* * *

"Well this is a first," I said nervously as I pulled my cloak on and glanced over at Severus doing the same.

"Yes, a simultaneous summons is certainly new." Severus said dryly. "I imagine you will make it home before I do though."

"Well, I am hoping that your meeting will be short," I sighed, trying not to think about the condition he had been in the last time. "I don't have solid information to hand over since I haven't spoken with anyone in the Order since my induction, but you could tell him I told you that I found out that the Order knows about the deaths, and that they know they were indicated as the culprits by a house elf. Even if they don't know that yet I am sure Sirius will mention it."

"Assuming he shows up," Severus said darkly.

"You said you made him promise to trust his friends," I said, lifting my worried eyes up to meet his.

"When has that mutt ever listened to me?" Severus sneered.

"Please don't talk about him like that," I whispered, shaking out the hurt that attempted to settle into my chest once more. "I know you don't like him; I know that and I respect that. But I killed his mother Severus. I stabbed her in the heart, so he has a free pass to do whatever he wants in my eyes. I can never judge any choice he might make, because mine will always be worse."

"I wish you would desist with this constant self-abuse," he said quietly as he swept me up into his arms, his cloak completely obscuring me from view if anyone had been in our home to see me.

"I cannot," I whispered into the scratchy wool that covered his chest. "I just… I cannot."

"I know, but I still wish," he told me softly. "Try to keep yourself together at the meeting, and I shall see you tonight."

"Tonight," I agreed with a nod as he released me. "Be safe."

"I will try," he said offering me a tiny almost nonexistent smile.

I watched as he twirled in place, creating a small popping noise as he disappeared. I wasn't ever likely to tell him to his face, but there was something distinctly beautiful about the way he apparated. Maybe it was the ease with which he did it. Or perhaps it was simply the way the tail of his cloak seemed to linger a second longer, creating a neat little sweeping motion through the air as it was pulled along behind him.

I shook such thoughts from my head, and instead focused my mind on the image of the high street in Godric's Hollow, particularly the expanse not far from headquarters. With destination, determination, and deliberation in mind I turned to the left, creating a much louder pop than Severus had and I disappeared from Spinner's End as well. I kept a level head when I saw so many members of the Order congregating outside of the house speaking to one another upon my arrival. My heart began to thrum a little more quickly in my chest however when I heard many of them whispering about a grave robbery.

"A grave robbery?" I asked Lily as lightly as I could.

"Let's discuss this inside shall we," a firm yet still friendly voice said from behind me.

I knew before I looked, but I still turned my head partially to the side to confirm that it was in fact Albus Dumbledore standing behind me. I hoped it wouldn't seem odd how quickly I moved up the stairs to join the other that were walking into the house. I wouldn't want him to think I was hurrying to put distance between his body and mine. There was a part of me that didn't trust him, but there was another part of me that was nervous about him somehow discovering what I had done. The only thing that remotely soothed my nerves was knowing he couldn't simply pull the memory from my mind like he was likely to try if he suspected anything of me.

"Don't tell me you're convening the entire Order because some creep dug up some dead sods jewelry," Moody grumbled as he settled into his chair at the table. "I still haven't found any leads on the double murder and I can't sit around wasting time if you don't have something important."

"In a lovely mood as ever eh Alastor?" James quipped and I was shocked to realize just how much he looked like his son when he was laughing; it was like sitting across the table from a future Harry.

"No I did not assemble the entire Order because someone stole petty valuables from a grave Alastor," Dumbledore said in a serious voice as he took his seat. "I assembled the entire Order because the grave of Edwin Booth was dug up with black magic, and his skull was torn off of his remains. I have been unable to trace what happened from there, but it suggests that there is a necromancer in England."

"That can't be right… "Lily said softly, her eyes filling with fear.

"There hasn't been a necromancer in living history," Remus pointed out thoughtfully. "Are we certain that this is truly necromantic magic?"

There were other questions, other outcries, but I couldn't hear them over the sound of my heart thrumming so loudly I was sure the people sitting next to me must be able to hear it. How had he so easily determined what the root cause was? How had I been so stupid as to dig up a grave so very close to the man who defeated Grindewald, arguably the greatest wizard of the time? I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't move.

"Don't panic Hermione," Peter said from beside me, and I was surprised that rather than disgusting me his words drew my attention to him. "The last necromancer was Herpo the Foul. None have been born since him. It's highly unlikely this is a true necromancer."

"You raise an excellent point Peter," Dumbledore said almost conversationally. "This could be someone simply playing at the idea of necromancy, but the point is that we should all be keeping an eye out for what this means. Obviously our main focus is Voldemort and his followers, but if this were to be a true necromancer it could develop into a much larger threat."

"I highly doubt that," Moody scoffed.

"Ah but Alastor, if this were an actual necromancer, he or she could wipe Tom Riddle off the map with a human sacrifice and a blood ritual." Dumbledore said in a weary way that suddenly made him look like an old man. "And that says nothing about mind control or raising the dead. It is a very real threat."

"I don't give a flying-fuck," Sirius said darkly, and for the first time since my arrival I actually looked at him.

He looked like he could use another hangover potion and perhaps a calming draught as well. There were shadows under his eyes, his skin was pale, his hands shook, and I got the impression he hadn't showered in a few days. Lily immediately reached out to rub her hand soothingly over his back, but it didn't seem to do much to soothe him.

"You'll have to excuse Sirius, he still hasn't quite processed the situation with his mother and cousin," James said as diplomatically as possible.

"I've processed it just fine. Now I'm just pissed about it," he bit out, pulling away from Lily's touch. "I don't want to talk about an unrealistic threat. I don't want to talk about Bloody He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I don't care about any of this right now. I just want to go to the funeral tomorrow, and then get absolutely pissed drunk."

"You can't go to the funeral Sirius," James said quietly.

"I'll go if I damn well please!" Sirius roared, pushing back his chair so he was further distanced from Lily's motherly touch.

"You'd be willingly walking into a snake den," Remus said carefully. "That funeral service with be chalk full of Slytherin's, the majority of which are also Death Eaters."

"It might be good for Sirius to get a bit of closure," Dumbledore interjected softly. "He did not after all get the chance to attend his brother's funeral. Perhaps being able to say goodbye to his mother could offer him some peace of mind."

"Or get him killed!" Lily screeched.

"Obviously he wouldn't be going alone," Moody groused. "We can't send him in without backup."

"So who volunteers to go with Sirius?" Dumbledore asked with a bright smile.

No hands shot up into the air. James, Lily, and Remus all looked incredibly uncomfortable as they refused to look at Sirius. The man in question had his eyes roving around the room, quickly taking in the fact that no one seemed to want to look at him. Peter looked like he might wet his pants as he turned to look at Dumbledore.

"All of our faces are known." He choked out. "We'd basically be beginning them to kill us for daring to show up at a Death Eater gathering."

Sirius kicked back his chair and began pacing in a rage. It seemed that everyone was telling him he could not go to the funeral, and he clearly wasn't taking it well. I felt as if I might vomit knowing I had put him in this position. I was not worthy of being in his presences now, and yet I could not tear my eyes away from him. No one else in the room would look at him, but I could not look anywhere else.

"Not all of our faces are known," Alice Longbottom said softly, drawing everyone's attention to her. "There is one person that none of them know."

And just like that everyone was staring at me.

"Will you go with me?" Sirius asked in a hoarse voice, coming to a dead halt and staring straight into my soul. "Hermione… please."

"I…" I stuttered, floundering under his pleading gaze. "I don't see why that would be a problem."

That was a lie, I could see so many problems that I once again felt like I was going to lose my breakfast. Going with him to the funeral would very likely get me killed, not to mention that my guilt might kill me if no one else did. But how could I refuse his request? I had put him in this position hadn't I? Frankly I could not think of a better penance for my crimes than being forced into being the shoulder for Sirius to lean on in his time of need.

"That's settled then," Dumbledore said, clapping his hands together and rubbing them in a strange excitement. "Now for other business."

* * *

More of the meeting had taken place but I hardly took it in. I felt as if I were watching a television with the sound off while Dumbledore assigned tasks for the foreseeable future to each member of the Order. I was certain he had assigned me some sort of presentational task, but it hardly mattered that I couldn't remember hearing what he had said to me. Whatever task he had presented at the meeting was not meant for me. No one else in the Order was meant to know that I was actually a spy. So I made bumbled through making arrangements to meet Sirius at headquarters in the morning and then I followed Dumbledore away from everyone.

I had even made it through my private meeting with Dumbledore that consisted of a short walk to the end of the high street, without really being mentally present. I was vaguely aware that I had told him the lie Severus and I had cooked up about his pretend progress in keeping the Dark Lord distracted with the half of the prophecy he hadn't ever actually been told. I could not however remember what exact words I had used, or if he had believed me completely. I was so very distracted, but I had to hope that he would assume that had more to do with the looming threat of the funeral in the morning than it did with anything I might be guilty of. He was in a much better position to understand the intricacies of my presence there than anyone else in the order.

I did not become completely aware of myself or my whereabouts until I was standing in the living room of spinner's end once more. It was then that I realized that I needed Severus to pass on word of what was to transpire tomorrow morning to his brethren if I had any hope of making it through the funeral without blowing both of our covers. I was on the verge of going into a blind panic when I remembered that I had added a protean charm to both of our rings, at the insistence of Severus, after my mishap in the department of mysteries. He was still in his meeting with the Death Eaters, but that didn't mean I couldn't pass him a message from home. I pulled the ring off of the chain that it hung from on my neck when I had to appear to be single, and slid it onto my finger. Once in place I pointed my wand at the stone and focused on my message.

_Will be at funeral tomorrow. Cannot be knowingly recognized in front of Sirius._

As soon as I withdrew my wand the ring began to glow white and turned warm. I knew that Severus's ring would do the exact same thing, and the message would scroll over the top of the band once he placed his wand against it. I had to hope he would have time to pass the message around to his brethren before leaving, or all might be lost in the morning.

I tried to stay in that cognizant mind frame and wait for Severus to come home, but the guilt and the panic were just too much for me to bear. It felt like the world was caving in around me, so instead of acting the part of the make-believe wife that I was supposed to be and making dinner, I folded in on myself. I folded myself up into a little ball on the floor sandwiched between the couch and the coffee table. I wrapped my arms as tightly around my head as I could to deafen my ears and then I sunk into my mind once more.

* * *

I couldn't begin to tell you how long I remained in that tiny space I had made for myself. When I emerged from where it was I had gone I was wrapped up in a familiar green comforter and held tightly against a firm chest that was vibrating just slightly due to the humming. I recognized that Severus was humming to me at the same time that I recognized that night had fallen completely.

There was a single candle burning giving a tiny bit of light to the dark bedroom, and I could tell as I assessed my body that Severus must have been quite late getting home. All of my muscles ached. They hurt in that way that muscles tended to after being held in the same position for a very long time. I wondered if he had been home long or if he had just gotten home and immediately found me and brought me to his bed, but I didn't have the energy to ask. I wasn't sure I even wanted to try and ask because even my throat ached. Perhaps I had been crying.

"How do I hold the hand of a man as he mourns his mother," I whispered. "How do I do that when I am the reason he has a reason to mourn?"

The humming cut off, and Severus's arm constricted a little more tightly around me. It should have hurt , for him to squeeze me more tightly when I ached so badly, but there was such relief in him holding me tighter, pulling me closer. He would not turn me away, no matter how awful I had become.

"You just breathe," he said finally. "You'll hold his hand, and bear through somehow. Just breathe, and then come home to me. We'll make this work somehow."

"They won't address the fact that they know me?" I asked, tilting my head further back into the crook of his neck for further contact.

"No. You've been outed to the inner circle as a spy now, and a few men think you might be more available than you originally appeared, but they will not draw any attention to you tomorrow." Severus explained in a soothing voice. "I will be there as well, which should discourage any idiocy even if I cannot actually be seen with you."

"They don't believe we're married anymore?" I asked mournfully, surprised to discover just how much that upset me.

"I don't know if it's that serious," Severus continued in that almost melodic tone as he began to run his fingers through my hair with one hand, while the other kept me firmly anchored to him and reality. "I think Lucius and Rodolphus now assume we have an open marriage, but I'm not concerned about you falling for any of their advances. The general consensus now is that our marriage is political rather than based on emotion. Everything is fine."

I could feel myself being lulled further toward sleep as Severus continued to run his fingers through my hair. When the talking stopped he went back to humming and my eyes grew very heavy. As I wandered closer to sleep the panic I had about tomorrow drifted away completely and for a moment at least I felt content.

"Hmm… I wish our marriage was real…" I whispered without giving it much thought before giving over to the overwhelming impulse to sleep.

* * *

A semblance of clarity came with the morning even if the situation hadn't really improved for me. I was mostly calm, and prepared for what would come as I rose from the bed. I could feel Severus watching me carefully as I left his room to go dress for the day but he said nothing. I didn't really think of much as I methodically dressed in my only black frock. It wasn't the most sophisticated dress in the world, buttoning up the front with a tie at the waist, but it would do for a funeral. I would not look like a member of high society, as someone pretending to be a pureblood probably should, but it looked nicer than what I deserved to be wearing on a day like this. I was pulling on my black heels when Severus knocked gently on the door frame before stepping into the room.

"I cannot go with you to meet with Black of course," he said smoothly, though I was mostly just staring at his black swooping robes that would have been infamous amongst Hogwarts students in another time. "I will be a pallbearer for the funeral, so I have to arrive fairly early. Once you arrive at the gravesite I will attempt to remain in your line of sight at all times. Just remember to breathe."

"I will try," I promised in a small voice. "I'll see you soon."

"Yes," he said firmly, and then he swept away leaving me standing in my bedroom momentarily distracted with the act of returning my ring to the chain hanging around my neck.

I took one last moment to gather what strength I had, and then I pulled up a picture of the high street in Godric's Hollow. Now that I knew the location of headquarters, I could easily just apparate directly inside, but it felt wrong. Not just because I was going to meet Sirius and take him to this funeral, but because I didn't feel like I was meant to be there. I was not truly a member of the Order, and every time I stepped inside I felt like an intruder, a liar, a criminal. No… appearing in the street seemed to be the right answer.

Sirius was already waiting for me when I appeared in the street. He was sitting on the porch with his head in his hands and even from a distance I could tell that he didn't look presentable to go to a funeral. His hair was going every-which-way and while his clothes were black they looked as if they had been worn for several days, or perhaps they had been buried at the back of a closet or the bottom of a trunk. His head jerked up when he heard my heels click on the first step.

"Hermione… thank you," he slurred at me, and I realized simultaneous that he was drunk and I could smell the alcohol radiating off of him. "I know you don't know me from Merlin, and you didn't have to do this for me. So thank you."

"I do know you," I said quietly as I climbed the rest of the stairs to sit beside him. "You are Sirius Black. That, and you are very drunk. Do you have a sobering potion?"

"No," he grumbled running his hands through his hair, and revealing that he was also in need of a shave. "James told to not even drink last night, since it takes a full day to brew it, but I couldn't bear to be sober last night."

"It's luck for you I thought you might need a little help today," I said softly, obviously not mentioning that it had been Severus who had put a sobering potion as well as a hangover relief potion in my pocket this morning.

I pulled those vials out now and handed them to him. He did look slightly embarrassed to need the help, but he did take them. He uncorked both of them and took them in quick succession. He did not so much as grimace when he took them and I had to hand it to him. Based on smell alone I knew both of them must have tasted vile.

"Now we need to work on your appearance a bit," I said in a strong voice, doing my best to play the part of his support no matter how badly my insides seemed to be shaking. "I think the first step is your clothes. Stand up so I can freshen them properly okay?"

He didn't speak, but he pulled himself to his feet without a fuss. He stood awkwardly on the top step with color filling his cheeks now that he was sober enough to be embarrassed about his appearance. I paid it no mind, and stood as well. I waved my wand over him casting a scourgify on his clothes, and then on his person for good measure. I had never been great shakes at domestic spells, but I managed to halfway succeed with an ironing charm and most of the wrinkles fell out of his black dress robes.

"I don't know any charms to do with hair," I said calmly. "We can straighten your hair up a bit, but I might maim you if I tried to shave that beginning beard with my wand."

"We should leave it," he shrugged. "I think it's an old mourning thing anyway. My father did not shave his beard until three days after his own mother's funeral when I was a child."

"Okay we'll leave it then," I nodded. "But the hair is a mess, so just hold still for a second okay?"

He nodded his assent, and I stood up on my tiptoes so I could run my fingers through his hair. It still felt like it could use a good washing, but the scourgify had helped so it wasn't completely disgusting. I arranged his hair into some semblance of order, and then I stepped back. He still looked haggard, and as if his very world was falling apart at the seams but he looked better. Almost presentable.

"Okay, you are as ready as you're going to get," I said quietly before I offered him my hand. "I think slide-along would be best, so if you could just tell me where it is we are going I'll apparate us."

"You don't know the place," he said quietly as he took my hand. "I'll likely need help apparating back, but for now I am okay to take us there. Just trust me Hermione."

"Okay," I agreed, even though the turning in my stomach stepped up a notch.

I don't know what exactly I was expecting to see at the end of the suffocating movement through space, but what I saw when I opened my eyes once more shocked me. The last funeral I had been to had been when I was I was four. My memories of the actual event were pretty vague, but I remembered that it had been in a church and that the coffin had been very small.

So when I discovered that we were not in a church, but instead in a catacomb I received a shock to the system. We were underground, but it wasn't dark due to the lanterns that were hovering above our heads. I almost wished that it were dark then I wouldn't have to see the many members of the Noble House of Black buried beside us. If it had been arranged more like a mausoleum then perhaps the covers of each grave would be made of stone like the walls, but of course these were made of some sort of mostly transparent crystal. Even that might have kept my stomach from turning, but they were dimly lit from within showcasing the outline of skeletons. It was morbid and upsetting.

"So this is the Black family crypt," Sirius whispered as he led me slowly deeper. "It is just as creepy as you think it is."

"Don't worry about what I think Sirius," I said giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

We fell quiet once more as we walked down into a large oval depression in the center of the cavern. There were many people in black robes standing around the edges somberly speaking with one another or quietly huddled together sharing their grief. In the very center of the somewhat unnatural room, on a stone podium sat two of the strangest coffins I had ever seen.

It looked as if someone had taken large oval stones and hollowed out the centers. All of the edges were made of a deep grey stone, like the walls of the crypt, and either side was made of that same multifaceted crystal. I was intrigued that the light coming within the coffin on the left gave a green tint to the crystal making it look like an emerald, but the one on the right had a yellow light that made the crystal look like topaz.

When we stepped down into the depressed oblong area I got a better look at the two coffins. I fought to stop any reaction whatsoever when I realized I could tell which body was which even from almost ten feet away. Mrs. Black's body was in the green coffin, and I could tell it was hers from both the length of the body, and the long straight hair that I could see on her silhouette. Then there was Bellatrix in the yellow coffin. I wondered if Sirius could tell from the shadowy outline that her body wasn't quite right the way I could.

"If you would all gather around, it is time to begin," a small wizened wizard said as he stepped up beside the coffins.

The was a quick shuffling as the black robed group of witches and wizards closed ranks to make an oval around the dead. I half expected the others to take each other's hands, but they did not. Sirius however grasped my hand more tightly and shuffled just a little bit closer.

"Bellatrix and Walburga Black were taken from their families far too soon," the man began, and Sirius gave a minute shudder beside me.

I reached my other hand over to pat his as discreetly as I could, but then my eyes locked onto something else that I could see in that golden hued coffin that made my blood run cold. I only knew what it should look like based on a description from Harry, as we hadn't gotten that far into the horcrux hunt before my brush with death. Still I knew what I was seeing placed in the coffin down by Bellatrix's feet and it sent my heart off at a sprint. There was a decorative cup with handles on each side. I just knew that was Hufflepuff's cup, and the bloody Dark Lord was having it buried with Bellatrix to put it out the reach of others.

I wanted to scream. I supposed it was genius on his part, to pass it off as a special gift to a follower who had been important to him. No one would think to wonder why he was burying that cup with her; it was common for friends and loved ones to have something special to them buried with the dead. But now my biggest problem was how to get that cup out of there.

I was pulled from my panicked musings by Sirius pulling on my hand. I turned my head to get a better look at him, and I realized that everyone in the group was shifting. The preacher, or whatever that man was, had stopped talking, and now in ones and twos people were moving forward to pay their last respects to Bellatrix and Walburga. I could feel Sirius shaking just slightly, so I tightened my grip on his hand and began to move forward with him.

It only took moments, and then we were standing in front of the yellow coffin. It was then, standing just a foot away from another horcrux that I realized I had yet to see Severus. While Sirius leaned over to awkwardly whisper a few words to his dead cousin I scanned the room looking for Severus.

I breathed an inaudible sigh of relief when I realized that he had kept his promise to me. He was standing on the other side of the dais, in front of the green coffin, directly in my eye line. While Sirius was otherwise engaged Severus met my gaze and gave me a nod of encouragement. I let the relief of his presence settle into my chest and chase away some of my worry so that I could focus on Sirius again.

He stepped away to allow the next person in line to say goodbye to Bellatrix, and we joined the line that was slowly shifting around to Walburga. Sirius began to lose his composure the closer we got. His shaking drew worse, and though he kept it quiet I knew that he had begun to cry. I squeezed his hand again, hoping to help him in any way I could as we moved steadily closer.

"Hermione I don't know if I can do this." He whispered, leaning tightly into my shoulder to conceal his voice from the others. "This might have been a mistake. Maybe we should just leave."

"No Sirius, this was the right thing to do," I assured him softly, knowing he would regret it if he didn't go through with this and get his closure. "We're almost there, and I will help you along alright?"

He didn't seem able to speak, so he just nodded to me. I squeezed his hand again and began towing him forward again. The man ahead of us finished with his last words to Walburga and moved on, and then we were standing face to face with Sirius's mother's coffin. He trembled as we walked forward, but he managed to put one foot in front of the other. Guilt lashed at me with each step, much stronger than it had while he had viewed Bellatrix through that disturbingly beautiful crystal, but I managed to keep all emotion off of my face. I regulated my breathing so that I would not cry, and I focused on simply being there for Sirius.

I had to slump over a bit to accommodate him when he leaned over and pressed his free hand against the green tinted crystal. His tears grew to a level that could no longer be hidden, but he hardly seemed to notice them. With shaking shoulders, and shuddering breath he offered his last respects to his mother.

"Mama," he croaked, and it was like another lash to my heart. "I'm sorry, mama, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I left you all alone in that house. I'm sorry I left. So sorry that I wasn't there to stop this from happening."

He said more after that, but I couldn't make it out through his tears. I kept a firm hold on the hand that was wrapped around mine and I reached across my body with my other arm so I could rub his back in an effort to soothe him. Sirius clung to the edge of his mother's coffin for a few more moments, weeping wretchedly, but then he pulled himself back.

He couldn't quite pull himself together, but he did manage to quiet his tears. They were still streaming down his face, but you wouldn't know it if you weren't looking at him. He leaned a bit more heavily into me, but then he nodded that he was ready to move away. We stepped to the side and allowed the others to give their last regards as well.

"Is there more that we stay for?" I asked carefully, and very quietly. "I've never been to an English funeral, so I'm not sure. Do we watch them put the coffins into their new homes, or do we…"

I trailed off, not sure what to ask. I wasn't even sure if he was listening to me when he didn't answer right away, but then he pulled his hand from mine and used both of his hands to wipe the tears from his face. I worried that I had offended him, but then I realized he was just trying to gather himself.

"Under normal circumstances we would stay," he told me quietly. "There will be a wake, where everyone will drink to their honor, much like the Irish do. But you and I cannot stay for that. We'd be risking too much trouble considering the company."

I was about to respond to him that I understood, but I suddenly found myself being pulled into someone's arms. I only just managed to keep from screaming in terror. I balked when I realized that a weeping Narcissa Malfoy had wrapped herself around me like we were the best of friends.

"Oh Hermione," she wailed. "I'm lost without Bella."

I couldn't think of any response to her. I couldn't think of how to explain this behavior to Sirius. I couldn't think of anything. I just stood there like a statue as she cried on my shoulder. Thankfully I only had to endure the potentially life threatening behavior on Mrs. Malfoy's part for a moment before her husband pulled her off of me and she was stewarded away under the stern gaze of Severus. I found that I was shaking with fright, or shock, or something else as I turned to look back at Sirius.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, his hands dropping from his face as he stared at me.

For a moment my mouth fell open and I floundered for what to say.

"I-I don't know," I finally managed to stutter out, my mind racing for a way out of this. "Who was that woman? How did she know my name?"

"That is Narcissa Malfoy," he explained in a breathy voice, his shoulders slumping as the shock wore off and his trouble emotions rose to the surface once more. "Maybe she heard me say your name earlier? I don't understand why… I just don't understand."

"Maybe we aren't meant to," I said half in an effort to soothe him, and half in an effort to direct him away from what he'd seen.

"We should go," he said reaching for my hand once more. "We should leave… I need to leave."

"Okay let's go," I told him, tightening my grip on his hand and focusing my mind on that familiar high street once more.


	16. I Fell Anyway

_**A/N: If you were to look back at the previous chapters you would see that I had done a wee bit of editing. I botched the Black family tree and had to go back and switch the name Druella for Walburga. My apologies, and a special thanks to the reviewer that helped me fix my slip up.**_

_**I would also like to apologize for making you guys wait as long as you did on this chapter. It would have been done sooner, but I had a serious ADD issue and a bit of writer's block which delayed me.**_

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_**Song for this chapter: Again by Flyleaf**_

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**SPOV**

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Hermione disappeared with Black moments after Narcissa decided it would be a good idea to try and get everyone killed, and I was left standing in the Black family crypt weighing the pros and cons of having an apoplectic fit in the presence of the inner circle of the Death Eaters. It was the fact that the Dark Lord had not attended the funeral that tipped the odds for me.

"Have you lost your bloody mind," I hissed as I stalked closer to Lucius and Narcissa. "How in the world does falling all over her crying come under the heading of not drawing attention to the fact that you already know Hermione? If Black so much as puts a hair out of place on her head I will fillet you I swear it!"

"Do not speak to my wife like that," Lucius said stiffly, still holding Narcissa tightly to his chest while she failed to real in her emotions.

"Be sure that she does not put my wife at risk again and I will consider it!" I snapped back, and then I turned away from him in a swirl of robes and apparated back to my house.

I had expected to find Hermione waiting for me in the living room, and I was fully prepared to deal with it if she had fallen into a bout of tears again. What I was not expecting was to find her pacing rapidly back and forth in the living room tugging at her hair with one hand while the other tapped a quill against her lip and she spoke to herself in a distracted manner. She did not so much as blink at the sight popping sound at my appearance and did not in fact seem to realize that there was anyone in the room with her.

She continued her somewhat disturbing routine stopping occasionally to jot something down on a bit of parchment sitting on the table before returning to her previous stirrings. She seemed not to think of the fact that she dipped her quill in ink each time she went to the parchment, and continued to tap the tip of her quill against her bottom lip, slowly increasing the size of the black ink stain she was creating.

"Hermione?" I questioned, but she did not react to me.

She didn't appear ready to come out of wherever she had gone within her mind, so I turned my attention instead to the parchment sitting haphazardly to the parchment she was taking notes on. Her writing was rushed and difficult to read as she kept smudging the ink with her hand as she wrote. It also appeared to be a bit fragmented, so I wasn't quite sure what she was thinking of.

_Dark crystal?_

_Venom._

_Family wards/ blood wards?_

I was still reading the parchment when she returned to jot something else down. I saw the moment she realized I was in the room with her. She stopped moving, and her quill fell to the ground at me feet. I slowly stood back up and meet her gaze. Her face went from the distracted smooth canvas it had been to crinkled with worry and her eyes alight once more.

"Oh Severus," she whispered. "There is a horcrux in Bellatrix's coffin."

"What?" I said in what was dangerously close to being an unmanly squeak.

"It was back-lit so I cannot be one hundred percent certain," she hedged running her hand through her hair, and turning a bit of that black with ink as well. "But I am about ninety-seven percent sure that the Dark Lord put the cup of Hufflepuff in there with her. To be fair, what better way is there to assure that no one ever gains access to one bit of your soul? In theory it would make certain that he remained eternally immortal."

"Only in theory," I said in my calmest voice, unsure of if I was trying to soothe her or myself. "We will remove it, and he won't realize he's lost it. I doubt that is one he would even think to check on."

"We'd have to break into a crypt and rob a grave," she pointed out quietly. "Not even taking into consideration how wrong that is, it's probably heavily warded. Not to mention I don't know if we can the crystal casing on the coffin."

"Let's think on it," I soothed pulling her into my arms and running my hand through her hair. "For now we need to plan what false information I should bring to the Dark Lord. I am fully expecting a summons within the next twenty-four hours."

* * *

I hissed drawing my arm up to my chest and nearly dropping the spatula I'd been using onto the floor rather than into the wok. It had been awhile now, and yet I still hadn't gained complete control over my pain response to the summons. As casually as I could manage I pulled the spatula out of the pan to keep it from melting and put it in the spoon rest that Hermione had all but demanded we put in the kitchen.

"I'll finish the stir fry," Hermione said quietly, her voice almost obscured by the sound of her closing her book and shuffling her parchment back into a neat stack. "I'll have dinner ready by the time you're home."

"I may be late," I said, finally turning to look at her and seeing that she was concerned but trying to hide it.

"I'm not going anywhere," she assured me as she took the spatula into her hand. "I'll even make some of that pork you like so much."

"I'll try to hurry home," I said, sweeping her into my arms and placing a quick kiss to her forehead.

It wasn't until I released her and started toward the cabinet where I kept my robe and mask hidden that I realized what I had done. I turned to peer over my shoulder surreptitiously, expecting a multitude of possibilities, but to see Hermione smiling and humming to herself as she turned her attention to the stove was not one of them. I felt something that had been tightened with anxiety relax at the thought of our marriage becoming less and less of an act dawned on me and continued on my way.

I attempted to clear my mind as I slid my black robes on. I let go of any and all emotion within me as I pulled my mask into place. I left behind the Severus Snape that I knew, and I apparated to the Riddle Mansion prepared to give the best approximation to servicing the Dark Lord that I could manage. The walk up the well-manicured path was mostly empty, though a woman was lingering just shy of the doorway.

As I drew closer I saw that it was Narcissa and I felt the blood run cold in my chest. I knew I should not hold her grief against her, it was an uncontrollable state of mind, but she had put Hermione in a potentially deadly position and I was not sure that I could forgive her for that. I drew myself up to my fullest height and attempted to just sweep past her.

"Severus… I…" she stammered as she reached out to grab my arm.

She only got a handful of black robe, but I quickly pulled that from her grasp, barely containing the hiss of rage that boiled up in my chest. I did not so much as look at her as I marched on into the house. I could hear her heels clicking against the marble floor as she followed me in, but she had enough sense to keep her mouth shut in the face of my anger.

We bypassed the common area and stepped into a far too grand drawing room. Honestly the Dark Lord should just call it a ball room and be done with it, but he was confusingly attempting to appear demure about the whole thing. There were other black-robbed death eaters mingling about the room speaking quietly to one another, but the arrival of Narcissa and I seemed to instigate the beginning.

"Gather round," the Dark Lord said loftily from where he stood on the raised dais at the back of the room.

His throne like chair was currently vacated while he waited for us to assemble before him, but I fully expected him to take a seat there and lord over us. Now that it was staring me in the face, I couldn't believe that none of this bothered me before. He was so clearly an evil overlord, and we his far too willing minions. How did I become a part of this?

I chased those thoughts out of my mind and instead stepped into place beside Lucius in the line closest to the throne. Narcissa had not yet taken the make, so she was expected to leave the room now that the meeting was officially starting. Normally Lucius would not have even brought her along on a summons directly to the Dark Lord's home, but apparently concessions were being made for her grief. Not enough of a concession for her to stay however, so she did not join us in the line, she quietly exited the room as we focused on our leader.

"As you all know, we lost a loyal and strong member recently," the Dark Lord said, slipping into what I know thought of as his speech voice, though it no longer compelled me the way it was meant to. "Some might think it is but one person, one soldier lost from our ranks, but it is still terribly unacceptable. It is a terrible loss for us all."

I listened to him as he made Bellatrix sound as if she had been some sort of goddess, but all I could think of was her scurrilous nature. I may never forget what it was like to be beneath her wand, but I was more likely to forget than pain that I was to forget the smile that had been on her face while she had been inflicting it. No, I did not consider Bellatrix a great loss. I couldn't.

"I put it upon each of you now to replace her in the only ways that she can be," he went on. "No one can ever truly fill her shoes, but I expect an effort to do so from each of you. I expect each of you to attempt to be even remotely as faithful as she was of course, but I also expect you to scour our world and find other soldiers to step forward."

He paused, and for a moment the room was filled with quiet murmurs of assent. I managed to bow my head as if in agreement, but I could not bring myself to verbally agree to what he was asking for.

"Each day our opposition gathers strength and that is a practice that must be pruned before it can take further root," he continued in that smooth seductive voice he had perfected over the years. "You will each return to each summons from here on out with a list of potential recruits that you are vetting. I will of course have final say on if any of them will be given any invitation beyond a simple gathering, let alone the honor of taking the mark."

Again we murmured our assent.

"Is there anyone with anything to present to the group at large before we disperse for individual discussions?" the Dark Lord questioned and I stepped forward.

I felt his eyes narrowing on me, and even from a distance I felt him brush against my mind questioning my motives. His face fell into a sneer, but I could sense him questioning if what I would soon say had any place being said before the group at large.

"I have important information to divulge," I said with my head bowed. "However I leave it to your far superior judgment as to who should be privy to such information my lord."

"Everyone outside of the inner circle will leave the room immediately," he directed. "However… I think it best that Narcissa Malfoy be sent in."

I nodded very subtly in case he had been unable to see in my mind that most of what I was about to say would have to do with her due to the spell Hermione had used. The room filled with the sound of shuffling feet as it emptied, and we all waited somewhat impatiently as Narcissa's heels clicked across the floor. The room went silent when she stepped up beside Lucius where I had been standing previously.

"You may proceed," the Dark Lord directed.

"Our spy's loyalties were thrown into question due to behavior that took place in the Black family crypt," I said in my most even voice. "Due to the unfortunate serious of events, our spy was forced to spend even more time in the company of Sirius Black, and upon attempting to return him home the Potter's as well as Dumbledore. Her motives were under question with Black and she was forced to think on her feet and come up with a scenario that allowed her to keep her cover intact while not causing suspicion with her outright denial of Black's claims."

I paused momentarily to allow that I had said to sink in, and I heard a shifting behind me that I knew would be Narcissa without looking.

"She was successful in throwing suspicion away from herself, thus maintaining her placement and her future ability to provide us with more information on the Order." I continued. "However, due to her quick action, a certain amount of suspicion has now been placed on the shoulders of Narcissa Malfoy. It was postulated that her behavior was a bit too grief stricken and that perhaps she was acting for the sake of the death eaters that were present at the funeral. Our spy has it under good authority that Dumbledore intends to attempt to woo Narcissa over to the side of the Order as he believes she is questioning the choices her husband has made. Black himself seems to be under the impression that Hermione may have already made contact in an effort to bring her over, and has taken that as the reason why Narcissa called her by her first name."

I took a moment to let my lies sink in as well as to berate myself for using Hermione's name in front of the group. I had intended to keep my presentation as clinical as possible, but I had slipped up and I was upset with myself. There was a rustling of robes, and I knew that at least one person must have turned to look at Narcissa, though I didn't dare turn and look and see.

"If I may be so bold, I have a suggested course of action," I said quietly after the point seemed to have really sunk in.

"I am sure everyone would enjoy hearing it," the Dark Lord said smoothly, but a simmering rage could clearly be heard in his voice.

"As it is simply her motives being questioned, now seems an opportune time for her to make them quite clear," I suggested. "Perhaps the Malfoy family could host a gathering either in memory of Bellatrix or in support of the pureblood cause. It would have to be done a way that the Order heard about it of course, but it should paint her once more as a member of our crowd rather than someone who can be convinced to change sides."

"If we were to host a gathering such as you suggest," Lucius spoke up, though he did not ask for permission to speak. "Could not our spy simply mention that it was happening?"

"That seems to defeat the purpose of any of this Lucius," I said, turning to face him rather than the Dark Lord. "I do not mean any disrespect, but for my wife to clearly demonstrate knowledge of what is taking place amongst the ranks of the death eaters, it would only draw attention onto her shoulders once more. She is already placed in a precarious position where it is nearly impossible for me to protect her. Whereas this shifting of suspicion puts Narcissa in little to no danger, and you can easily protect her should Dumbledore continue to remain suspicious."

"Enough," the Dark Lord barked out when Lucius opened his mouth to retort. "In this instance Severus is correct Lucius. There is less risked posed for your spouse. However, I disagree with a party being a full solution. I think it is best that Narcissa take the make within the month."

"Yes of course," Narcissa said quickly.

It not lost on me that Lucius went dead in the eyes as I fought to contain a shiver of repulsion. I was certain that we were both thinking of what would follow when she took the mark, and I knew now that Narcissa couldn't possibly know what was coming or she would not have been so eager to agree to it.

"Arrangements shall be made," Lucius said finally, his voice smooth and even as if he were no longer upset. "It should only take two weeks for us to put something appropriate together."

"Very good." The Dark Lord nodded. "Is there any other business before we move on to the nights festivities?"

The room remains silent, and that was as good as saying no out loud. The Dark Lord clapped his hands together and rubbed them back and forth in what could only be called excitement as he took his place upon the throne.

"Very well. Lucius please recall the others back into the room," he directed. "Severus, if you would go into the antechamber, and retrieve the entertainment."

My stomach roiled at what I might find on the other side of the door, but I managed to put one foot in front of the other while appearing indifferent as I walked in the opposite direction of Lucius. I hadn't heard any noise leaking into the hall as the meeting progressed, but as I pulled open the door into the antechamber I heard light laughter and conspiratorially whispers.

I was rather curious then when I stepped into the room with them and saw that there were four scantily clad young women sharing what appeared to be their third bottle of elf made wine. My stomach was still roiling but now I had hope that tonight would not be as bad as I had originally suspected. Surely we wouldn't be doing anything too vile if he was treating the night's entertainment so well.

"You are wanted in the main room," I said quietly, drawing their attention to me and causing spray of tittering and stumbling about as they climbed to their feet.

A couple of them seemed to be staring at me as they whispered amongst themselves, but I ignored them and led them back to the others. The amount of black robes in the room had nearly tripled again, and everyone was ringed around the room leaving the center floor clear. I slid in amongst the ranks and found myself standing beside Rodolphus. I supposed that I shouldn't be all that surprised that he didn't seem terribly upset that his prospective bride was no longer here. Still watching him focus his attention exuberantly on the girls that had begun to dance for the group was odd. Their dance was obviously provocative despite its inability to have any impact on me and I was surprised to see how much it appeared to affect him. Had I misread his inclinations previously? Was he bisexual? I turned away from him and attempted to simply focus on what I was supposed to be watching rather than wondering about the man standing beside me. It was none of my business either way.

I moved away from him, looking as if I were simply finding a better vantage point, while in fact I was searching out Lucius. Roughly half of the group was focused intently on the dancers while the other half was talking amongst themselves and watching with half interest. The Dark Lord was looking out over the group as if he were evaluating each person present, so I attempted to look as natural as possible.

"Severus," Lucius said with a slightly stiff nod when I finally reached him. "I assume you are your wife will be in attendance at our memorial gala?"

"We wouldn't dream of missing it," I said with a quirk of the lips. "Is an apology in order for the situation you have been placed in?"

"Only so much as an apology is in order for the situation that you and the lovely Hermione were placed in," Lucius said. "Shall we call it even?"

"We shall," I nodded choosing this as my opportunity to press for information that we needed. "You know I couldn't help but notice how different the Black crypt was in comparison to the Prince family crypt. For the sake of curiosity might you compare it to the Malfoy Mausoleum? I noticed for example that they use those ancient soul crystals on their coffins. The Prince patriarch once said he found that gauche, not that I give him much credit for choosing instead to interim our dead in coffins similar to those once used by Egyptian muggles."

"If my understanding is correct those aren't even soul crystals," Lucius said thoughtfully, though his eyes lingered on the dancers. "Cissy was distraught but she did mention something about 'the strange color Bella's diamond turned'. I think those coffins are a rather wasteful use of the Black family fortune. Not that any of it should be given to that blood traitor that's left to reap the benefits of his name anyway. The Malfoys have long believed in cremation, so we do not bother with gilded coffins. I wager our blood wards on the mausoleum are stronger though."

"I did assume theirs must not be terribly strong as so many of us were able to enter the actual crypt for the service," I said casually, hoping the question wouldn't be terribly obvious to the Slytherin.

"Ah, you noticed that too?" he said with a smirk. "No one without Malfoy blood, or the name through marriage, can enter our mausoleum, and yet as long as Sirius Black was present anyone could enter."

"Shouldn't it have been enough for Narcissa to have been there?" I pointed out.

"That is most likely correct, as it's based on having even a drop of Black blood present, but no one was willing to take the risk," Lucius said very quietly. "It's the only reason he was permitted to attend."

"Well that funeral gave me quite a bit to think about in relation to my own family," I responded just as quietly. "I would be looking into the state of my own crypt, and perhaps increasing the amount of security on it now that I am officially the patriarch."

"I hadn't realized your Grandfather had passed," Lucius said stiffly. "My condolences."

"I never met him so I cannot feel a great loss for it," I pointed out. "It hardly seemed worth mentioning, particularly in the excitement of my impending induction to the ranks."

"Ah yes, you never did get the chance to meet Adolph did you," Lucius said as he wrapped his arm protectively around Narcissa. "It's a shame you didn't know him, but you must agree that he was right to disown your mother for consorting with muggles."

"Of course," I nodded. "Still learning everything I have about him from a will and family diaries is unfortunate. I wish I had gotten the chance to speak to him myself."

We fell silent then, and simply watched the entertainment. The girls danced for a long time, and then anyone who wished to stay for further entertainment was extended the invitation. What spiked my interest however was that those of us that were interested in leaving were given the opportunity. I was worried that leaving might send the wrong message, but when I saw that Lucius and Narcissa bowing out I felt safe in doing so myself. I had no interest in seeing what the 'extra entertainment' would be with these girls, though I saw that Rudolphus was first in line for whatever it would be.

* * *

When I returned home I found that the house had gone dark. I could see light trickling in from the kitchen, but I did not immediately go to Hermione in the kitchen. Instead I went to the dark oak cabinet and I removed my heavy cloak and mask and returned them to their home. I drew in a deep breath an allowed the physical mask of a death eater to fall away. It was like a great weight was lifted, and then only then when my shoulders felt lighter, did I go to find Hermione.

On the counter beside the stove there was a plate of food waiting for me. The slight shimmer of a stasis charm was clearly visible and I couldn't help but smile at it. I turned to look for Hermione and found her in roughly the same spot she had been in earlier this evening. Clearly she had been momentarily distracted with cooking, and apparently washing the dishes, but she had returned to her note taking. In fact she had apparently been waiting there so long that she had fallen asleep. Her face was resting lightly on the book she had been reading, her face obscured by her curls, and her limp hand still partially curled around her quill that had made a large black splotch on her notes.

I approached her silently. I was curious to see what she was studying so thoroughly, and she hadn't been terribly open about it so far. A few of her hastily scribbled lines had been devoured by the pooling ink from her quill, but I could easily read in her remaining notes that she had been researching occlumency. That seemed a bit odd considering that no one could ever enter her mind properly, just as they couldn't with mine, due to her hexwork. I gently shuffled the top page out from under her hand and saw that the second page was a serious of sketches of what appeared to be an extensive library.

"Mmmm," Hermione groaned sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "When did you get home?"

"Just a few minutes ago," I assured her, sliding into the chair beside hers at the table. "What are you working on here? I thought we didn't need occlumency… is the hex unraveling?"

"Oh no, there's nothing to worry about there," she said, squeezing my free hand in reassurance while she gestured to the drawings I held with her free hand. "This is something I want to try for me."

"How so?" I questioned.

"Well… you may have noticed how I am struggling with my guilt," she said quietly, looking away from me. "I cannot seem to get it completely under control right now, and this time, these moments we are in, it is most important that I do. So I want to try and organize my mind in such a way that I can ignore it until I am able to process it."

"Is that possible?" I asked.

"I don't really know, but I'd like to try," she explained, her eyes lighting up a bit when she went on. "I've been reading about how a person can structure their mine in any way they can imagine. A person could bury their deepest fears beneath an ocean, or they could hide their deepest secrets in a locked trunk, but I'd like to try and structure my own mind like a library. Maybe that's a bit obvious, but I don't need to use this to hide from someone else. I need structure for myself. I cannot think of somewhere I feel more comfortable than in a library."

"I think it sounds like a wonderful idea," I said handing her the library sketches back. "How can I help?"

"Just be here for me," she shrugged. "We're both clueless about occlumency, so you can help me by supporting me."

* * *

**HPOV**

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The next step in our plan seemed to create itself to us on its own after Severus explained the blood wards on the Black crypt to me. I was initially concerned that I would have to somehow convince Sirius to return to the crypt and then perhaps stun him so we could rob the grave, but Severus said it was much simpler than that.

"You see, only a drop of Black blood must be present for us to safely enter," he explained.

"So… what? It can be dried blood?" I questioned. "We threw out that dress covered in Bellatrix's blood, where will we get more?"

"No it has to be fresh blood, flowing through the veins of a living creature," he told me.

"A creature? What do you mean Severus," I questioned.

"Do you not know how a house elf is bound to the family it serves?" he said looking honestly surprised, as if for a moment he had forgotten that I was a muggleborn. "Ah of course you don't. They are bound to their masters with blood magic. When the first elf is tied to the family they ingest a single drop of the patriarch's blood. It is then passed down the line genetically binding all of the off spring unless they are gifted to another witch or wizard."

"So the Black family elf… Kreacher," I mused. "He can take us?"

And so the plan to retrieve Kreacher to gain entrance to the crypt was born. I was the only one who had been given an invitation into Grimmauld place before the inhabitants ceased to exist, so naturally I would be the one to breach the lingering charms that kept it concealed to abduct the elf. We had debated the idea of me making myself into Sirius once more in order to trick the elf, but on the off chance that anyone spoke to the elf we did not want to draw a trail to Sirius that could get him killed. So instead it was decided that I would simply appear in the house, stun the elf, and bring him back to Spinner's End with me so that we could enact our plan.

If everything were to go perfectly we would break into the crypt, steal Hufflepuff's cup, and return Kreacher home all before the initial stunner even wore off. If nothing were to go wrong, I would simply place Kreacher in his nest, and we would hope that he woke up without any suspicion of missing time for the day. Of course even if he did have suspicions about missing time, he would have no evidence to suggest our involvement. But then the entire plan hinged on absolutely nothing going wrong.

The plan seemed easy enough, so of course I did not make a contingency plan for if things went wrong. That was the idiocy I was cursing myself for when I appeared in the kitchen of Grimmauld place, and almost immediately heard the voice of someone who was most certainly not a house elf shouting from inside the vast pantry.

"Where is the bloody whiskey you pest?" a voice I immediately recognized as Sirius bellowed.

I could already hear him making his way back out, so I hardly had time to think of a foolproof plan. My mind raced, and without really thinking it through I turned my wand on myself. With rapid spell work I transfigured my appearance to look almost identical to that of Severus. I had one second to shoot a spell at my throat that would deepen my voice, though it wouldn't make it sound much like Severus at all.

I quickly stowed the wand up in my sleeve as Sirius stormed back into the room. He pulled up short when he saw me, dropping what appeared to be a bottle of honey mead onto the floor and shattering it at his feet. He paid it no attention as he stared at me.

"A bit of notice that you were coming would have been nice," he managed to spit out awkwardly when he found his voice. "Or even a couch to let me know you were in the room."

"I wasn't expecting you to be here," I drawled fighting a cringe at how obviously false my voice was to my ears, though it didn't seem to be bothering Sirius. "I came to interrogate your house elf."

"Why?" he asked as he drew his wand and vanished the mess at his feet.

"You did get your information about the murders from him did you not?" I went on, striving even harder to sound like Severus. "I wish to question the witness as it were, but perhaps another time. Are you living here now?"

"No, I'm just shutting down the house," he groaned. "You know, draping the furniture to protect it from dust and all that. I've been here long enough to grow sober and for the hangover to pass, and now I don't even have mead. I need to get out of here."

"Make the house elf finish it," I directed sharply, as if I had been raised to expect house elves to do my dirty work.

"Brilliant," he chirped. "Kreacher!"

The elf appeared with a crack, and I fought against the guilt that rose up in me at the sight of him.

"Finish up with shutting down the house," Sirius barked. "And be sure that all the windows are closed to keep the weather out. I want things kept nice until I can bring prospective buyers through."

"Yes master," the elf grumbled with hostility and then he cracked out of the room.

"I suppose I should have ordered him to speak with you," Sirius said as he stared at the spot Kreacher had been in. "I can call him back before I leave."

"It's fine," I said with a slight growl. "I'll track him down. Try not to drink yourself under the table."

"Funny Snape," he snapped before he withdrew his wand once more to light a fire in the kitchen grate.

I watched him throw in floo powder and disappear with the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. How close had I just come to completely blowing everything just now? I couldn't even begin to fathom it. I released a long puff of air from my aching lungs and attempted to calm the panic that was rising in my chest.

Since I already looked like Severus, I decided to do what he would do if he were here. Stick to the plan. So I went in search of Kreacher with my wand drawn and ready to be put into action. I hadn't a clue where Sirius had left off so I wasn't sure where to find Kreacher. I was expecting to have to move systematically through the house until I found him, but for the first time today luck was on my side. Kreacher was working in the sitting room just off from the kitchen.

The elf was grumbling to himself as he worked to pull a large sheet over one of the couches. His back was turned to me, providing me with an opportunity that I couldn't give up, so I shoved my guilt and shame at what I was about to do into a corner in the back of my mind and I turned my wand on an unassuming and unaware house elf while he worked. I cast the stunner nonverbally, and Kreacher crumbled to the ground unconscious without as much as a peep.

I hurried over and gathered him up in my arms and apparated back home. There was a small pop when I appeared in the living room, followed directly by the sound of a tea cup clattering onto the coffee table.

"What that… what?" Severus said his eyes bulging slightly as he stared at me.

"Oh… I forgot," I said in that foreign deep voice as I lay Kreacher down on the couch.

With another quick bout of wand work, I returned my voice to normal and my appearance as well. Severus seemed to grow at least marginally more comfortable when I was myself standing before him, but he was definitely still ill at ease. I offered an apologetic shrug.

"Sirius was there," I said as explanation. "I had all of five seconds to come up with a way out of it. I pretended to be you. I wasn't great at it, but he doesn't seem to have noticed that anything was wrong."

"We should talk more about that later," Severus said as he quickly banished the tea that had spilled onto the table. "I imagine we don't have much time before the stunner wears off of the elf."

"Yes, it's time," I agreed as he slung the bag of supplies he had already set aside for today over his shoulder.. "I almost feel like I should pray. Like that might get us through this."

"We'll be fine," he assured me as he crossed the room to scoop Kreacher up into his arms. "Let's go shall we?"

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**SPOV**

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I was surprised by how shaken I had been at the appearance of Hermione looking just like me. It wasn't until I had a house elf bundled under my arm, and my hand wrapped tightly around Hermione's that I even realized what had really thrown me off. I had immediately assumed she had used Necromantic magic to take on my appearance, and I was concerned about her doing that on her own.

It wasn't a concern that I wanted to share with her, as she was already so concerned with slipping, but I was still worried. It was a relief to know that she was simply using transfiguration, and not slipping without mentioning it to me. I tried not to think about what it could mean if she slipped again, because she already felt so horrible about that last time and it wouldn't do any good for me to add to her distress. So it was with an ease of practice I pushed such thoughts from my mind and I apparated all of us to the mouth of the Black family crypt.

"I don't think I'll ever really get used to slide along," Hermione said quietly, as she stepped away from me and attempted to reign in the urge to vomit without being terribly obvious.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I knew her too well for her to bother. Between always having a vague feeling of her thoughts, spending indefinite amounts of time together, and caring for her in the way that I do it felt as if she was just an extension of myself. So it was fairly easy to tell she was feeling sick.

"I think Bellatrix had the only diamond that turned yellow upon her interment, so she shouldn't be too hard to find," I offered as we started walking further down into the cave entrance.

I felt it when we crossed the line of the wards, and I gathered that Hermione must have felt it as well because her hand tightened around mind. There was a tingle of recognition that rolled over my skin, and the slightest sting that made it fairly clear that blood wards knew I wasn't a member of the Black family. However no alarms rang out, and the sting went away when the wards registered the presence of Kreacher.

"So far so good," Hermione whispered shakily as we descended into the slight darkness.

Already in synch with me, Hermione withdrew he wand and lit up our surroundings before I could even ask her to. The path hadn't been completely dark, what with the dim light coming from the graves, but it was much easier to see where we were walking with a bright light to guide us.

We bypassed all of the coffins we had seen on our authorized visit to the crypt and made our way down to the newer graves. The two newest graves weren't as obvious as I would have liked them to be, but the yellow stone did draw the eye fairly easily. Just where the smooth cave wall started to curve away and open into the stone chamber that the funeral had been held in the dim yellow light was shining out.

I carefully laid Kreacher on the ground a safe distance away from where we would be working. Then as a second thought I cast a shield charm around him for good measure. I turned back to find that Hermione was standing exactly where I had left her staring at the glowing coffin.

"Is that really a diamond?" Hermione asked with her head tilted just slightly to the side. "It can't really be can it? It's far too big."

"Lucius seemed fairly certain," I shrugged. "So in theory, this should split with a copper wedge."

"How does that work?" she asked reaching out to take the wedge as I dug it out of the bag.

"We need to find the natural cleavage planes." I instructed as I handed over the wedge. "And when we find those, we can use the mallet to hammer it in, and it will split the stone."

"Seems simple enough," she nodded.

Hermione used her free hand, and I used both of mine as we searched for cracks or fissures. We started in the center and began slowly working our way out without having much success. The pair of us probably looked a sight, hands fumbling over a dimly glowing stone growing steadily more frustrated. When we kept coming up with more smooth planes of crystal, I thought perhaps the fissures were hidden against the rock seam.

"Obviously the stone would be of high quality considering who it was purchased for, but this is ridiculous," I groaned in frustration. "It isn't possible for a stone this big not to have a single fissure in it."

"Well why can't we just pick a spot and try to make a fissure with the wedge?" she asked putting the wedge in front of the very center of the stone. "This seems to be the thinnest point, so in theory it should be the weakest right?"

"The copper wedge only works when it's being applied to a fissure," I explained. "The copper is not as hard as the diamond, and if we were to apply it to a stable surface we will simply flatten the wedge."

"Then let's hit it with the mallet, maybe it will shatter," she suggested.

"We will just break the hammer," I sighed.

"We can hit it at the juncture of stone and diamond," she pointed out. "It's likely to be even weaker than the center."

"It isn't that simple, neither of us is capable of the amount of force needed to break a diamond with a hammer," I said quietly, trying not to grow frustrated with the situation.

"Well I don't see you coming up with a solution," Hermione snapped, one hand convulsing around the copper wedge while the other ran angrily through her hair. "What's the brilliant plan to shatter a diamond then?"

"Let me think for a second," I whispered, not trusting myself to speak any louder lest it turn into a shout.

Hermione immediately fell silent, and I felt the wave of guilt wash over her once more. She did her best to quickly school it away, but I could understand why she felt that way. Neither of us ever shouted at the other, and I could understand why she would feel badly about having done it. I had a feeling I would feel worse if I had been the one to do it, and I wasn't walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders like she was.

"I saw a commercial once on the telly at the Potter's home," I said as I dug through my mind for some answer for what we should do. "It showed a… well, I'm not sure what it was called exactly, but it was a focused red light. It was able to cut a diamond."

"A laser," Hermione said, a smile appearing on her face again. "That could totally work. We could use a laser, to cut along the line between stone and diamond."

"And where do you suggest we get a laser?" I asked while being careful to sound like I wasn't shooting down another idea.

"Well a laser is basically just a focused light right?" she said with a shrug. "It produces heat, which a simple lumos wouldn't be able to, but there are two of us. What if one of casts a heating charm while the other uses a beam of light to try and cut the stone?"

"It couldn't hurt to try," I agreed. "I'll try the heat shall I?"

Hermione nodded and pointed to the curve of the stone that stood at chest level closest to me. I turned my focus to the stone and she joined me close at my side. I kept my wand less than an inch away from the stone and I applied the heat spell. Almost immediately the stone seemed to glow a bit brighter, but not fissures appeared.

Hermione stepped a bit closer and cast a beam of light from the tip of her wand, but she hesitated in directing it the stone. She had a deep look of concentration on her face as she stared at the stone, and never before had I wished more fervently that our mental connection was strong enough for me to pick her actual thoughts out of her mind. Whatever it was she was thinking, she seemed to shake herself out of it, and then she lifted her arm and directed the light at the same point that I was applying the heat. Something seemed to ripple across the stone, and Hermione gasped pulling her wand away.

"Did you see that?" she asked, her breathing growing more audible.

"I believe that was the refraction of you wand light shining back at us," I said calmly.

"Maybe you're right," she said somewhat distractedly, her eyes focused intensely on the center of the stone.

At least I assumed that was what she was looking at. Perhaps she was looking at the body within? That may be able to explain why she suddenly looked so upset.

"Shall we try again?" I asked.

She nodded again, but her wand arm shook as she brought the light back around. She unerringly directed her hand into alignment with mine, and the light began to ripple and sway across the stone. I didn't know what it was I was seeing, but I immediately understood what had unsettled Hermione when I focused on the changing light.

She kept her wand directed on the stone to give us both a better look, and with more than just a split second to see it I realized I could see something moving within the barrier between us and the body. I hadn't ever seen anything like this. It almost looked like fire, but in certain parts I could swear that I saw a snake or the head of a dragon.

"Nox," Hermione whispered and the world seemed to go almost pitch black in comparison to the brightness we had just been looking at.

It was silent save for the sound of Hermione's ragged breathing. I cancelled the heat spell and lowered my wand. My mind was racing trying to understand what I had just seen.

"Well that isn't a diamond," I stated somewhat dumbly. "And it isn't a soul stone like I had originally suspected at the service."

"No this is a stone, that up until this very second I had been under the impression was only ever made by necromancers. It was featured in one of the later chapters of the book," Hermione said very quietly. "To be fair, it was my mistake to assume that meant it had to be necromantic magic. It is certainly dark, but there is no sacrifice required, though it is borderline theurgic none-the-less considering how much control it takes to make it."

"What is it?" I asked, wishing not for the first time that I had read the book in its entirety before Hermione had stashed it away.

"It isn't given an actual name in the book, but for lack of a better way to name it I'd call it a fiendfyre stone," she explained, refusing to look at me. "As a future potion's master you probably already know that if you hold the flame of fiendfyre under control long enough an ashwinder is formed. But did you know that you can move beyond that? It may even be considered a sacrifice of sorts, to burn the snake you created in order to forge this unbreakable stone, though it doesn't seem to require a necromancer to do it."

"So this cannot be broken?" I questioned, my heart sinking in my chest.

"In theory, no witch or wizard could break this stone," Hermione whispered so softly I almost couldn't hear her. "But in practice, this stone was not created with the intention of keeping absolutely everyone out. There is one type of witch or wizard who could destroy it, but I doubt the Black's thought about that when they chose this particular type of coffin."

I understood what she was implying, but I still felt the need to hear her say it.

"A necromancer can break this stone by essentially vaporizing it," she went on. "I can tear it apart at the molecular level, but the sacrifice is costly. The amount of my own blood needed could kill me if we aren't extremely careful."

"Does it have to be your blood?" I questioned. "Couldn't part of it be mine, to avoid the risk of exsanguination?"

"No, it has to be the blood of a necromancer in order to break such dark magic," she said finally looking at me. "I need your help though. I need you to help to keep me from slipping again, and when it's done I need you to rush us home and save me. You still have blood replishers in your stock don't you?"

"Yes, I brewed a full batch after the first time I saw you use blood in a ritual, just to be safe," I answered. "But just how much will it take?"

"Half my volume." She stated calmly as if we were speaking of the weather. "I may need you to hold me up."

I hated the very idea of this, but I had no other solution to offer. We could not live our lives with this war still brewing, and we could not end the war without obtaining the cup hidden behind the stone. So as much as I despised the risk that we would take I stepped forward so that her back was pressed against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her waist so she would not be able to fall once she had bled too much to hold herself up.

"Things are likely to get chaotic towards the end, so I need you to remember something that I might be to foggy to remember myself," Hermione said quiet. "As soon as the cup has been pulled from within I have to heal my injury. It has to be done with my wand, so it cancels out the sacrifice I am offering. That will destroy the spell I am using and the stone will return. Shock me awake if you have to."

I nodded my assent, and she immediately brought her wand up to her left arm and slashed her wrist. I knew she meant to finish this quickly when I caught a glimpse of the weeping red line that ran from the base of her hand to the crook of her elbow. She had absolutely eviscerated the vein running through her arm there the blood was all but pouring from the wound as she pressed it awkwardly against the stone.

Only a few seconds in she began to sink more heavily against me as she hissed in pain. It was all I could do to keep my turning stomach from spilling forth what little food I had eaten that day, and I hardly felt like I could hear of the pounding of my racing heart in my ears. Hermione began to sway, and I shuffled us closer when it looked like her arm was going to fall away from the stone.

I wanted to throw in the towel when her breathing dropped off to an inaudible level and all of her weight was resting on me, but I knew she would never forgive me for it. I held her more tightly and tried to convince myself to wait just a second longer despite the fact that I felt like I was letting my very soul die within my arms. Just when all hope seemed lost her blood stopped dripping down the stone. Instead it began to move against gravity.

It swirled across the stone until all of the yellow light was obscured, and we were bathed in a very dim red glow. There was a hissing sound like a den of snakes or steam escaping from a very tight container, and then a cracking as the entire thing shattered. Hermione's weight pulled use forward slightly as the tiny bits and pieces rained down onto the ground and inside of the coffin and we were met with the smell of death.

Hermione seemed sluggish but she managed to reach out clumsily to grab the golden cup sitting by Bellatrix's mangled foot while I redistributed our bodies so I wouldn't drop her. She allowed it to hang in the limp hand of her own mangled arm and tightened her grip on her wand.

The effort to grab the cup however seemed to have drained her and her wand arm faltered. She couldn't seem to raise it to cast the healing spell, and more blood was falling from her left. I wasn't sure if she could even speak to ask me for help so I simply grabbed her arm. I directed her right arm over her left in the pattern that would be needed to heal her.

"Say it with me," I said urgently in her ear. "Vulnera Sanentur."

Her voice was a hoarse almost nonexistent whisper, but she managed to repeat it with me. We chanted together until the blood stopped flowing out of her arm. Her skin slowly knit itself back together, and with each bit of flesh that became unblemished and smooth once more the tinkling sound of the fiendfyre stone piecing itself back together could be heard.

As soon as he wound was healed she slumped more heavily against me and I knew without looking into her face that she had lost consciousness. There was very little time to waste in getting her home so I could treat her, but I still needed to clean up all evidence of our presences. I shifted her against the wall of the crypt and quickly collected the mallet and wedge and put them back into my bag before throwing it over my shoulder once more. Then I turned my eyes to the house elf. There simply wasn't going to be enough time to take him back to Grimmauld place, especially risking a run in with Black. But I also couldn't just leave him here while I treated Hermione and then come back for him, as I wouldn't be able to enter the crypt again without him. If I took him to my home I ran the risk of him waking up, and it wasn't possibly to completely obliviate a house elf due to conflicting magic.

The answer, though perhaps cowardly, came to me easily enough. I tore lose the buttons on the sleeve of my frock coat, and transfigured them into four empty butterbeer bottles. I then set them on the ground below Walburga's grave before pulling the elf over to lay beside them. When the elf eventually awoke he wouldn't remember going to the crypt, but perhaps the bottles would suggest to him that he had gotten drunk and chosen to come grieve. With guilt twisting my stomach I also hexed him so he would have a splitting headache when he awoke, thus likely to believe he was hung-over. Then without looking back I hurriedly gathered Hermione up in my arms and apparated back to Spinner's End.

Her ghostly pallor was even more apparent in the waning sunlight streaming in through my window. I laid her down gently on the couch and dashed off to gather up blood replenishers. I had to use magic to wake her up, and she was still lethargic and unfocused, but she managed to swallow the liquid down when I pressed the vials to her lips. I saw the shift from being on the brink of death to turning away from it. Her skin began to pink up and her eyes brightened slightly as her breathing became easier.

It was disturbing to witness, but I also saw the moment the back lash of the dark magic began. Her hand convulsed around the horcrux that she was now gripping so tightly her fingers were white. Her chest arched up and her back almost seemed to not be touching the couch as she breathed in deeply, and I got the impression she was taking in my scent. Her eyes grew dark with what was so obviously lust that it made my heart beat a little faster no matter my absolute refusal to respond to it.

"Drop the cup," I instructed firmly, hoping that she would simply obey me.

"Kiss me first," she demanded in a husky and far too inviting voice.


	17. All That You Won't Show

_**Lol…. Um so I now have a better understanding of my sudden onset ADD recently. There is a little baby idon'tedit on the way **__** Time will tell on how that development effects the timeliness of updates… I'm a first time mom, so I don't know for sure, but I am just assuming that it's going to slow them down as I move further into the pregnancy.**_

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_**Songs for this chapter: Take One Breath by The Spill Canvas and Signal in the Sky by Matt Hires**_

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**SPOV**

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"I will not," I told her tersely, still hovering above her on the couch unsure of if I should go fetch a vial of dreamless sleep or not.

"Hmm, but you know you want to," she whispered huskily as she sinuously slunk up off the couch and slid her free hand into my hair.

"I said drop the cup," I ordered in a somewhat shaky voice as I attempted to lean back and out of her surprisingly strong grasp.

She didn't even bother with answering what I had said. Despite her allure to me with lust so visible on her features, I still attempted to pull away when she leaned in. I did not manage to deter her, but I did topple our placement on the couch. It seemed one moment I was hovering above her and the next I was flat on my back on the couch with her straddling me and her lips pressed against mine. The sound of metal hitting wood rang out through the room as the cup clattered across the floor, finally freed from her grasp as she pursed something she found more interesting.

"Stop," I demanded, shocked to hear my emotion pouring out through my voice as I pushed her off of me. "I will never be with you like this. Not when there is dark magic involved."

Hermione fell back on the couch due to the force of my push, but then she did not move. She sat there panting and staring at me with a confused face.

"Why should this be any different than the kisses I share with you in your bed," she sighed, running her fingers through her hair to smooth away the errant curls.

"You are not in complete control of you faculties," I pointed out. "And I repeat: I will not be intimate with you when there is dark magic involved in anyway."

"Why does it matter," She grumbled. "We've already established that I would make this same choice if I weren't holding a horcrux and hadn't just used necromantic magic."

"You are being petulant," I argued, realizing we were getting too close to home. "I simply said I won't."

"Why won't you," she asked softly, her stricken face telling me that my distress was probably a little more visible than I had thought.

I didn't answer her; I simply turned away so I wouldn't have to look at her. I didn't want to explain to her with any semblance of detail what had happened to me. Nor did I want to talk about what I may be forced to do to Narcissa Malfoy if I could not find a way out of it. Just the thought of it had my lungs suddenly burning from the oxygen I could not pull in.

"Why won't you," Hermione asked gently as she pulled my slightly on my chin to make me look at her once more.

"You're supposed to be the one that already knows my life story aren't you," I whispered not trusting my voice to be even when I was suddenly feel very overwhelmed. "So instead of asking me questions you probably already know the answer to, will you please take a dreamless sleep and just sleep through the residual backlash please."

"The backlash passed almost as soon as I let go of the horcrux," she said quietly. "For better or for worse, I am gaining more control over what happens to me when I use these powers. But if it will make you feel better, I won't touch you, and I'll sleep for a while. I don't mind."

She didn't say anymore, but in a typical Gryffindor fashion everything that she was thinking now was clear on her face. I could see that despite my choice not to say a word she was slowly piecing it together. I could see her mind narrowing down the few bits of my life she might not actually know about and combining them with what I had actually managed to say aloud about it. I could see the moment that she put it together in her mind by the way that her eyes clouded and her lower lip gave a minute tremble but she did not say anything either.

"I will get you that potion," I said clinically and I left her sitting alone on the couch to contemplate the full depth of the valley that truly lay between us now that she could see it.

I had to give her credit when I returned with the potion vial. She hadn't descended into a bout of tears. Granted she was sitting rigidly on the couch clearly lost in thought but she hadn't completely fallen apart like I would have expected her to had I actually planned to share any of this with her.

"You might be more comfortable if you go up to bed first," I suggested quietly as I handed her the potion.

"Whatever you need," she told me quietly, and I heard a gentle rustling of clothing as she stood from the couch and walked away.

For a minute I just stood there and listening to the gentle sounds of her climbing the stairs and then moving across the floor. With the house as quiet as it was I realized just how old the bed in her bedroom was by how it creaked when she sat on it. A weight settled in my chest at the thought of her returning to that room when she hadn't slept there in ages but I couldn't really blame her either.

I shook the depreciative thoughts from my mind and instead turned my attention to the innocuous looking golden cup on living room floor. I couldn't help but stare at the thing, it seemed so tiny, and yet it contained something so huge in it. Now seemed as good a time as any to just get rid of it; besides with Hermione asleep upstairs she would not be forced to confront whatever this horcrux might do, and if it said anything to me like it had to her she would not be privy to it.

I scooped the cup off the floor and though I felt a minor thrum in the handle I knew I couldn't be feeling anything near what Hermione must feel when she held it in her hand. I thought about destroying it in the living room, but it seemed simpler to just take it into my lab where all of my supplies, including the basilisk venom sat ready and waiting.

I delicately placed the cup on my work table, though I wondered if maybe I should place it inside a cauldron or something first. The locket hadn't melted into a puddle of goop, but it also hadn't been made out of gold so I wasn't sure what I should be expecting.

I opened the drawer on the side of table and pulled the vial of basilisk venom from the pile of straw I had rested it in to keep it from breaking. I had paid far more than I really wanted to pay for the venom and I didn't want to have a repeat purchase anytime soon. I took a deep breath, and gathered myself for what I could be confronted with.

I was quick and efficient in my movements as I removed the stopper from the vial and suctioned a good portion of venom up into the dropper. I had no intention of allowing the bit of soul to gather strength and torment me in the way it had done to Hermione so I did not hesitate to drop five brilliant blue beads of venom into the cup. Immediately shrieks and screams filled my ears, but for a moment I could still see the drops burning down through the bottom of the cup.

_No… please don't…. Severus get off of me._

I couldn't tell whose female voice it was that was screeching at me as the black cloud billowed out of the cup, but it still set my heart racing. The voice warped and went tinny as the top of the cup split and the base began to melt down. I held my breath causing my heartbeat to race in my ears. I thought for a moment I was succeeding in blocking out the sound of the woman beginning me not to hurt her, not to touch her, but then I realized that the black cloud was dissipating as well.

It appeared that the horcrux had been destroyed. The room was silent once more, and the cup was a mangled bit of gold that only vaguely hinted at having once been a cup. I released the air from my lungs, attempting to remain calm as I replaced the stopper in the venom vial. I put it back in it's safe resting place in the drawer and then I stared at the cup once more. What to do with a broken horcrux? I had just vanished the locket to make sure Hermione would never see it again, but did I want to do that to this one as well? Somehow it didn't seem final enough to me.

With thoughts of what the vile bit of soul had just screeched at me I lit a fire in the hearth and I threw the cup in. With Hermione out cold upstairs, and my breathing still almost nonexistent it was nearly silent in the house. I could hear each crack in the fire. I could hear the sizzle each time a drop of molten gold fell through the cracks of grate and pooled in the base of the fireplace. I could hear everything as the horcrux was destroyed completely, but I was lost within my own mind.

All I could think about was what had happened during my initiation into the death eaters, and what would likely happen to Narcissa as well. I thought of what I would be ordered to do, and somehow that also made me think about the possibility of doing that to Hermione. It was a strange shift in fear that I felt within myself at that moment. Initially with what had happened I had been disgusted, and angry, and mortified by what had happened to me. It wasn't until just this moment that I began to fear it twisting something inside of me. What if it made me dark? What if that experience turned me into someone who would want to do that to others? The thought repelled me, and yet with the echo of those screams in my mind I was afraid of myself. I couldn't watch the fire melting the cup any longer after that. I grabbed a bottle of dreamless sleep for myself and I abandoned my lab.

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**HPOV**

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I woke the next morning feeling well rested physically, but mentally I was exhausted. The potion was the only reason I hadn't been up all night with nightmares. Just the haunted and injured look in his eyes was enough to send my mind racing into the realm of terror, and that wasn't even considering what I knew happened to him simply by implication.

I had so many questions, and yet I knew I couldn't ask Severus because it would only hurt him more. I couldn't ask him, but I wanted to know how he could even stand to kiss me or to allow me to touch him when something like that had happened to him. I would never ask him any of the details of that night, and yet I wanted to know them if only to understand what I had sentenced Narcissa Malfoy to.

The only relief I had in this situation at all was the discovery that my studies in building better occlumentic walls within my mind were going well. Just a few days ago I would have been paralyzed with guilt from this whole thing, but today I could think around it. I could accept that I had played a part in it, but by shelving it the guilt to the back of my mind I could also acknowledge that my hand was forced by the woman's own actions. I could file that away onto a shelf in the back of the library I had created in my mind and I could ignore it.

So I attempted to do the same thing with my fears and overwhelming sadness for Severus back there as well. My support and affection for him were usable, but those other emotions would only burden him. I focused my mind, and drew away the emotions that would hurt Severus and held onto only those that could be helpful. I held onto those that I could harness while I tried to think of a way to get him out of this nightmare of situation he was now locked in to.

With my mind racing for ways to solve this difficult equation I crawled out of bed and padded softly out of the room. The house was silent, so I assumed that Severus was still sleeping. I moved just as quietly as I crossed the hall and eased open his bedroom door. Severus wasn't even wearing pajamas where he lay sprawled across his bed.

He was face down on top of his blankets with part of them balled up in his loose fist. I saw that there was a bottle of dreamless sleep sitting on his nightstand, and just assumed it had been a rough night for him. I decided to let him wake naturally and instead headed off to the kitchen to make us both some tea.

I could hear a lazy intermittent popping sound coming from the lab and my curiosity was peaked. The door was also wide open which Severus usually never did so I went to investigate. My immediate fear that the lab was somehow on fire was immediately assuaged when I entered the lab, but there were still a few hot embers crackling as the fire died out in the hearth. Without really even giving it a thought I extinguished what was left of the fire.

As soon as the red glow was gone, I noticed that there was a golden pool underneath the grate. I leaned in and easily saw it was the remains of what had been the cup, so I could only assume Severus had destroyed it earlier in the evening or the cup would not have been able to melt.

My mind was still trying to find a solution for Severus as I knelt on the hearth and pulled the grate out o the way. I cast a cooling charm incase the melted gold was still burning, and then I too the fire poker in hand and began to try and chip the remnants of the cup up off of the floor of the fireplace. It was harder to chip away than I had initially imagined, but it did give me time to think about what to do while my body was focused on the physical labor.

I was so in tune with my task that I did not hear any footsteps when Severus entered the lab. I didn't even know that I wasn't alone until a cup of tea was set down on the hearth beside me. Then I noticed that Severus was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside me. I couldn't read his face enough to tell how he was feeling, so I opted to go for chipper.

"Good morning," I said, brushing my hair out my face to get a better look at him.

"Morning," he said with a slight nod. "Why not just vanish it?"

"You know to be honest I didn't even think of that," I shrugged, turning my attention back to what remained of the gold pool. "I'm almost done anyway."

"We're just going to vanish it when you're done anyway," Severus said softly as he reached out to still my arm, drawing his wand with the other hand. "Let me vanish it please."

"Okay," I said, sliding back to give him some room. "I have an idea I wanted to talk to you about anyway."

"Oh? What is that?" he asked me distractedly as he waved his wand in front of the fireplace.

"I think you should tell the Dark Lord that I have been sent on a recruitment missing for Dumbledore in Sussex or Hampshire. Then you can tell him that my plan is to reverse recruit, but that I think I will be more successful if I had someone to help me."

"Not that I am outright disagreeing, but why should he believe that you need help?" Severus asked as he turned to face me.

"An ambassador from the Order is likely to be expected, so I will need a bit of help in convincing the people I supposedly need to speak with where my loyalties should lie." I explained.

"If he should believe it, what good would it do us?" he asked.

"Well firstly, I think we could both do with a bit of time away," I hedged. "And we could take our time in this alleged task. The window for Narcissa taking the mark was a month right? So we just need to take longer than that."

"He might expect us to bring back actual recruits," Severus pointed out.

"Well, we have a long time to figure out another lie to get us out of that." I sighed. "We can figure something out. It's the only thing I can think of to make sure you don't have to be a part of that again."

"I will go to him tonight," Severus said quietly before taking a sip of his tea.

"I will go to Dumbledore as well," I nodded, picking up my own tea. "He will be under the impression that I am to help you with an investigation into the prophecy with some out of county seers or something like that."

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**P.S. I realize this one is pretty short, but it's more of a transitional chapter... so not a lot of content to fill it up and the next chapter is different subject matter so I wanted them to be separate.  
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	18. Changing the Vision

_**Song for this chapter: Ready Aim Fire by Imagine Dragons**_

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**HPOV**

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Despite the fact that it was early summer, the weather was rather dismal when I appeared on the high street just down the way from the house serving as headquarters. I was half excepting to find Dumbledore waiting for me on the porch like he always had been when anyone needed to visit his office when I was a student. I shook off the strange feeling I had while climbing the stairs alone and knocked politely on the door.

I didn't have long to wait before the door swung open to reveal the headmaster in his trademark lilac robes. I saw a moment of surprise on his features, but then he simply smiled and stepped to the side to gesture me inside.

"What a pleasure to see you Hermione," he said as I walked past him into the house. "Is this a social visit?"

"Not so much," I said delicately.

"I had an inkling," he said with a lightly chuckle as he closed the door. "You looked a bit grim."

"Normally I would just wait until the next meeting, but this is a time sensitive issue," I continued when he started to lead me further into the house. "Severus is being sent on a mission to try and find more information about potential families that might fit the criteria the prophecy. It's a bit of a delicate situation as it is, but apparently he's been ordered to obtain the information without actually speaking with any of the people."

"So Tom has asked that you accompany him?" Dumbledore questioned, and even though his voice was even I could tell he was suspicious.

"No," I answered calmly. "But Severus explained the situation to me and I saw an opportunity. Obviously we can collect information on potential targets, but we might also be able to recruit others to our cause."

"What is the potential for issue with your cover being discovered while out with your husband?" Dumbledore asked, though his tone of voice sounded like he was asking how old I was.

"Fairly minimal," I hedged. "We'll both be traveling on the off chance that the Dark Lord were to check our home, but I would be the one doing any or all of the talking."

"And you think you will be successful?" he asked me pointedly.

"I think I will be," I said assuredly. "I need to leave tonight, and I expect to be gone for a few weeks but I should be back with good news for you after that."

"I suppose I shall see you in a few weeks' time then," Dumbledore said while a smile. "I'll expect a full debriefing when you return, and I expect you to be certain that no one of importance sees you with your husband."

"Of course," I nodded. "I will send word when I've returned."

"Very good," he said formally. "I'm expecting a floo call from Alastor within the next few minutes. Could you show yourself out?"

I nodded, though he hadn't really waited for a response before disappearing into the other room. I shrugged at his dismissive behavior and made my way toward the front door. I had about half a second to enjoy the feeling of having pulled one over on Dumbledore, before I discovered that the front door was open and Sirius Black was staring at me with wide eyes.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" he asked quietly, quickly schooling his features so he looked casual once more.

"I am actually in a bit of a hurry," I told him while casually trying to step around him and leave the house.

"I really have to insist," he said a bit more firmly, stepping to the side to allow me to pass, but then placing his hand on my lower back to direct me. "I didn't get chance to thank you properly for attending the funeral with me."

"It wasn't an issue," I said casually while allowing him to lead me off of the porch and into the street. "I would do it again if you needed me to, though I sincerely hope you would not need such a service again."

"There's just one question I have about that day," he said calmly, allowing me to draw a tiny breath of relief when he took his hand off of my back.

"Okay, shoot," I said, hoping if I seemed completely casual about the situation this wouldn't spiral completely out of control.

"As far as I've been able to track down, you're assignments have never been to attempt and sway suspected death eaters," he said as if he were commenting on the weather. "So I was wondering if you could go over for me again how it is that Narcissa Malfoy knew what your name was."

"I don't know how she knew my name," I said confidently.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't lie to me again," he said though clenched teeth, though he still managed to have a smile on his face which surprised me.

"When am I supposed to have lied to you a first time?" I shot back before taking a deep breath and trying to get myself under control once more. "I understand that you're going through a rough time right now, but I don't think that gives you a right to accuse me of something like this."

"I am not accusing you of anything yet," he said in a dangerously low voice. "But I know you are lying when you say you don't know how she knew your name! For that matter, why don't you also tell me how it is that Dumbledore was speaking to you about a husband, when there is no ring on your finger and no other Granger's in this country as far as I can tell that you could be married to?"

"If you want to have a conversation like this, then I think we should have it somewhere else," I said sternly, though my heart was racing in my chest. "I will not have you accusing me of whatever it is you are accusing me of in the middle of the high street!"

"Fine, let's step into the cemetery shall we?" he bit out while he pushed open the gate, grabbing a handful of my robe sleeve and jerking me inside.

"Keep your hands off me you brute," I snapped at him as I moved to the side to put several paces between us. "I've been nothing but good to you, and you treat me like this?"

"You did what at least appeared to be a very kind thing for me," Sirius said, crossing his arms and posturing at me. "What I can't help but wonder is why would you be so willing to help me out? You hardly know me Hermione. So then I wonder if you were being 'helpful' because it served some purpose for you."

"Do you realize how paranoid you sound right now?" I pushed.

"Normally I would think I was sounding like old Moody, starting to go 'round the twist," Sirius said with a shake of the head. "But I can see the logic coming together. Narcissa knows you. No one else seems to."

"She doesn't know me," I lied.

"She does know you!" he shouted. "She knows you, and no one else does. You just appeared out of nowhere, with some convenient story about being from Italy, even though you don't have an accent, and everyone just invited you in. That's what's insane!"

"This is crazy Sirius," I said calmly, in direct contrast to his yelling. "Narcissa must have learned my name from hearing you say it while we were at the funeral. I don't' know why she would throw herself at me like that, but people do strange things when they are grieving; such as recklessly accusing people of things."

I paused for just a second to let my barb stick but then I went on before he could speak.

"And as for the rest, I _am_ from Italy," I growled. "I moved here with my husband! Of course I didn't mention that to you, because it's none of your damn business where I do or do not move with my husband."

"Who is your husband?" he asked me sharply.

"I don't have to tell you that," I spat. "It's personal information about myself, and with the way you are treating me I see no point in giving it to you."

"You aren't giving it to me because you couldn't think of a name fast enough," he shouted throwing his arms out in anger, and sending my heart into a sprint when I saw that his wand was in his hand now. "I'm done listening to your lies. You are clearly and infiltration, and it is my duty to insure that you cannot funnel anymore information to the other side!"

"You've got to be kidding me," I said, the shaking in my voice barely concealed, and I drew my wand. "I am not spying on the Order."

"You're acting awfully guilty to be claiming innocence," he said with a slight laugh in his voice though he was clearly still angry.

"You drew your wand on me," I pointed out as calmly as I could. "I'm simply preparing to defend myself if you decide to make a further idiot of yourself."

"An idiot?" he shouted at me. "I am not an idiot! I am the only one who can see you for what you really are!"

"I am not a spy!" I shouted shrilly at him.

"Yes you are!" he shouted back, and then time seemed to slow down as his wand cut through the air. "Stupefy."

I quickly erected a shield charm to protect myself from his stunner, and then despite how I would have liked this day to have ended I turned my wand on him.

"Avis," I snapped, twirling my wand before directing it at him. "Oppugno."

The flock of little yellow birds was still materializing when it shot toward him. I saw his eyes widen in shock, and that minor hesitation allowed two of them to land blows on him before he vanished all of my birds. His grimace of pain turned into an angry growl as he looked back to me and brandished his wand again. He cast his spell silently this time, but I knew what it was when it hit me.

I hissed in pain when the stinging hex made contact and angry red welts began to spring up on my cheek. His wand was already coming back around to toss another hex, but I threw up a stronger shield to keep his hexes out. So much of me wanted to hex him back, but he really was innocent in this situation despite how he was acting. I still had hope of trying to subdue him and find a peaceful way out of this massive problem.

"Expelliarmus," I said with a quick snap of my wrist.

His wand flew from his hand, but it did not fly into mine as I was expecting it to. Apparently he had kept enough of a grip on it to alter the trajectory and send it crashing into the ground in between us. I didn't wait to see if he would go after it, I dove forward reaching for his wand. I heard his howl of rage when my fingers closed around the slender bit of wood, but then his boot came crashing down on my hand it was my own screech that filled my ear.

"Are you crazy, you could have broken your wand," I groaned as I rolled away from him cradling my injured hand and his surprisingly intact wand into my chest.

I was expecting some equally angry response from Sirius. I was not expecting him to punch me. I was running on instinct from that point out. Sirius had jumped down on me and landed one good punch while I was otherwise distracted, but then I stopped treating him like some innocent wizard that I shouldn't hurt.

I hit back. I hit him back as hard as I could, and I sent him reeling away from me. I wasn't about to give him another opportunity to hit me back, so I lurched after him, and landed another blow to his jaw before tackling him to the ground. We were both struggling, and he managed to getting a glancing blow to my face that caused my nose to bleed before I got his arms pinned between us. I couldn't think of a better plan for how to deal with him, and I certainly couldn't keep fighting in the middle of a cemetery, so I apparated the pair of us to Spinner's End.

"What the devil?" I heard Severus question, but I couldn't answer him as Sirius flipped us once more and his recently freed arm was coming for my face once more.

My muscles locked down as I prepared to be punched again, but Severus leapt into action. He caught Sirius by the elbow before he could land and blow and he held him firmly in place. Sirius looked shocked, but surprisingly didn't immediately look to see who had a hold on him. Instead he actually growled at me.

"Fine, you want to meet my husband so badly," I spat at him. "Turn around then you arse."

"What the…" Sirius said as he turned to look Severus in the face. "No freakin' way you guys are married?"

"Technically no," I breathed as I slid across the floor to pull myself further from him. "But that is the impression we've given people, and we intend to keep it that way."

"You're working with a death eater," he spat at me before yelping in pain when Severus tightened the hold on his arm.

"So are you," Severus whispered dangerously in his ear. "Now would you like to tell me why you've injured Hermione's face?"

"Not until you tell me what is going on here!" Sirius bellowed. "She's a liar! You're probably a liar! What the bloody hell is going on here?"

"If you act like a civilized adult for two seconds I will tell you," I panted as I tried to stem the blood flowing from my news.

"Hermione, do you think that's a good idea?" Severus asked carefully. "We might be better off just obliviating him."

"Obliviations can be broken," I sighed. "Besides, we aren't in the wrong here, I think we can make him understand that."

"And if we can't?" Severus questioned. "What if he runs back and tells everyone everything."

"I don't think he will," I sighed. "But I think an unbreakable vow should remain on the table if it seems like he is going to turn on us."

"I am still in the room you wankers," Sirius growled, trying to pull himself out of the hold Severus had on him.

"Oh now you want things to be polite?" Severus asked kicking Sirius away from him so he was sprawled on the ground looking up at him. "Was that what was going through your head when you were pummeling a woman half your size?"

"Oh don't act like she's so meager, she still kicked my arse," Sirius grumbled.

"Yes," Severus laughed. "You did get a full on whopping from a woman, I am glad you can admit it."

"Stop taunting him Severus," I sighed. "This situation isn't going to get any better until we clear the air."

"Well go on then," Severus sighed. "I will hold him here, and you can tell him whatever it is you plan on telling him, but then I am making him take a vow."

"Alright Sirius, you're right that not everything is as it seems, but this story is stranger than you could have ever imagined."

I proceeded to fill him in on the fact that I had fallen back through time, but I left out the fact that I had inadvertently used necromancy to do it. I brought him up to speed on what I was doing with the Order and what Severus was actually doing with the death eaters. I didn't directly lie, but I allowed him to think we were using occlumency and tremendous acting skills rather than there being any dark magic involved in anyway. Sirius remained silent for the entire story though he looked more and more confused as it went on.

"Why not just go to Dumbledore with all of this," he asked when I had finally finished.

"Because he is a part of the problem as well," Severus grumbled.

"He was the one that told Severus to deliver half of the prophecy he overheard to the Dark Lord" I explained once more. "We can't trust him with what we're doing, as he was already willingly slating a family for death."

"You don't know that he knew the family would die though," Sirius pointed out.

"Maybe he didn't know, but if I let these things play out the way he wants to too, many people end up dead," I groaned.

"What family is it anyway?" Sirius questioned, though his voice was much calmer than it had been.

"James, and Lily," I said softly.

"And the baby?" Sirius questioned in a hoarse whisper.

"No he survived, but things went very badly in his life," I explained. "So we have to do this. I'm not some evil witch trying to get you and your friends killed. I am actually trying to save us all from a megalomaniac!"

"What exactly are you guys doing to try and stop him anyway?" Sirius asked as he sat up and rubbed at his red and swollen jaw.

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**I know I am horrible to leave it here. Feel free to throw things in my general vicinity, just aim away from the abdomen. :) **** I will try to get the next chapter up quickly, but I am currently conferring my friend DZAuthor AKA DZMom about something I want to do in the next chapter.**


	19. Through Different Eyes

_**Song for this chapter: Redemption by Redlight King**_

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**SBPOV**

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"Tell me Sirius, have you ever heard of a horcrux?" Hermione asked me and Snape when strangely still and quiet.

I had to assume from his behavior that she meant something bad, but I had never heard of it before. Frankly the word sounded absolutely ridiculous. I mean really, did it have something to do with loose women? That was what it sounded like to me, and I hardly think that Snape would react that way if we were talking about an easy lay.

"No, can't say that I have," I shrugged, watching as Hermione vanished the dried blood from her hands and face.

"A horcrux is a cursed object," Hermione explained quietly. "This object is created by a dark wizard to house a piece of their soul. By creating this, they in theory make themselves immortal. If you were to use the killing curse on a dark wizard with a horcrux he would simply leave his body until he was able to create a new one with an ancient potion, but he would not die."

"Merlin, are you serious?" I said when she stopped explaining what she actually meant.

"Deadly," Snape drawled.

"And let me guess who has one…" I groaned. "Mouldyshorts."

"Try five," Snape interjected as he stepped out of the room.

"Five?" I snapped, the room suddenly seeming much bigger than it should. "How in the hell… why?"

"He's obviously completely warped now," Hermione said softly. "He's severed his soul so many times that there's hardly anything left inside of him."

"How do we get rid of them?" I whispered.

"That's the thing, it's nearly impossible," Hermione said in a very tired voice. "I only know of two ways to destroy them, and honestly in this time frame only one of them is viable. Basilisk venom corrupts the enchantments that protect object, and thus destroys the bit of soul."

"So that's what the pair of you is working on then?" I said, finding that I sounded just as tired as she did. "Tracking them down and destroying them? All five of them?"

"Yes," Snape drawled as he returned and kneeled down in front of Hermione with what must have been a tincture that he began applying to her face delicately. "Though par for the course, you are not quite aware of the entire picture. We have already destroyed two of the five, and you are currently delaying us from destroying the third."

"Yes, that is exactly my intention here," I snapped back. "I woke up this morning and I thought, hmm here's a great way to destroy the world as I know it."

"Shut up Black," Snape bit out. "It's all I can do right now not to hex you into oblivion. Do not ever lay a hand on Hermione again."

"Severus," Hermione said so softly I almost didn't hear her. "He did something wrong, but he doesn't belong in the category you are putting him in."

I suddenly felt as if I was intruding on a very private moment, and yet I could not seem to look away from what I was seeing. Snape leaned in and rested his head against her forehead and he whispered something to her. I couldn't quite make out what he had said, but his tone sounded mournful.

"He isn't anything like your father," Hermione whispered, allowing me to infer what his comment might have been and begin to wonder if I really knew Snape at all. "I won't let anyone abuse me, you know that Severus."

And just as quickly as the private moment had started it was over. Snape leaned back, and stiffened his posture once more. He returned to the task of gently applying what I now suspected to be a bruise paste to her eye. My stomach roiled with guilt when I realized I could already see a print of my fist forming in purple on her skin. At the time it had felt so justified, and yet now I could not believe I had punched a woman.

"I could help," I heard myself saying.

"That would still constitute laying a hand on her," Snape all but growled at me.

"I meant with the horcruxes," I said, dropping my gaze to the floor. "I know I can't help with that. All I can say is how sorry I am."

"If you never lay a hand on Hermione again, I might consider believing that you are actually remorseful for what you have done." Snape said, looking back over his shoulder at me with less venom than had been present before.

"It couldn't hurt for you to help us," Hermione sighed.

"It could hurt quite a bit actually," Snape drawled. "Black is prone to causing mayhem, and I wouldn't put it past him to run straight to Potter after leaving here to spill what we are doing."

"I will take the unbreakable vow," I offered in the face of his continued anger toward me.

"If that is to be the case, I will be choosing for you," Snape grumbled.

"That sounds fair enough," I shrugged. "I will take the unbreakable vow, but in exchange I want to go along for whatever it is you are doing for the third horcrux."

"We don't have a cover story for you," Hermione pointed out delicately.

"No one is ever sure if I am coming in for a meeting or to see them right now," I pointed out. "It's the only positive thing to be had in a time of unpredictable grieving, I can disappear for a day or two without drawing too much attention to myself."

"We're going to be gone for at least two weeks if not longer," Hermione sighed.

"I can make arrangements, James thought I could use a holiday anyway," I said, thinking on the fly. "I can just say I'd rather go on my own. I want to be here for this. I need to see what you are describing in order for it to make sense to me. I need to see it with my own eyes."

"This is not some program on the telly," Snape snapped.

"I don't even know what that means," I sighed.

"It means we aren't here for your entertainment," he groused.

"Severus," Hermione chided.

"Fine, bring him along if you must," he growled. "But he's taking a vow."

"I already agreed to do that," I snapped.

"Can you two stop being hostile for like five seconds," Hermione groaned, rubbing her temple.

"I can if he can," I said. "Now, how about that vow?"

"Hermione will you have the vow sworn to you?" Snape asked with strained patience.

"Sure," she said somewhat awkwardly. "What do I need to do?"

"You will hold tightly onto his wrist," Snape explained to her softly. "Then you will ask him a very specific question. I would like to formulate the question for you to ask, but then you have to be certain to say just the right words. This protects both parties of course."

"What do you mean exactly?" Hermione questioned.

"He means that he wants the question phrased in such a way that I cannot weasel my way out of the oath I am about to take," I grumbled.

"And to make sure a minor stipulation doesn't get you killed," Snape pointed out.

"I hardly think you care about that," I scoffed.

"I don't like you," Snape pointed out harshly. "But I don't want you to end up in front of the Wizengamot, forced to speak the truth do to veritaserum, and then keel over dead while being questioned."

"Do you think it's likely I'll end up in front of the Wizengamot?" I asked.

"There's no way to know how the future will play out, wouldn't you rather have your bases covered?" Hermione shrugged.

"Fine," I agreed, though I still didn't quite trust Snape. "Take my hand."

I was surprised how shaky Hermione's hand felt when it closed around my wrist. Outwardly she looked entirely composed, but her hand spoke volumes about how she must actually be feelings. I wondered if she was in pain still, or if she was still terrified to be forced into a situation where I was included in her most guarded secret. I gave her wrist an encouraging squeeze, and when she didn't wince I assumed that the latter was causing her to tremble. Snape slid into place behind her so he could whisper into her ear.

"Do you Sirius Black swear that you will protect the secrets that you learn from Severus Snape and Hermione Granger?" Hermione asked when the first bit of whispering had stopped.

"I do," I vowed and one fine white glowing line wove itself around our joined hands.

"And do you promise that no matter the duress you will not share anything you have learned today, or will learn in the future unless you are directly required to due to legal circumstances."

"I do," I vowed once more and another string of light wrapped itself around the two of us.

The two strings tightened, and though they were composed of light and shouldn't even be felt, it was painful. It felt as if my wrist was catching fire, and I fought not to wince when I saw how stoically Hermione endured the pain.

"That should be good enough," Snape said quietly and Hermione instantly dropped my hand and began rubbing her wrist.

"You have about an hour to prepare yourself if you are coming along with us," Snape said dismissively. "We will be leaving at that point whether or not you have returned."

"The time is short, but please don't be sloppy," Hermione said in a much more friendly tone of voice. "It would turn out very badly if James or Remus were to come looking for you while you are with us."

"What should I tell them so they believe I have reason to be away for two weeks?" I asked.

"Oh you won't need to be there for that long," Hermione said dismissively. "It should only take us a day or two, but we are staying a bit longer for personal reasons."

"Sort of like a couples' get away," I laughed, though I wasn't really joking.

"Something like that," Snape said stiffly.

"Alright, I'll be back within the hour," I said as I climbed up from the floor and put a little difference between Snape and myself.

* * *

"Did you get into another bar room brawl?" James asked, as soon as he opened the door.

Immediately I felt like an idiot. Why hadn't I checked my reflection before coming here? I had felt Hermione hit me, and yet somehow it hadn't occurred to me that I might look the worse for the wear.

"Yeah, I was drunk again, and made a stupid choice," I sighed, running my hands through my hair, and praying that James couldn't tell I was lying.

"Merlin Sirius do you need some ice for that eye?" Lily asked as she walked toward the door, rubbing her swollen belly absentmindedly.

For just a moment I had been thinking of how horrible it felt to lie to my closest friends, but then seeing Lily standing there so blissfully pregnant my guilt went away. If it took a few lies to be certain that they would both live, and their child would grow up happy with both of his parents then I would lie.

"No it's fine, I'm just going to put some bruise paste on when I get home," I said breezily as if I didn't have a care in the world. "I'm headed that way right now, but I wanted to drop in on you guys for a moment and let you know what I've got going on for the next few days."

"Oh?" James questioned, turning slightly so he couple droop his arm over Lily's shoulder.

"I'm going to head out of town for a few days, try to get my head clear." I shrugged. "I think I'm gonna go to the coast for a while, get my head on straight so I can be a productive member of the Order once more when I return."

"We'll go with you if you want," Lily said softly, her eyes watering just a bit like they were prone to do when she got emotional since she had gotten pregnant.

"I know you would, and I appreciate that," I said with a half-smile. "But I need a little time to myself. You know what I mean right?"

"Of course," James nodded. "You'll floo call us if you need anything won't you?"

"Yeah," I agreed easily. "Anyway, I'll swing by when I am back in town so you know I'm here. Maybe I'll take you both out to lunch or something."

"Sure, sounds great," Lily said with a smile. "Take care of yourself Sirius."

"That's the idea," I nodded as I backed out of the doorway.

I gave the pair of them one last nod of agreement before I turned my back on their house and I walked away. I maintained a leisurely pace while I left their yard, and made my way toward my own home. I continued to amble on with my hands shoved casually in my pockets until I knew I was no longer in view of any of the windows in their house. It wasn't likely they were watching me go, but I had to cover all of my bases.

As soon as I was hidden by another house I took off at a sprint back to my house. I was running on pure adrenaline as I pulled a bag out from under my bed and began throwing things into it. I put a couple set of robes inside just in case I ended up needing them as well as the bruise paste I had mostly been lying about at the Potter's house.

I was just about to just apparate back to Spinner's end when it occurred to me that I might want a toothbrush if we ended up being wherever we were going for a few days after all. I grabbed a pain relief potion and a comb I was at it, before I caught sight of my face in the bathroom mirror. I really did look a fright, with a dried trail of blood by my nose and blossoming black eye. I decided washing my face was in order before I returned to Spinner's end.

* * *

Both Snape and Hermione looked considerably different when I was let into the house once more. Snape was shockingly dressed in a pair of dark grey slacks and a black t-shirt. It was much more shocking than seeing Hermione dressed in a pair of khaki capris and a light pink t-shirt. It appeared that they had both showered, and though I really didn't want to know I couldn't help but wonder if they had showered together.

"You'll have to change," Hermione said delicately. "We're going into an area populated mostly by muggles."

"I don't really have any muggle clothing," I hedged.

"You're a wizard aren't you?" Snape sighed as he waved his wand over their bags and shrunk them down to fit into his pocket.

"You might remember from school that I barely passed my transfiguration O.W.L.s," I said, scrubbing at the back of my neck.

"It's fine, I can do it for you," Hermione shrugged. "Did you bring any extra clothes, or should I do those ones?"

"I've got a couple pairs of robes," I told her as I pulled my bag off my shoulder and started pulling clothes out.

There was a relatively awkward silence while Hermione performed nonverbal transfiguration on my robes and Snape stared moodily into the fire place. He looked like he'd rather pretend I didn't even exist let alone acknowledge that I was in the room. I could feel the fact that I was unwanted in this endeavor, but I wasn't able to just sit there and let it be silent and awkward.

"So how long do you think we'll be wherever it is we're going?" I asked.

"It depends how long it takes us to find the place Black," Snape sighed.

"Could you two stop with the last name business," Hermione sighed quietly while she continued to focus on changing my robes into a pair of trousers and a shirt. "I'm not asking you to become best friends or anything, but please try and drop the hostility it's exhausting."

"I'm sorry Hermione," a male voice said, and I was flabbergasted to realize it was Snape.

Had he ever apologized for anything in his life? I rolled around the sound of his first name in my mind. As far as I could tell I had never actually said the name Severus out loud. Maybe it was time to let go of our childish antics.

"I'm sorry too," I said quietly. "I think I can bury the hatchet if you can Severus."

Yeah it felt weird having that word come out of my mouth.

"As much as I would love to bury a hatchet in your face," Severus sighed, still facing the fire. "I will do my best… Sirius."

"I suppose that's the best I can ask for," Hermione sighed regretfully as she tossed the new clothes at me. "Go ahead and get changed, and then we'll apparate to Great Hangleton."

"Great Hangleton?" I asked Severus as Hermione pointed me toward the bathroom.

"We'll explain more when we get there, go change," he said abruptly.

* * *

It was just starting to cool down when we arrived on the outskirts of Great Hangleton. We were standing on the side of a street where one side had houses and the other had a fair few trees. It looked like a park, but I opted not to say that in hearing range of Severus.

"Okay, we've got about three hours of daylight left," Hermione said as she pulled her hair back into a messy bun with an elastic. "That gives us roughly two and a half hours searching hours before we'll have to stop and set up camp."

"You still haven't told me what it is we are looking for." I pointed out while I pointedly did not look at the strange sight of Severus going to pull his hair back and then seeming to remember that he had short hair now. When had he cut off all his hair anyway?

"We're looking for a house in the woods," Hermione said offering me an apologetic smile. "I wish I could give you something really concrete, but the best I have is that there is a dead snake nailed to the door, and it's in an area that would never see a lot of traffic."

"Who gave you directions like that?" I asked, surprised by how very vague they were.

"We weren't given directions at all you—oof," Severus was cut off by Hermione's elbow colliding into his gut.

"I said be nice," she snapped with a grimace before turning to look at me. "We're searching on vague instructions because we are following a second hand recounting of a memory that was viewed by one of my best friends."

"That seems a little vague to follow out into the forest," I said quietly as we marched further into the trees as a unit.

"Ah yes, but I already know it will be there since it was successfully retrieved in 1997." Hermione said with a half smirk. "So it's vague, and it's going to be difficult but I know we will eventually find that house out here and find that blasted ring."

"So the horcrux is a ring then?" I asked, looking around through the trees for any sign of a house.

"Can we not play twenty questions?" Severus grumbled. "Let's just focus on the task, and maybe we won't even have to set up camp in the woods tonight."

"We're probably going to have to set up camp tonight either way," Hermione told him apologetically while reaching out to take his hands. "I know you don't like to camp, but maybe it will be fun."

"Laying on the ground with bugs flying around sounds fairly awful," Severus grumbled, and I opted to keep my eyes on the trees rather than be forced yet again to acknowledge that they were in fact a couple.

"The tent I bought has cots, and there probably won't be any bugs… or only a few," Hermione laughed.

Severus grumbled something that I couldn't make out and then they fell quiet. I wasn't about to admit it out loud but it was kind of nice to just walk quietly through the woods. I supposed that I should feel anxious or pressed for time or something while searching for a house that was housing part of a dark wizard's soul, but I didn't. It was pleasantly warm out, and the forest smelled like it had rained recently. My eyes were pealed for a sing of the house with a snake nailed to the door, but I was more at peace than I had been since hearing about the murders.

We walked for what had to be miles, but we didn't find anything. Though no one was talking I could feel the tension growing after what felt like an hour or two, but I was trying to hold on to that peaceful feeling being in the tree's was giving me.

The sun was just starting to set, casting an orange glow in the trees as it sunk down along the horizon, when Hermione stopped walking. She turned around in a circle looking for something only she knew of before she turned to face Severus and me.

"Well, this looks like as good a place as any to set up camp for the night," she said with what looked to be forced cheerfulness. "We might have entered on the wrong side of the forest or something, but I figure we can rest up and start searching again first thing in the morning."

"I'll set up the tent," Severus said tiredly. "Sirius why don't you start a fire so we can make something to eat before we go to sleep."

"We shouldn't really see any muggles out this far, but on the off chance there are hikers or something like that we should probably make sure that the fire is a natural color," Hermione said quietly. "I brought eggs and bacon though. Do you like your bacon just barely cooked or extra crispy?"

"Extra crispy please," I told her as I looked for a good place to start a fire.

* * *

I was still half asleep, but it felt like there was an earth quake taking place around me. I tried to gather my wits, and figure out where I was and what was happening but my brain was slow with the fog of sleep.

"Severus stop it," I heard a woman whisper. "He's just not a morning person is all."

"I don't care if he isn't a morning person Hermione," a deep voice grumbled, and I started to wake up enough to process what was going on around me.

My eyes snapped open when I remembered I was in a tent with Severus Snape and his would be wife Hermione Granger. I sat up and scrubbed the sleep from my eyes, trying to force my brain into gear thinking about the horcrux rather than how comfortable I had been wrapped up in the blankets moment ago.

"It's about time you woke up you lazy lump," Severus groused.

"Sorry," I yawned, surprising myself with the lack of animosity I felt toward him this morning. "I just need a second to get myself together and then I'll be ready to start looking again."

"Do you want some breakfast first?" Hermione asked. "I've got a scramble. Or there is some coffee."

"I'd love some coffee," I said as I drug myself out of bed. "But I can drink it on the move so we can get going."

"It's fine take time for breakfast," Severus said with a sigh as he started making his way toward the tent opening. "I'm sorry I was cross. I'm not a morning person either."

And just like that he disappeared outside the tent. What alternate reality had I fallen in to where Severus Snape and I were having polite or at least borderline polite, conversations with one another. When had my life turned so far around that I was on a hunt for dark objects with an unlikely pair and I was lying to James and Lily in order to do it? I knew in my gut it was the right thing, but it still felt very strange.

"You sure you don't want a scramble?" Hermione asked as she handed me a cup of coffee.

"No thank you, I've never been much of a breakfast person." I told her.

"We've got a long day of walking ahead of us, we might not get to stop to eat again until dark," she told me. "I'm gonna go sit outside with Severus, you come along when you're ready to start the day alright?"

I nodded and she went out into the early morning sunshine as well. I couldn't help but feel like she was trying to mother me, but I went ahead and ate the food she had left sitting on a crate acting as a table. She was right it was going to be a long day, and I probably would be hungry pretty early if I skipped breakfast. I made quick work of it though; I didn't want to tempt Snape's patience. Severus, I instantly corrected myself as if Hermione was going to pop up any second and tell me to act my age.

I sucked down the eggs and bits of bacon as well as the coffee before turning my attention to my shoes. Once they were on and my laces were in place, I shuffled the crate back under one of the cots like it had been last night when the tent had first been set up, and then I joined the others outside.

"I'm ready to head out," I said, drawing their attention away from where they were erasing the evidence of the fire I had set last night.

"Wonderful, I just need to pack the tent away and we'll be good to go," Hermione said with far more energy than anyone should have when it was so very early.

She set to work on the tent and I went to join Severus where he was standing by a tree staring off into the distance. It this strange alternate reality that had become my life, it seemed perfectly normal for me to join him and perhaps even talk while we waited for Hermione.

"She is most definitely a morning person," I said conversationally as I finger combed my mussed up hair.

"Yes she is," Severus said in a calm voice, that I had never heard him use before, at least not around me. "She's bright and sunny at her core, I think that's why she connects with the morning much better than I do."

"You love her don't you?" I asked before I could really think about it.

He turned to look at me then, and his eyes moved between annoyance and confusion. He shook his head at me and turned to look out through the trees once more.

"Not that it's even remotely your business," he said somewhat gruffly. "But yes, very much."

"You can see it clear as day that she feels the same way," I said while resolutely turning away from him so I wouldn't have to meet his gaze if he turned to look at me again. "If someone had asked me I would have honestly thought you two were married."

Severus only hummed his agreement, and the conversation just sort of died off. Hermione came back to join us with the tent squirreled away in her pocket and we started to walk again. We started off toward the north this time, rather than heading east like we had been all of yesterday.

It was still a beautiful forest, but some of the novelty of walking around in it hard worn off since last night. Despite how little I felt like walking around in the forest today I kept my eyes peeled for any sign of that house. I wanted to see for myself that there really was a horcrux, and see it destroyed, and to see that happen, to know that Hermione and Severus were being completely honest with me, I had to find that house.

* * *

The sun had climbed all the way to the top of the sky and started its fall in the other direction before we saw it. We'd been walking quietly for hours, conversation long since having died away when suddenly Severus was talking again.

"Look, just through there," he said pointing ahead.

"Oh it's just how Harry described," Hermione said as she hurried forward.

I lagged behind just a bit at the name. Hadn't James and Lily been talking about naming their son Harry? Is that how Hermione knew the things she had told me? Did she come from the time of the orphaned boy she had mentioned? Was she his friend?

"She you can hardly make it out through the tangle of trunks," she said with a smile on her face as she looked back over her shoulder at Severus and me. "I can just picture him saying this is a very strange place for a house."

She turned back around without waiting for any sort of response from us and hurried forward so quickly she was practically running. She broke through the trees long before us and then punched the air in celebration.

"And there it is, a dead snake nailed to the door," she chirped.

"You're awfully excited," Severus drawled.

"Well it's the first one that was exactly where it should be," Hermione shrugged. "And we found it without much difficultly, and without having to use… magic hardly at all. It's just nice to have something be easy for once."

Severus shook his head at her, but he didn't say anything. I wondered if he was thinking that she was overly excited, or if he was wondering if she had just jinxed us by saying this has been easy. It seemed easy enough didn't it? Walk into this dilapidated old shack and steal a ring?

I followed behind as Hermione lead us closer to the house, but I noticed that as we drew in tighter she began to slow down. Severus was still keeping a fairly good pace, but even he wasn't walking as quickly as he had been before. It wasn't long before I closed the gap that had formed between us and very nearly passed them.

"Don't you feel that?" Hermione asked me in a tired voice.

"Feel what?" I asked.

"The pressure, weighing you down?" she asked, sounding as if the very effort of talking was too much. "Like you couldn't possibly lift your foot one more time."

She came to a stop after saying that and looked like she might fall asleep though she managed to stay on her feet. I turned to Severus to see what he made of it, and I saw that a light sheen of sweat had broken out on his forehead.

"I sort of see what she is saying, though whatever this is isn't draining me nearly as much as it is Hermione," Severus puffed. "You wait here, and we'll continue on alright?"

"Okay," Hermione sighed, seemingly too tired to care.

"What is it?" I asked Severus. "I don't feel anything."

"No, I don't think you would," he groused as he forced his visibly tired legs to keep moving forward. "It appears to be a ward keyed to purebloods. I don't imagine I will make it much further than the porch before I can go no further in."

"Well what are we supposed to do?" I asked looking back at Hermione where she had stepped a foot or two back before sitting down on the ground and resting her head in her hands.

"You're going to have to search the house," Severus said. "It's lucky that Hermione already had a fairly good idea of where the ring would be or you might be looking forever."

"Hmm, good thing she saw fit to bring me along then isn't it," I said somewhat pointedly.

"Yes," he said regretfully. "I don't know what we'd have done if it had just been the pair of us.

It was then that we reached the porch, and true to his prediction, Severus did not seem able to lift his foot high enough to step onto the first stair. Instead he very slowly withdrew a thick woolen pair of gloves from his pocket and handed them to me.

"You are looking for a golden box under the floorboards, though we are not certain of which room," he explained. "You need to wear these gloves. Hermione said there is a curse on the box, and if you touch it your hand will rot of and you will die. It is my understanding that in the future the curse was only stopped from killing the wizard that touched it by a very powerful potions master, and as you can see we don't have one here with us."

"Jolly good," I said sarcastically as I slid the gloves on and listened to his labored breathing. "Why don't you sit down awhile, or maybe go join Hermione. You don't sound so good."

"No, I'll wait here, so I can hand you the venom," he sighed though he did sink down onto the ground beside me. "I think its best we do it as quickly as possible rather than trying to carry the cursed ring across the wards."

"Good thinking," I nodded before hopping up the stairs and stepping into the dark house.

I lit the tip of my wand so I could see better and I was met with one of the most uncared for houses I had ever seen. There was a thick layer of dirt covering every surface, and the walls looked more forlorn than the ones in the shrieking shack every had when we had spent nights there with Remus. Everything seemed to be darkened with age, and what had once been a table was clearly moldering away with the scent of old alcohol on it. I didn't even bother to question what had caused that as I scorgified the dirt off of the floor so I might have a better shot of seeing through the cracks in the boards.

The place still reeked of dust, but the floor at least seemed somewhat clean when I had finished. I got down on my knees and held my wand close to the cracks as I crawled about looking for the glint of a golden box. It was eerie in the house with only the scuffling sound of my crawling and the quite sound of my breathing. I thought about calling out to Severus just to reassure myself that he was still there, but I didn't want to appear childish.

So I focused on my search. I saw nothing in the combination living room and dining room so I slowly but surely made my way into the even more dilapidated kitchen. I pushed an abandoned pot out of my way and crawled closer to the woodstove when I saw something sparkle. I held my wand closer to the gap between the floorboards, and then I could clearly see the corner of a golden box.

I set my wand to the side, and as delicately as I could began to pry the board back. It kicked up another cloud of dust, and I heard what I easily recognized as the sound of a rat scrambling away. I fanned some of the dirt out of the air before my face, and then I reached into the hole. I quickly snapped the box up and pulled it back out before the rat or any of his friends could touch my hand and freak me out. Just the thought of it made me wonder yet again why Peter turned into one of those nasty buggers.

The box was actually sort of pretty to look at. There were runes carved around the edges and thought it was clearly antique it had a shine to it that seemed knew. I could see the slightest of a green shimmer long the crease where the box opened and I suspect that was a visible trace of whatever curse had been placed on the box. I counted my blessings that Severus had seen fit to provide me with gloves as I pried the box open.

I could literally feel the dark magic radiating off of the ring that was revealed inside the box, and it made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. What I wasn't prepared for was the tinkling music I heard along with it. It was familiar in a way that I couldn't quite place but I found it rather soothing.

I sat there on my knees in the musky house listening to the music, trying to remember where I had heard it and I found myself growing more and more complacent. Soon my eyes were drifting closed without my permission and with a sick twisting of my stomach I realized why it was familiar to me. It was like my mother's murderous music box. I quickly ferreted the ring out of the box and then tried to slam it shut, but the two pieced of gold would not be pushed back together.

I could feel my strength being sapped out of me, and yet I knew no one would be coming to my rescue. So I did the only thing I could think of. I threw the box down in to the hole I had taken it from, and began to drag myself away from it. Being beneath the floor muffled the song just a bit, which allowed me to regain enough strength to pull myself further from the source, but I could quickly feel my strength waning.

I managed to slide myself across the dirty floor until I was sprawled across the porch with my arms stretched out toward Severus before the world began to draw down to the point of a pin before my very eyes. I lazily opened my hand to offer him the ring, but the last thing I saw was him closing my fist around it once more. I felt him jerk me forward by the back of my shirt, but then I succumbed to the blackness that had been drawing in around me and I knew nothing more.

* * *

**A/N: sorry this took so long. Some pretty horrible stuff went down in my real life and I spent more time just staring at my screen absolutely appalled with the idea of writing or even reading, that I wasn't sure I was ever going to get this chapter out. I considered just tossing the story out as well as all the other projects I am working on just because I couldn't quite picture doing anything anymore, but I've been able to piece myself back together enough to realize that writing is something that I love, and doing something that I love is what will help me find balance in my life once more. Thank you all for going on this journey with me even if it isn't very great writing. I hope to see you again in future chapters… whenever I manage to get them out anyway.**


	20. I've Been Waiting To Smile

_**Songs for this chapter: On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons and Waiting on the Light to Change by Matthew Perryman Jones**_

* * *

_**A/N: later in the chapter you will meet a character with the initials T. Q. he is borrowed from my friend Jorja, he just fit so well that I had to use him.**_

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

I was drifting in a state somewhere between sleeping and waking when I heard Severus calling out for me. He sounded garbled and airy to me, so despite my ever growing exhaustion I drug my head up so I could look for him. I was shocked to see him on his knees panting as he drug and unconscious Sirius across the grass.

It looked like it might be easier for him to pull him if he weren't also holding his hand in a tightly closed fist. I inferred immediately that the ring must be in his hand, and it made sense to me that he was trying to keep from touching the ring. Still I wished I could I reached out and pluck the ring from his hand to aid Severus though.

"What's wrong with him?" I called out, surprised by how breathy I sounded to my own ears.

"The box appears to have been a cursed music box," Severus breathed out shakily as he drug Sirius a bit closer. "I don't know why he listened to it for so long, and we won't be able to ask him unless we can wake him back up."

Severus pulled Sirius right up beside before he allowed his dead weight to fall back to the ground as gently as possible. He rolled to the side so clear up some space and then he looked to me with a pleading yet exhausted look on his face.

"I'm at a loss," he puffed. "I brought potions to deal with injures, but nothing for something like this."

"Does he have a pulse?" I asked as I forced myself to crawl over him and reach for his throat.

I fumbled awkwardly for a moment before I found a week thrum beneath the cooling skin of his neck. In just the span of a few seconds it was easy to see that each beat was just a little bit further away from the last one. Whatever curse had been released in the music of that box was still holding on to him, and it was going to kill him if we didn't find a way to break it.

"Do you have any solution for breaking this curse that doesn't involve a sacrifice?" I moaned, dropping my face into the grass where I lay beside Sirius in shame when I realized that my mind once again was only able to draw necromancy as a solution.

"I don't…" Severus admitted quietly, though he did sound as if his strength was coming back to him. "I'm not sure what this curse is."

"It's so frustrating because I know that you would have known it so many years from now," I groaned. "I need something… anything with a heartbeat. As quickly as you can find it Severus."

"Okay," he said, dragging himself up off the ground.

"Something that wouldn't be completely awful to kill if you can swing it," I called after him.

I could hardly hold my head up but I watched him go, and he did manage to pick up speed as he hurried back into the trees. It was nice to see that there was a point somewhere nearby where the horrible exhaustion might actually go away. I kept my hand on Sirius's throat, wondering if he would live to see a moment without exhaustion, while my eyes scanned the trees.

Severus did not disappoint. He came flying back out of the trees with the mangiest looking squirrel I had ever been confronted with. I couldn't tell for sure from a distance, but I looked like it might against be rabid. I attempted to soothe myself with the thought that it was practically a public service to put the poor animal down.

"Maybe don't look, this will be gross" I groaned as I took the squirrel from Severus, and took my hand off of his pulse point so I could draw my wand. "Could you keep track of his pulse."

"Of course," Severus said, his voice sounding louder now that he had his energy back.

I tried to focus on what I was doing as I used a quick stunning charm to keep the squirrel still without actually killing it, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Severus kneel down beside Sirius. My focus should have been on the precise line I was cutting down the chest of the unconscious squirrel but a fair share of my attention was on the way Severus face went from impassive to panicked in the span of a few seconds.

"He hardly has a pulse," Severus told me in a rush.

"I know," I told him somewhat tersely. "Let me knew if he goes too long without one."

My gut jumped a bit when I pulled the mangy flesh and muscles apart to reveal a sluggishly beating heart beneath thin rib cage. Part of the jump was disgust, I was sure of it, but a little piece of it was excitement and that worried me. I'd been doing so well lately to control the way these urges tried to control me but just seeing that heart told me I did not have as much control as I thought I did.

"There's about five seconds between each beat," Severus told me urgently as I was cracking the rib cage.

"That's okay, that's not too slow yet," I told him as calmly as I could manage while drawing a cross with the blood on Sirius's forehead. "Just keep track."

He nodded quietly and focused his attention avidly on Sirius's throat. I could not decide if he did that because he could not make himself watch what I was doing but I chose to believe it was the former due to my trust in him. Instead I kept my mind on the task quickly extracting the tiny little heart from the chest before me. I saw the very last shuddering beat of the heart as I withdrew it from the chest, and mentally the clock began ticking.

"I wish I had brought the dagger," I murmured to myself as I offered my free hand to Severus. "I need you to cut my palm open, the injury cannot be made with my magic or it will destroy the ritual."

"I'm sorry," Severus whispered quickly as he used his wand to cleave the skin of my hand open.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep myself from hissing in pain. I couldn't really blame him, but in his distraction Severus had cut my hand very deeply and it was quite painful. I pushed all thoughts of that from my mind and squeezed my hand shut to keep the blood from spilling out onto the ground.

"Pull open his shirt please," I said through clenched teeth.

Severus did not hesitate. He quickly tore the shirt open sending buttons flying every which way. As soon as I could see the bare skin of his chest, I slapped my hand down over Sirius's heart. I left a bloody red hand print on his chest that looked macabre but would protect him from being injured by what was to come.

I put the still warm heart of the squirrel in the center of the bloody print and I let my bleeding hand hover above it. I let the world around me go out of focus as I chanted in the ancient language and channeled my necromantic magic out of my body. I could feel the heat building between my hand and his body long before the first spark hit the air.

Severus sparks shot out of the small space between my hand and the heart, but then a flame flickered to life. From what seemed like a distance I heard Severus gasp in surprise but I ignored him. Instead I channeled all of my focus and magic on burning that heart out of existence without causing any harm to Sirius. The world grew very small around me as the flame burned itself out leaving a charred bloodstain on his chest.

"Oh, there it is," Severus said drawing my attention to his face. "His heart rate just took off… oh there… yeah it's slowing down to something more normal now."

Anything else Severus might have said was cut off by the gasp that came from Sirius. I breathed a sigh of relieve when I saw his eyes open, and then I allowed my very tired body to slump back to the ground. I could feel what little energy I'd had left drain out of me as I lay back in the grass and focused on just breathing.

"We'll probably have to explain that spell Severus," I whispered as I watched the light play through the leaves on the tree.

"Yeah, I think you'll have to," I heard Sirius say from what sounded like the end of the tunnel.

"I think maybe you should heal my hand," I sighed, no longer able to see the tree as my eyes drifted closed of their own accord.

"Can I heal it completely or will it cancel the spell out?" he asked me, sounding quiet over the sound of my heart thrumming in my ears.

"Mmm no my hand wasn't the sacrifice, we just… needed the blood to keep from burning h-him," I explained in a slur. "Cut too deep."

"What the hell is she talking about Snape?"

"Merlin look at her hand, what the hell happened."

"Shut up I need to focus."

I was vaguely aware of the fact that they were fighting, but everything was blurring together for me. I couldn't even tell for sure who was saying what after a while.

""She's getting awfully pale, maybe we should take her to St. Mungos."

"I've got a blood replenisher in my pocket, I will give it to her once I stop the bleeding."

"Why is her hand cut open like that anyway?"

"Just shut up for a minute Black."

In a very distant way I felt myself being shifted. I didn't quite feel connected with my body but I was dimly aware of the fact that I was being cradled against a warm body. There was a tickle of something against my face, but I was too tired to drag my eyes open and see what it was.

"Drink up," a deep voice that had to be Severus murmured in my ear as my mouth was pulled open. "You'll feel better once you do."

I swallowed the coppery liquid and somehow managed not to choke on it. Severus was right of course. I could feel my faculties coming back to me almost immediately. As the fog began to clear I put together that he had obviously given me a blood replenisher. I still felt rather sluggish but I did manage to draw my eyes back open.

"Hello again," Severus said quietly, staring intently into my eyes as I blinked the blurriness away. "You gave us a bit of a scare. Why didn't you say anything about how deeply I cut you?"

"It hurt, but I didn't think it was that bad," I sighed, snuggling more closely to his chest to try and steal some of his heat as I was feeling a bit cold.

"Hurt is probably putting it a little mildly," Severus chided me as he chaffed my arm with the hand that wasn't holding me to him to create some heat. "That cut went all the way to the bone."

"Now that Hermione isn't trying to bleed out on the forest floor do you mind explaining what the hell is going on here?"

"You're one to talk," I said, turning slightly so I could look at him over my shoulder. "Weren't you just the one laying on the ground dying? Why did you listen to that music box anyway?"

"It wasn't intentional," Sirius shrugged. "You know that's part of the curse don't you? It lulls you into complacency so that you will listen to it until it kills you. How did you manage to break that curse. I've never heard of anything that could, even blood magic."

"Well it was a very specific sort of blood magic," I said. "Why don't you take a seat this could take a while to explain?"

"I think we should destroy the horcrux before we get into any of that," Severus interjected.

"You're probably right," I said, running my fingers over the fresh pink scar cutting a path through the palm of my hand. "Would you like to do the honors?"

"I actually think that Black should do it," Severus sighed. "He hasn't done one yet, and he needs to understand the full extent of what he's gotten himself in to."

"It doesn't really sound like something I am going to enjoy," Sirius balked.

"It's going to be rough _Sirius_," I stressed looking pointedly at Severus. "But Severus is right, you need to understand each aspect of this."

"Fine, how do I do this," Sirius said somewhat belligerently.

"Go ahead and set the ring on the ground," I instructed. "It's safe for you to hold it with gloves on, but even those won't protect you from basilisk venom."

Severus dug out the vial of electric blue venom while Sirius followed my instructions and set the ring on a rough patch of ground where no grass was growing.

"What you're going to do sounds simple enough, but the actual follow through can be difficult when the horcrux starts talking back," I told him. "The ring is small enough that it should only take a drop or two of the venom to destroy it."

"It's going to talk?" Sirius asked looking sheepish.

"Yes, but just ignore whatever it says and make sure it completely destroys it." I assured him.

"Here," Severus said shortly as he handed over the venom. "We don't have an antidote so do try not to get any on yourself."

"Right," Sirius said, moving delicately as he unscrewed the dropper top of the vial.

Perhaps it was just nerves, but the forest seemed to go unearthly quiet in the moment before he brought the stopper to hover over the ring. It was almost as if the creatures in the forest knew that something abnormal was about to happen. Sirius took a deep breath, and then he squeezed the dropper allowing two bright blue drops to fall onto the ring with a hiss.

The gold of the band immediately began to corrode as a raspy shriek filled the air and a dense black smoke spilled out of the ring. Strangely the smoke did not billow up into a cloud and form into something as it had when I had destroyed the locket. Instead it seemed too heavy to rise and it drooped to the ground and spread out like a fog. Tendrils of it formed into snakes that hissed and lashed out, but their attacks had no effect on whatever they hit.

_You will never be good enough._

_You will never breakaway from the darkness that bred you._

_You will never_—

Whatever else the bit of soul that had been trapped in the ring was about to say was cut off in an abrupt hiss as Sirius dropped one more drop of venom onto the ring and melted into a malformed lump of gold with the edge of the stone that had been sitting on top still attached.

"Should we destroy the stone as well," Sirius asked in a shaky voice.

"It's just a stone," I lied. "The ring itself was the horcrux. It's done now, and I think we should just burry the whole thing."

"Do we need to bury it?" Sirius asked. "Whose going to come out here looking for something like this?"

"Well in reality the Dark Lord could at some point, but he'd no it was gone even without finding it out here," I explained. "But more than that, a country road used to cut through here. It's obviously not a heavy traffic area anymore, but it's possible that some of the people from the village come through here, and we don't need to draw any unwanted attention to this area by anyone."

"So we bury it," Sirius nodded. "I'll work on that while you explain the blood magic shall I?"

"Alright," I nodded. "It's a long story…"

* * *

"Are you sure telling him that you are a necromancer was the right idea," Severus asked as we both looked at the spot Sirius had juts apparated away from.

"Yes I think so," I said as I leaned in to him. "This way he continues to trust us because he isn't being left out of anything, and it isn't like he can tell anyone about it without violating the unbreakable vow and killing himself."

"Maybe you're right, I just have a hard time with the concept of trusting Sirius Black," he sighed, wrapping his arm around me. "Why don't we set up in the tent again for tonight and go somewhere else in the morning."

"That sounds wonderful, but can we move a little further into the forest?" I pouted. "I know we are outside the wards of the house, but I would just feel better if we were further away."

"Are you still feeling drained?" he asked, tilting my face up so he could get a better look at me.

"Yes," I admitted. "I don't think it's anything lingering over from the wards though. I think it's a combination of blood loss and magical depletion after the surge of everything I released."

"Are you feeling any backlash?" he asked me delicately, tracing his fingers over my eyebrow and down to my jaw.

"No, I'm not feeling anything like that," I told him. "I just want to sleep, preferably for a very long time."

"Well let's move a little further into the woods, and I will set up the tent so that we can do just that," he said with a smile as he pulled me closer. "Hold on tight and close your eyes."

"You're going to apparate blindly through an unknown forest?" I asked with a squeak. "You'll splinch us."

"Trust me Hermione," he prodded softly.

"With my life," I whispered, tucking my head into his chest and closing my eyes like he had told me to.

I got a moment to draw his scent deep into my lungs before he pulled us to the left and all of my senses were momentarily blotted out by the sensation of apparition. When the pressure finally stopped I opened my eyes and I was shocked by what I saw. We couldn't possibly be in the same forest that we had been in earlier.

We were obviously deeper into the forest as we were surrounded by trees, yet it was brighter. The light had an obvious green quality to it, but I could not see the source. There was a brook cutting a winding path through the trees that was surrounded by beautiful flowers some of which I recognized some I didn't.

"Where are we?" I asked in awe as I looked around.

"Honestly I'm not sure," Severus said quietly as he looked around. "I heard the water when we were walking the first day, and I just focused on taking us somewhere downstream. I was worried about putting us in the middle of the river, but I guess I should have been wondering about us appearing in some other realm."

"We can't cross through realms," I assured him turning in his arms so I could get a better look at this new place. "We already know that requires a sacrifice. So this just must be a particularly nice section of the forest. We should consider ourselves luck to have found it."

"I already consider myself lucky," Severus whispered into my ear before placing a gentle kiss in the crook of my neck. "I can't believe how careless I was with the gift you've given me today."

"What?" I sighed, feeling lost in the sensation of his lips on my neck and his fingers trailing down my right arm.

"This," he whispered in his deep baritone as he turned my hand up and held it in front of our faces. "I could have lost you today."

I heard what he said, but I could not think of a response as he cupped my hand in his left, and trailed the fingers of his right over the brand new scar on my hand. The moment was sweet, if a little heated by how his breath was still sweeping over the sensitive spot just behind my ear.

"I consider myself luck as well," I whispered back, not wanting to speak loudly and break the spell of the moment. "Lucky to be alive and lucky to have you."

"I'm so sorry that I hurt you," he whispered mournfully as he folded my own arms around me in his effort to hug me. "I'm sorry that I cut so deeply."

"It was an accident," I assured him softly. "You wouldn't have cut so deeply if you hadn't been drained by that strange ward, just like I would have been more aware of my wound if I hadn't been so exhausted I could hardly keep my eyes open. It's the only reason I even got close to bleeding out."

"When will we have a normal day?" Severus asked wistfully. "Just one day with no injuries or threats of violence, or worries that somehow we will be found out by the wrong person."

"Well I suppose today is a loss for that," I sighed. "But tomorrow can be a day like that. It will be a perfect day, our perfect day."

"That sounds nice," Severus said, squeezing me tightly before releasing me from his hug. "Why don't you sit for a minute while I get the tent set up?"

"Okay," I said, digging the shrunken down tent out of my pocket and handed it over before going to sit on the edge of the brook.

I was already fairly relaxed, but there was something extremely soothing about sitting amongst a bunch of lavender while trailing my hands in a crystal clear brook that soothed calmed something deep within me. The water was cool, and it looked so clean and clear that I didn't see any issue in in drinking just a bit of it.

As soon as the crisp cool water touched my lips I felt energized. I splashed the water onto my face and into my hair. It felt nice to wash away the grime from the forest, and sweating. I was seriously considering just pulling off my clothes and climbing into the brook when Severus appeared beside me.

"It's cooling off out here," he said as he produced a handkerchief and began patting my face dry. "You'll catch a cold out here."

"I just wanted to clean up a bit," I sighed quietly as I leaned into his touch.

"We can clean up in the morning when it's warm again," Severus offered as a compromise. "For now I'd like to bundle up under a blanket and get some sleep."

* * *

Waking up the next morning in our peaceful little hideout was quite peaceful. As the sun rose, the strangely green light filtered through the canvas of the tent and the occasionally chirping of a nearby bird served as a gentle alarm clock. It was even more pleasing to wake up snuggled close to the naked and well-muscled chest of Severus Snape.

"Are you awake?" Severus asked quietly as he began running his fingers gently through my hair and carefully drawing out the tangles that had set in from going to bed with my hair went.

"Mmm yes I am," I sighed before placing a chaste kiss on his chest above his heart.

"How would you like to start our perfect day?" he asked.

"I do believe you promised me a bath in the morning," I said sleepily as I snuggled closer to him.

"I think we could manage that," Severus whispered before placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

"You'll join me?" I asked him softly, suddenly feeling very unsure of myself.

"It's only a bath right?" he asked just as softly.

"Yes of course," I whispered.

"Then yes, I will." He said with a smile as he tilted my head up so he could look me in the eye. "I know that you won't bite."

"Well… not very hard at least," I chuckled.

"Come on you," he laughed as he carefully pushed me away and sat up in bed. "Let's get washed up."

Our little Eden looked just as peaceful and welcoming as it had the night before. There was a squirrel nearby chattering away in a tree, and there was a cloud of bright blue butterflies fluttering near the brook that hadn't been there the night before. I tried to not make a point of staring, but Severus looked quiet appealing in the morning light with only a pair of slacks covering his alabaster skin.

"You don't think anyone will come along out here do you?" I asked Severus as I pulled my t-shirt off.

"We're fairly deep into the woods so it is unlikely," he answered. "But I will cast a muggle repelling charm just to be safe."

I felt a slight tingle as his ward went up, but I paid it little mind as I shucked pants as well. It should have felt strange to be standing barefoot in the forest clad only in a bra and panties but I felt at home. There was something magical that I couldn't quite explain about this place that made me feel connected with the elements.

"You look like a wood nymph," Severus whispered, and I was surprised to hear that his voice was issuing from directly behind me. "It may be a bit forward to say it out loud, but I wish I could take a picture of how you look just now. There is something very ethereal about the way the light hits your back and that only adds to the appeal of the image of you stand before a stream of water with your hair in a wild mess of curls nearly naked."

"A girl could never be self-conscious about their body with you saying things like that," I told him as I peeked over my shoulder to look at him.

He had done away with his pants and was standing a foot or so away from me in just his boxers, but I reminded myself not to touch him. I was resolved keep a safe distance between us so as not to spook him when he was so willingly pushing his boundaries for me. I gave him a cheeky grin before turning my face back towards the brook and removing my bra.

"You have nothing to be self-conscious about anyway Hermione," he said quietly, and then I heard the gentle sound of fabric hitting the ground and I knew if I turned around right this second I would see him in all his naked glory but I waited.

Instead I stepped out of my own panties and I walked forward leaving them on the ground between us. I held onto the surge of boldness I was feeling and I walked right into the brook. I drew in a breath in shock when I felt the crisp coldness of the water rushing over my skin and sending goose bumps on the skin above my hips that was not submerged in the water.

"It's a bit cold," I warned him.

I turned just in time to see that his legs were as well muscled as the rest of him as well as catching a glimpse of his manhood before he stepped into the water beside me. He released a hiss of his own as he adjusted to the cold temperature of the water and turned to face me full on. He at least did not appear to be covered in goose bumps.

"Duly noted," he said quietly.

"I could wash your back," I said quietly, wondering if I was pushing him too far. "The sand we're standing in should work well to exfoliate."

"Okay," he said quietly, stepping back from me and lowering himself down into the water to wet his hair as well as the rest of his skin.

I could better appreciate his comment about how I looked in this place when I was presented with his form as he stood up out of the water. There was something striking and beautiful about the way the water ran in rivulets from his hair cutting tracks down his chest before it disappeared into the stream once more. His raven hair was still appealing when slicked back against his skull and the lightness in his eyes drew me in though I manage to keep myself from coming closer.

"I'm ready," he told me quietly as he turned his back on me once more.

I scooped a handful of sand up and smoothed it carefully across his shoulders. My worries fell away as I felt a distinct lack of tension in his shoulders, and I allowed myself to enjoy rubbing the sand in small circles across his back. The dark brown sand created a striking contrast when compared with his pale skin and it was almost hypnotic to watch it as I created swirls beneath my fingers.

When I finished his back I gathered more sand and began to tentatively wash his shoulders. I was not sure if he would allow me to wash his arms, so I was pleasantly surprised when he leaned back and into me ever so slightly to allow me access to his forearms. I fought not to show any sort of reaction to his proximity. I did the best I could but I was sure he felt the way my nipples tightened in response to the feeling of his sand covered back brushing against them.

"All done," I breathed quietly. "You could rinse now or wait until you've finished."

I stepped away from him to give him a bit of room and I lowered myself down into the water to rinse of the bit of sand that had transferred onto me off. I could feel his eyes on me as I leaned back to wet my hair as well but he said nothing. Instead he began to rinse himself and my body surprised me with the way it heated up as I watched his gentle undulations under the water as he cleaned his back off.

In an effort to hide that I was having any reaction I focused my mind on the task of scrubbing my legs clean. I listened to the sound of the water splashing around Severus as I quickly worked my way up both legs with my hands full of sand before rinsing them off. He was watching me with a soft look of interest in his eyes as I stood up once more holding sand in my hands.

His gaze drew me in, and I held it as I began to scrub my torso from the hips up. He did not look away from me as he began to do the same and I wondered if such an act should feel as intimate as this one did. Severus continued to look into my eyes, seemingly undistracted by what I was doing. I was wondering if I had any effect on him while doing this until my hands reached my breasts and his gaze fell. My heart rate spiked when I saw the hungry look on his face while he watched me gently massage the sand over the sensitive skin of my breasts. He followed the path of my hands avidly as I scrubbed the way up to my neck and then let my hands fall back into the water.

"Shall I wash your back?" he asked me in a deep rumble that went straight to my loins though I doubted he was outwardly trying to be erotic.

"Yes," I said softly as I turned my back on him.

I twisted my hair up and pulled it off to the side to give him full access to my back, and then I listened to the gentle sloshing of the water as Severus closed the gap between us. I stood still as he began to gently smooth the sand over my back and I couldn't help but admit that it felt nice. It felt even nicer when he began to dig in just a bit, massaging my back as he worked the sand in. A low groan escaped without my permission when he reached the base of my spine and massaged the somewhat tight muscles there.

I held my breath when he slid up against my back and took my left arm in his hands. I could feel the length of him pressed against me and it set all of my synapses firing and I didn't trust myself not to do something that would push this further than either of us was ready to go. I chose to instead remain entirely still as he stared at my shoulder and slowly but surely moved down my arm in slow circles until he was massaging the sand into my hand.

"Breathe Hermione," he instructed softly, his breath tickling the shell of my ear and causing me to shiver just slightly as I drew in a deep and slightly shaky breath.

I allowed him to pull the arm he had just scrubbed up, and did not question it when he directed my arm so my hand was cupping the back of his head. It pulled him just slight closer to me and left my front all the more exposed but he did not seem to care as he set to work on my right arm. I reminded myself to breathe this time as he repeated the same circuit down my right arm.

He drew my right arm up and positioned it behind his head as he had with the last one, and it was not lost on me that the action caused my back to bow just slightly, arching my chest up toward the sky as well as his view. I could hear the way his breathing got slightly louder as he allowed his hands to trail down each of my arms. He started and my wrist and worked slowly but surely down past my elbows and over the inside of my biceps.

My world boiled down to the sensation of his hands on my skin and the sound of his breathing in my ear as his hands moved in slightly and slid down my chest until he was cupping my breasts. I wondered what it felt like to him when my chest heaved slightly with my labored breathing while he was holding my beasts like that. It felt fantastic to have his large hands encompass each breast like that, but it was another thing entirely when he brushed his thumbs over my nipples. Shocks of pleasure were shooting through me while my mind tried to process the smoothness of his hands and the slight bite of the sand.

I honestly tried not to, but I could not hold back a moan of pleasure when he brushed my nipples once more. The heated almost dizzy feeling that was passing through my head was only exacerbated by the shaking breath he released into my ear as he nuzzled against me and ever so slightly pinched my nipples between his forefingers and thumbs.

"Gods you shouldn't do that if you expect me to behave," I moaned not quite successfully fighting off the urge to grind back against him and feeling the slight brush of his erection against my backside before I regained control of myself.

"You're right," he said shakily, his breath sounding almost like panting at this point. "We should get you rinsed off."

And then, though his movements felt regretful, he stepped away from me. I kneeled down into the water with the intention of rinsing myself off, but then the water was disturbed around me once more and I found Severus kneeling behind me. His hands were roaming over my skin once more as he washed the sand from my skin. His breath was heavy in my ear still, but I could feel that he had gain control over his baser urges once more.

"Do you remember when you said to me that you wished our marriage was real?" he asked me quietly as he began to splash water into my hair.

"Yes I do," I told him honestly.

"I'd like that too," he told me, and I turned my head to the side to see him smiling at me.

"Do you mean it?" I gushed turning around in his arms.

"I do," he said taking my chin in his hands and looking into my eyes. "On this trip even I'd like to do it. I'd like to officially make you my wife if you are so agreeable."

"Yes, yes, yes," I chirped, and I was going to kiss him

Just as I leaned in however there was a flash of light and a crack that could only be someone apparating. Severus pulled me against his body, and wrapped his arms around me to keep my body hidden as he pulled us both into a standing position so we could see who had joined us. I don't know what I had been expecting but nothing could have really prepared me for the very strange sight I was presented with.

The man who was standing on the bank of the brook was clearly as wizard, but he was unlike any wizard I had ever seen before. Sitting cockeyed on his head was one of the shabbiest green wizarding hats that put even the sorting hat to shame with its patches and little holes. It seemed to have some sort of greenery growing out of it as well, and I wasn't sure, but it was possible that there was a small bird's nest buried in some of the vegetation. His bottle green robes were just as careworn though they at least didn't seem to have plants growing out of them. For how dilapidated his appearance was I would have expected his attitude to reflect it, but instead his elderly face was lit up from within by an incredible happy smile. A smile that was out of place for the situation we were in, and yet did not fade in the face of Severus's glare. All of this was completed with a very out of place little carpet bag slung over his shoulder.

"Do you mind," Severus asked tersely.

"I wonder how the two of you found yourselves here," he said cheerfully, still not turning away from us out of modesty. "It;s been a long time since there were other human beings in this little grove of wonders."

"We were attempting to camp here, though I can assure you that will be rectified immediately," Severus bit out. "Now if you don't mind, we were in the middle of bathing and we would appreciate a bit of privacy."

"Oh, jolly good place for a bath," he chirped, undeterred. "But that's not all you were up to was it?"

"Who are you?" Severus scathed while pulling us further away from the man who would not be deterred.

Meanwhile I was turning five different shades of red at the implication that this man had seen what we were doing.

"Oh well lad, my name is Thaddeus Quilliam," he said, sticking his hand out toward us as if one of us was going to shake it. "It's certainly a pleasure to have met you. Would you like me to give you a tour of my property."

"No, we'd like it very much if you would return there and bugger off!" Severus snapped.

"Ah, but you're on my property aren't you?" Thaddeus said without even a hint of the shine disappearing from his smile. "I can't imagine why you're so embarrassed by this situation. Everything present here at the moment is completely natural. Why are you embarrassed of the human form?"

"We are not exactly exhibitionists," I said, surprised by how shaky my voice sounded.

"Well of course you aren't," he said kneeling down on the edge of the brook for some reason I was not quite sure of. "You were just taking a bath, and of course you'll have to forgive the intrusion of my accidental eavesdropping, but I believe you were discussing the idea of marriage."

"How could you possibly know that?" Severus asked, some of the anger in his voice being replaced with shock.

"Ah yes… when I travel across the lands, sometimes bits of me arrive before the rest of me. It's perfectly natural of course," he said as if he we're trying to assure us of a common fact rather than this insanity. "It appears that my ears were the first to arrive this afternoon."

"Well regardless," Severus said distractedly clearly s unable to follow this man's logic as I was. "Whether or not we were talking of marriage is not any of your business."

"I understand that you find this situation embarrassing," Thaddeus said calmly. "I am trying to be a gracious host, but you are making it a bit difficult."

"We didn't mean to intrude," I said carefully, turning slight in Severus's arms so I could meet Thaddeus's gaze without exposing myself. "We didn't even know this was someone's land. We just thought we were camping in the forest."

"It's really no bother," he said, brightening up once more. "I love to meet new people, just don't tell my birds or they will get jealous. Marybeth, my bluebird flew off the moment she saw the two of you."

"Did we startle her?" I asked, instinctually drawing nearer, and inadvertently pulling Severus along to his chagrin.

"Oh, I don't think so," he chuckled. "If I know my Marybeth she heard you talking about marriage as well and she went off in search of a bit of rosemary."

"Why would a bird do that?" Severus asked, and I could literally feel him resisting the urge to ask something much snider because he could sense my interest in the subject.

"Well, this spot has a certain lure to it," he explained leaning forward just a bit. "I wager it would surprise you how many wedding ceremonies I have performed right here in the brook."

"Really?" I gasped.

"Somehow souls like the pair of you always seem to end up finding themselves here," he laughed. "Strangely enough that always seems to happen around the time I have the sudden urge to visit the grove."

"How many couples have you find bathing naked in the brook?" Severus asked shrewdly.

"Oh almost all of them," he said, and then he laughed a full belly laugh. "I have no qualms about the human form though. In fact each couple that I have married has been naked at the time. It's much easier to connect with the earth when the trappings of humanity are taken out of the question."

"Okay honestly who are you?" Severus asked, though the question was much calmer the second time around.

"I'm Thaddeus but I told you that already," he said cheerfully. "I live here in the forest, and I split my time evenly between roaming with my animal friends and writing."

"You write?" I asked, intrigued. "What do you write?"

"Oh everything!" he trilled, and though I wouldn't have thought it was possible his face lit up even more. "I've written books with facts about plants, and of course about animals. I have several stories about fairies in the works. Oh and of course there is my book about the water nymph I think might inhabit this grove."

He dropped his bag onto the ground and was excitedly pulling one stack of parchment after another out of the bag and setting it in the grass. It became clear pretty quickly that the bag had an undetectable extension charm on it as he pulled a veritable library from within it.

"I'm getting distracted though," he said when the ground all around him was covered with different stacks of parchment. "What I meant to do when approaching you was ask if you did in fact wish to be married."

"Yes we do," I sighed squeezing Severus tightly. "Don't we Severus."

"I'm not sure an unknown ritual in the woods with someone we just met was quite what I was thinking," Severus said quietly as he focused entirely on me and pushed my hair behind my ear.

"But it's kind of perfect isn't it?" I asked him quietly. "We can't really have a normal wedding with the life we're leading. And even a secret wedding couldn't really involve any of our friends or even acquaintances because of the circumstances and all of the secrets."

I paused to let what I said sink in, and watched the thoughts as they flitted through his eyes.

"And we were already planning on spending some time away as a couple," I prodded gently. "Why not spend that time on our honeymoon."

"We don't even know this man," he whispered quietly as he nuzzled my forehead.

"How well does the average couple know the person marrying them?" I shrugged.

"Do you really want to do this?" he asked, and I was sure I wasn't imagining the tiny pearl of hope in his voice.

"I really do." I nodded.

"So how do we do this?" Severus asked, looking over my shoulder at Thaddeus once more. "Do we come up there? Do you join us in the water?"

"The water is perfect," he said, and with a snap of his fingers all of this bits of parchment organized themselves and flew back into his bag. "But first we need the materials for the hand fasting."

As if summoned by his very sentence a bluebird flew up and landed on his hat with a few sprigs of rosemary clutched in its beak.

"Very good Marybeth," Thaddeus said with a smile as he took the rosemary in hand. "Rosemary for remembrance, and…. Yes lavender for luck, devotions and to make wishes come true."

He smiled as he plucked two handfuls of lavender and set it to the side along with the rosemary. Then with an air of determination he delved back into his bag. His arm disappeared inside all the way up to his shoulder, and he closed his eyes in concentration as he dug around.

"Ah yes," he said as he pulled his arm back out with a handful of ribbon. "And blue ribbon to tie it all together with tranquility and peace."

His gaze focused on us but his hands were moving swiftly without his attention focused on them to braid the plants together around the ribbon. With my attention focused on his hands I suddenly realized they were covered in ink stains. It was an unpleasant time to think of it, but his hands reminded me quite a bit of how Dumbledore's hands had looked before he died… in a future that hopefully would not happen.

"It would ground the ceremony to the two of you if I included a bit of hair from each of you," he said as his fingers worked away. "Only a hair or two apiece."

"Alright," Severus said begrudgingly as he reached up to pluck a few of his hairs before smirking crookedly at me. "What's a few more."

I couldn't help but laugh at that as I plucked a few of my own. Severus handed me his hair, and I turned around to hand the lot of it to Thaddeus. It occurred to me that I should perhaps feel embarrassed that I had just fully exposed myself in front of a strange, but I wasn't. This place still felt magical, and I still felt completely calm and relaxed, so it somehow seemed natural to be naked here.

"Thank you," he said, immediately weaving the hair in amongst the flowers. "We should use your right hands when we do the hand fasting. The ritual won't make it disappear completely, but it will help with healing your hand with the love the two of you share."

I felt Severus stiffen slightly behind me and I knew he was feeling guilty about my hand. I turned my back on Thaddeus braiding and caressed Severus's face instead. I tried to show him with my eyes that I still did not blame him and I did feel him relax slightly and lean in to my touch.

"We're getting married," I whispered with a smile.

"Yes we are," he smiled, and then he leaned in to steal a kiss.

"Ah, ah, ah, that doesn't come until the end," Thaddeus said with a laugh. "Don't worry, we're almost there."

Theddeus, moving spryly for an older man, slid off the bank and down into the water beside us. He kept the floral ribbon held above the water and waded over so he was standing right next to us. Suddenly the silly hat, and the ink stained hands didn't matter to me. This was the man that was going to marry me to the man of my dream today.

"It's perfectly alright if you do not, many of the couples I have married were not prepared in such a way," Thaddeus said seemingly out of the blue. "Do you have rings?"

"We do actually," Severus said quickly, demonstrating a fine feat of wandless magic as he summoned the two rings from within the pile of our clothing. "Here you go."

"Oh that's okay, you should hold onto them." Thaddeus instructed. "You keep hold of hers and she will do the same for you."

Severus nodded, and handed me the ring that he would soon be wearing.

"I'll will direct you in saying your vows, and then you will place the ring on your partner's hands," he said.

This time I nodded.

"Ladies first shall we?" Thaddeus said with a smile. "What are your names?"

"Severus and Hermione," I answered.

"Very good," he beamed. "Do you, Hermione, take Severus, as your partner and mate? Shall he be to you a person that you will never seek to harm? Will you strive for his happiness and welfare, and let your love serve as a treasure in times when other riches fail to serve?"

"I do," I swore, my heart swelling with love at the look of adoration Severus held in his eyes when he looked at me as I slid the ring into place on his finger.

"And do you, Severus, take Hermione, as your partner and mate? Shall he be to you a person that you will never seek to harm? Will you strive for his happiness and welfare, and let your love serve as a treasure in times when other riches fail to serve?" Thaddeus asked.

"I do," Severus promised in that smooth baritone voice that never failed to please me, and then he slid that ring that had grown so special to me into place on my left hand.

"So the wish is in your heart," Thaddeus said. "Then so mote it be."

He paused for a moment and offered us another of his beaming smiles.

"And now for the binding." He said as he brought my right hand and Severus's left hand together and draped his floral ribbon over it. "As this knot is tied, so are your lives now bound. Woven into this cord, imbued into its very fibers, are all of your hopes for your new life together. With the fashioning of this knot do I tie all the desires, dreams, love, and happiness wished here in this place to your lives for as long as love shall last."

He wrapped the floral ribbon around our hands tightly enough to make it snug without being uncomfortable and began creating a complex knotting system that spiraled around our hands.

"In the joining of hands and the fashion of a knot, so are your lives now bound, one to another. By this cord you are thus bound to your vow. May this knot remain tied for as long as love shall last. May this cord draw your hands together in love, never to be used in anger. May the vows you have spoken never grow bitter in your mouths."

He said as he wound each end of the ribbon back into the intricate knot he had created.

"As any child discovers when they are learning to tie their own shoes, the first move is to cross the ends. The cross creates the Rune Gebo , which is the Rune of partnership and union. As your hands are bound by this cord, so is your partnership held by the symbol of this knot. May it be granted that what is done before the gods be not undone by man. Two entwined in love, bound by commitment and fear, sadness and joy, by hardship and victory, anger and reconciliation, all of which brings strength to this union. Hold tight to one another through both good times and bad, and watch as your strength grows."

He released our hands but directed us to keep them hovering before us as they had been when he tied the knot. He began to scoop water up in the palms of his hands and drizzled it liberally over our joined hands.

"As the water is poured and the two become one, the halves become invisible, indefinable, a true whole. Take up now your vessels which represent your own persons. The water within them is as your own lives, similar yet separate. In the mixing of these fluids in the singular vessel of your union are your lives thus blended. See how the two, once separate, are a complete whole. So now are your lives." He recited. "Water to water, and soul to soul. Love binds and blends us all."

He clapped his hands together over the tops of ours and smoke began to seep out of the floral ribbon. I felt no heat against our skin, and yet I could see that the flowers were clearly burning and creating a rather pleasant smoke. It burned away until it was just our hands once more, and yet I could still sort of feel the weight of where our hands hand been bound together.

"And no my new friend you may kiss your bride," Thaddeus smiled.

Severus did not hesitate to claim my lips, and I surrendered easily to his powerful and all-consuming kiss.

"A very happy wedded life to the pair of you," I heard in the distance, and then with a flash of light and another crack we were alone in the forest grove once more.


	21. To Have You and to Hear You

**A/N: Alright... here's the long awaited consummation. May it be everything you were hoping for. Who knows this may very well be the only lemon in this story.  
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_**Song for this chapter: My Heart With You by The Rescues**_

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**SPOV**

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I knew that we were still in standing in a brook, and that the man who had just appeared before us not long ago hadn't been gone long. I knew that while there was clearly magic in this area, we were awfully exposed. I even knew that given my past I shouldn't want this. I knew even wanting this, let alone pursuing it left me vulnerable in a way I was not prepared for, but still I wanted it.

So, despite our location, when the kiss that sealed our marital union ended I did not release Hermione. Instead I turned us around so that I could press Hermione gently against the sloping bank while I turned my attention to the sensitive spot on her neck just below her ear. The rewarding sound of her groan of pleasure set my nerves alight and drew me closer to her.

"You're playing with fire," Hermione panted as I pressed the full length of my body against her.

"Maybe I want to get burned," I whispered in her ear in the deep voice that I knew set her blood on fire.

I knew I was getting myself into trouble when I slid my hands behind her to pull her closer and felt her heat pressed against me. I had already made up my mind about what I wanted, but having the evidence of Hermione's arousal pressed so intimately against me was striking. It made my blood pump more quickly through my veins and their air escape in short bursts from my lungs. I swiveled my hips against her, marveling in the way my body slipped against her, threatening to move into uncharted territory, and the way she whimpered and clutched at me.

"Please Severus," she moaned, running her fingers through my hair and using it to tilt my face up to hers so she could look me in the eye. "Please don't do anything more if this isn't what you want."

"I want this Hermione," I told her honestly. "With my wife, this is what I want."

"Are you—" she started to ask before I brought myself into alignment with her core and her voice cut off in a high keen.

"Sure?" she whispered as she leveraged herself slightly up the bank to create space between us, and I would have been offended if I couldn't see the way her skin was blushing all the way down to her chest and her eyes were darkening with lust.

"I am certain," I said in a husky voice as I pushed myself up out of the water to press myself fully against her once more.

I had entertained a few fantasies about how it would happen if Hermione and I were to come together in such a way, but never had I envisioned it happening like this. Perhaps haphazardly balanced against the sloping bank of the brook was not the ideal location, but Hermione had never looked more appealing to me than she did now. She was already on display before me, but I wanted to see her writhe with pleasure. It was only logical then that I slid my hand between our bodies and press my fingered into her warm heat. Hermione did not disappoint.

"Severus," she moaned as she arched away from the ground, creating a graceful and tantalizing arch in her neck. "Ooh."

Did it make me a voyeur to love watching her be fulfilled? It was beyond erotic to watch her mouth fall open without seeming to be able to emit sound. Her chest was heaving as her legs instinctually pulled me closer still. Her hands dug into the slick dirt of the bank as she scrabbled for traction and she hissed out her pleasure.

"Oh, oh, ow," she panted her eyes opening once more as a furrow appeared in her brow. "Wait, wait."

"What is it? Are you okay?" I asked as I stilled my ministrations and withdrew hand.

"I cut my hand on something," she sighed, still slightly breathless as she presented her hand.

Whatever rock or bit of debris she had caught her hand on in the dirt had cut her hand open along the fresh scar on her hand from the other day and it was bleeding. It wasn't the torrent of blood that had been produced the other day, but it wasn't a slow drip either.

"I'm so sorry, " I swore as I summoned my wand to me with a wave of my hand. "Let me see your hand."

"Wait… don't waste it," she panted, still trying to bring her body under control though her eyes seemed clearer.

"Don't waste what?" I asked, honestly surprised by her hesitation.

"Blood of a virgin willingly given," she whispered holding her hand close to her chest. "It's not exactly easy to come by, and there are rituals that use it."

"Necromantic rituals?" I asked in a whisper.

"Yes, some of them particularly dark, but shouldn't we be prepared for what may come?" she asked me softly, almost pleadingly.

Despite the dark undertone to her request I couldn't deny the logic in being prepared, and it wasn't exactly an ingredient I could procure without turning a few heads. I tried to ignore the way my body was suggesting I throw reason to the wind and rut against her bloody hand and all, and instead I conjured a glass vial and I held it to her weeping hand. It took roughly half a minute for the vial to fill.

"That's enough," she nodded, pulling her hand away.

I charmed the vial closed and pushed it up onto level ground beside our clothes. When it was out of harm's way I turned my attention back to her hand, and quickly sealed the wound erasing a little bit more of her scar. The pink line hid almost flawlessly in the life line cutting across her palm now.

"Do you still want to?" she asked me quietly. "I'd understand if you didn't. That does technically constitute dark magic."

"It wasn't though, not really," I admitted. "But maybe here isn't the best place. Our first time shouldn't be in the dirt waist deep in cold water."

"No, it probably shouldn't, no matter how appealing you are," she said with a smirk as she dipped her hands into the water and washed the blood away.

"Why don't we move to the tent?" I asked as I nuzzled her throat once more.

"Mmm yes, the tent." She sighed, taking a moment to trail her fingers through my hair before pulling away.

I ignored the tingles that sent rolling down my spine in order to focus on pulling away from her myself. I was about to offer her a boost up out of the brook when she hoisted herself out in one swift movement and I found myself distracted by her very naked form dripping with water and lit up from behind by the sun.

"Give me a second to get the tent ready?" she called over her shoulder as she hurried away.

I was so focused on watching her go that I almost didn't hear what she had said to me. When I processed the words I took my sweet time getting out of the water and gathering up our clothes and the newly acquired vial of blood before I followed her to the tent.

This morning when I stepped out of the tent it had opaque green canvas walls, two cots merged into one, a lone cot butted up against the canvas wall, and a camping stove hunkered down on a battered table. When I stepped into the tent it was a world transformed. Hermione had cast some sort of charm that made the top of the tent translucent allowing the green tinted sunlight to shine in without being blinding. All of the other furniture had disappeared from within the tent to be replaced by what looked like a fluffed up white down comforter and a bunch of matching pillows.

"Is this closer to what our first time should look like?" she asked from where she set on her knees in the middle of the pallet.

"Yes," I breathed, setting everything in my arms aside as I approached her. "It does."

What I assumed to be a warming charm upon entering the tent turned out to be some sort of drying charm. I felt a ripple of magic wash over me and then my dry hair fell into my vision as I knelt down beside Hermione. It was only then that I noticed her hair was dry as well. I didn't realize how cold our skin had gotten in the water, until I felt it warmed up once more. I allowed myself to enjoy running my hands over her warm skin.

"Lie back," I instructed softly as I climbed over her.

"I love you Severus," she whispered to me.

I wanted to lock that memory away forever. I could imagine it still being my most precious memory twenty of thirty years down the road. She was nestled in the white down comforter, with her sultry curls draped perfectly around her face, and her eyes shining up at me. Her face looked so innocent and trusting as she gazed up at me peacefully waiting for me to do what I wished, that I could almost weep.

"I love you too Hermione," I whispered as I brushed my lips against hers.

Her lips were sweet but I did not linger there. I kissed a trail over her chin and down her throat, delighting in the way she shivered beneath me though she fought to stay still. I knew without her saying that she was trying not to frighten me off and I loved her all the more for it. I laced my fingers through hers and squeezed her hand before I placed a lingering kiss just below her clavicle.

Despite the allure of that little hollow, it was not my destination either. I continued lower, and even through my lips I could feel the way her muscles tightened in anticipation. I kissed my way to her breast and I felt her stiffen slightly, but I knew that it was not from discomfort so I continued. It was when I closed my lips over her alert and puckered nipple that her back arched up off the ground and her free hand came to rest on the back of my head with her fingers tangling in my hair as she pulled me closer.

"Oh God," she groaned as I continued to tease her with my tongue.

Her skin was sweet, but her reactions were sweeter. I could not help but to react to the primal undulations of her body as I brought her pleasure. My own body was growing hotter and demanding a release. It was second nature to hook my behind her knee and draw her leg out so that I could nestle into the cradle of her thighs. I was surprised to hear a hiss of pleasure issue from my own lips as I was bathed in her heat.

"Hermione… please," I sighed against the side of her breast as I brought my forehead to rest between her breasts.

I wasn't even sure what I was asking her.

"Yes," she whispered, shifting her legs just a bit further apart in invitation.

"Will it hurt?" I asked her, realizing belatedly that we had never discussed her history but not really caring in the moment.

"I don't mind," she breathed running her fingers through my hair. "You're worth a bit of pain."

"I'm sorry," I told her quietly as I reached down to guide myself toward her entrance. "I'll do it quickly…"

She nodded quickly, and I snapped my hips forward before either of us could change our minds. The sound of each of us hissing seemed to reverberate off the walls of the tent, and I froze. Hermione was clearly hissing because my invasion had caused her pain, but my own hiss was anything but. Being inside Hermione was beyond exquisite. It was heat, and tightness, and a sweet sweet pleasure that didn't seem legal. I couldn't even process the thought of moving from the spot I was in, and yet there was a yearning from somewhere deep within me telling me to do it.

"Oh sweet Circe," I bit out as I tried to control myself.

Instead I buried my face against Hermione's neck and began to nibble gently on that spot that always made her shiver. My heartbeat spiked higher when her shaky breath turned into a low moan. I bit just a little harder and she keened with pleasure and arched up into me. Just that tiny little shift changed the way her body was hugging me and I cursed her neck as I thrust shallowly into her.

"Mngh yes," she groaned as her legs shifted in to hug against my torso and she buried her hands in my hair.

I didn't need further encouragement. I took hold of her hip with one of my hands and I moved against her once more, no longer restricting my movements. My body felt like it might actually catch fire as all the different sensations rippled through me. Hermione's hands tightened just slightly in my hair as she released another shaky moan.

I didn't think it could feel any better than it already did, but then Hermione planted both of her feet on the ground beneath us and she matched my thrust. As cliché as it sounded I saw stars. I muffled my moan in the skin of her neck and I picked up the pace of my movements. Hermione matched me thrust for thrust and I felt something building deep within me.

"Gods Hermione," I panted, tilted my head up so I could see her face. "You're so beautiful."

She was. Her hair was a halo around her, her face was flushed from exertion, and her pouty lips had fallen open in a silent moan. It was all arousing, but her eyes were what coiled something dark and sexual in my abdomen. They had grown dark, and clouded over with lust that was directed entirely at me.

"Severus," she exhaled. "You feel so good."

"So do you," I told her before claiming her lips in a searing kiss that stole the air from my lungs.

I lost sense of where I stopped and Hermione started. Our hips came together just as our lips did and there were so many incredible sensations flowing through me that I felt drunk. I could feel the heat of Hermione around me, and hear the sound of her moaning in my ears and it only fueled what was growing within me. A tingle started in the base of my spine and I instinctually knew that the end was coming.

Hermione must have felt it too. Her breathing sped up and her moans turned to a keening. I felt her fluttering around me, and then suddenly her breathing stopped entirely and her muscles locked down around me. It was a torturous pleasure that tore through me at the sensation of her squeezing me more tightly and it set my tiny death into motion. I couldn't hold back the growl like moan that tore from my throat as I thrust home one last time and erupted within her.

"I love you," I murmured against her skin as I peppered kisses along her jaw. "So much."

"I love you too Severus," she whispered lethargically as she pulled me down to rest on her.

It was the warmest and most comforting yet erotic place I had ever come to lie upon, but I knew I could not fall asleep on top of her. I would crush her. Instead I rolled to the side and pulled Hermione with me so she could rest her head on my shoulder. Our legs tangled together and she wrapped her arm possessively around my waist before coming to rest. Our breathing slowly evened out, and I was lulled to sleep by the sound of our mingling breath.


	22. It Just Takes A Second

**a/n: Futura Furtum has been nominated for an Energize W.I.P. Award..**

**In the category "Most promising Harry Potter FanFiction"**

**I am so excited, and I want to thank viola1701e for the nomination. Let's all raise a glass in celebration shall we? I'd love to win, but truly I am just so excited to have been nominated. I hope you will all go and vote for this story :)**

** energizewipawards*blogspot*com/2011/09/nominees*ht ml (change * to this .)**

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_**Song for this chapter: Castle of Glass by Linkin Park**_

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**SBPOV**

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I should have been disturbed, or upset, or felt even remotely negative about the day I had experienced. Yet, I felt better than I had felt in a long time. I could feel the healthy coloring of my face almost as much as I could feel my smile stretching the muscles in cheeks.

Hermione had used black magic on me, and yet it had wiped out the cloying grief that had damped my sense and let me see the world once more. Instead of dreaming of being drunk or wallowing within the depths of my own mind, I felt alive again. Hermione had pulled me back from the brink and given me my life back in more ways than one.

With happiness bubbling up in my chest once more, I wanted nothing more than to share it with my friends. With the full moon being due Remus was out of the question for the next few days, but James and Lily would likely be available. We could floo Peter over and have a dinner or go out to the pub.

I felt a slight twinge of guilt at so easily making plan without Remus even if it was in my head but I shook it off. He had taken to locking himself away during recent full moons to keep himself from being drawn into the dark pack of werewolves that were rumored to be working for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named so I knew he would not actually begrudge us an evening of frivolity.

The bubbling feeling of happiness froze in my lungs when the heavy wind I thought I had been hearing when I first appeared on the high street of Godric's Hollow morphed in a sound that I was disturbed to discover was something else entirely. Someone was screaming. Without my control over it my eyes were drawn upward and then there was no air to be had at all. Clear as day there was a dark mark hovering in the sky casting an eerie green light over a row of houses.

My feet took off at a sprint before I was fully cognizant of the fact that I recognized the roof of the house that mark was hovering over. My world stopped spinning entirely before taking off in the other direction when I rounded the bend in the road and saw a death eater setting fire to the Potter house. A death eater who was short and had a tuft of mousy brown hair on top of his head. I would have recognized him just from that, but the blaze of orange light brightened his rat like face and put on display the fact that Peter Pettigrew was happy to the see the home of his oldest friends burn.

There were hexing flying from my wand before I realized that I had drawn it, and they were joined from a slightly off kilter angle that I thought might becoming from headquarters. None of them hit their target before Pettigrew disappeared with a crack.

"James!" I screamed as I sprinted toward the burning building. "Lily."

I was running toward the house so quickly that I nearly tripped over my feet and fell. I was skidding forward trying to stay off my knees when I saw the misshaped black void moving within the fire. The screaming high pitched screaming grew louder as the shape surged forward and I realized that James was dragging Lily out of the house and they were both on fire.

"Auguamenti," I called, aiming my wand at the pair of them.

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**I know I know! It's so short, and it's a dreadful cliffhanger. I'm working on upcoming chapters, but I didn't think any of them would be done in time to get the announcement of my nomination out in time for people to be able to vote. I promise to update as soon as I can though.**


	23. For the World to Come Crashing Down

**a/n: With no further ado, here is the real chapter 23.**

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**I want to thank everyone who voted for this story in the energize wip awards. I got first place, and I cannot be more excited. It made my entire week, and I found it amusing that I would finally win an award on here for a story that I have felt so self-conscious about.**

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**WARNING: character death. Extremely sensitive topic in relation to death of said character. I used the topic as a bit of personal therapy, but it is not for the faint of heart. I cannot really tell you in this note what it is without giving away most of the chapter, so I will simply say that if you are sensitive to a loss within a family it may not behoove you to read this chapter. If you find yourself in that category feel free to message me for an emotionally sensitive summary of this chapter and skip it altogether.**

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_**Song for this chapter: Castle of Glass by Linkin Park (again)**_

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**HPOV**

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"What is that sound?" I asked groggily as I burrowed my way out from underneath the blankets we were tangled up in.

"What?" Severus asked sounding completely asleep himself.

The scratching sound started again, and he sat bolt upright taking his wand in hand. Any semblance of being tired fell away rapidly as he took in our sleepy surroundings with a sharp eye looking for a threat.

"There it is," he grumbled directing my gaze with his wand to point at a shadow at the top of the tent.

"I think it's an owl," I said, completely forgetting any modesty as I stepped half out of the tent to see why there was an owl scratching away in an attempt to get our attention.

It was an owl that looked both regal and fierce. I could see by the letter clutched in its talons that t was in fact a delivery owl, but the fierce orange eyes that stared at me reproachfully gave me the impression that he was some sort of guardian or an attacker. It did not seem to come in peace.

"This has got to be the most intimidating owl I have ever seen," I called out to Severus as I inched forward offering my hand out in an effort to beckon the owl to me.

"Don't," Severus directed sharply as he stepped out of the tent still pulling his boxers into place with his eyes locked on the bird. "That owl belongs to Lucius Malfoy, and it will bite your hand if the letter isn't meant for you."

"How are you supposed to know if the letter is meant for you when it hovers just out of reach like that?" I asked in irritation.

I knew the answer almost immediately. As soon as Severus was in the owl's line of vision it abandoned its perch on the top of the tent and fluttered down to land on his shoulder. I was surprised to see that it did not dig in its talons at all.

"If the letter is for you, Artemis does not hover out of your reach," Severus said quietly as he took the letter that was being offered to him.

The owl immediately took flight leaving us alone once more. I watched my husband's face darken rapidly as his eyes tracked back and forth across the page. It was strange to witness how he seemed to draw within himself and some of the warmth seemed to disappear from the grotto in the growing silence. For the first time since entering this magical retreat I felt under dressed and I brushed past Severus so I could slip into the tent and dress once more.

"What does it say," I asked in the most detached voice I could muster as I hastily donned my undergarments once more.

I felt the breeze of the tent flaps moving as Severus entered the tent, but still he didn't speak right away. I naturally assumed that the letter must be fairly awful, and allowed him to take the time he needed while I finished dressing. I kept my back to him as I pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, waiting as patiently as I could for him to answer me.

"It is an invitation," he said finally, and I rounded on him in time to see him pull his own shirt over his head leaving him fully dressed as well.

"An invitation?" I pressed, trying to predict what it meant off of the icily detached feeling he was radiating.

"Narcissa took her mark last night," Severus explained. "As they have now completed the first portion of the task set to them to atone for her actions at the funeral they are moving forward with the second task as quickly as possible."

My throat tightened with the surge of guilt that rose from the depths of my stomach and I held my breath. I could not hold it against him if he was to blame me for what had happened to Narcissa, but it still stung.

"They wish us to attend this party of course," he said, finally meeting my gaze with eyes that I could not read even with the help of knowing his mind so intimately. "While this letter contains a formal invitation, it also explains that a summons will be issued as that will likely be the night that Peter Pettigrew takes the mark as well."

I bit down on my tongue so quickly that I tasted blood in my mouth. I saw the flash in his eyes, and I knew that I had given myself away. He could tell now that I knew Pettigrew would inevitably work for the other side, but had he any idea how much that thought terrified me? Would he still somehow betray the Potters?

"You are not surprised," Severus said softly. "You knew that rat would become a death eater?"

"I never knew that he was branded," I whispered.

"But you knew something," he said just as quietly, though his voice at least did not seem to hold an accusation in it.

"In a different time, he was made the secret keeper for the Potters," I said, closing my eyes tight against the sudden and unexpected threat of tears. "It is not a secret that he endeavored to keep."

"We will have to find a way to expose him to Sirius that does not immediately trace back to us," he sighed, scrubbing his hands against his eyes. "He cannot be allowed to siphon legitimate information and hand it over."

"No he cannot, but we cannot say anything yet," I agreed. "It may very well be that you are the only person outside of Lucius who has been told, and we cannot have that turn back on us."

"No," Severus sighed tiredly. "Though I wish he could be dealt with before taking the mark. I cannot see a way out of this initial ritual if we are to attend the party. And of course we must accept the invitation if we wish to search their home for the diary."

"I will think of something," I swore to him as the real reason for his dead eye sunk home. "You will not be forced to lay hands upon him while I am still alive Severus."

He looked up from where his gaze had been locked on the floor of the tent and his eyes burning into mine. Whatever he had been holding on to in order to damped his emotions he let go of and I was nearly bowled over with the wave of everything he was feeling. I could only imagine what it felt like to be inside his mind when I was only receiving a damped echo due to the feedback loop.

There were so many emotions roiling together that I could hardly make them out as individual feelings. Terror and disgust were mingling just as easily with relief and trust. It was staggering, and I loved him all the more to know that he could stand there looking collected in every aspect other than his eyes while he weathered the storm. I did not leave him to weather it alone however. I crossed the tent in a few short steps and I pulled him tightly against me.

I basked in my own feeling peace that was partnered with his sense of homecoming and I allowed him to tuck his head into the crook of my neck and breathe my scent deep into his lungs. I hated that such news had come at the very beginning of our honeymoon. Our marital bed had hardly even cooled and already the war torn world we inhabited was trying to take over once more.

"I don't want to be here anymore," he whispered into my skin.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked him quietly as I traced my fingers over the ridges of his spine. "I will follow you anywhere."

"Strangely enough my first instinct is to go to Hogwarts, even though I did not have the happiest of childhood's there," he murmured. "I just want to go somewhere that feels safe and secluded. I want to go somewhere that it can be just you and me."

"We could continue with camping," I hedged. "Or even disappear into the muggle world. It is secluded by default as no one would be looking for us there."

He nodded gently, placing a chaste kiss against the column of my neck before pulling me more tightly against him. Simply hugging me did not seem to be enough for him, he lifted me up off my feet so he could hold me closer and I instinctually wrapped my legs around his waist.

"We could just get a hotel room in a nearby town." I suggested. "Probably not Great Hangleton as Sirius could think to look for us there. But why not go over to Knoll. I think they have a bed and breakfast there."

Severus quietly nodded once more and then he began to walk out of the tent while keeping his arms firmly wrapped around me. I wondered if perhaps he was planning to just leave the tent and all of our things behind, but answered my unasked question when he released me with one of his hands and withdrew his wand. I watched over his shoulder as he executed an impressive bit of magic as the tent folded itself back up in the blink of an eye and shrunk down to a size that would easily fit in a pocket. With another flick of his wand it flew in our direction and I reached out to catch it out of the air and held it gently in the palm of my hand as Severus replaced his wand within his sleeve once more and secured his hold on me.

"Hold tightly my heart," he whispered, and I had a fraction of a second to pull air into my lungs before he turned us and the incredibly pressure of apparition over took my senses.

The change in environment was striking. We went from a cool forest grove to a humidity laden space with the scent of greenery and old stone. I opened my eyes to see that we had appeared hidden behind a tree not far from what appeared to be the bed and breakfast I had been talking about. It was not somewhere I had actually been, simply hear of, but I got the impression that Severus must have been here at some point to apparate to it so easily.

"I accompanied Lily and her parents here on a summer trip once… when we were still friends," he said, obviously sensing my curiosity without me speaking. "She did not enjoy the trip, so I think it is unlikely that we would run into her here."

"We could go somewhere else," I told him quietly. "My heart is not set here, especially I it is just a reminder of what we have left at home for you."

"It doesn't matter," he told me as he gently lowered me to my feet. "You are here, that is what I need. I want nothing more than to burry myself inside you."

I felt my face flush a brilliant red as he took my hand in his and he released an airy chuckle at my reaction.

"I realize how indelicate that sounds now that I've said it out loud," he said as he led me slowly toward the inn. "It wasn't what I meant however. I was not even thinking of sex."

I nodded my head as I used my free hand to first hide the miniaturized tent within my empty pocket, and then to seek out the muggle money I was now quite glad to have thought of bringing on this trip. I hadn't been completely sure where we would end up on this trip, but I wanted to be prepared for anything.

"How long do you want to stay here?" I asked him as we approached the white wooden inn.

"Maybe forever," he said with a slight chuckle as he pushed the door open and angled his body so I could proceed before him, the he did not endeavor to let go of my hand.

I tried to laugh with him, but the laughter felt hollow in my chest. I was quickly beginning to understand his desire to hide away within me. I wanted to do it as well. I didn't want to think about what might be happening back home. I didn't want to think about How Mr. Blott was likely to have reacted to my letter of resignation that I had simply slid under the door to his shop before leaving town. I didn't want to think about any responsibilities I had to the order. I absolutely didn't want to think about anything having to do with any obligations either of us had to the Dark Lord or his death eaters. I just wanted to bury myself inside of him.

"Good morning," an elderly woman with wild grey curly hair greeted us cheerily from behind an old oak desk, drawing me out of my maudlin thoughts. "What can I do for you this morning?"

"We'd like to book a room," I said, pushing a smile up onto my face with a little more effort than should have been necessary.

"How long will you be staying with us?" she asked as she pulled out an ancient looking book, that I assumed she kept track of reservations in.

"We aren't really sure," I admitted. "Could we book a room for the weekend and then decide from there?"

"Sure," she said with a smile. "We're usually booked solid in late June, but it's been so hot this summer, that most people are heading to the coast instead."

"I think the temperature here is lovely," Severus said congenially. "And we surely can't complain about the quiet now can we?"

"No," she laughed as she selected a room. "It is right peaceful lately. What name should I put the reservation under?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Snape if you will," Severus said as he gently squeezed my hand.

"Aright, Mr. and Mrs. Snape, I've got you booked for room 2A for the weekend." She said as she opened a drawer and drew out a key. "It's right off the stairs, but you can't hear anything when people go up and down so you shouldn't be disturbed."

"Thank you," Severus said as he took the key in hand.

"Breakfast is served between eight and ten," she explained. "With you being the only pair in residence you can specify the time you'd like."

"Nine sounds good to me," I said, arbitrarily picking a time right in the middle. "What do we owe you for the weekend?"

"Oh no need to worry about that just now," she waved off my handful of money. "We can settle up once you've decided how long you want to stay."

* * *

The conversation with the owner was not all that long, but it seemed to take a lifetime for us to be standing in our room alone. But one we were there the world seemed to fall away once more and it was just Severus and I. Severus kept a gentle hold on my hand as he clamored up onto the bed and laid down his weary head on the downy pillow. I followed the pull of his arm until I was kneeling along the bed with him.

I came to rest straddling his hips with my fingers tangled up with his hand. His face looked so worried that I couldn't help but tangle our free hands together as well. I sat there for a moment just pressing his hands into the mattress as I tried to banish away the anxiety we were both feeling. I wanted to settle a calm over the room, but I couldn't.

When I looked down at him with his hands on either side of his face, bending entirely to whatever my will might be in this moment though his face was still colored by anxiety it broke something within me. I knew that Severus trusted me implicitly, and I knew that I would never do anything to hurt him but it still turned my stomach with an unknown fear to see him so vulnerable. Perhaps it wouldn't have been if he had been lost in the moment like he had been after our wedding.

I let go of his hands so he would not be in a pose of supplication and instead began to trace my fingers over his brow. I traced the lines of his cheekbones and his jaw. I watched the way his eyes fluttered closed and the lines of worry began to dissipate when I trailed my fingers down the column of his throat.

"I love you," he whispered, and I could feel the vibrations of his vocal chords in the tips of my fingers.

"I love you Severus Snape," I whispered back as I allowed my fingers to drift down to the buttons of his shirt.

I listened intently to his barely audible breathing, and the sound of cotton shifting against cotton as I freed first one, then another button from its home. His breathing grew just the tiniest bit shaky as he put his hands on my hips and slid his fingers under the hem of my t-shirt. Could he feel the goose bumps that he was able to raise upon my flesh so quickly with just the slightest touch?

I considered asking him just that. I thought about saying all sorts of inappropriate things to him because I thought he might like it, but I become distracted from such thoughts. A bright light, dimmed somewhat by the sunshine from outside, lit up our window. For just one moment, I thought it was beautiful. But then I realized that I was staring into the space just inside the window where that bright light was rapidly taking the form of a patronus and I knew that this tiny moment of happiness was about to be destroyed with business before it even began to speak. When it did begin to speak, the voice that issued from the phoenix made my blood run cold.

"Abandon your mission. Emergency Order meeting at noon." His voice was cold, and it was clearly an order.

I had never actually seen Dumbledore's patronus but it was easy to distinguish that it belong to him even when his voice was so different from the genial elderly male voice he usually embodied. I found myself staring at the spot where that phoenix had been for quite some time after it had gone. I couldn't quite say how long it had been when Severus gently squeezed my hips.

"You know, I still don't know how they do that?" I said as I turned to meet his concerned gaze. "When I was still in school I would wonder how they could send a message through their patronus. But now, here I am and I still don't know how to do it."

"Would it help to know that I haven't got a clue how to do that?" he asked me carefully, and I knew that he was waiting for my reaction to the message that had come.

"You'd think that would be part of the initial meeting." I rambled. "Hey, here is how you communicate while out on mission. Or maybe give out a pamphlet, patronus communication 101."

"It's already about eleven," Severus said carefully. "Should we go back now?"

"I'd rather pretend I didn't hear it," I groaned before leaning down to hide my face against the skin of his neck. "Why can't we have even a full twenty-four hours of our lives remain untouched by this war?"

"Someday," he promised as he carded his fingers through my hair in a soothing gesture. "But today isn't that day. Today is the day we return to the front lines after an oh so brief respite."

"You truly are the shinning beacon of dedication," I moaned, meaning it to be a compliment though it seemed to come out sounding more like I was upset with him.

His deep laughter reverberated all through me and just like that the tension that had been winding my shoulders ever closer to my ears was released. I returned to being that girl who had just gotten married while standing naked in a brook rather than being the necromantic soldier that lived at the beck and call of far too many forces to be healthy.

"We should go settle up with the owner and be on our merry way," I sighed as I clamored off of the bed and tried to arrange my hair into some semblance of order once more. "I wonder how much she charges for less than 30 minutes…"

* * *

I had to apparate twice. First I did slide-along with Severus to Spinner's end. I changed into a simple green set of robes before leaving Severus behind and apparating to Godric's Hollow. It was just a few minutes shy of noon, but I could smell something burning. I supposed it was possible that someone was having a summer cookout this early in the day, but there was something about it that set my teeth on edge.

I looked around me, and while the source of the smell was not immediately apparent I immediately noticed a dissipating column of smoking down the road. My eyes zeroed in on the base of that smoke plume and I saw the remains of a house. It was funny in a twisted way, but I had seen that house every time I had come into town and I hadn't recognized it for what it was. It was only now, that it was half collapsed to the ground from damage that the house struck a chord with me. The realization that I was staring at the charred remains of the Potter house shook something deep within and my legs nearly gave out beneath me.

I locked my knees quickly enough to keep myself from falling to the ground but I might as well have been lying on the ground for the way I felt trying to process what I was seeing. I was off and sprinting toward headquarters before I even decided to move. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and the world seemed to slow down around me as I bound up the stairs and flew into the house.

I heard the crying before I saw anyone. The foyer was dark and empty, but when I burst into the meeting room I found it packed with members of the order. Some of them were lingering around the wall somewhat awkwardly, some were huddled around Dumbledore near the fire place, and the others were grouped around the source of the crying. The horrible wracking sobs were at least recognizable as being female, and so it was with a preconceived notion of what sort of loss I was approaching that I broke through the crowd of people that surrounded the crying.

I wasn't surprised to see Lily there, that was what I was the natural assumption. I was however somewhat shocked to see that James was here. My heart had sunk at the assumption that Lily was crying for the loss of James, and so it was buoyed back up just as quickly by his physical presence.

I was at risk for sustaining emotional whiplash however when my mind caught up with my eyes. Yes James and Lily were both here, but Lily was still on the floor sobbing with her face buried in Madam Pomfrey's chest and James was being forcibly restrained by Sirius. His face was red and contorted with rage but he was not making a sound. The entire tableau sent chills down my spine and raised goose bumps on my flesh.

"What happened," I asked quietly, and yet it seemed as if I had shouted it when everyone went very quiet.

For a moment even Lily was silent, but then she turned to look at me. Her face was red and swollen from the crying, and I could hardly make out the green in her eyes due to how bloodshot they were. Still it wasn't the distraught emotion on her face that terrified me. It was the burns that were rapidly disappearing due to magical intervention that set my blood pumping once more with fear.

"Peter Pettigrew turned traitor," she said in a deep hoarse voice that sounded nothing like her. "He went over to Voldemort, and he had to prove himself. His method of choice? He attacked me while James was in the shower."

She paused when and inarticulate howl of rage issued from her husband.

"I tried to fight back… but my magic has been off what with the—" she cut herself off with a hiccoughing cry before attempting to pull herself back together. "The pregnancy. James heard and he came running. He engaged him, but then P-peter set the house on fire and he ran."

"Are you okay?" I asked her, fighting the urge to reach out to her as it occurred to me she might still be in quite a bit of pain.

Lily began to sob once more and Madam Pomfrey pulled her into her arms once more and tried to soothe her. I looked around at the group and saw a mixture of sadness and rage on the faces of the Longbottoms and the Mickinnons. None of it compared to the anguish on the face of Sirius as he attempted to keep a hold on James who was still struggling to free himself and looked as if he might kill the first person he came into contact with him. Alice Longbottom leaned over to me and delicately whispered in my ear.

"She lost the baby."

It was said quietly, and it was such a short sentence but it shattered my world. This time I could not stop my legs from giving out and I found myself seated on the floor a few feet away from Lily. I felt as if the world had opened up and was going to swallow me alive.

"Oh Harry," I cried as the loss settled home.

How had this happened? I had done everything I could to be certain my friend would never lose his parents. I had turned my life on its head and delved into the darkest magic that existed to try and stop him from knowing the half-life of being a horcrux once again, and somehow all my effort had served to create was a world where his life was snuffed out before he had the chance to truly experience. In some distant way I was aware of how it was self-involved to think that this loss was my fault entirely, but I could not let go of the knowledge that this timeline played out differently if I were not present.

I didn't realize that I was crying until I found that someone was kneeling before me and I couldn't make out their features. I wiped roughly at my eyes and attempted to stem the flow of my tears. When I could see I found it was the still somewhat contorted face of James that was staring at me. It twisted my heart to see him in that moment, because he looked so much like his son would have even if his anger was beyond anything I had seen with Harry.

"How do you know my sons name?" he asked me fiercely.

"I-I don't understand," I stuttered, realizing I wasn't sure if they had ever told me what they intended to name Harry or not.

"We never told a soul what we were going to name our son," he spat at me. "So please enlighten me as to how you know the name of my deceased son."

"I… I just," I stammered trying to think quickly on my feet.

"She's a seer," Sirius intervened as he stepped forward and casually placed a restraining hand on James's shoulder.

"Well sort of…" I lied. "I see things occasionally. I had seen your son… as a teenager. It's becoming striking clear however that it must have been a d-dream."

I choked on my tears, but found I could not allow myself to cry in front of this man. I felt I had no right to cry over the loss of his child, when he himself was not crying. It would have been worse to cry in the face of his mother's tears however. There was nothing sane if logical about this situation. I couldn't process it. I was simultaneously numb and distraught over this loss that I was experiencing.

In the face of this quasi ambiguous loss and blossoming deeply felt morning for a man who could not never be the friend he had been to me in my youth I did not have room within my mind to think about what James must be thinking of me. I could not worry about what might brewing in anyone's mind about me; what suspicions might be developing due to what I had just said. All I could do was look at Lily Potter as she cradled her still swollen belly and sobbed her grief into the shoulder of Poppy Pomfrey.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," I whispered hoarsely.

"It is a terrible thing that has happened," Dumbledore said, and I looked up to find that the rest of the order had crowded around our half crouched circle of mourning. "But we cannot allow this grief to swallow us up. We must eradicate this new threat to our safety."

His callous disregard for the tragedy that had taken place made me sick. I froze in place fighting to keep from crying or vomiting or screaming and I just watched Lily. I wished that I knew how to comfort her.

"A secret keeper needs to be established for headquarters immediately," Dumbledore went on. "Anyone whose where abouts and schedules can be leaked by Peter will need to be moved into a safe house. Shell cottage can hold four people comfortably, but we can find other options if more of you need to be moved."

"Peter has been in my home," Sirius said quietly. "Remus will have to be moved as well. Where is Remus?"

"It is a full moon tonight," James said hoarsely. "He probably didn't trust himself to leave the shack no matter what the summons said."

"Has he not taken his wolfsbane?" I asked dumbly looking around in confusion.

"Do you know someone who can brew wolfsbane?" Dumbledore asked me shrewdly.

"I did…" I stalled as I did the mental math and realized how new Wolfsbane was as a potion in this time. "In Italy. I might be able to get a hold of some for the next full moon."

"Please," Sirius said pointedly as he locked eyes with me. "Remus would give anything to keep his mind during the transformation. I can say without question that he would pay any price to get his hand on that potion."

"I will give it to him for free if I can get it," I said, thinking of the shabby robes Professor Lupin was always wearing. "Anything to help a member of the order."

"Thank you Hermione," Dumbledore said genially. "Once we have moved the vulnerable targets into safe houses I should have concluded my investigation into Pettigrew and I will know where we go from there. No one is to attempt any contact with him before that am I clear?"

He was looking pointedly at James Potter, but my focus was on the way that Sirius was focused on me. Did he suspect that thoughts of using my necromantic powers had crossed for my mind for just a moment? I had stamped them down as quickly as I could, but I couldn't deny they had been there. Did he know? I hoped to Merlin he didn't.

"Poppy will be taking Lily to Hogwarts for the next few days," Dumbledore went on. "I would ask that those of you remaining help see to the quick and efficient moving of James, Lily, Sirius and Remus. Hermione I need to speak with you about your recent mission before you join the others."

Just like that the room began to empty. Lily and Madam Pomfrey disappeared with the pop of apparition, and the other began to walk out of the room. Sirius still had a tight hold on James as he began to march out of the house and I found myself inexplicably seated at Dumbledore's feet with no one else around. I scrambled back up to my feet and firmly locked away everything I was feeling so it would not show on my face while he talked to me.

"You failed to mention that Peter Pettigrew had joined the Death Eaters," he said sternly, no sparkle present in those vibrant blue eyes.

"He bears no mark," I swore. "He has not been present for any gatherings before the most recent marking ceremony, and he was not marked in the last. The only new initiate is Narcissa Malfoy. This has to have been some way of proving he was worthy of taking the mark."

"I want to know everything he does or says from this moment forward," Dumbledore ordered sounding so angry that his voice was unrecognizable to me. "If he so much as goes to the market for a jug of milk I want to hear about from you in a report."

"Written or in person," I asked as I tampered down an entirely new wave of emotions.

"Send them with your patronus," he directed. "I will take your report in person if the information you provide me with demands it."

"I've not been taught how to do that," I admitted dully.

"You can either speak to it and send it on its way, which is what those who struggle with the patronus charm have to do in order to concentrate their magic on maintaining the corporeal form," he explained. "Or you can hold the thought of what you wish to say in your mind as you cast the patronus and then direct it to the recipient. The ability to do so was given to you when you took your vow to join."

I wondered if anything else had been _given_ to me during that oath, but I didn't dare ask such a guilty question.

"I would like you to begin your investigation immediately," he said pointedly.

"Yes sir," I nodded and I turned on my heal and headed for the door with my robes sweeping out behind me in a way so reminiscent of the Professor Snape that would never come to be that I should have been amused.

Amusement was one of the only emotions I wasn't feeling.


	24. What It Costs

**A/N: So just for fun the other day I googled idon'tedit. I was surprised to discover that I actually get recommended on blogs and such. A common thing included in their pitch is that my stories are under reviewed and I didn't much think of it that way. I've been sort of decided on the idea that my fan fiction is nowhere near the caliber of my professional writing and that was why no one seemed to like it. Now I don't know… maybe I get a lot of readers who don't like to review? I can't argue with that, I am bad about it myself. I digress however the point of this was: hey I exist on Google!**

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_**Song for this chapter: Roads Untraveled by Linkin Park**_

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**SPOV**

* * *

I was sitting on the bed in Hermione's room wondering to myself if I should move all of her things into my room. I contemplated the idea of simply moving my things into her bedroom. It was lighter in here, with the window facing towards the west the sunset would light it up further. It did not hold the memory of many sleepless nights the way my room did. Which room would Hermione prefer?

I lost track of how long I had been contemplating that questions, but I was jarred out of my thoughts by the ring on my hands turned warm and began to glow white. I pressed my wand tip to the ring and immediately Hermione's elegant script began to dance across the top.

_Will be late. Must move Order members into a safe house. Will explain later._

What had happened? It had to have been something drastic to necessitate pulling Hermione out of a false but arguably important mission as well as moving what sounded like more than one person from their homes and into a safe house. I supposed there wasn't much I could do about that just now, and it looked as if the weather was just about to turn cold so I may as well make a nice warm supper for Hermione to come home to.

* * *

I operated as if under the imperious curse all throughout making an old fashioned meatloaf, mash, and buttered beans. I set the table, produced a carafe of water with glasses, and even toasted a bit of bread all without any thoughts going through my mind. Worry was strange like that. It could take hold of a person and cloud their mind over so thoroughly. Then again it never seemed to cut the strings that controlled their movements did it?

I pushed my worries away, so that I might focus on my surroundings once more, and I saw that it had gone gray outside. I could hear the sound of steady rain upon the roof, and yet the temperature was still quite high. Hermione was going to be miserable once she had returned home. She was likely miserable right this moment. I had never been one to enjoy moving things from one home to another, and I could not picture it growing more entertaining when the rain was falling but the sun was still burning hot.

I put a stasis charm on the meal to keep it warm and then I checked my watch. It had already gone past eight in the evening and I could not quite account for how the day had gotten away from me. I had hope of seeing Hermione home by the time the sun went down, and I decided to do her the kindness of running a bath for her to soak in after all her hard work. I could even create a pain reliever to be absorbed through the skin while she soaked with the materials I had on hand in the lab.

I walked into my lab, and lit the candles positions around the wall with a bit of wandless magic while I looked around for my ceramic bowl. Most of my cauldrons were filled with potions that were aging, or stewing as I worked on the advanced potions that had been assigned to me by Slughorn. It was lucky that I was at a point in my master study that I could afford to leave the potions as they were for extended periods of time, else I might be forced to give it all up.

I could have feasibly created the herbal bath soak in a mortar, but at this point it was simply habit to create several batches of anything that had to the relief of pain. It was rather odd I hadn't thought to create this particular remedy thus far. It had been an age since I had used the ceramic bowl, but my memory did not disappoint me. It was in fact buried under a stack of loose parchment with a collection of knuts and sickles inside of it. I dumped them all out on the end of the work bench and I wiped out the bowl out of habit.

I turned my attention to the racks of ingredient jars that lined the walls and went first for the highest row at the very beginning where all of those ingredients starting with a's were located. I snapped up the jar of arnica and drew out two dried flowers. I tore the darkened yellow patterns into the tiniest of pieces and let them fall into the bowl where they made a striking contrast against the white ceramic base.

I hummed what I had now come to think of as Hermione's lullaby as I returned that jar to its home and sought out the chamomile instead. I shook out two measure of the dried and crumbling ingredient and I crushed them to a powder with my fingers before allowing them to trickle down on top of the arnica. The juniper berries required the use of a mortar and pestle, but I brought them to the state of a fine powder as well before adding them to the mix.

Instead of using the dried lavender flowers I had in stock I plucked up the imported lavender oil that sat beside it and drizzled a fair measure of it into the bowl. It would be more fragrant that way and serve as a binding agent for the entire soak. I only had one passion flower left in my collection of ingredients, but Hermione was worth the loss in my mind, so I plucked it from the shelf and shredded it much like I had the arnica and added it to the mix. The vibrant pink was appealing next to the dark yellow but they did not mix together like they would have if I had been brewing them into a potion.

I already possessed a jar of dried and ground peppermint, so I simply shook it into the mixture as if I were adding salt to a soup. My mind was no longer focused on the task at hand, but rather imagining Hermione soaking in the tub. It was not the most gentlemanly place my mind could wander too, but I did not regret the choice. These thoughts were only spurred on as I chopped bits of rosemary smaller and smaller to add them to the mixture. Hermione had smelled of rosemary and lavender when I had taken her after our wedding. I thought of that day as I added two measure of valerian root and began to methodically stir the mixture together.

* * *

I was trailing my fingers languorously through hot bathwater, aiding the in the dissolving of the soak I had created, when I heard the crack of apparition that announced Hermione had arrived home. It was followed quickly by a thwacking sound as her feet climbed the stairs rapidly and her wet robes snapped at the air behind her. I turned around in time to see her barrel her way into the bathroom.

Her eyes were locked on mine and I was nearly bowled over by the pain present in them. What had happened today? I did not hesitate to open my arms to her and enfold her into my embrace despite the fact that she was soaked to the bone. It was nearly impossible to tell with how wet she was already making me, but I still felt it when her tears began to soak the front of my robes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her quietly.

"Harry is dead," she sobbed, her body shuddering with the effort.

I pulled her tighter, trying to process how that could have even happened.

"Peter Pettigrew turned anyway," she coughed out in between sobs. "I don't understand. He doesn't even know the prophecy, he has no reason to choose the Potter's as his victims. I just don't understand."

"What did he do?" I asked, still lost on how Lily and James could be alive if their son was dead.

"He went to their home; I am not sure if he broke in or if Lily simply let him inside. She wouldn't have any reason to suspect him of anything." Hermione explained as she leaned back to look at my face. "James was in the shower when it started. Peter attacked Lily. They didn't say, but she was shaking so badly that I assume he used the cruciatus."

Hermione was shaking as well, so while I listened to her I began to peel off her soaked robes.

"Presumably James heard his wife screaming," she went on, her tears drying up as she detached from the situation in that disturbing way she had when overwhelmed. "He threw on his clothes, or I assume he did as he was dressed when I saw him. Maybe they dressed him later? I have no idea how long they were at headquarters before I arrived there."

"What happened after he was dressed?" I asked, directing her back to the topic at hand as I directed her into the hot bath.

"He engaged Peter, and the situation escalated." She told me as she sunk down into the tub. "He set their house on fire as he escaped. The fire was barring their exit, and I suspect it was a variant of the fiendfyre charm that was used because James was unable to put it out and had to pull himself and Lily through it. They were both burned, but Lily sustained more injuries than he did."

"They both survived the attack though?" I asked carefully.

"They did, but the injuries Lily sustained were too much," she choked. "The stress it put on her body was too much for the baby. Harry… Harry died before he could even be born."

"If the prophecy is to be believed, I don't even know how that is possible." I sighed, trying to wrap my mind around this situation, and frankly unable to really understand what the death of this unborn child really meant. I certainly didn't know how I felt about it.

"That's the beauty in the vague wording I suppose," Hermione said with a disengaged laugh. "There is another child that will be born as the seventh month dies to a family who has thrice defied the Dark Lord. Neville Longbottom could logically take the place that Harry Potter should have. I just don't understand how any of it applies when we've nullified the validity of the prophecy by refusing to pass it on."

"My mother always said that fate is fate, and we have little choice in changing what is meant to be," I told her. "I have always thought of that as her way of justifying not trying to get out of an abusive relationship with my father, but perhaps it had more meaning than I realized."

"I refuse to allow my life to be dictated by something as intangible as fate," Hermione growled in frustration. "I will not have my world and my dearest friends striped away from me by three little harpies waving a tapestry of their own designs."

"I also consign to the paradigm of free will," I nodded, trying to keep an even tone in the face of her mercurial state. "So, what is our next step to ensure that the Longbottoms don't meet the same fate as the Potters?"

"That's where I'm stuck," she admitted, turning to look at me once more. "How did the Potters meet this fate? Peter didn't know about the prophecy in this time line. So why did he attack them? Would he even have reason to attack the Longbottoms?"

"It is possible that he chose them as his demonstration of loyalty for purely selfish reasons," I mused. "It can't have been easy for him to play last chair in the group for all those years. He has always been the least talented, and least liked of the marauders. I imagine that he would like the idea of finally taking the indisputable leader down a peg or two."

"And of course he would attack Lily rather than James," Hermione groused. "Because it was also indisputable that his skill was far outstripped by the others. Why not take what is most precious to James rather than risk facing James on equal footing in a duel?"

"Exactly." I agreed.

"I think it would be best we still paid attention to Alice and Frank, but perhaps we need not assume they are in the direct line of fire," she sighed, scrubbing at her face before she looked at me once more. "Is it horrible that I am more upset over the loss of someone who wouldn't likely have been my friend in this time line anyway, than I am for how his poor mother must be feeling?"

I didn't answer right away as I wasn't entirely sure, and my hesitation seemed to pain her.

"I don't mean to say that I begrudge her the grief of a lost child. There are no words for that," Hermione went on, her eyes tearing up again. "I honestly can't even process it. I cannot begin to guess at how she must be feeling. But selfishly, I am more focused on my own loss. I understand it is ego centric, but is it completely barbaric?"

"I think we all process our grief differently," I told her. "And yes, I do think each person handles it through the lens of how the loss affects them. I don't think you are a bad person for that. I myself can only focus on the loss that Lily is feeling, but that itself is a selfish gesture."

"I don't see how it could be," she whispered, wiping her tears away.

"Because while it has everything to do with her, and has just as much to do with myself." I admitted. "She was once the woman I wanted for my own. She was once my best friend in the entire world. Of course I think of how much pain she must be in, because at one point she was all I ever thought of. It is selfish that I do not worry about her husband who has lost just as much. It is selfish that while I want to make you feel better, I cannot completely comprehend the loss you are feeling because you are mourning someone I never knew and never will know."

"It is a strange sensation," she sighed. "I have lost someone that in theory I had already lost, yet it does not hurt any less. I did not realize until I heard the words today how much I had been counting on the existence of Harry and Ron. Maybe I could not be their friend this time, but I could have seen them grow together. A vicarious friendship or something like that. Now it will not exist, and that breaks my heart in a way I was not prepared to deal with."

"And I can't help but have certain desires,' she went on. "I can't help but think about the fact that with the powers I possess one life can be traded for another. I should not even consider outing myself as a necromancer to the Order, but I can't help the thoughts that plague my mind. How easy would it be for me to hunt down Peter and kill him? I could trade his life, for Harry's, and I wouldn't even feel guilty about it. When did human life become a pawn on a chessboard to me?"

"It isn't, not really," I argued. "You just cannot think outside of your grief right now. You would never do it; I know you wouldn't."

"Do you see more good in me than truly exists?" she asked me cautiously. "You are so good to me. You do things like this bath without a second thought, and what do I do for you? I rain down ever escalating layers of trouble on your life. You would be so much better off if I had never fallen back through time."

"Would I?" I growled troubled by the way she spoke about herself. "Would I be better off slogging through as a true member of the death eaters? Would I be happier perpetrating rapes against men and women who I had once called friends? Would I be happy turning my back on anything good inside myself and delving deep into the dark before I returned to the light? I do not think I would."

"I'm sorry," she said looking up at me bleary eyed once more. "I am the only one who can know your mind, and yet I don't really know it at all do I?"

I kneeled down beside the tub so I could take her face in my hands. I brushed her renewed tears away as I looked into her eyes trying to convey all the love I have for her with just my eyes.

"You know me more than anyone ever has," I told her fiercely. "And you know something far more important than my mind. You know my heart. I love you dearly Hermione, and a bit of self-doubt will not change that."

"I love you," she sobbed, losing all control of her emotions once more.

I pulled her face to mine and I tried to kiss away her pain. It was probably the messiest and wettest kiss we had ever had, but I wouldn't trade it. I would love to be able to simply absorb her pain and erase it through the kiss, but just the slow stilling of her tears while I kissed her would have to be enough. All I could do was hope for a day when there would not be so many tears. When had she made me such a hopeful man?

"This conversation raises a question of something that I allowed to slip my mind previously," I said carefully when I released her. "We were not at all cautious after our wedding. Did you perhaps cast a contraception charm while you prepared the tent?"

"I didn't," she said sadly. "But it doesn't matter."

"What do you mean?" I questioned with a tiny squeak apparent in my voice at the end.

"I do not need a contraception charm because I am completely barren," she told me with a sad twist of her lips. "Have you ever heard of endometriosis?"

"No," I said wondering if that was even an English word.

"It is a disease. I have only ever heard mention of it in the muggle world to be honest," she explained. "I found out that I had it before puberty, but it appeared to be a mild case at that point. I went on hormone therapy to alleviate the pain."

I nodded, still a little unsure of what it was.

"Essentially the disease causes uterine tissue to grow outside of the womb," she went on. "In some cases just the hormone therapy can be a cure of sorts for people, but that was not the case for me. The pain grew progressively worse, forcing us to try different options while I was home on summer breaks throughout school."

She ran her fingers through her tangled hair while she thought and I simply watched her.

"I won't break down all the muggle treatments I went through for you, it's dense and I don't even understand it enough to make it clear from a completely magic upbringing," she sighed. "In the summer of my fifth year the constant pain became just too much for me, and I requested a partial hysterectomy. It is likely the additional pain I was in from injuries I sustained while trying to help Harry at the department of mysteries is what pushed me over the edge."

"Hysterectomy?" I questioned.

"It is a surgery," she explained. "What I had is called a supracervical hysterectomy. I they surgically removed the upper part of my uterus, but left my cervix intact. They also removed my ovaries, and thus I cannot bear children. I am however pain free."

"Can it come back?" I asked her.

"There is always the possibility for endometriosis to return as the disease does not have a 100% cure," she told me. "But I have not shown signs of regrowth since the surgery. Should I have told you about this before we got married? It honestly hadn't occurred to me as I don't think I want children. Do you want children?"

"I have never even thought about the question to be honest," I admitted. "I certainly can't picture myself with them at this point in my life, and I suppose the question is off the table now."

"Well, I think if you were to ever reach a point in your life where you could not live without them we could perhaps discuss adoption," Hermione hedged.

"I think that is a bridge we can cross if it arises." I pointed out. "As it stands right now neither of us even want children, and I don't see a point in readdressing that issue while we are still at war."

"Agreed." She said with a tired smile.

"Why don't you finish your bath," I told her as I stood once more. "I will go scrounge up something for dinner."

* * *

The next morning found us sitting before the fire with Hermione's notes on legilimency spread between us as we dissected the concept. Supposedly in a different time line I was skilled in both occlumency and legilimency, but I could hardly believe it while trying to wrap my mind around the branch of magic. We had unanimously decided that there was no need for me to bother with occlumency as we had the hex in place. Hermione had developed the skill in order to cope with her sometimes overwhelming emotions, but I found that other than the occasional lapse I was able to do that without assistance and had no desire to structure in such a detailed way when there was no external threat looming over me.

"I have no issue understanding the concept of associative thought processes," I sighed as I massaged my temples in frustration. "It's the action of forcing a certain process within the mind of another than I am struggling with. For example how I am I to make Rowle think about whatever sick plan he has for the evening so I might have a chance of intervening and yet somehow keep him from know that I have been inside his mind."

"I think you have to make a surface scan," Hermione mused as she tugged at an errant curl, momentarily distracting me with how long her hair hand grown since she cut it. "It's how to make a surface scan that is boggling me. You used to use it on students all the time. You were not casting legillimens, and yet you were still reading us. I wish I could ask the now imaginary Professor Snape how he did it."

"Is it possible that I was just using wandless and nonverbal magic?" I questioned.

"Maybe…" she hedged. "But I am certain that you used it on me more than once and I never felt anything. But then when you used legilimency on Harry it was very clear what you had done. That was when you cast the spell alone."

She cringed at the mention of Harry but I saw her quickly burry whatever memory she had been thinking of behind her occlumency walls and the ripple of pain drained out of her face. She turned her eyes back to me with an air of determination but a loud pounding at the door cut off whatever she was going to say next.

"Who the bloody hell is that?" I growled shooting up from the floor.

The pounding continued as I hurried over to the door with my wand drawn. I threw it open, and felt my anger spike up at the sight of Sirius Black on my front step once more. I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and threw the door closed before rounding on him once more. I threw up a quick silencing charm in case any of the shouting had gotten through my wards.

"I thought I told you never to come here again," I shouted at him as I advanced forward to tower over him. "Not only did you disregard that instruction but you just made one hell of a scene on my front porch! Merlin's pants are you trying to get one of us killed?"

"I needed to talk to Hermione," he said shakily, clearly not having been prepared for my rage. "I didn't think that rule still applied now that her relationship couldn't be revealed by my proximity."

"Do you think your inclusion makes our situation any more precarious?" I shouted at him. "You must be a bloody idiot if you think an Order member showing up as if he owns the place isn't going to throw up some red flags if that news got back to the Dark Lord. You are still supposed to be operating under the assumption that Hermione is single as she hasn't told the Order she is married! We have to meet you somewhere else, or you have to present a legitimate reason to be visiting a suspected death eater. So unless you plan on taking the mark don't you ever come here unannounced like that again!"

"I'm sorry," he said as he tried to gather himself. "I'll owl or something next time. But since I'm here already, I need to speak with Hermione."

"I'm right here," she said quietly, rising up on her knees so she could be seen from behind the couch. "What is it Sirius?"

"I need your help with Peter," Sirius said somewhat darkly as he stood once more and crossed over to stand directly behind the couch. "I know where he is, and I want to bring you to him."

"Why would you want to do that?" I asked him harshly.

"I was assigned to track him by Dumbledore," Hermione told me with a concerned look in her eyes. "He told you of that assignment?"

"No I had no idea about that," Sirius said with a shake of his head. "I want you to kill him. We can lie and say I did it if you want, so you aren't implicated as a necromancer, but I want you to kill him and use him to bring the baby back. You can do that can't you?"

I heard a faint pounding in my ears as my rage flew up. The room itself was silent, but it seemed incredibly loud to me as I fought the urge to assault Sirius. Pain rippled across Hermione's face and a single tear fell from her eye before she regained control once more. There was something about the image of Hermione on her knees crying while Sirius towered over her, even with a couch sitting between them, that made my blood boil. How dare he do anything that hurt my wife!

"And how do you propose to explain the sudden regeneration of a dead child within its mother's womb," I spat when Hermione could find no words to say to the man standing before her. "You don't think dark magic or necromancy would be suspected there? Is it your plan to turn Dumbledore upon Lily and make him assume that she is the one who robbed the grave near his home?"

"No..." Sirius hedged. "Why did you do that anyway Hermione? What was that skull for?"

"That is none of your business!" I interjected when Hermione's pain face made me think she might actually tell him what she had done purely out of guilt. "Our uneasy alliance does not mean that you get free reign in our lives."

"I'd like to think we could be friends," he said softly, all the fire going out of him.

"Then be my friend please," Hermione begged, finding her voice as last. "Do not ask me to do something so dark, so awful. It is on the brink of being too much, just to deal with the powers and urges that come with being a necromancer, please do not make it that much harder for me. I do not wish to be a dark witch, and already my whims and urges are a struggle for me, please don't make me question the few good choices I have made."

"So you did think about it?" he asked quietly.

"Of course I did," she whispered. "You think I wouldn't try and come up with a way to help Lily? To save Harry? He was my very best friend once Sirius, of course I wish I could save his life."

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I didn't mean to suggest that you wouldn't, and I didn't mean to put you in such a difficult position."

"I forgive you," Hermione sighed, and in my opinion she was too hasty to let his childish behavior slide, but that was a conversation to be held in private.

"Have you had any luck with the wolfsbane yet?" he said carefully. "I know it hasn't even been a day yet, but I can't help but ask for Remus."

"It might be more of a struggle than I let on," she admitted in a tired voice. "There person that I knew who could make it? He doesn't live in Italy. He's my husband. I haven't had a chance to ask yet, but I'm assuming you have not yet learned how to make wolfsbane. Is that accurate Severus?"

"No," I admitted, my eyes locking with her. "But I can learn, and clearly I was successful once. I can do it again. It's very volatile… but I am nearing the end of my master's study. I am surprised it hasn't come up with Slughorn to be honest."

"It is my understanding that he is not capable of brewing it," Hermione said delicately. "In the alternate timeline… when you had to leave… he was not able to brew it for Remus, and the poor man had to resort to a full change into the mindless beast every full moon at the height of the war."

"You brewed for Remus in the future?" Sirius asked incredulously as he turned to face me. "I can't wrap my mind around that."

"Will you brew it for him Severus?" she asked me with the most hopeful eyes that I was somehow reminded of a puppy. "Or maybe teach me how to brew it?"

"I don't know that I can successfully learn how to make it before the next full moon, but certainly before the one after that," I agreed easily. "I don't exactly like the man, but anything is better than a feral werewolf trapped in the shrieking shack. Once I can do it without blowing up the house or poisoning anyone I will teach you Hermione."

"That seems to have been easier than it should have been," Sirius said with a laugh.

"We're all adults here; perhaps you'd like to start acting like one as well?" I asked somewhat stiffly.

"No joke," he nodded. "You've changed Severus. I think it's time I did as well."

"Maybe you should get married," Hermione laughed. "It mellows a person out."

"Did you guys?" he said looking back and forth between the two of us. "Merlin you did! Well you were certainly busy while I was away. Congratulations! Seriously, I'd offer to buy you a drink at the pub but we can't be seen out together."

"It's a nice thought though," Hermione beamed. "Just think of us the next time you have a draft with the guys."

"Yeah of course," he smiled. "Hell of a start to your honeymoon though…"

"Yes, that was cut short," I groused. "And now I have the lovely gift of an induction ceremony with your little rat friend to look forward to. The honeymoon ended quickly indeed."

"We'll see if Peter makes it that far," Sirius said darkly. "I'm not the only one who wants his head right now. Lily is still in with Poppy, but it's only a matter of time before her temper comes to bear, and you know first-hand how bad that can be. That may be the one person whose anger could burn brighter than what is fueling James right now. I don't want to think about what will be left behind if he ever stops feeling angry and really starts to feel what has happened."

"Neither do I," Hermione said quietly. "Neither do I."

"I should probably get out of here and go make sure he doesn't make any rash decisions," Sirius shrugged. "Again, I'm sorry about showing up here. It won't happen again."

"Apparate from here please," I told him without hostility. "I don't want to draw any more attention from the neighbors by having you go outside."

He nodded, and turned quickly to the left. With a quiet crack he disappeared and I found myself staring at the spot where he had been. Was he really going back to James or would he go after Peter? I couldn't be sure. Just as I couldn't be sure James or Lily wouldn't go after him. What would happen if Hermione was tracking him while one of them showed up… if they showed up? What would happen if no one did show up and I had to participate in his marking in a few days' time?


	25. A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

_**Song for this chapter: A Little Party Never Killed Nobody by Fergie**_

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

The task of keeping track of Peter Pettigrew turned out to be far more difficult than I could have anticipated. I had taken one day to myself, in order to process everything I was feeling at the discovery of what had happened, but I quickly came to wonder if that was one day too long. I couldn't say for sure if something had been done to him by Sirius or James or perhaps even Lily. It was a possibility, but then it seemed just as likely that he had pulled a runner. I found myself scouring the muggle papers to see if there had been any unexplained ruptures in the sewer. If he had been keen on repeating a variation of how he sacrificed the Potters who was to say he wouldn't also been keen on what had once been his chosen means of escape.

Nothing had been in the papers, and I had not seen him anywhere. I would have nothing to report to Dumbledore if he asked me about him, and I didn't want to imagine how that conversation would go as I was supposed to be the resident spy in this timeline. I couldn't say for sure if he was going to make it to the initiation ceremony tonight after the party, just as I couldn't say for sure if he was even alive.

"Tonight is the night," Severus said edgily from where he had sprawled out on the bed, drawing my attention away from the closet.

"It is," I said quietly, turning to face him. "As I cannot think of any other way to get you out of this, I have one last offer. Would you like to take polyjuice potion tonight and go to the party as each other? I know that you have some down in your lab."

"So the solution is to instead force you to do the unthinkable?" he scoffed. "That sounds even worse than doing it myself."

"I am no longer a fresh innocent lily," I shrugged, not allowing myself to think about what such an act might do to me emotionally. "Surely I would not like it, but I would do that for you Severus."

"You have been unable to find any trace of him," Severus hedged. "Let's hold on to the hope that the rat will not even show up tonight, and then go from there."

I nodded and then turned back to face the shower.

"What is so interesting in there?" he asked me. "Or are you still marveling over how our clothes look hanging together in the closet?"

"I do like that, and the same with the dresser and everything else now that my room became our room," I mused as I flipped through the clothes I had. "But what I am doing is trying to find something appropriate for a formal party at Malfoy Manor that will also allow me to conceal a probity probe somewhere on my person."

"Wouldn't a secrecy sensor be more sensitive to the location of a horcrux?" Severus asked with a lilt to his voice that made it impossible to determine if he was toying with me.

"By all means find me the dress that can hide one of those and you have a deal," I laughed. "Then of course there is the small matter of procuring one on short notice. I was able to purchase the probity probe from a somewhat shady shop in Knockturn Ally while looking for Peter. It did prove itself to be working when it came into close proximity with the owner and began to vibrate. That man definitely had a dark aura about him."

"Well Probity probes are what a foot and a half long?" he asked as he through back the covers and climbing out of bed to approach me. "So we need a fair bit of space to conceal it. Do you have it up here?"

"I do," I nodded, going over to the dresser to dig it out of my underwear drawer.

It was still sheathed in its black microfiber container, but I pulled it out and handed it over to Severus. He turned it over and over in his hand while I flipped through all of the dresses I had either purchased or transfigured.

"It's lucky you found one without that ridiculous bauble on the top," he mused as he held it out from his body, squinting with one eye as he looked between the rod and my body. "It will be easier to conceal without it."

"The _gentleman _who sold it to me knew it too," I grumbled. "Charged me an extra galleon for its value he did."

"What about a jacket?" Severus asked, still all business as he closed the distance between us and pressed the cold rod against my bicep. "Oh maybe not."

I could see what he meant. The probity probe ran from my shoulder to about two inches before my elbow. There was no way I could go the entire night without moving in just the wrong way and revealing that there was something hidden up my sleeve, and it would be a hard pass to convince people I had stowed my wand in a place it would be so difficult to remove it from in a pinch. No hiding the probity probe in the sleeve of a jacket was out of the question.

"I was thinking if I had a dress with pronounced ribbing, I could remove one of the ribs and put the probity probe into that," I suggested as I looked through the closet once more. "Only I don't have a dress like that, and I haven't the first idea how to create one."

"What about something fluffy," he asked as he began to look through the closet as well. "You could wear it close to your body inside the dress, and the frills or puffs or whatnot would hide the straight line. Maybe against your torso like this."

He held the rod against my side, and I had to admit it was a pretty good fit. With the top of it nestled just under my breast the tip ran down to my hip and sat nicely. I could easily bind it in place with only a slight restriction in movement that could be explained away as a stiff back. The only real issue was that it would break my curves, but again Severus was right, a dress with a lot of frills would hide that somewhat.

"I have the perfect dress," I told him pushing everything in the closet aside so I could reach the purple dress at the back.

It was one dress that I had actually purchased on my own. I had been looking through things at Madam Malkins, with thoughts of potential outings amongst the death eaters in mind, and I had seen it. It was girlier and far more purple than anything I had ever owned, but I could picture how Ginny would have badgered me into buying it and that had been the deciding factor. I pulled it out and Severus looked at me with a raised brow.

"That reminds me of one of those muggle dancers from that book you brought home when you were still working at Flourish and Blotts," he chuckled as he held out the skirt of the dress.

"A ballerina?" I laughed.

I could sort of see what he meant though even without the pink. The main skirt of the dress stopped a few inches above my knee, but the puffy tulle skirt went to my calves. It created more length, but you could still see my legs through it. The tulle formed small clouds around my hips and served to create curves where they didn't exist, which would work if I needed to hide a suspiciously straight line inside my dress.

"It will do quite a bit to hide it," I told him. "But I don't think it will be perfect. If I pair this with a jacket though, no one will have a clue what I am carrying on my person."

"And then you will still have a place to hide your wand," he nodded in approval. "There is the added benefit of how nice that color looks against your skin."

I blushed a little at that and set the dress out on the bed and returned to my open underwear drawer to find something appropriate to wear. The dress called for a strapless bra, though I was wearing a jacket so it didn't much matter, but I went with the black lace strapless one I had seen Severus oogling when he was looking for a drawer to put his own underwear into. Nothing fruitful was likely to happen in our own relationship tonight what with the stress and danger we were walking in to, but knowing that he would know what was underneath and find it attractive would give me a boost in confidence. I grabbed a set of black lace panties that matched the ones I had worn before our wedding and I knew that I had his full attention.

I then drew on every bit of courage and brass I had in me and I began to strip out of my pajamas knowing full well that Severus was standing in front of the closet watching me with rapt attention. Instead I watched him coquettishly through my lashes as I dressed down to absolutely nothing. I could practically feel his eyes as they drifted over my skin and it sent tingles down my spine. I let him watch as I dressed in the matching knickers and bra and then I walked over to him.

"Will you help me to attach the ends of the probity probe to them so it does not fall?" I asked him with a slight pout because I knew how much he enjoyed the visual.

"Of course," he said in a deep voice as he lightly pressed one end of the probity probe against the base of my bra and the other against my knickers.

My skin lit up with pleasure when he took advantage of his hand positions and made small swooping motions across my ribs with his thumb. I was so focused on the feeling of his skin against mine that I almost didn't notice when he carefully pressed his wand against my bra and coaxed the lace to grow out and around the top of the steel rod to create a cup to hold it in place. He did the same at my hip and soon enough he no longer needed to hold the rod in place.

"Move around a bit and see if it will hold," he instructed me when he stepped back.

I paced back and forth between the bed and the closet and I did not seem to have any issue with it shifting about. I varied my speeds between a casual walk and a brisk jaunt as either might be needed tonight and there was no issue. I nodded my head with a smile as I turned back to Severus.

"Shall we?" he asked as he swept my arms up into a waltzing form and began to sweep us about the room. "We will of course need to dance tonight."

At first it was fine, but when I swung my arms up just a bit to high the top of the probity probe sprung free of the cap it was resting in against my bra and it clattered to the floor.

"Damn," Severus sighed, scooping it up from the floor.

"I have an idea," I thought out loud as I replaced the rod where it had been. "Can you make the lace grow once more like you did for the cap? Only this time create a loop that goes all the way around the top so it holds it in place even if it slips from the cap?"

"I think so," he nodded before focusing intently on the base of my bra. "There we go."

"Thank you," I smiled before returning to the bed to put on the dress.

While I could move without knocking the rod free it did restrict my movement somewhat. It was enough of a hindrance that maneuvering myself into the dress. I managed to get it on with a bit of struggling it, but there was no way I was going to get it zipped on my own.

"Could you?" I asked, but Severus seemed to have already understood my struggle and his hands were on my zipper before I could finish asking for help.

"That is… unpleasantly tight," I sighed when the zip was pulled completely to the top.

It made sense of course; the dress hadn't been designed with the idea of hiding anything inside it in mind. Severus chuckled a bit as he directed his wand at my clothing once more. I felt the dress loosen and drift away from my body a bit as he cast a slight engorgement charm on the dress. Let us hope no one cast an infinite near me tonight.

"You'll turn me into a seamstress yet," he chuckled.

"Oh damn," I said looking down at the dress and realizing quickly what I had forgotten to put on.

"What is wrong?" he asked me with a quirked brow as he swung around in front of me to see my face.

"This dress is meant to be worn with tights." I laughed. "I forgot to put them on. Also to pull them out of the drawer, which might actually be impossible with this thing in my dress."

"Which ones do you want?" he asked me, still laughing at the predicament I found myself in.

"I have a set that are a dark greenish blue." I mused, my face scrunched up in concentration. "They should match the jacket fairly well actually."

"These ones?" he asked fishing out the exact pair I had been speaking about without much trouble.

I nodded.

"Would you like some help putting them on?" he asked, his voice going a bit husky once more.

I had no voice after that so I simply nodded once more.

"Hold up your dress," he directed in a husky whisper as he knelt before me.

I did as he told me too and he quickly scrunched up one of the legs of the tights before tapping his thigh in a clear direction to place my foot there. I leaned over slightly so I could use his shoulders to balance myself and then I did as he directed. He momentarily lifted my foot up so he could slight the foot of the tights over it and then he began to pull them upward. I could focus on nothing other than his fingers trailing up my legs as he moved them. I had never been in a position where putting clothes on felt erotic, but the way his hand trailing up the inside of my thigh made it impossible for me to think of the act in any other way.

I released a shaky sigh when he directed my foot back on to the ground and I did not hesitate to comply when he reached for the other leg. He proceed to work his way up my flesh again and I felt a fire burn to life deep in the pit of my stomach. What was this man doing to me? If his somewhat labored breathing was any indication his actions were having just as much of an effect on his as they were on me. He pulled the tights completely into place and I had never felt so dressed and underdressed at the same time before.

He did not immediately remove his hands after pulling the tights into place. Instead his hands came to rest so that he was cupping my behind and he leaned forward to rest his forehead against my lower abdomen. It created a delicious pressure that elicited a small moan from me as I buried my hands in his hair and attempted to breathe through the distraction he was causing me.

"I would like to skip this night entirely and simply burry myself inside of you," he whispered into the folds of my dress.

"I would love to do that more than anything," I admitted. "But we may not get another open invitation into Malfoy Manor with enough other people present to keep our searching actions under the radar."

"I know," he groaned. "I just can't help but think about what I could be forced to do tonight. Hermione this might break me."

"It isn't too late for polyjuice," I groaned, pained by the very idea of what tonight could mean for him.

"Yes it is," he sighed, releasing me and making his way back to the closet.

* * *

An hour later found the pair of us completely dressed and standing in the living room. My hair was styled, my jewelry on, and Severus look regal in his black dress robes. We were the picture of a well-manicured pureblooded couple despite the fact that neither of us fit the criteria. Severus had banished every emotion he was feeling from his face, but I could still feel the echo of them washing off of him and I was grateful for the connection forged through our mental link so that I could know what was happening with him through the night. I was also glad that I had erected my own occlumentic walls so that he would not be forced to endure the wash of my own emotions if this night took the horrible turn he was expecting it to.

"The floo will ruin your dress." Severus said as he toyed with the locket I was wearing and did not quite meet my eyes. "We should apparate instead."

"I agree," I nodded extending my hand out to him. "Shall we do slide along?"

"We shall," he nodded, firmly clasping my hand.

He turned to the left and pulled me along with him as he disappeared into the void. I endured the whirling sensation as well as the terrible pressure for only moments and then with a slight pop we found ourselves standing outside the wrought iron gates that lead into the Manor that without a doubt still made my blood run cold in my veins.

It was different than the last time I had been here though. The sun was out and shining brightly. The lawns were even more immaculate, with the peacocks strutting about as if they knew that company was there and assumed everyone was there to see them. Music that was playing inside the house found its way out of the open door and floated on the breeze toward us at the gate.

"Anywhere else this would feel almost welcoming," I mused as we started down the path to the door. "Instead I feel as if I am walking to the gallows of my own volition."

"Mmm," Severus hummed offered me a tight smile and placing his hand on the small of my back as we continued forward.

I pretended not to notice the way his nerves shot higher with each step toward the manor. Instead I kept my eyes focused forward and plastered a smile on my face as we mounted the stairs. Narcissa was standing just inside the door and the smile she had on her face looked just as forced as mine felt.

"Welcome, welcome," she said in a chipper voice as she made a grand sweeping gesture toward the house behind her. "There are drinks and nibbles in the drawing room on your right with dancing in the ballroom just a bit further down on the left. Pease make yourselves at home."

It was honestly a fairly good act of happy host. If I hadn't moved just a little too close and accidentally forced her to take a step back to avoid being touched by me I might not even know that she wanted to crawl out of her skin. Narcissa was the consummate Slytherin and hid whatever must be troubling her well enough that someone not in the know would assume the strain to her smile had to do with disliking who she was looking at.

Of course that was distinctly possible wasn't it? It was possible that she blamed me for being forced to take the mark, and she wouldn't be entirely wrong. I offered her a smile of my own and let Severus lead me off toward the drawing room to collect a glass of something to carry about with us. It would also give us a chance to look about the room and see if the diary was hidden in there.

"Ooh," I gasped the second we stepped into the drawing room, causing Severus to look at me in concern.

I dropped my eyes quickly to my torso in explanations as I gathered my wits. I hadn't quite been prepared for what it was going to feel like to have the probity probe vibrate where it was positioned. It also hadn't occurred to me that at a party full of dark wizards something more than a horcrux might set the sensitive rod off. It seemed that something about Rowle was particularly dark, because the second I angled my left side away from him the probity probe stopped vibrating.

Not three steps later however I came in close enough proximity to Rodolphus to set it off once more. I was somewhat annoyed to discover that I was truly going to have my work cut out for me tonight. Of course it did make me wonder about Narcissa. She hadn't set it off, and yet she was sitting right in the middle of all this darkness. Did she not cast dark spells? Or was it something more? Did she not conform to her husband's paradigm?

"I think I will wait over here while you grab us drinks," I told Severus delicately when I saw just how many death eaters were congregated around the table by the wall.

He nodded discreetly and left me be as he went to procure two glasses of what looked to be red wine. I met the gaze of people around me and offered kind smiles as I discreetly walked along the wall allowing the probity probe to scan each shelf and table that I met. When my body was angled toward the furnishings in the drawing room it remained silent and still, but when I turned toward most of the party dwellers it lurched back to life and emitted a warning that I was surrounded by dark magic.

"There are quite a few people here," I said casually when Severus returned and handed me a goblet of wine. "It is good to know that they are loyal to our cause."

"It is," he nodded taking a small sip of his wine and looking around. "Can you tell just by looking?"

"Oh yes, it's quite clear that they all believe in our Lord," I nodded, very casually brushing my hand along my jacket as if there were a bit of lint. "I think I'd like to join those loyal followers who are dancing however."

Severus nodded, and he looped my free hand through his arm and led me out of the drawing room. It was ingenious positioning really, holding the cup up allowed me to create a bit more space around myself that detoured people from coming close enough to feel the probity probe vibrating beneath my dress. I kept my elbow out a little further than strictly necessary to be certain of that and followed where Severus went.

The ball room really was stunning. There was another chandelier like the one hanging in the drawing room, only this one was far more grand, with three levels of dangling jewels that were lit from within. It had diamonds, or what I assumed were diamonds, like the one that had fallen on me in another time. But it appeared to have emeralds and sapphires mixed in to create beautiful swirling designs. It paired well with the green walls and hard wood floors.

The music was louder in this room, but my attention was focused on the revelers as the spun to and fro on the floor. It reminded me of the Yule ball in my forth year, save for the fact that these people were much better dancers than my classmates had been. I watched them dance as Severus quickly tossed back the contents of his glass and handed the empty goblet to a house elf that was lingering near the door. He turned to me with a question in his eyes and I realized he was asking for my glass as well. I wasn't particularly interested in the wine, so I didn't mind giving it to him, but I was concerned about him getting terribly drunk while we were in such a precarious position. I handed the glass over however when it occurred to me he might be attempting to numb his senses should he be forced to participate in an initiation ceremony later this evening.

"Shall we dance?" Severus asked me when he had drained my glass as well and handed it to the house elf.

"Yes," I said with a tight smile.

Severus spun us out onto the dance floor where we quickly melted in with the others. The vibrations of the probity probe embed and flowed with each spin we made. I was able to discern rather quickly without even looking which dancers had the mark and which didn't. At least I assumed that was what denoted which wizards were inherently darker than others. There were not many women who set it off, but more than half the men present did.

Severus was quite strategic with the way he moved us, and soon enough we were dancing along the edge of the group. We turned in great sweeping arcs that allowed me to direct allowed me to scan the different nooks and crannies of the room. The ball room was much larger than the drawing room, with far more people in it, so it took longer to scan everything. Within about fifteen minutes however it became clear that this was the wrong room as well. When we found ourselves near the door we had come through once more Severus gave me a questioning look and I shook my head.

"Do you know where the restroom is?" I asked him, lest anyone be listening to us.

"Yes, I can show you," he said with a smile and we stopped dancing so he could lead me out of the room once more.

We walked casually through the hall listening with what would seem to be half an ear to those around us. I was in fact intensely focused on the conversations around us trying to denote from them if anyone was watching us. Severus was also casually glancing about the corridor as we went, but there did not seem to be any attention on us. We casually walked past the room I knew in fact housed a bathroom and instead proceeded down to the end of the corridor and slipped into the library.

This room was thankfully devoid of people. We quickly disengaged with one another and proceeded over to the shelves to look for the diary. Severus conducted a manual search, pulling out any book that looked remotely like the description I had given him of the diary. I moved close to the shelves, all but pressing my left breast into the books to get a scan off of them. There were a few books that must be full of the darkest magic that set the rod to vibrating but on closer examination did not turn out to be the diary after all.

We were so focused on our search that we did not at first hear the sound of footsteps approaching. It was a weezing giggle that drew my attention to the approach of another and I quickly crossed the distance between Severus and myself. I hastily draw my wand from my sleeve and cast a disillusionment charm over the two of us as he pulled us behind a large marble statue of a wizard that I did not recognize. It was a sloppy disguise and even the slightest movement would give us away. Even hold absolutely still and remaining silent as we were there was no guarantee that we wouldn't be found.

The door was pushed fully open and a couple that was engaged in intimate touches and kissed stumbled inside before kicking the door shut behind them. I watched on in a mix of fear and disgust as Lucius Malfoy pushed a woman that was not his wife against the wall and latched onto her neck which creating grotesque suckling sounds. I looked away from the hand that was pushing her skirts up and likely slipping into her knickers to look at the woman's face.

I had always pegged Lucius as a man who would not settle for anything less than the best, yet here he was with a woman whose only beautiful feature seemed to be her shinning read hair. At first I did not recognize her plump face and her stout form, but when her eyes opened and I saw the steel gray eyes that had met mine with anger in them in the department of mysteries I realized I knew who she was. That was Alecto Carrow that he was rutting against like a teenager in heat.

"Lucius, your wife is just down the hall," she whispered huskily, almost sounding as if she didn't want what was happening, though her body made it clear that she was lying in the way that she writhed beneath him.

"Narcissa will not let me touch her yet," he growled and with a slightly wet thwacking sound and a moan from Alecto it was quiet apparent that he had driven his point home rather quickly.

I fought the instinct to vomit as I watch the pair of them copulate against the wall of the library, and I prayed they would not realize they were not alone in here. Alecto made the most awful sounds as he fucked her against the wall, but they seemed to be just the sounds Lucius wanted to hear when his face was buried against her neck and his hips were thrusting away.

Thankfully they did not take long to finish, and only lingered long enough to clean themselves up. They left the room one at a time, going in opposite directions when they exited the room. We stood stalk still for a few moments longer behind the statue before I released the breath I had been holding and dropped the charm that was hiding us.

"You'd think he would have no need to slake his lust when he knows what is coming later this evening," Severus spat angrily as he stepped away from me and stiffly readjusted his robes, clearly uncomfortable with what we had just witnessed. "Of course he could be so aroused by what is to come that he simply cannot help himself."

"I would like to say that he couldn't possibly be that twisted, but I think I would be wrong," I said quietly before looking around the room once more. "Well, I think we've established that the diary isn't in here. Shall we search somewhere else?"

"There aren't many other rooms on this floor," Severus said thoughtfully as he turned his attention back to me and attempted to control his emotions again. "There is the playroom that Draco spends quite a bit of his time in while being watched over by that house elf of his."

"He has his own house elf?" I scoffed. "How typical."

"Would you like to search there?" Severus asked, a tiny smirk appearing on his face at what I had said.

I nodded, and he offered me his arm once more. We swept out of the room as casually as possible and we were almost immediately spotted by Narcissa. She walked quickly over to us, looking a bit peaky but keeping her smile in place.

"Hello you two," she chirped. "You haven't seen Lucius have you?"

"The last I saw he was in the ball room," Severus lied smoothly. "Is he no longer in there?"

"No he isn't, and the Dark Lord wishes to speak with him," she fretted. "Perhaps he went upstairs."

Just as quickly as she had appeared she drifted away and I was left trying to hide my own panic. The Dark Lord was here? What if we did find the diary and he sensed that it was in his presence? The was absolutely no question now that it could not be on Severus's person now, he would be forced to come into close proximity long before I would and that would surely give us away. I tried to think of a place on my person where I could hide it as we walked as casually as possible toward the playroom.

The corridor that ran from the front door down to the playroom and what I assumed as an entrance to the house elf quarters was completely empty, so it was simply a matter of slipping into the hallway without being noticed. I opted to err on the side of caution and cast a notice me not charm as we moved as casually as possible out of everyone's line of sight. When we were in the clear we hurried quickly down to the room.

I had assumed perhaps that Draco would be in his nursery or in another part of the house under the care of his house elf. I hadn't account for the possibility of him being in his playroom. Nor had it occurred to me that his house elf was Dobby. It was strange to be in his presence after such a long time of not seeing him. It was inexplicably stranger to see him than it was to see Sirius or even the Potters.

"Hello Miss and Mister," Dobby said cheerily as we swept into the room, though he discreetly positioned himself between us and his charge. "What's you needing?"

"We wanted to see the baby," I lied quickly. "Narcissa is a bit busy entertaining, so I thought we might nip in and meet the lad without her. Would that be alright?"

"Master Draco is sleeping," Dobby said carefully his eyes wandering to my torso and I wondered if he could hear the probity probe vibrating actively beneath my dress. "We shouldn't wake him."

"I wouldn't mind simply watching him sleep for a few moments," I shrugged. "You could go ask Narcissa if it is okay if that would make you feel better."

"Yes Misses,: he said respectfully, though it wasn't lost on me that he erected a vivid blue shield around Draco's playpen before he disappeared with a crack.

"It's in here," I said in a rush. "It has to be in here with how badly the probity probe is vibrating."

"I can't believe they would put something so dark in their sons play room," Severus scathed as he began to search the room. "We haven't got much time before either Lucius or Narcissa appears."

"Here, it's in here," I called out when I stepped up beside the toy box and the rod began to vibrate so intensely that I could hear a humming sound issuing from beneath my dress.

Severus knew that I could not really bend over in my current state so he hurried over and threw open the toy box. He shifted stuffed animals and toy blocks aside, and then his hand emerge tightly clutching that little black diary.

"We've got to hide it," he said, and I wasted no time in hiking up my dress once more.

He worked quickly and quietly to shove the diary beneath the waist band of my tights, and then pull my dress back into place. We had just a moment for Severus to stand back up and for the pair of us to assume a position that suggested we had simply been watching Draco sleep before the door swung open and Lucius ambled in.

"You aren't think about creating a little Snape of your own are you?" he drawled with a smirk on his face.

"You know that sleeping babies do have a tendency to make women swoon," Severus quipped.

"I will make sure your wife doesn't get any funny ideas about breeding," Lucius said. "The Dark Lord is in the parlor upstairs and he wishes to speak with you."

"Yes of course," Severus said with a quick but respectful dip of his head.

I saw the way his jaw tensed with worry while his head was bowed, but when he looked up once more his face was the picture of calm. It was strange to see him look so collected when I felt the fear rolling off of him but I fought not to react to any of it. Instead I focused on keeping my own face the picture of control as I turned to offer a polite small to Lucius though the last thing I wanted was to be left alone in a room with him.

"You really do have a lovely son," I offered politely.

"Most people say he looks just like me," he said as he boldly stepped closer to me, and I attempted to hide the fact that I had taken a step further from him.

"He does have your coloring," I offered in what I hoped was a convincingly chipper voice as I attempted to create more space between us.

"You are a very lovely woman Hermione," he said silkily as he quickly closed the distance between us and trailed his fingers along my jaw.

"Thank you, I think my husband agrees with you," I said tersely as I turned my head to the side in an effort to force his hand off of me.

Instead he dropped his hand to the column of my throat. His career was gentle enough, even if it raised goose bumps on my flesh, but I daren't move this time. I was frighteningly aware of how easy it would be for him to tighten his fingers and cut off my air supply.

"Does he tell you that enough?" Lucius asked in a whisper as he swept closer leaving only an inch of space between the two of us. "Does he make sure that you know that you are sex on legs? Does he know how lucky he is to have you?"

I didn't answer him. I was choking on the paniced thoughts that he might feel the vibrations of the probity probe as they grew more and more pronounced. Or worse yet he might feel the outline of the diary if he pressed any closer to me. I tilted my head back and tried to step back but he put his hand on the small of my back and I was unable to stop the squeak of fear that fell from my mouth.

"Really Lucius," and icy female voice said from the doorway. "Just how many skirts do you intend to stick your hand inside tonight?"

We both turned to look at the door and I had never in my life been so utterly relieved to see Narcissa Malfoy. The detached look had disappeared from her eyes and they were now burning with anger. She stepped in to the room and closer the door quietly behind her before turning those blazing eyes on us once more.

"I suppose I was asking for too much to expect fidelity from you after what I have done on your behalf," she spat. "But forcing yourself upon a woman who clearly isn't interested in your advances? That's a whole new level for you Lucius."

"She was just playing coy Cissy, Hermione wants this just as badly as Alecto does," he drawled with a smile.

I scoffed gaping at him. I could not find the words to express just how much that thought disgusted. He attempted to touch me once more and I jerked away from him and tiny convulsion of disgust running through me.

"Do not touch me," I spat at him.

"I think she's made herself quite clear," Narcissa said with a dark laugh. "You had better hope she doesn't tell Severus what you've done. If I remember correctly he is quicker on the draw in a duel than you are dearest."

"I think I'd like to go join Severus now actually," I said carefully. "I'm sure the two of you would like a bit of privacy anyway."

"Yes," Narcissa said tightly. "In the future we might avoid this situation if you simply have me come with you to the playroom. That way my lecher of a husband cannot corner you while you are alone."

"I have certainly learned a valuable lesson today," I nodded as I pulled the door open and walked as casually as I could manage out of the room.

It took all the self-control I possessed not to sprint away from them once I was free. My heart was thrumming wildly where it seemed to have lodged itself in my throat. It would not be possible to get closer to exposure than I had just been and I was nearly feint with relief that I had gotten away without the entire world falling to pieces.

When I stepped into the foyer once more I found Severus coming down the stairs with a bit more bounce in his step than had been present earlier. I wondered what interaction with the Dark Lord could put that there, but I didn't dare ask considering our company. He swept down the last of the stairs and took my hand in his, placing a quick kiss on the top of my hand before sweeping us off in the direction of the ballroom once more.

"We must stay and enjoy a bit more dancing," he said in a chipper voice, though it was clear that this was a direction from the man upstairs. "You'll be interested to know however that our dear friend Peter does not seem to have been able to grace us with his presence tonight."

"Oh?" I questioned lightly, though I suddenly understood the lightness that had been reborn in his eyes as he was freed at least temporarily from the threat of shredding his soul. "That's a shame."

"Yes, our master is quite displeased with him," Severus nodded as he led me into the ballroom once more. "But that's no reason not to enjoy the wonderful party the Malfoys have thrown for us."

"Hmm I don't imagine they are much interested in the party anymore," I whispered as he spun us back into the jostling crowd and we kept pace with the quick dance everyone was doing.

I tried to be discrete about the way I pressed my body against his to keep the diary in place as we moved, but it was a difficult task.

"Why is that?" he whispered in my ear.

"Lucius made a very pointed pass at me," I told him quietly so no one else would hear. "Thank Merlin that Narcissa walked in when she did, because he was about half an inch away from discovering some very interesting things."

I felt Severus stiffen with rage, and then he pulled me tightly against his body in a crushing hug that momentarily stopped our dance, before he quickly spun me away and back to him.

"Are you alright?" he asked me quietly as we moved through the quick steps our counter parts were using.

"I had a moment of panic, but I think I am under control now," I told him.

"I do think our hosts would understand if we were to leave though," he said as the song drew to a close. "I think it best we bow out while we have the chance."

"I couldn't agree more," I nodded as I all but drug him off the dance floor.

We kept a calm air about us, but there was no denying that we were quick about exiting the ballroom and heading toward the front door. Narcissa was just coming down the stairs as we neared the door and she called out to us. We reluctantly stopped and waited for her to approach us with that unreadable smile in place once more.

"I've tucked Lucius in to bed for the night," she said careful, glancing around to see that no one was listening to our interchange. "I am deeply sorry for his behavior around you earlier. I will do my best to see it does not happen again."

"It is no fault of your own," I told her with an apologetic smile. "I did put myself in a bit of a vulnerable situation in there, and I need to take ownership of that."

"Even so, I hope you won't let this put you off coming to any of our parties," she said quietly. "I rather like you and would hate to see you disappear like all my other female friends seem to do."

"Oh of course not," I said not sure if I was completely lying or not. "Perhaps we could go out for tea sometime soon."

"That sounds wonderful," she said and a true smile lit her face. "I'll send you an owl."

"I look forward to it," I lied, plastering a smile on my face. "Until then."

She nodded, and then Severus turned as and we walked casually out of the door. I squeezed his hand tightly to keep myself from getting nervous as we walked the path between the door and the gate. We were so close to getting out of the manor with the diary in hand and I was worried I would somehow give us away and draw suspicion toward our behavior in the worst way.

"Almost there, almost there," Severus murmured comfortingly to me as we marched ever closer to the gate.

At long last we took two steps out of the wrought iron gate and Severus immediately pulled me tightly to his side before wrenching us to the left and using slide-along apparition to take us home. As soon as we were standing in our living room once more I jerked my dress up, tore the diary out of its hiding spot, and threw it on the floor. I felt as if I needed a shower after that party, and there were some dark things I might not be able to wash away with a thousand showers, but I could at least get that nasty bit of the Dark Lord's soul away from my body.


	26. Some Things End and Others Begin

**A/N: The poem that comes late in the chapter wasn't written by me. It was actually written by Edgar Guest, but I'm pretending that Hermione wrote it. Also if you'd like to read more about a memento I mention feel free to visit this website (just change these * to periods:**

** www*crystalremembrance*com/**

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: One Voice by The Wailin'Jennys**_

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

I was still staring at the diary that looked almost innocuous thrown haphazardly onto the floor when I felt Severus gently tugging my jacket off from behind me. I turned my head to the side so I could meet his gaze with confusion coloring my features. He offered me a soft smile and continued to remove my jacket.

"You sound as if you have a hive of bees hidden under your dress," he explained.

I had been feeling the vibration on the probity probe for so long this evening I barely noticed it anymore, but having my attention drawn to it made it appear to be ten times more active.

"You removed the silencing charm," I acknowledged, my eyes wandering back to the diary on the floor. "I still cannot quite believe I managed to get out of that room without being caught."

"I cast a finite," he explained as he drew down the zipper of my dress. "I am actually surprised this hasn't fallen out yet."

It occurred to me as he slid the probity probe out of my dress and it fell silent once more, that unlike all of the other death eaters he did not set it off. Obviously just now he had deactivated it because the diary should have still been affecting it, but earlier when he helped me dress it had been active and it had remained silent in his hands.

"You should be careful not to touch anything like a probity probe in the presences of other death eaters," I said distractedly as he zipped my dress back up.

"Why do you say that?" he asked me, and even in my distraction I noticed the slight hurt in his voice.

"It doesn't react to you." I explained, turning away from the diary so I could meet his eyes. "The darkness of your mark doesn't touch you in the way it touches the others. I think it would be disastrous for them to notice that you aren't like them."

He remained quiet, his eyes thoughtful.

"That's a good thing, that you don't set it off," I said quietly, reaching out to tip his chin up when he started to break eye contact with me. "You know that don't you?"

His eyes softened and he closed the distance between us so he could wrap me up in his arms. I hadn't realized just how upset I was until his arms were around me and my face was pressed gently against the thick weave of his dress robes and his scent was enveloping me that an ache melted out of my chest. I clung to him and let that sense of love and peace envelope me and I hoped fervently that he felt it as well. I no longer tasted anxiety on the air in between us and that reassured me.

"Let's get rid of that diary," he said somewhat gruffly as he pulled away and I saw that his eyes were a bit glassy.

He clearly didn't address the fact that he had almost started crying so I pretended not to see it. Instead I followed behind him like a puppy as he walked into his somewhat neglected as of late potions lab to find the little bottle of venom.

"I feel as if we have an intimate relationship with basilisk venom," I laughed as he pulled the bottle out of its storage space and started to head out of the lab again. "I mean, do you ever think about how strange our lives are?"

"I try not to," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Honestly though, three months ago I was living in 1998," I babbled as I joined him in kneeling next to the floor beside the diary. "I was on the run from both snatchers and death eaters, and I was accompanied by my two closest friends in the world. But now I'm married to my potions professor… but he isn't my potions professor because this is a different time. And Harry and Ron aren't my best friends in the world now, they aren't even my friends. You are my closest friend and my lover, and Sirius is sort of my friend. And H-harry is… he's gone."

I couldn't have said where the word vomit had come from, and I certainly wasn't expecting to go to pieces all of a sudden. But I found myself sitting on the living room floor, unable to see the horcrux I was staring at because I was crying again. I could feel how awkward that Severus felt about the entire situation because he couldn't understand my loss. He had never been connected to this child that was not born so it did not hurt him in the way it hurt me. I knew that he felt for me, and that he wished I was not in pain, but he could not entirely wrap his mind around what I was feeling.

"Let's do this," I said with my own gruff voice as I rubbed at my tears in irritation. "I want this stupid war to be over, and destroying that book gets us one step closer."

"Do you want to do it?" he asked me softly.

"No, I don't think I could handle another apparition or manifestation of my deepest fears and secrets right now," I admitted with a shaky laugh as I brushed away more tears.

He nodded and pulled the diary a few inches closer to himself. He looked at it thoughtfully for a moment, and then he flipped open the book to its center. The book looked innocent enough with its blank pages staring up at him, but the second he let a drop of venom fall onto the book it was anything but innocent.

Black sludgy ink began rapidly pooling out of the pages and onto the floor. You would have thought Severus had stabbed someone in the heart except that it was black and not red. He dropped another drop of venom into the mess an unearthly wail began to issue from the book. It raised goose bumps on my flesh and hurt my ears, but no words came. There were no ghostly images projected to tell Severus horrible things about himself. It was a relief to just have that wail.

The room felt eerily quiet when it finally ended and the diary ceased to be anything other than a book. I looked up from it and saw Severus staring down at the book with a blank look on his face. He shook himself out of it and looked up at me. He offered me a wobbly smile for a moment before his face lit up with a brilliant smile that warmed something deep inside of me.

"There's only one left now," he said, and he started to reach out for me, but his knee slipped into the pool of ink on the floor and he pulled back. "Blast."

Instead he turned his wand on the floor and began siphoning the ink away. I plucked the destroyed horcrux up off the floor and crossed over to the fireplace with it in hand. I lit a fire with a flick of my wrist and tossed the diary into the crackling flames. It should have felt irreverent to me to burn a book, but it was a great sense of relief that flooded through me when the pages curled and burned away.

* * *

The next morning found us sitting at the kitchen table with tea and toast as if we were a typical married couple. Severus was even reading the morning paper. I was enjoying the moment of normalcy more than I should have had reason to, but I was just glad to have all of the insanity end for at least a minute. I was sitting at the table with my eyes closed sipping my tea, and just listening to the sound of Severus turning pages when I heard a quiet tapping at the window.

I put my tea cup back in the saucer and calmly walked over to the window. This owl could be bringing the news of the end of the world with it, but I was choosing in this moment not to be effected by it. I was tired of all the stress and insanity, so this owl was not going to draw that out in me. I opened the window, and the brown barn owl carefully fluttered onto the edge and presented its foot to me. There was a scroll of parchment with my name written on the outside attached to his foot, so I gently pulled it off. The owl did not wait for a reply before fluttering out into the sky once more.

I unrolled the little scroll and looked through the surprisingly short missive. I didn't know if I should be more surprised by what was in the letter or by the fact that it was sent to me by James Potter. I read through it once more as I made my way back to the table

"I forget sometimes that we have given people the impression that I am a pureblood," I said distractedly. "It is odd to have a muggle custom explained to me; by a pureblood no less."

"What is it?" Severus asked with an arched brow as he peaked over the top of the paper.

"I've been invited over to the safe house for repast after they have a private funeral," I explained. "But James assumed that since I am supposed to be a pureblood I wouldn't know what that was."

"When is it?" he asked, setting the paper aside and giving me his entire attention.

"This afternoon," I said as I set the letter aside. "I suppose the notice is a bit short, but my afternoon is open. I want to go."

"I think you should go," he nodded as he picked up his tea. "It will allow you to get some closure."

"I wish I could share all the memories I have of him," I sighed as I turned my attention to my own tea. "They will never know how loving, and heroic, and loyal Harry was."

"I think knowing that might almost make it worse for Lily," Severus said quietly. "She has to be thinking about everything that her son won't get a chance to be now. I think leaving it as a question will let it faded away more quickly than if she were to know what he would be. She would see the void more frequently if she were to know what it should look like. Does that make sense?"

"It does," I nodded as I sipped my tea. "I feel like writing something down at least might make me feel better. Maybe it won't be something that I can share with the Potter's but it might help me."

"Whatever you need to do," he told me softly as he stood and leaned over the table to kiss my forehead. "I have to work on some brewing for Slughorn before I get any further behind, but I am available if you need me."

"Thank you Severus," I sighed as I watched him sweep out of the room.

* * *

I had started out the rest of my morning just jotting down different memories I had of Harry but it slowly morphed into something else. As I tried to deal with the grief that welled up in me I started to write in a way that I have never really explored in school. It actually took me a moment to realize that what I was writing was poetry. I hadn't ever considered myself a person who could write something flowery or deeply meaningful like poetry. Ask me to write an analytical essay or put together a research paper I wouldn't even blink I'd just do it, but ask me to write a creative piece I would have balked. So I was surprised to have written a poem and to be pleased with it.

In the end I decided to take it with me to shell cottage where Sirius, Lily, James, and Remus would be staying. It was my understanding that Remus still wasn't there, but I hoped that he would make an exception for the repast. I focused on the address that James had written in the letter in order for me, though I held onto the thought of the verbal lashing I wanted to give him for that. What if that letter had been intercepted? I called out a goodbye that likely wasn't heard by Severus where he was hard at work in the lab and I apparated out of the kitchen.

I immediately smelled the salty sea air and my eyes immediately snapped open to try and take in the sight of whatever smelled so nice. The house, which of course was covered in shells or it wouldn't live up to its name, sat right on the beach. I could hear the waves washing the shore behind me as I stood there looking at how different shells along the roof caught the light and made the house sparkle.

I started making my way up to the house, immediately grateful that I had worn simple sandals or I would already be irritated with sand in my shoes. I could see on the side of the house that a long table had been set up. I could see a gaggle of red heads moving around the table, and it was quite strange to see the Weasley children so much younger than when I had last seen them. The twins were so tiny! They must have been about three and they were following after their mother like ducklings, and each of them was carrying a bowl of something to put on the table.

"Is there anything I can help with?" I asked Mr. Weasley who was shepherding a four year old Percy out of the house while trying to levitate several dishes of food.

"I think Bill and Charlie have the last of it," he said with a smile as he directed the dishes onto the table. "You might check in with Sirius in the kitchen and see if there is anything else that needs brought out though."

I nodded and ducked into the house. I immediately shifted up against the wall of the hallway to keep from being trampled by Bill and Charlie as they hurried after their father with cutlery and plates. I thought they must be about eight and ten respectively, and I had cringe worthy visions of one of them tripping over the other and breaking the dishes or worse injuring each other.

When they were clear of the house I continued on down the hallway which let out right into the kitchen. My eyes were immediately drawn to Lily who was leaning against a window in a billowing white dress watching something with a look of yearning on her face. I was struck by how very unpregnant she looked now, but I fought not to have any sort of reaction to it. Instead I cautiously peaked out the window to see what she was looking at, and I saw that she was watching all of the Weasley children running about. I wondered if it were insensitive to bring the children, or if being immersed in a family environment was exactly what Lily and James needed.

"Hello Hermione," James said, and I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned to look at him. "I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day. It was out of line."

"Think nothing of it," I said dismissively as I reached out to take the pitcher of lemonade he was carrying. "I can take that outside for you if you like."

"That would be great," he said, handing it over. "We'll follow you out."

I turned back around to head out, and Sirius immediately fell into step beside me.

"How are you doing?" he asked me quietly once we were in the hallway. "I know you would have liked to have been at the funeral, but it would have drawn undue attention."

"I understand," I nodded my head. "Today has been an interesting day for sure. I spent some time trying to process everything. I actually wrote a poem, which is incredibly out of character for me but it helped."

"I went with them to the cemetery with them," Sirius told me quietly as we stepped out into the sunlight once more. "I think I would have rather written poetry if that gives you any idea of how upsetting today way. I assume you already know I am not exactly a poet."

"No," I said with a short laugh as I fell into step behind him and we made our way over to the table.

"Hello Hermione," Molly said, and when she turned to face me I saw that she actually had Ron with her in a wrap that cradled him to her chest. "I'm glad you were able to come."

I nodded because I didn't know what to say, and because I was terribly distracted by Ron. I mean he was so little. I had never really tried to picture Ron as an infant when we were growing up, but I don't think I would have imagined him that small even if I had tried. I wondered vaguely if he had come early, but I didn't dare ask. Especially taking into consideration why we were here today.

"Is this everyone that is coming?" I asked wondering how I had managed to make such a selective group when most of the group still didn't really know me.

"The Longbottom's were invited but Alice is getting close to her due date and with all the stress she's been under Poppy has recommended bed rest," Molly said as she shifted a bowl of bread to a different spot on the table. "Albus should be here in a few minutes though."

"I hope Alice is alright," I said as I set the lemonade pitcher on the table. "She's nearly all the way gone isn't she?"

"Less than two weeks until her due date," Sirius said with a nod of the head as he sat down at the table. "They've finally decided on the name, have you had any visions of that?"

"Sirius," I tutted at him, hoping it sounded playful even though I was absolutely panicking that he would bring this up again. "I told you that makes me nervous."

"I'm sure he thought it would be funny," Mr. Weasley said as he ushered his gaggle of children into chairs. "But perhaps that is a conversation for another time."

It was probably the curtest thing I had ever heard him say, but I understood it better when I saw that Lily and James were walking over to us. Lily looked awfully frail clinging to James's arm but she was still incredibly beautiful. I heard a crack of apparition as James pulled out a chair for Lily, and I assumed that meant Dumbledore was here. I took that as a sign it was time for me to take me seat, and I pulled out the chair beside Sirius.

"Hello everyone," Dumbledore called out as he rounded the house with a spring in his step and closed the distance between him and the table. "I'm sorry that I'm late. Did you start without me?"

"Of course not," James said with a somewhat forced laugh. "You know repast cannot start without the prayer."

"I'll jump right in then shall I?" he said as he stepped up to the empty chair at the other end of the table from James and Lily.

He paused for a moment to allow everyone to bow their hands and fold their hands. I followed suit both because we were about to pray and because even now I still had a hard time looking at Dumbledore without a wave of emotion rising up inside of me. Those negative feelings for him dimmed slightly when I heard him sound so loving when he offered a prayer for a lost child.

"May the Gods bring their healing touch to James and Lily who have suffered the incredible loss of their son Harry Potter. May they be granted the grace to confront their unsure future with courage and gallantry. May you also grant them understanding and patience as they work through their grief." Dumbledore said in his captivating voice. "May the Gods also give strength to their friends, so they might process their own loss as well as serving as pillars of support for James and Lily in their time of need. In all of your names we pray. Amen."

I murmured amen like everyone else, but I did wonder at praying to multiple Gods. I understood that many who lived a wizarding lifestyle often followed the old religion but sitting at repast put me in the mindset of a more modern faith so it left me confused. That was a question for Severus perhaps. Instead I focused my attention on the table full of people.

"Before we eat," James said as he stood and Dumbledore sat. "Lily and I prepared a keepsake for everyone. Their optional of course, if the idea of having a bit of Harry with you makes you uncomfortable. It's an old bit of magical that isn't used at many funerals anymore, but it was important to us."

"The insides turned green," Lily said in a shaky voice as James produced a box from beneath the table. "S-so we know now that his eyes would have been green."

I fought against the grief that welled up and threaten to close my throat. I didn't dare say it out loud and draw more attention to the fact that I knew things I shouldn't, but when James held up what looked like a crystal egg filled with moving sand that matched the green of Harry's eyes perfectly it was almost too much. I didn't know for sure if it was sand or not, but it was twisting around and around within the crystal creating beautiful swirls, and the green seemed to dance around a thinner stream of silvery grey.

"It's been an age since I have seen a memorial crystal," Mrs. Weasley said quietly as James handed one too her. "Thank you very much."

I made a mental note to confirm it with Severus when I went home, but I thought the grey bit at least might actually be ashes from cremation. James handed one to Sirius who looked at me with a question in his eyes but I gave him a wobbly smile and nodded my confirmation. He handed his to me and reached for another. When he was holding his so close to mine I realized that the swirl within each egg like crystal was different. The grains swirled in the same direction but the created different twisted ribbons. When I reached out to take mine in my hand I saw that it moved more actively when I when I was touching it.

"I think that Hermione had something she wanted to say," Sirius said as the rest of the group was admiring their memorial crystals.

"What?" I choked, looking up in alarm.

"Your poem," he nudged gently. "You should share it."

"I don't know Sirius," I said quietly. "It isn't very cheerful."

"This is repast," Dumbledore said quietly, almost making me believe he was the caring old man I used to believe he was. "Not everything has to be cheerful. Go ahead and read it."

"Ah… okay," I said somewhat awkwardly as I stood up and though of the poem I had written earlier. "I wrote this today when I was… kind of just trying to process, you know everything I've been feeling about what happened. I hope you like it."

I closed my eyes, realizing only now that I apparently had stage fright when it came to reciting something creative. I could heard chairs creaking as people adjusted themselves but I still took the moment to gather my courage.

"I'll lend you for a little while, a child of Mine, God said. For you to love the while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three. But will you till I call him back, take care of him for me?" I said.

I fought to keep my voice even and my face free of emotion when I saw that Lily had started to cry.

"He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief, you'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return. But there are lessons taught down there, I want this child to learn." I said, choking up just a bit myself but pushing on. "I've looked the wide world over in My search for teachers true, and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain, nor hate me when I come to call this lent child back again?"

Lily sobbed on that, so I had to stop. Sirius seemed to know instinctually that there was more to the poem, so he gently waved me on. I closed my eyes so that I could continue without bursting into tears watching Lily cry.

"I fancied that I heard them say, Dear Lord, Thy will be done. For all the joy thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run." I said my voice falling nearly into a whisper. "We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may, ad for the happiness we've know, will ever grateful stay. But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we planned, we'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

There were a few murmurings about what I had said, and I could see that Mr. Weasley had started to cry as well. Somehow that was what did it to me, and my tears started to fall. I managed to remain quiet but I felt like my heart was breaking all over again and I wished that Severus were here. Sirius slid his hand into mine in a gesture of comfort and tugged gently causing me to take a seat once more. I sat at the table with my head bowed as I cried, and he squeezed my hand off and on. I wished that I had refused to recite the poem.

"Thank you," James said finally in a gruff voice. "That was very good."

I looked up at that, and I saw that while he had an arm around his wife to comfort her, he seemed to have been genuinely happy with what he'd heard. I took a moment to look around at the group and other than the two mothers everyone seemed to have been pleased with it. The younger Weasley boys just looked confused, but that likely had more to do with their age than anything else.

"Let's eat," little Charlie said cheerfully rubbing his hands together in excitement and I couldn't help but think of how Ron would be when he was older.

I choked on a wet laugh at his behavior, and that set off a round of titters around the table until everyone was laughing. Even Mrs. Weasley and Lily began to laugh eventually and that transition the lunch into something slightly less painful.

* * *

I didn't hear Severus in his lab when I apparated into the living room but that didn't immediately make me think that anything was off. I moved a few things around on the mantle so that I could set the memorial crystal right in the center. It made the perfect home for it and it made me smile before I went in search of Severus.

He wasn't in the kitchen, but repast had gone so late, that it was likely that Severus had already eaten dinner so I still wasn't worried. It was as I moved through each room of the house and discovered that he wasn't in any of them that I began to worry. Had he been summoned?

I began twisting my wedding ring on my finger nervously as I paced back and forth in the living room. Should I try to send a message to him? Would he even be able to answer me or would he be too busy? And what if I sent him a message and he didn't answer, wouldn't that just make me more nervous? No, instead I settled for just pacing and wondering.

I didn't have to pace long. There was a pop and a swirl of black and then Severus appeared before me in all his death eater regalia. I almost lurched forward to hug him, but I knew that he had a ritual in which he stripped away that part of his personality so I stood still and quiet while I waited. He crossed over to the cabinet where he kept them. He methodically plucked each button from its home until he was able to slide his robes of. He hung them within the cabinet and then meticulously brushed off his sleeves to remove lint that wasn't there.

The he released the charm that held his mask in place. He then held it delicately in his hand and used it to fan away the slight puff of black smoke that was created each time the charm was removed and then hung it inside the cabinet as well. He closed the cabinet and flipped the latch into place before he ran his fingers through his hair a few times and took a deep breath. Then, and only then he turned to face me. His face was grim.

"Peter Pettigrew's dead body was found on the lawn of the old Riddle home in Little Hangleton this morning," Severus told me with no emotion. "The Dark Lord does not know what he should believe just yet, but his speech seemed to indicate that we need to figure out who in the Order did it or he will assume it was one of us. Most likely me as he knows there was not any love between Pettigrew and myself."


	27. Burn The Ashes

_**A/N: sorry about the long wait. I was getting caught up on other projects. I also wanted to take a minute to reread this one to analyze my deviations from cannon so I didn't bastardize my own plot : )**_

_**This probably would have taken even longer to go up, but it is going up right now as a birthday present for my bestest friend. Happy Birthday!**_

_**I also saw my note about a prize for my 500**__**th**__** reviewer… what do you think? Will there be one?**_

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_**Song for this chapter: My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark by Fall Out Boy**_

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**SPOV**

* * *

The letter came first. Hermione and I were sitting in the living room arguing the pros and cons of answering the question of who it was that had done in Peter. We'd been at it for hours. The stress level slowly climbing higher as we switched back and forth arguing each side. There didn't seem to be a real solution. We couldn't hand over a random name because we would likely be sentencing someone to death. We couldn't really afford to find out and then hand over whoever it was that had done it as the two biggest suspects and most likely guilty party were leading members in the Order. Yet again saying nothing was the equivalent of screaming that I had done it.

"I don't see why he should automatically assume it was you anyway," Hermione growled in frustration, her eyes jumping to the window along with mine when we heard the tapping of an owl on the glass.

"Well that's fairly simple," I sighed as I slid off of the sofa arm rest I had been perched on and went to let the midnight black owl in. "I have a previously known emotional attachment to the woman he tried to kill."

"But he knows you haven't spoken to her in ages," Hermione sighed, scrubbing at her face as I tore open the letter. "And that you have a wife now. You would think that would mean something to him."

I quickly read the letter, doing a double take when it dawned on me that this letter had come from the top. Never before had I received post from the Dark Lord, and yet here such a letter sat in my very hand. I was surprised the parchment itself wasn't imbued with his dark magic. I tossed it onto the table and met Hermione's still somewhat heated gaze.

"What an interesting message that sends," I mused. "On the one hand it suggests a rise in my stature as I am no longer expected to follow the beck and call of Lucius, but on the other it suggests I am not to be trusted."

"What does it say?" Hermione said, reaching for the letter as her brow crinkled with concern.

"It is a demand that I bring you along to the next meeting," I told her even as she read. "The inner circle is to be questioned about the murder, and those of us with spouses are to bring them for questioning as well."

"That sounds fun," Hermione said sarcastically before dropping the letter back onto the table and flopping onto the couch. "I suppose it doesn't even matter that we can hide things away in our minds this time. We don't know anything to being with."

"I doubt that will save us," I groaned. "He is determined to have an answer and positive that we should be the ones to give it to him. I am after all married to his best spy."

"That sounds awful when you say it out loud," Hermione choked. "I mean intellectually I know I am not truly helping him, but damn if it doesn't sound like it. The whole mess makes me feel unclean."

"May it be over soon," I sighed, joining her on the couch. "We've only got one left."

"Unfortunately it's the worst and hardest of the ones we have to deal with in this time line," Hermione said as she leaned into my side.

"How so?" I asked as casually as I could manage as I tucked her under my arm and began to play with her hair.

"I don't know where it is," she whispered.

"Shit." I groaned.

* * *

We did not have long to wait for the summons, so in theory there was no time to truly worry what was coming, but in reality we were just short on time in coming up with any way to get ourselves out of trouble. Roughly two hours after the letter had arrived at our window the sickening flare of dark magic erupted painfully in my arm and we hastily agreed to try and play it as honestly as possible.

Hermione dashed out of the room as I went to the cabinet that I had come to hate and drew the doors open to look upon the robes of the devil once more. I began to methodically burry each thought and emotion that flickered through my mind in an effort to become the detached death eater that would be distracted, but my efforts were somewhat wasted when each little sound of Hermione hurriedly moving about upstairs pulled me back into the present.

I slipped my robes one, reminding myself that the cold feeling that trickled down my spine was just in my imagination. I focused my attention only on the buttons as I slid them into their fabric prisons, and with each buttons the sound of the world around me slipped further and further away. I drew the dark hood up over my hair, and then I reached into the cabinet to pull out the silver mask that haunted my dreams at night. I pressed the cold silver against my skin and silently cast the dark spell that pulled it just a bit tighter and locked it into place. Only myself or the Dark Lord could unmask me now.

A creak of the stairs and a sharp intake of breath drew my attention to Hermione. She had changed into a black form fitting dress that really did not leave much to the imagination. She had hastily pulled her hair into a strange style that somehow managed to look messy and elegant at the same time and she had smudged black liner around her eyes. It was striking to see how in a few simple steps she transitioned from my beautiful wife to an intimidating dark witch, particularly with lips red enough to make it seem as if she had just tasted blood.

"I forget," she said, wiping the surprised look from her face and striding over to me as if she were the most confident witch in the world. "I always forget, and then I am surprised to see it. I apologize."

"I forget as well," I told her, my voice just slightly muffled from behind the mask. "But perhaps that is for the best, if we are able to trick even ourselves we must be able to mislead others."

"I certainly hope so," she whispered as she threaded her arm through mine. "Our lives depend on it."

I swallowed down the fear that rose in my throat, and I pulled her just a bit tighter before turning to my left and pulling her along with me as I followed the invisible link between my dark mark and the Dark Lord. The walk up to the house was mostly barren when we appeared, but I could see the backs of what appeared to be the Carrows as they walked into the house so I held Hermione close to my side as we continued forward.

"No matter what happens, remain stoic," I murmured to her as we crossed the grounds.

Hermione nodded to indicate that she understood, but I wondered if she really did.

"I don't mean to make it sound that simple," I went on. "It is not unusual for the Dark Lord to try and torture the truth out of his followers."

"I know Severus," she whispered to me reassuringly as we mounted the steps. "I've helped to nurse you back to health after those encounters, and I have been under the wand of one of his most faithful servants. I know what could happen tonight, and I am sure that I can keep my head."

The conversation stopped there out of necessity. We moved inside the Dark Lord's mansion and we were immediately enveloped into the crowd of death eaters who were milling about inside.  
Usually the meeting would almost immediately commence, and the Dark Lord would be easy to spot sitting on his throne-like chair lording over the group. Tonight through he did not seem to b present.

As we moved along the edge of the group I noticed that everyone from the inner circle seem to be present, except for one person. I noted each person, somewhat surprised that I could spot them so easily even when they all had their masks on, and when I had looked at the last person I realized it was Rodolphus who was missing. Lucius beckoned us over with a jerk of his head, and I was struck by how strange it was for Narcissa to now be masked as she stood beside him when she never had been before. Now it was only Hermione and Mrs. Yaxley who did not wear masks. For the life of me I could not remember that woman's first name.

"Good Evening Severus," Lucius said with a bit of the silk missing from his voice as we joined him. "Or perhaps it isn't such a great one. You may have noticed we are not being questioned as a group."

"I did notice that Rodolphus Lestrange was missing," Hermione said quietly. "I take it he is with the Dark Lord."

"That would be correct," Narcissa said in a tight voice as she turned at an angle, clearly not adjusted to the way her mask limited her vision just yet. "The screaming stopped a few minutes ago, so I believe they will be joining us soon."

"Is he the first," I asked, scanning the room to see if anyone looked as if they had already been under the point of a wand.

"No, the pair of you are a bit late getting to the show," Lucius said carefully. "Let us hope you will not be punished for your delay. Igor and Barty have already gone, and had much better luck than Rodolphus seems to be having."

Just then the study door cracked open and a shaking Rodolphus emerged. For a moment I caught the pained look in his eyes before he charmed his mask back into place and slunk along the edge of the group to surreptitiously take up residence against the back wall. There was a moment of silence while the group nervously as the Dark Lord stepped into the doorway looking particularly angry.

"Antonin if you will," he bit out, and then he disappeared in the study once more.

It was clear Dolohov was on edge, but he still strode forward quickly and entered the room with his head held high. The door clicked shut and if I strained my ears I could hear the gentle murmur of two voices talking. The group still waiting in the grand foyer broke into somewhat uneasy conversation once more. I felt Hermione shift slight closer to my side when the Carrows began discussing some rather uncouth plans they had for the week and I found myself shifting her in front of me so I could better watch over her without putting her too close to Lucius either.

"Do you—"

Whatever it was that Narcissa had been about to ask was cut off when a heavy thud issued through the door followed by a shrill screaming. Hermione subtly shivered in front of me and I could see the goose bumps that rose across her shoulders. She quickly regained her composure and I doubted that anyone would realize how unnerved she was by the sound of Dolohov being tortured.

"It seems Antonin must know something," Lucius said with a dark chuckle.

The screaming grew louder and louder, and though Hermione managed to keep her composure, from the corner of my eye I saw a full on shudder roll down Narcissa's back. The screaming turned to beginning and I could not stop my hand from convulsing slightly on Hermione's hip.

"You don't think he did it do you?" she whispered.

"It would be absolutely silent if he were guilty," Lucius said darkly. "If the Dark Lord were certain that someone here had done it, they would be dead already."

"But he thinks we know," Narcissa whispered, without any of the cockiness that had been present in her husband's voice. "So we will all be questioned until he knows who it is that should actually be punished."

Again the conversation was cut short, this time with the sound of someone apparating away from within the study. It was highly unlikely that the Dark Lord had left, so it came as no surprise when he was the one standing in the doorway when it swung open once more. While he had looked almost bored with the whole thing, now he just seemed to be full of rage.

"If anyone else was planning to lie to me tonight I would advise against it," he said coldly. "I expect the full truth from each of you. Now, Alecto and Amycus!"

The siblings raced forward after the instruction had been barked at them, and an unsettled silence fell across the group. I could feel Hermione's anxiety radiating off her in waves, but I knew it was our mental connection causing it to be so clear to me. He posture radiated a cool detachment instead. I found myself wondering what Dolohov had lied about. Did he actually know something about who had killed Pettigrew?

"Is it me or does this seemed to be growing progressively worse?" Lucius asked so quietly I almost couldn't here.

"The Carrows don't seem to be screaming yet," Narcissa whispered just as carefully.

"They like it rough, so that doesn't say much," Lucius said with a dark twist of the lip. "I'm more concerned with what it says that he is saving the four of us for last."

The voices remained muffled through the wall, but it did seem that someone inside the study was yelling. Clearly things were not going as swimmingly as Lucius assumed, and yet it couldn't be that bad. Curses were obviously not being thrown just yet.

"It seems like they don't know as much as Dolohov did at least," Hermione said with a tiny shrug as things went quiet once more in the study.

The Carrows were composed when they came into the room once more, and Alecto even looked like she might be amused by something that had happened behind closed doors. They flounced over to stand by the stairs once more, and canoodled in a way that was most unbecoming for a brother and sister. I felt Hermione stand up just a bit straighter, and I knew she was waiting on pins and needles to find out who would be called next. Just how much trouble we might find ourselves in would be determined by whether or not we were called last.

"Lucius and Narcissa, come," the Dark Lord said stiffly.

The two of them swept forward, and I felt the air catch in my throat. So that was the way of it then, either Hermione or I were the highest on the list of those suspected of being involved or at the most innocent suspected of having information on who had done it. I leaned forward to conceal my face as I whispered into Hermione's ear when I felt her hand clasp down on mine over her wrist in a panic.

"Stocism," I reminded her. "No matter what."

She nodded, and a detached coldness fell over her as curses clearly began to be thrown in the study. I inferred that Narcissa must be the one under attack if her tears were any indication, but my focus was split thinking of how different Hermione became when she was erecting her occlumency walls. I found it soothing in the sense that I knew she would not be plagued with guilty thoughts like she once was, but it disconcerted me in a way that only her slipping into the darkest of necromancy could before. She seemed to stop being the sweet and loving girl I had come to love when she shuttered herself.

Narcissa began to scream, but there was a low moaning sounding that made me think it was Lucius who was writhing beneath the wand of the Dark Lord. Did he know something? Or was this some lingering doubt as to the loyalty of the Malfoy's after Narcissa made such a mess of things not long ago?

Their questioning seemed to go on and on and one. People started to break off into small groups and talk amongst themselves while Hermione and I remained, staring at the door the drawing room, listening to the unpleasant sounds that were leaking out. I wondered vaguely if we made ourselves seem more suspicious by not talking, or if it would just be taken for the nerves that it was and dismissed.

When an age had passed, the study went quiet once more, and the lack of sound seemed to draw the attention of the room at large. The little conversations died off and people slowly milled there way over until all of us were standing before the door waiting once more. It creaked slowly open and Narcissa and Lucius came through the door as a unit. It was a nod to their pureblooded upbringing that each of them had an unreadable face, just as it was clear to everyone in the room that they were clinging to one another. I couldn't be certain if it was Narcissa holding up Lucius, or the other way around, and that was over course why they would carry themselves in such a way. They wouldn't want anyone to spot a weakness, or to have any idea what had truly taken place on the other side of the door.

"Severus and Hermione," the Dark Lord called without even bother to step into view of the room, and no trace of amusement left in his voice. "We've saved the best for last haven't we?"

I could feel eyes burning into my back as we walked forward, and I couldn't help be feel like I was approaching the gallows. He may as well have shouted out to all the Slytherins in the room that they should not trust us. Rather than react to it, I kept my head held high and steered Hermione with a hand on her lower back and an air of indifference. I was proud to see that she was pulling off the same act, despite the fact that I could feel a light sheen of sweat developing through the thin material of her dress.

"Close the door behind you," the Dark Lord said silkily, and I continued with the motion of pushing the door closed without offering a comment about instructing me to do the obvious.

"Perhaps the pair of you could explain to me how my newest recruit, one that I have put a great amount of time and effort into turning at just the right moment ended up dead on my lawn," he said in a deadly voice. "Surely the very heart of the movement to infiltrate the Order has an answer as to who did this."

I hesitate, just for a moment, trying to think of how to phrase an answer, but it was a moment too long.

"Are you trying to come up with a lie Severus?" the Dark Lord snapped, his wand snapping to the side and an invisible force dragging me forward and slightly away from Hermione.

"No my Lord," I swore, as I struggled to keep my feet under me as I was moved against my own will. "I can only agree with you that I should have an answer for you… but I—"

"So you admit that you have failed me," he shrieked. "Despite the explicit instruction I gave you not very long ago, you have shown up in my home without the one thing I told you to bring!"

"It was not for lack of trying my Lord," I said in a rushed, very aware of the way his wand hand was twitching. "I just need a bit more time."

His arm slashed through the air, and a purple light quickly cut through the air between us. It his its mark on my shins and brought me to my knees with sickening speed. I couldn't place what curse it was, but I understood the burning pain that had erupted in my legs quite well. I wasn't going to be getting up off the floor anytime soon.

"You want more time?" he shrieked at me. "The amount of time you were given was generous! You should have known before this even happened! What good is a spy to me if not to give me information!"

I could feel Hermione's anxiety spiking higher and higher behind me, but all I felt was relief that he was targeting me for the perceived failure rather than her. IT was that relief that allowed me to remain quiet when he turned his wand on me once more and the cruciatus lit up my nerve endings with exquisite pain. I could taste blood in my mouth from how hard I was biting my tongue but I did not scream. I heard the tiniest of whimpers issue from Hermione, and I knew she was going to lose her battle for composure rather quickly if we kept this up.

"So tell me Severus, have you ever learned anything for me?" he whispered darkly as he crouched over me.

"I don't…" I stammered, attempting to get control of my voice when my body was shaking so badly. "I need to investigate a bit more…"

When his hand came forward to rip my mask from my face I began to question any logic I might have had in attempting to keep from pointing the blame at anyone. The black smoke was still clouding my vision when his hand slashed quickly over me once more, but I felt the immediate shock of pain, and the trickling sensation of blood that informed me of the slashing hex he must have used.

"Do not lie to me," he hissed.

"Of course not my lord," I stammered, loosing my composure as he added slash after slash across my body and my focus began to wander in the face of the pain and just how much blood was pouring out of my body. "I can get you an answer. I just need one more day."

I'm certain the howl of rage that erupted from him was meant to be a denial of my requested, but all it really sounded like to me was an enraged animal. I became very aware of the way my vision was tunneling as I watched him scream at me, but then suddenly I could not see him. For one terrifying moment I thought I had been subdued into unconsciousness without realizing it, but then I felt the tiny hand that was pressing against a deep wound on my chest.

"Stop," Hermione cried, half shielding me and half cowering from the wand that was surely aimed at her now. "He doesn't know anything but I do."

"Do. Not. Move." the Dark Lord hissed before he swept away from us.

I tried to listen to his footsteps walking away but my attention was focused on the rapid murmuring from Hermione. She was speaking in an ancient language, and with each word I could feel some of my energy returning. My vision brightened again and I was able to see my blood slowly seeping back into my body. There was a heavy magic in the air that told would have told me she was using necromancy even if I didn't recognize the language she was using but it certainly looked a lot like Vulnera Sanentur. I prayed that was what the Dark Lord would mistake it for if he saw what was happening.

"I would like you all to leave please," he said in a stern voice from some distance away.

I hadn't even heard the door open. I wondered vaguely if it was opened far enough for the others to see me sprawled upon the floor in a pool of my own blood, but I didn't' dare turn and look. Instead I focused my eyes on Hermione and tried to tell her without words that she could not heal me completely without drawing undue attention to us.

Whether she understood me, or simply understood the situation she stopped. She allowed the wounds to remain with the tiniest bit of bleeding to mislead anyone who might be watching, but she had brought me back from the brink. She spared one brief glance down to meet my eyes and I saw that hers were full of terror. She looked like a trapped animal, and the anxiety she was exuding made her desperation as clear as day. I knew whatever she would do next could change our life in the worst of ways, but I trusted any plan she might enact more than I did the current choice to do nothing.

The door clocked shut once more, muffling the sound of the other death eaters apparating away, and the only sound I could hear was the Dark Lord walking back to us. He did not say a word as he circled around us and came to a stop facing Hermione with his hands folded together as if he were deep in thought, and his eyes burning with so much anger that they had taken on a hint of red once more.

"I will give you just one chance to explain what you know to me," he said, his eyes locking on Hermione. "If it is not to my satisfaction you will be punished for your answer as well as your rather interesting choice to remain silent while I tortured your husband. You may proceed."

"I did not have much time to tactifully collect information from the Order to find the exact culprit for the crime," she said quickly, her words almost blurring together with her haste. "But a few striking facts stood out that drew me to the most likely suspect. Albus Dumbledore was present during the attack on the Potter's and clearly witnessed Peter escaping. He did not however immediately attend to them like Sirius Black did, and if fact had roughly an hour of time where he can not be accounted for. Again, during the repast for the lost child, Dumbledore was inexplicably missing in action, and it was during this lapse in time that he can account for that the body was dumped on the lawn of your ancestral home. I have been attempting to do further investigation, but it is my belief that Dumbledore killed Peter within an hour of when he launched his attack on the Potter's and hid the body until he had opportunity to taunt you with it."

The air froze in my chest once more, because I honestly couldn't tell if Hermione was lying or not. She had either just told the most brilliant lie that had ever passed her lips, or she honestly thought that Dumbledore had done. Could he have done it/ Before the entire incident with the prophecy I might not have believed he could, but now it didn't seem that far off base.

My thoughts on the matter were washed away by the invasion of Hermione's thoughts in my mind. I didn't immediately recognize it for what it was, but as the visions shifted rapidly from one to another, I realized that the Dark Lord must have invaded her mind. I saw one suspicious memory of Dumbledore after another, and it only served to enforce my own suspicion of the man. When the Dark Lord began to laugh darkly though, her memories shifted to when she was in school and Dumbledore began to look like a caring grandfather once more. I couldn't' be certain of her suspicions, but I was sure that the Dark Lord believed her.

"You have done well Hermione," the Dark Lord mused as he released her mind and my vision returned to me once more. "You could learn a thing or two from her Severus."

"Thank you my Lord," Hermione said with just the slightest shake to her voice.

"This of course puts us in a predicament," he went on without paying attention to what she'd said. "I need you closer to Dumbledore. Clearly just being in the Order will not be enough. I need you inside Hogwarts."

"How," she croaked, and I was certain that she expected to be cursed. She didn't know how to read a situation where the Dark Lord was pleased with her.

"Clearly you will need to become a teacher," he directed. "There are still two months until term starts, and I believe the Prophet was still advertising the need for a potions professor."

The glare that was turned in my direction was not lost on me.

"Yes of course," Hermione nodded fervently, latching on to the hope that we might get out of here without any more bloodshed. "I will request an interview tonight."

"Yes you will," he said with a sharp nod of the head. "I will expect to read of your appointment in the Prophet within the week. Do not let me down."

"No of course not," she said with a nervous shake of the head.

"Get him out of here, before he gets anymore blood on my hardwood." the Dark Lord sneered before sweeping away from us to sit in the arm chair before the fire.

Hermione did not hesitate. She grabbed a tight handful of my robes and she turned awkwardly to the left while remaining in a crouching position and disapparated us out of the mansion.


End file.
